Imagine you really love Megadeth. Like, really really love them. As a metalhead, you enjoy their music very much. You, along with your fellow metalheads propelled them to heights by listening to their music and purchasing their albums. It's all good.
One day, however, Megadeth wants to make a lot more money and thus announces that they're going to change their songs to make it far less metal and will begin to make soft rock. As a metalhead, you are hurt by their decision to cater to a larger crowd without any regard to the group that propelled them to great heights.

Now replace Megadeth with Infinity Ward, their songs with Call of Duty, metalheads with PC gamers, and Megadeth's new target audience as console gamers.

That's how we feel.

What Is This, A Movie Site?
Comment by: daytown
Nominated by: electroshockwave

RE: the olde english spelling of blogge:
As we all know, "blog" comes from the old English "blogge," which traces its roots to Swiss-German "blauch," which itself is thought to be rooted in the Middle High German "blech." Blech, of course, is roughly translated as "sheet metal."

So what does sheet metal have to do with blogging? Everything! After all, the original blogs were engraved on sheet metal (and distributed throughout Europe by Cluny Monks) back in the 11th century.

And while it may look strange to you to see blog spelled "blogge," just keep in mind what they were calling FB a millenium ago: GesichtBuche! Oh, those crazy Middle High Germans...

Hair Hath No Fury Like Bayonetta
Comment by: Crash__Man
Nominated by: Jo

Bayonetta Dev Meeting, Day 45:

"well, the game looks really fun but... I'm just not sure it has enough shooting. the modern gamer needs shooting."

"we could stick some guns on her heels."

"how would she pull the triggers?"

"magic."

"mmk. and the main character is hot, but teens are intrigued by nudity."

"we could have her special moves make her naked."

"... why would her special moves make her naked?"

"cuz she attacks with her hair."

"...?"

"which is also her clothing."

"...................... magic?"

"yep. magic."

"make it so."

Gears of War Movie Producer Talks About His Vision For Emergence Day On Film
Comment by: Nexus6
Nominated by: Strife Fox †

As long as the lag isn't there I'll check it out.

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I heard he cheated with his wife with NINE women. Now this really asks the question.

Did he play
*puts on glasses*
the back nine holes?

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH...

No Non-Gamers Allowed
Comment by: Tevor_the_Third
Nominated by: 天

I can understand the notion of having something that is "there's" that's something special to them and only them. But I think it's a misguided notion.

I love games, I'd honestly call gaming "important" to me, but does that mean the people who don't, right at this moment, don't understand the why of it don't deserve to experience what I know to be a great medium? Of course not.

It seems so simple, so easy to dismiss, I mean *EVERYONE* knows how to play Mario right? And even if they somehow have honestly never played a single Mario game before then clearly they should have no problem with it regardless since it's something we were all doing when we were five and six years old, right? Wrong.

I mean, at least from a personal standpoint, when I was a kid games lasted me forever. Even just to beat one, as a five year old, as a seven year old, and so forth, took a long time. It wasn't easy. It took me, when you get right down to it, countless hours of gameplay to actually beat the first Zelda, for instance, but then after I beat it I could do it in an afternoon. But it's took time and experience to get to that point. Yes I can beat Mario 1 in a few minutes via warps and whatnot, so now a game like New Mario Bros isn't super hard for me to run through on my first try, but again that's because of a skill set I built when I was young and mentally mailable. To a thirty year old man whose never played Mario before? It's an alien experience.

That guy needs someway to enter into this "world of games" that the rest of us take for total granted. Gaming now is a somewhat mature medium, adolescent perhaps a better term, but I think many of us forget how new it is overall and the fact that many of us have been there the entire way learning at the same pace the medium has been growing. We scoff at someone not understanding a Mario game, and get offended that someone might not be able to beat an even more complex game that designers might choose to include a "Super Guide" function in their titles as well.

That's silly. You can't expect someone with no gaming experience to game at the same level as the rest of us, it's an acquired skill, a specific way of looking at an artificial world, at the trends and repeated solutions we see all over the medium. There's a fun article about jumping on Kotaku, I think it points out something interesting; you don't jump as a mode of locomotion in the real world, but in games it's a wildly common ability. But to someone whose never played a game before they're going to get stuck *reeeeeeally fast* in any but the most basic situation that required a fundamentally three dimension solution. To us that ten foot high wall over across the otherwise sealed off garden is the obvious exit point, to someone whose never played a game it simply might not even occur to them that they could simply jump out of an area from a point that's several feet higher then their avatar's head.

I know that's a odd sounding example, but the point is that even the most fundamental preconceptions of how to play a game simply don't exist in the mind of many people.

Things like Super Guide that honestly are just about teaching someone how to play the game as much as skipping a segment that's "too hard" are are important if you ever want to expand gaming's market beyond us life long gamers and into the rest of the world.

For those of you who don't think these non gamers "deserve" to experience the things we do let me as a simple question? Why? Why are we so special? Why is it that because we can beat a friggin' Mario game without hand holding we somehow deserve the exclusive rights to play videogames? Why can't that thirty year old man whose never played a game before get a chance to experience something fantastic like Uncharted 2? Realize what we all know, that games can be a truly profound, and superior, form of entertainment. Even art.

It's just something they need to learn how to do. You can't appreciate the difference between a 1983 POS and a slick tricked out modern car if you don't know how to drive. You can play a game if you don't know "how to Game". Things like this merely aim to close that gap. That's a good thing.

No Non-Gamers Allowed
Comment by: kelbear
Nominated by: BryanH

Only douches think that alienating others suddenly makes them cool. What, is this high school?

More the merrier. A wide range of difficulty allowing noobs and hardcore to enjoy the game is a good thing. If games reach a wider audience then there'll be more people to discuss gaming with.

And c'mon, mario games aren't really seen as measuring sticks of gaming mettle to begin with. Only the brutally difficult single player games are notable. Mario games aren't like Ghosts 'n Goblins, or Ikaruga. For the most part, people see single player games as simple static obstacles that everybody beats. It's in multiplayer where gamers try to compare themselves against each other

Xbox 360 Game Helps You Talk To Girls
Comment by: simply_androoo
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

X: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Kurulin Fusion Or A Ham Sandwich?
Comment by: Psudonym
Nominated by: 天

God dammit Scott Pelland!

I've been measuring money in Sandwiches for years! Don't you be simplifying the mathematical importance of these very precise measurements! At least round it out properly and explain the different denominations of sandwich currency to the people!

It's 3 bucks for a cheap sandwich.
It's 4 for a breakfast sandwich.
It's 5 for a footlong.
It's 6 for a quality sandwich.
It's up to 10 for a deluxe.

Next time you're thinking of picking up a 10 dollar game, compare that to what you'd spend on that BLT deluxe. Or when you're thinking about buying that episode of Core, wouldn't you rather have that plastic wrapped sub that's been sitting in the deli cooler for the whole day?

This is an important measurement people! And we can't have it made too simple or it weakens the validity!

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Everyone secretly wishes they were Mike Haggar. I know what you're thinking, 'Of course I would want to be Mike Haggar, that is obvious. But everyone?' Yes, truely. Lets look at the facts.

1. He was once a professional wrestler, and not that queer olympic stuff, the manly one with oiled guys and speedos. His in-ring persona was named 'Macho', which is appropriate, as it is the first thing one would think of when seeing him for the first time (the next is either intense jealousy, deep attraction, or a strange mixture of both).

2. Born on Sept. 3rd, 1943. That makes him 66 years old. Think about that the next time you decide to backtalk your grandpa. On that date, Italy officially surrendered to the Allied Powers in WWII. So he helped to win a war just by being born. All children born on this date henceforth were known as 'Haggar Babies' and are considered especially blessed.

3. Elected Mayor of Metro City, which is apparently the most lawless city on the face of the Earth. The streets are literally swarmed by an endless stream of gang members, with color-coded outfits seemingly denoting their rank and fighting prowess. The activity that constitutes fun is beating up a car with your bare fists. How did the few still-sane citizens come to the consensus that a former wrestler was the man to clean up their streets? And this isn't like Jesse Ventura; it's very obvious early on that a pair of pants and a leather strap around his monstrous torso are the only articles of clothing he owns. Running on a platform of piledrivers and suplexes usually isn't enough to ensure victory. But I think its because...

4. All problems are solved with a personal punch to the face region. As the Mayor, Haggar must have access to the police and any other government employees he would need. When the call came that his daughter was kidnapped by the Mad Gear gang, he had options. But only one involved him busting out of his office and taking to the streets, punching out the first person who happened to be coming his direction. I bet no other thought even came to his mind.

(As an aside, how awesome would that conversation between Haggar and Cody have been? "Cody, my daughter, your girlfriend, has been kidnapped. I'm going to murder my way to her captors, you in?" "Yeah, and I know just the Guy to join us." "Who?" "Guy." "Which guy?")

5. I know it doesn't need to be said, but look at that mustache.

6. Haggar has appeared in Namco x Capcom as a playable character, and in the Card Fighter series as a card. I've never played either of these games, but you can't tell me him being in the games made them worse.

7. In Final Fight: Streetwise, he was retired from politics and had a boat or something. This is bull and anyone who tells you this story is canon is doing a disgrace to a great man and you should beat them to within an inch of their life. So that means, as far as we know, he's still Mayor. And really, would you vote for anyone else? You might call threatening to swing a metal pipe across the skull of anyone who disagrees with his administration as 'needlessly violent' and 'unbecoming of the office of Mayor', but I call it results.

8. When the robots take over our planet and the human resistance movement fights our new cybertronic overlords, no doubt they will develop the technology to create synthetic human skin to try and infiltrate us from withing. Asking potential recruits if they know the glory of Mike Haggar will become vital. Only someone with a soul can truly feel him in their heart.

9. Stupid robots.

Mario? There's An App For That
Comment by: MrFujisawa
Nominated by: Athena's Paladin

Mario? There's a cap for that

Why Nintendo Doesn't Remake Zelda Games And How New Zelda Will Be Different
Comment by: nowayman
Nominated by: nworobes

Ocarina was the last game my mother ever got me for Christmas. She opened the door around 10 at night Christmas Eve and left the game on my desk. I remember opening it, and staying up way too late playing it through the Deku Tree dungeon. I hit the Water Temple by New Year's Eve, when snow was covering the ground and the world was blue and white. That was my mom's last year of good health, and the last time I really stayed in-doors during holiday break.

Later, I met a girl who decided to sing American Pie but with lyrics about Ocarina of Time, and so began the greatest tragicomedy of my young life, and it began over a four year old video game that we both held dear. That ended, which makes the game a bit more bittersweet than before. Ocarina conjures philosophy and smells and sights, like an old song or a particular meal.

I would probably buy a remake, but in the colder months I'll go back to the the jagged pixels and synthesized strings.

Scandal or No, EA Sports Stands by Its Man
Comment by: bigman88zz
Nominated by: D-K, Anarchist

i guess tiger entered "POWER DRIVE"

New Prince Of Persia Poster Is So Meh
Comment by: AncientUnknown1
Nominated by: Sutekh_Slain

That beard says he's a man, and those eyes say he's an animal. A man-beast animal.

But the game-license movie says bad career choice.

Is This Game Ripping Off Mario Galaxy?
Comment by: Jnas
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

China does what Ninten-did.

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Dial M For Mario"

Danish Group Asks You To "Hit The Bitch"
Comment by: omgwtflolbbqbye
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

I think the game is glitched.

I beat (tee hee) the game last night and my dinner still hasn't arrived...

Swiss Study Documents War Crimes Committed in 19 Games
Comment by: dd528
Nominated by: (Starman) Starman

I just finished reading the full paper. I guess I have a few comments.

First is that it has clearly been written by someone who is almost entirely unfamiliar, not just with violent shooters, but with videogames in general. Obviously there is nothing wrong with that per se, but in this specific case, I think the obvious ignorance about the directorial intent behind a game, or the way in which certain in-game situations are supposed to function, harms the credibility of the report.

Second is that the tone taken is somewhat peculiar inasmuch as that it seems to be taking on some kind of reformist or censorial mantle. Statements such as: "it would be recommendable to avoid putting these kinds of scenes
in video games as they could mislead players in terms of what is allowed to be done" seem to me to assume a pretty low level of capability on the part of the gamer to distinguish between reality and fiction. This is a trap that the mainstream media often fall into and it's disappointing to see that level of ignorance on display in what presents itself as a piece of academic research.

I think that the way that Rainbow Six punishes the player for inflicting civilian casualties is a good thing, but that is because of it being good game design, not because I think games have some kind of moral duty to be presented in that way. The report reads as if it assumes that the role games should be playing is educating gamers about international law, and that other gameplay or narrative concerns should be secondary. To me, that is bizarre.

But, whatever I think about the (substantial) failings of this particular report, it is attempting to address some important issues. A lot of games are violent. Few of those come anywhere near situating that violence in a realistic context, even when they might claim to be pursuing realism. We live in a world where gratuitous violence is exploited for entertainment potential all the time, but that that doesn't mean that, once in every ten (or even hundred) titles, a game can't come along with something more intelligent to say about war or about crime.

In the real world, rules of international law, and the pressures of perceived moral imperatives, act as influences on the behaviour of combatants in a manner that is often lazily caricatured, if not completely absent, in videogames. I think it is well worth asking why that is, and whether some games might be improved if efforts were made to better incorporate those kinds of themes and constraints.

Industry Types Confess the Evil Deeds They've Done (in Games)
Comment by: Terrorsaur - Five Six
Nominated by: IchiShinigami

Me and Dogmeat were tied at the hip the moment we laid eyes on each other in the Scrapyard. His barks warmed my Boogeyman soul and we were soon on our way to being the stuff of Legend. We tackled the wasteland together; raiders feared the mere sight of Me and Dogmeat. I even taught him a few tricks, such as play dead ("Dogmeat is unconscious"), and fetch.

There were nights where me and dogmeat would sleep in the blistering cold nights of the wasteland in nothing but a mattress laid carelessly under a broken bridge or in a forgotten home. I would stare into his brown and blue eyes and feet him RadRoach meat as we both dozed off into the night.

But a distance began to grow between us. Sometimes I would send him to find ammo or chems and he would not return for days on end, leaving me alone to fight the Super Mutants and the Raiders who envied my ravishing good looks and weapons.

On other days, he began to intentionally screw up my plan of attacks and decide to run straight in into the fight while I was trying to sneak around, or would give away our position by making huge amounts of noise with the Wazer Wifle he dragged around like a piece of armor..

He began to grow vicious and careless. He would bark for no apparent reason and then leave in the middle of fights, leaving me to recruit a new partner, Jericho, in order to continue fighting. My once
Paragon heart became the Stuff of Nightmares. I grew angry. I later came to find he had gone on his own and had Puppies! of his own. I was crushed.

One day in the Citadel Tunnels, Dogmeat, Jericho and I were scavenging around for ammo and loot, as I continued the search for my father. Jericho had whispered to me "So do you want me to do it?" I said "No Jericho. Hes my pup. Ill do it." I told jericho to wait here as I took dogmeat with me into an abandoned train cart.

I grabbed my plasma rifle, and looked deep into his different colored eyes. His love for me, now absent from his eyes.

DOGMEAT HAS DIED.

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Phew... for a second there I thought we were going to get that first ugly box art, but thank God we're getting the second ugly box art instead.

The Games That Missed The October Top 10
Comment by: Psudonym
Nominated by: Antiterra

Traversing the halls, I find more ghosts than foes. Villains and heroes alike, we are lost in these endless depths hunting for our elusive ends. To hear that the spirit horde grows numerous is emboldening, but it too is frightening. Liars leave their glowing runes among those which read true, and distrust spreads to all. The black phantoms are countless, relentless in their nature. No one alive is spared from the hunt. Friendship is rare, and some allies are unsavory.

We are many who have chosen the path of Demon's Souls, many more than would have been believed. We walk this path of blood. Our cold comfort measured in ghosts, our equals, all lost and damned together.

Frankenreview: New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Comment by: Fernando-Rocker
Nominated by: shouryuuken

@Friedhamster:

Kotaku Game Club: Modern Warfare 2 Discussion Resumes.. NOW (Levels 4-6)
Comment by: NeöStarr
Nominated by: Paul Usoro

I think the presentation of the No Russian mission really highlighted the potential impact games can have as an art form. A lot of people think that interactivity is exclusive to video games but all art could be considered interactive in the way that it demands its audience to think about what is being presented to them. The difference between video games and other art forms is that there's a level of control that figures into and expands that interactivity and this is the first case I've seen where a game has really exploited its potential. I felt much more unsettled by the atrocities presented in this level than I did by the ones presented in, say, Schindler's List or any other work I've digested that presents such things. Ever since I've played it I've been trying to wrap my head around why that might be and I don't think I've come up with a definitive answer (perhaps some of you feel the same way and might be able to enlighten me?), but I do think the control plays a huge factor. I can accept what I see in films and books and paintings because I know that they are fabrications and what is presented is a reflection of the intentions of the artist rather than my own. Video games are also fabrications, but my own actions play a much larger part in the outcome of of the events portrayed. While I'm still forced to play in a number of ways in which the developer intended me to play it, it also forces me to think about how I am interacting with the work, whereas with other art forms its just so easy to make a passive judgment on first glance (that picture is pretty, this writing is kinda sloppy, etc.). I think that creates a whole new thought process in my mind that surpasses the way I'd normally examine a work of art and really brings a part of my own ideologies into play.

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I'm sad to see how apathetic and little sympathy many console gamers have.

PC gaming is more important than a lot of console gamers, and people in the industry today, give it credit for.

PC gaming was the backbone of Western gaming; Western games are PC games. Everyone celebrates the creativity, ingenuity, or originality of this generations' developers, but upon closer inspection many of these developers and games were closely tied with PC gaming in its beginning.

Pretty much the entire FPS genre has been ripped straight from the PC to consoles. Console FPS games this generation resemble something like Quake more than Goldeneye. Many of the biggest games in the genre this generation had their roots on the PC (and Mac in the case of Halo).

Western RPGs, which has also become popular this generation, was kept alive and thrived on the PC while JRPGs flooded the console market.

Online multiplayer, which has become so important this generation, was pioneered on the PC.

In the long run, PC gaming losing relevance is bad for everyone, not just PC gamers. The PC provides an environment that supports the development of new ideas and is suitable for smaller developers because of it's almost non-existent barriers of entry. People complain about PC gaming needing to purchase video cards, but fail to recognize that those purchases help test and fund further improvements. You could go so far as to say that PC gamers help subsidize the graphical improvements consoles get. The console environment stifles creativity and innovation; it's driven too much by profit. See the Japanese market and the issues around stagnation. PC gaming has been around just as long yet it didn't face that problem to the same degree until formerly PC games abandoned the platform in favour of consoles.

Now the question is this: after everything that can be taken from the PC has been took, and PC gaming is truly dead, will the Western console market face the same dilemma that the Japanese are facing today?

The complexity of PC gaming isn't a negative, and I'm surprised so many self-proclaimed "hardcore gamers" see it as such. Having to learn a little bit about the platform to enjoy it means that only those that care about gaming will become gamers; in essence all PC gamers are hardcore gamers in the truest sense. With all the talk about how Nintendo casuals are ruining gaming (which is total bullshit by the way) one would think that console gamers would recognize that they're doing exactly what they claim casuals would do, which is killing "gaming".

No Doubt Sues Activision Over Band Hero Likeness [Update]
Comment by: PixellatedViscera
Nominated by: Quipp

Press release from Activistion:

"Excuse Me, Mr.? Don't Speak about things that you know not of. It's a Tragic Kingdom we're living in where a company such as ours can be caught in the Spiderwebs of lies perpetrated by someone who, let's face it, is Just A Girl. We're tired of Running from these types of accusations and, moving forward, any potential litigants better have a Hella Good reason for starting stuff with us. Don't forget what makes the World Go Round - money. We've got it, and it's Too Late to spread a Comforting Lie till you're Blue In The Face.

We'd better End It On This. Hope you're Happy Now. "

Blizzard Starts Selling In-Game World Of Warcraft Pets
Comment by: Kualtek
Nominated by: UltimatePancakeSensation

I must have missed the memo where all content past the $60 original fee and $15 AGREED UPON monthly fee for servers should be free? These cosmetic pets do not improve any stat or strength of a character. They are 100% optional. Money still does not buy you skill or character strength (legitimately, anyways).

Blizzard has always and continues to provide free content on a regular update schedule. I don't think Blizzard has become anything they were not before. At the end of the day employee time costs Blizzard money and they are well within their rights to put a cost on any content they feel deserves payment.

It seems like there is a new millennium version of 'keeping up with the neighbors' going on. If someone else has this pet, I need to have it too! It costs $10?! This is some kind of outrage! Que petition and/or mindless hate and 'speaking for the community'.

Latest Wiimote Attachment: Baby
Comment by: Eltigro
Nominated by: Pezdispenser

I see a lot of sequels to this:
Toddler and Me
Kindergartner and Me
Tween and Me
Teenager and Me
Kid Who is Old Enough to get a Job and Me
When is He Moving Out and Me
I Want An Empty Nest and Me
I'm Too Old for this Shit and Me
What Do You Mean You're Pregnant and Me
Is He Going to Marry You and Me (but not me, just you)
then
Baby and Me II

Why Games Should Have a Few More Senior Moments
Comment by: Thut
Nominated by: 天

Most action games follow traditional epic story lines, which, discounting immortal-types, featured old folks in more of supporting roles (sages and guides).

It simply reflects true human nature. It has been postulated that the average age of the people who built Stonehenge, for instance, was around 24-26.

Also, you're more likely to have your life-defining moments and challenges in early-mid adulthood. These "great adventures" are typically the ones that bear enough significance to provide purpose to a game. How common is it to begin your adventure in your late 60s, and just what kind of adventure could there even be?

As for old people as objects of desire, what about Kings and Queens? The amount of sacrifices made in the name of an old ruler may not be too popular in current games, but that is simply because of individualism and our culture's dismissal of monarchies, not or lack of reverence to the elderly.

Saving a young person will always inherently carry more weight than saving an older one, simply because you are "saving more potential life." Young people may also serve as more aesthetically pleasing "trophies," for obvious natural reasons.

Still, this is an interesting subject. And as the player base continues to age, I'm sure we'll see more prominent roles for the elderly.

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Unfortunately, this wedding was refused classification by the Australian marriage board...

Breaking Down the Sex in Dragon Age: Origins
Comment by: iqbalicarus
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

"But the casual sex, which could be used as a tool to deepen your understanding and empathy for the other characters, tends to reinforce the idea of women as alternately jealous, catty, smothering, and weak-willed (easily taking back a lover that has strayed), while perpetuating the stereotype of the promiscuous gay/bisexual man. I guess what I'm saying is...the sex could be better."

Except that, in a histrionic cosmos (fiction, theater, film), the world exists in bedlam. Sexual jealousy, erotomania and the obscene suffering of a thousand Pietas are the stuff that arrest our passions. Videogames do not exist in order to 'present ideas' or conjure archetypes. They exist in order to satisfy a universal will-to-nullification. Where else can the bureaucrat, these days, violate Paradise? Workers, especially in a democracy, always have fascist dreams: everyone wants to ejaculate death. Who the hell looks for moral realism in a videogame? Character, in videogames, is defined by exaggeration: the princess who pleads, the plumber who saves her and the Tyrant who grotesquely mirrors the hero (The 'dark double' is videogaming's immortal cliche. Mario = sexless longing. Wario = Coprophilia). The ethos, usually, is 'Murder Death Kill.'

So, why the fuck does this gesticulating dandy pretend that he will find a glorious image of Empathy within the gutter? Martin Buber never went to Sodom.

Leave us workers our pyromania.

Winter Wonder October
Comment by: deanbmmv
Nominated by: D-K, a burning sensation

Not so Wonderful
To: Bash
From: Crecente
Re: What a Weird Day

So after spending the day making snow angels in the backyard
I found out my neighbour has really really bad dandruff.
Ew.

Final Fantasy XIII: "Shut Up And Come Quiet"
Comment by: Americo
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

I'd come quiet, but that would take away from the moment.

Toyota Exec: Realistic Video Games Make Cars Unnecessary
Comment by: GunFlame
Nominated by: aurahackºAllant

He's right, I've been driving OutRun to work for almost 20 years.

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This just in: Scientists across the nation have studied and found out that the black remote is only, in average, only half an inch inch longer than the white remote.

To make the white remote feel better about itself, recent studies have also shown that size does not matter and that it's about "how one uses it".

Not Exactly Three Of A Kind
Comment by: mintycrys is HOT for Bayonetta
Nominated by: kyle4

The Prince of Persia movie will star Jake Gyllenhall who starred in "Donnie Darko", a movie that also featured Seth Rogen, who appeared in "Kung-fu Panda" alongside David Cross, who often appears in mockumentaries written by Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer, and Michael KcKean, the latter two of which were featured in "The Aristocrats", which also featured Drew Carey, the new host of "The Price is Right"

For "Family Feud", Jason Alexander was also featured in "The Aristocrats", and he also played a major role on "Seinfeld" for many years, a show that also featured a character named "J. Peterman", who was played by John O'Hurley, the current host of "The Price Is Right".

Now where's my star?

The Left 4 Dead 2 Boycott Is Dead
Comment by: BoTheDestroyer
Nominated by: (Starman) AnalysisDialysis

What some people think happened:

~~~

VALVE: Lets make people pay full price for an expansion and stop supporting the original game. Mwahaha!

BOYCOTT: Not so fast, evildoers!

VALVE: Curses, they've combined their powers... quickly, distract them with promises of change while we lure them to our lair to use the brainwashing device!

BOYCOTT: We like Valve good. Boycott bad.

VALVE: Ha! Success! Now let us feast on deep fried children!

~~~

I tend to think its more like this:

~~~

VALVE: Hey guys, why don't we make a full sequel to Left 4 Dead? It will be full of cool stuff!

BOYCOTT: Boo, hiss, you guys are evil for trying to make cool stuff and make us pay for it.

VALVE: Aw... these guys don't like our cool stuff. Hey why don't we show them our cool stuff in person! They are sure to like it then!

BOYCOTT: Wow this is some pretty cool stuff.

~~~

GameStop Director Unloads Millions In Stock, Raises Eyebrows
Comment by: Sharkey1337
Nominated by: (Zombie) Goldwings - Zombie antidot

He just traded in a few games, was shocked at how little he was given, and decided to even things out for himself.

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Travelling in a fried-out kombi
I would be gaming, but I can't kill zombies
If the game's M rated, it makes them nervous
They'll take the game and ban it on purpose
And I said,

Do you come from a land down under?
Where gaming laws just make you wonder
To play a game you have to go undercover
Cause the Government is acting like your Mother.

Playing games with a man from Botany Bay
We were looking for a new game to play
I said, "Do you have L4Dead 2 in your land?"
He just frowned and said "Sorry mate it's been banned."

Do you come from a land down under?
Where gaming laws just make you wonder
To play games you have to go undercover
Cause the Government is acting like your Mother.

Gaming in a cafe in the Outback
With a copy of Risen disguised as a soundtrack
I said to the man "Do you have a firewall?
Because it's against the law to install."
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from a land down under? (oh yeah yeah)
Where gaming laws just make you wonder
To play a game you have to go undercover
Cause the Government is acting like your Mother.

Is Metroid Prime The Citizen Kane Of Video Games?
Comment by: Kuciwalker
Nominated by: 天

The medium is too diverse to have a Citizen Kane analogue. Any one game can only influence a limited portion of the others, because some design decisions and art/plot decisions are simply not relevant *at all* to some genres.

By contrast, all movies share a common core of film techniques.

To Be Perfectly Clear, Epic Mickey Is Wii "Exclusive"
Comment by: (Zombie) D Mitsuki, Gotta have guts kid!
Nominated by: Sir-Lucius does anything for Dethkl

I remember a day, not to long ago, when footage for games like Shadow of the Colossus was shown. Everybody's jaw dropped, while being awe struck by the amazing colossi wondering a beautifully rendered world, all on the PS2.

The game was so beautiful, a lot of people made the assertion then and there that video games had become a true art form, and should be respected as such.

Funny thing is, apparently now something like that is ugly and nobody wants to have nothing of it. If something isn't keeping up with "modern technology" then it cannot look good, it automatically has to look horrible, and should be scorned. This tells me, and other people two things.

One, gamers do not appreciate the games they play for art. It's all a momentary thing. They are amazed by something one day, then the next it looks like crap because something with a better fill rate becomes along. Did artist all ditch painting tools with the advent of photoshop, and was all previously made art burned for its horribleness?

Two, games, no matter how much I would like to believe so, will most likely never become art. Art is timeless, and appreciated that way. I personally can go back and see the beauty in old games made, and new ones. But most people think that, and it's proven by a large consensus of commenters on this article, that as soon as something new comes along, everything else that is technically inferior should go die, and is unappealing to look at. With this type of user base behind it, games will never be able to become a respected art medium, because "SHIT IS GAY NEEDS BETTER PROCESSING POWER TO DO MORE TERAFLOPS OF CALCULATIONS SO THE EYE LOOKS MORE REAL"

Now the Fans Are Suing EA for Appearing in Madden
Comment by: fozfan33
Nominated by: Optimistic Prime

big dawg just wants the money back he wasted going to all these crap browns games...

Dragon Age: Origins Gets Day One DLC
Comment by: rpm285sm
Nominated by: BryanH

I've never heard of a developer who has ever, even after putting out DLC, produced a game as it was "intended." They always want to do more, add more, tweak this and that. If we waited till they put out the perfect game we'd be waiting forever. Eventually they have to decide that they've told the main story they were trying to tell, the gameplay is good, and that they've got all the extra content in there that they reasonably can. Eventually, they have to get paid for the hundreds or thousands of hours of work they put into the game. DLC gives them the option to keep adding extra content after the release date deadline has been reached. The key word here is "extra." This is content that they decided wasnt necessary to the enjoyment of the game but thought that it'd be cool to have in there. Often, it's content that was created well after the game was "finished" but it could be content that was left of the proverbial cutting room floor that they came back to and polished up for public consumption. Either way, this is content that you normally would not get because that deadline where they have to have a finished product exists. And they need to finance that extra development time on the extra content with extra revenue from the consumer.

Another way to think of it would be that the dev team had a limited budget and a limited amount of time and they had to decide whether that budget/time would be better spent on improving the content they already have/that ends up on the disk or if they should spend the time/money on more secondary/tertiary content ie content that ends up as DLC. So another way to look at it is that they make a better final product instead of trying to cram every idea they have into the retail product in the same amount of time with the same budget. Or you can change the thinking to being an infinite amount of time and an infinite development budget but one that would increase the time you'd be waiting for the game and increase the retail price of said game to compensate.

Regardless, the developer made a decision, what comes on the disk IS what "should have been in the box" and either it's worth the price to you or not. It's ok if it's not, but stop acting like content they didnt put in the game is content you are somehow entitled to. That's like saying that you were ripped off when you went to see the LOTR movies in the theater because the DVDs you bought have deleted scenens in them and that you will now only watch movies once they've come to DVD with the deleted scenens added. It's extra content that is not part of the product you are being sold, you have no right to content that is not in the box when you purchase it, especially if they havent even made it yet.

You can buy it later but they didnt cheat you or rip you off in any way. If they'd waited to tell you about this DLC for a month that wouldnt have changed the way they produced it, it would just change how you percieve it. As far as waiting till the price drops, that's fine, it's your right to make that decision as a consumer. The higher price I pay is for the priviledge of playing that content, both the retail game and the DLC, sooner. That's always true of games, the price always goes down over time so you can always choose to wait on the experiance and save money. Most people decide they'd rather have it now than some time in the future.

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Come now Chris, if it wasn't for turning cranks, you wouldn't have biceps the size of watermelons. So, ask yourself this, who then would be the one to punch boulders? You and those normal human arms?

L.A. Noire Is Coming Along "Splendidly"
Comment by: Yossarian
Nominated by: mind in rewind

geez, they could have at least answered the question in character...

"I sat back in chair, watched the rain fall against the windows of my decrepit little office and pondered the question.

Sure the fans demanded an answer, but aren't we all just looking for answers?

I came to this town with dreams of making it big, of being somebody, of tackling everything that was wrong with the gaming industry. Now I'm just a beat down has-been, with a development schedule that would make 3D Realms jealous.

I want to stand in the middle of Mullholland and yell out a release date, but nobody would listen anyway. There's no talent, or patience in this town for the empty promises that spew out of my mouth like cheap bourbon that went down the wrong tube.

So what else can I say. It's going like work like this always goes, but I have to keep my chin up. Put on a false air of optimism. Suck it up for the money men that run this show.

Splendid. It is coming along splendidly."

Some Might Call It A Feature, Some Might Call It A Health Warning
Comment by: JoeyJavs
Nominated by: Kobun

so i put that egg in my butt or what?

Talk Amongst Yourselves
Comment by: Showmeyomoves!
Nominated by: Slanzinger

Being a star commenter feels a lot like celebrating Christmas with family.

We're inside talking, having fun, telling jokes and sharing the joy with our fellow commenters and star commenters. Then, we hear a soft tapping on the window pane. We turn to look and see a young boy standing out in the cold, begging to come inside.

"Sir, if you have a moment, maybe you'd like to hear what I have to say?"

With the spirit of Christmas in our hearts, we heartily reply:

"Of course, young man. Come, come!"

Then, as we open the door, we let the young man speak as he shakes the snow off his coat.

"Oh boy, mister. Thanks! I was sure I was going to be ignored forever! I would just like to say that I think Super Street Fighter IV should have been downloadable content as opposed to a full retail release."

We share a few laughs and argue back and forth. The boy eats some Christmas turkey and drinks some hot chocolate. Then, just when he thinks he has finally found a family, grampa Kotaku Writer comes downstairs:

"What's that orphan doing here? Didn't I tell that boy to stay outside?"

And the young man finds himself standing outside in the cold once again, waiting for that time when he will finally be a part of the Kotaku Family.

The End.

No Graphical Complaints From This Wii Developer [UPDATE]
Comment by: phisheep
Nominated by: TheFlyingGerbil

That five trees/four trees line reminds me a lot of what you do with bonsai - it's about making the illusion of more with less. Same goes for origami and ikebana.

I love that as a design approach: accepting the limitations and working within them rather than demanding more - perhaps its the old-school programmer in me coming out.

There does seem to be a trend among Western developers to continue to want to do more with more every time. It's like the perpetual excuse of the bad manager or the bad government that there are 'not enough resources'.

The resources are what they are. The fewer resources you have the greater the scope to exercise your talents as an illusionist and a creator. Any numpty can create something with infinite resource. 

Marvellous stuff.

Left 4 Lupus
Comment by: Nudgenudge
Nominated by: bwwardiii

PILLS HE- damn it House, stop looting the items!

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There are two kind of guys who wear video game boxers: The kind who is confident that his raw sex appeal will be able to overcome any derision that arises from his choice of undergarments, and the kind who is dead certain that nobody other than himself will ever see his undergarments.

PSPgo Has ESRB Ratings Packed Right In
Comment by: Sir-Lucius has no pictchar!
Nominated by: andrewwyatt

'm pretty sure people like that do exist.

You would think that, but they're few and far between. I had one woman come into my store, had her 6 year old kid bring up GTA: San Andreas, tell me she didn't approve of the game but the kid has already played the game before so there's not much she can do, and then bought it and walked out. I shit you not.

Now maybe I missed something, but when I was a kid if I did something my parents didn't approve of they stopped me from doing it. Regardless of whether I had done it before. I used to play Mortal Kombat with my cousin when I was a kid (6-10), but my parents never let me own the game. They knew what was in it, didn't think it was appropriate, and wouldn't buy it for me.

Sure, I'd sneak playing it with my cousin when he came over or I was over at his house, all kids will sneak things, but that doesn't mean that as a parent you should just give up and let your kids play whatever they want.

She knew exactly what the game was about, but just let her kid walk all over her. It was pathetic. Tell the kid it's not appropriate and get him/her a different game.

As good an idea as this is, it will be wasted on most parents. Quite frankly, they don't care. They're 8 old year old brat brings up GTAIV, I read the list of things on the back of the box, tell them it's a game intended for adults and people with more maturity than an 8 year old, and they just wave they're hand at me, swipe their credit card, and then continue on their phone conversation.

I'm not saying all kids should be banned from playing M games. There's one father and son that comes in to the Gamestop I work at that are actually pretty cool. The kid is maybe twelve or so, but he loves shooters and plays games like Gears, L4D, and Halo fairly regularly. But from talking to him, you can also tell that he's mature enough to play those games and not be obnoxious. His dad is involved with what he plays and always asks about the ratings of games before buying. He's even brought a few back saying that they weren't appropriate for his son.

The gaming industry can do all it can to make information available for parents, but it's irrelevant when the parents can't be bothered. And the most annoying part is that the ones that pay the least attention will be the first to blame a game when something bad happens.

/rant 

Racial Term in DS' Scribblenauts? Unintentional, Developer Explains [Update]
Comment by: RyanXP
Nominated by: doubtful

As a black 25 year old, I sure as hell know what Sambo is. "that Ryan fellow seemed really down to earth, and then we had that discussion about sambo and he looked like he wanted to punch me in the throat. I wonder what happened?" People using a word that they don't really know the history of is simply an error of ignorance, and once they know where the word came from, can choose to use something else. I'd rather tell people its history than sit and seethe in silence - and I don't hold it against anyone if they honestly didn't know.

While it is 'the past' for many people, it's not for all of us. I've been called the n-word within the past 2 years, so how 'past' can it be? There are a lot of people in this country who grew up with these caricatures and still believe the insidious things they suggest about people who look like me. It's not putting them on a pedestal, its enlightenment. If someone looks at the word and deliberately says it, knowing its meaning and history, then they deserve the condemnation it brings.

(For the record, 5th Cell's explanation makes perfect sense. The only fault I can find with them is choosing to re-use the watermelon image instead of choosing another, or creating its own entry, and it's not that big of a deal. )

Wii Price Drop Looks To Hit First Week Of October
Comment by: Bialia
Nominated by: captain zach america

Whatever, I'm not buying one until I can play all my PS2 games on it.

Minority Report: The Non-White Gamer's Experience
Comment by: Jakelshark
Nominated by: (Starman) AnalysisDialysis

Im white and noticed how most games that arent sports and such have predominately white male casts and what females there are tend to be the damsel in distress [I think an equally big issue]

That being said, I never thought it to be that big of a deal. It follows suit with traditional media. They need some character to be a badass space marine? Well base them off the stereotypical action type from Hollywood... who just so happen to be white as well.

So really the large amount of white characters is partially based off what is the norm in media. So take it up with Hollywood

And the other thing, in my opinion which is the bigger factor, is that people get in a riot when you have a non-white character do anything of questionable nature. Remember the hell raised over GTA San Andreas because it featured a black protaganist? It wasnt an issue when he was a white guy (or European in GTA4).

So there is something of an issue when it comes to including any non-white character (particularly black) because if they have them do anything of questional nature, people freak out and say its racist. And then going back to the guy complaining about his avatar being too-white....well if game devs did do things more associated with the actions and verbal style of blacks, hispanic, etc... then hell would be raised over sterotypes being resorted to. Like Coletrain didnt come off as a racist stereotype in my eyes because I know people who act like that who just so happen to be black. It was just a former athlete akeen to a sport like football that was written to be large and loud who just happens to be black.

I agree that diversity is great and all in game developing, but at the same time I dont think its a big deal. The game devs write and design characters based on what they know (themselves and Hollywood)...overcompensating by putting more ethnicities is still racist because you are doing it on purpose.

Example: Louis in Left 4 Dead just so happens to be black. And as pointed out about fighting games, black people tend to be put in on purpose for their drastically different appearence.

Then again, Im white...

It is a bit annoying when you see a lack of ethnicities in large groups where you know there is diversity. COD4 put in some diversity in the soldiers to a degree (as opposed to the others, then again...the Army was segregated in WW2 [note on how there hasnt been anything featuring the black corps, then again...you can argue they had a diminished role]). Assuming COD6 is about Vietnam, which seems to be the indication, I will be pretty annoyed with TreyArch considering how big of a role the desegregation of the Army played in that war when it came to dynamics of the platoons.

I may sound a bit like a hippocrite saying it doesnt matter if the main protaganist is white and its annoying if the other ethnicities arent represented when it comes to a group; however, you need to realize the difference between a protaganist who happens to be white verse a group of characters that lack any diversity for no particular reason.

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Apple is competing with the NDS and the PSP?

Man i was way off on this.I thought the Apple was competing with Newgrounds.

Obama Namechecks Xbox Once Again In Speech To Kids
Comment by: Nulls
Nominated by: bwwardiii

The government can't run crysis. It may be able to run doom, and maybe in a couple years the sequel gloom.

To find out fill out this application for the government to review the requirements of running doom, make sure to read paragraphs 17.4 section 7a through paragraph 42 section 9d and initial in the appropriate spots.

You may or may not receive a response in 6-8 weeks.

Tokyo Game Show Final Fantasy XIII Demo Impressions
Comment by: Commenter 2415A5Q-66A
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

What kind of fantasy is Final Fantasy these days. The way it's going, one of the new summons in FFXV will be Civil War era cavalrymen wearing viking helmets flying in from another galaxy on space griffons. After they land, the cavalrymen dismount and form a circle around the space griffons and morph into globs of pink energy. Each glob of energy will shoot into a space griffon, turning the space griffons into bigger globs of pink energy, which they will then all form together into one giant glob of pink energy which will morph into a giant semi truck where your character will jump in and pull the air horn to do massive sonic damage. This will all look really, really cool.

Adult Films Push For Presence on Gaming Consoles
Comment by: AncientUnknown1
Nominated by: evolutionman

....Give me something to watch while the PS3 updates its firmware.

How And Why Halo 3: ODST Was Made In 14 Months
Comment by: GeneralBattuta
Nominated by: Dominic

We know, from empirical studies performed by research psychologists, that human beings are extremely poor at placing themselves in other's shoes. Scientists call this 'egocentric cognition'. One man can whistle a tune to another, thinking that the identity of the tune is transparently obvious - yet the listener will be dumbstruck.

Similarly, we are poor at evaluating and accounting for the tastes of others. In cases like this one, people seem to ascribe variant game preferences to stupidity or ignorance.

This seems unfounded. Halo players are doing no harm by enjoying Halo, but by describing them as stupid, ignorant, or cattle-like, you do personal harm to them.

The market favors Halo. The collective intelligent of the market outstrips that of any individual (as witnessed by the success of phenomena like 'democracy' and 'capitalism' in maximizing wide-scale utility.) The fact that Halo has achieved market success is, however, a case of a rising tide lifting all boats: by bringing more money to the gaming industry, it triggers more development; by bringing media attention and respect to the industry, it promotes the dignity and respectability of gaming as a pastime; and by pushing logistical innovations like effective online multiplayer, co-op, map editors, and game replay in a AAA title, it raises the bar for other studios to follow suit.

Halo does not do any net harm to the gaming industry. It may, arguably, push game design in directions that some do not favor - certainly most recent titles, like the Call of Duty and Killzone series, are quite Halo-esque, and others like Portal bear some of Halo's gameplay innovations - but the fact that some changes are not unanimously considered positive does not mean that they can be absolutely described as negative. We should all keep in mind that even if our own personal tastes do not jive with Halo, this does not mean that those who enjoy the series are somehow defective.

Kant would probably suggest a Categorical Imperative of Halo: treat the favorite game series of others as you would in turn wish your own favorite series to be treated.

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LOL QA Testing is a dream job? Maybe for the naive and the slow kids.

I like how the industry keeps up the myth that QA leads to better jobs in the industry. Sure is some cases it does and you may move up in a company but that is the exception not the rule. 

Most companys lay off their testers after a year is up to avoid paying your health insurance and most of that year is spent working for a temp agency hired out that you really work for.

I did that job for a while and it sucks. People that think it must be great I tell them to go to the store and pick out what you think is the worst game there, buy it and play it for a week straight 8 - 12 hours a day. If you think that is fun or a "dream Job" then by all means you can be a tester.

If you really want a dream job in the industry then go to school. Learn Marketing, Programming or 3d Art and animation. One of those 3 skill will get you a good job in the industry. Not testing games.

Most companies would hire monkeys to test games if they could get them to stop flinging poo at each other long enough. Yet at the same time most testing environments resemble and smell like a bunch of monkey's work there. Go figure.

Sony Thanks Its Customers With PSN Ads
Comment by: pandafresh
Nominated by: geiko

dude my SPAM totally has better textures on my 360.

Are You 20-Something Years Old? Do You Want To Love A Game Character?
Comment by: Slanzinger
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

Nah, as far as I know, metrosexual still means people try to make it sound manly. So they have a MANbag, wear MANscara and go through MANstruation.

Although the latter probably means they should go and see a doctor.

What Do You Think Of PS3 Firmware 3.0?
Comment by: patapon
Nominated by: (Zombie) Neteher

Spider man, spider man
Doing whatever a spider can

Firmware 3, Firmware 3,
No cross-game voice chat for me

Weekend Talk Amongst Yourselves
Comment by: HarlequinRiot
Nominated by: http://kotaku.com/people/ Kogelvis/

There's definitely stagnation in the gaming industry in my opinion. Everyone is trying to innovate in a very limited rule set. Gaming is entering it's blockbuster period, which means big cash but little substance. Even games that are claimed to have great story/acting, generally really don't when compared with other art forms. The industry needs to rethink what a game can be and use all this amazing technology to make new experiences that may not be so stratified as "this is you, go here, do x, listen to y". Gaming needs it's Moby Dick or its Brothers Karamazov, as its Citizen Kane's come every few years. I feel like games right now are stuck in the spectrum between game and art, and it's an awkward middle ground. A current dev needs to step adn define just where the endpoints are. There's no problem with the middle ground but when people create there without realizing there's so much potential surrounding them, they make confused products.

I don't want it to sound like games now are bad, they most certainly aren't. In fact, the overall quality is pretty great and many people are doing very interesting things. I just think that gaming is an art that has plateaued within the last five or so years and needs a creative kick in the pants.

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Wait, how is fiddy going to rap to that?!?!

Sit Awkwardly Through Kurt Cobain's Guitar Hero 5 Performance
Comment by: thesircuddles
Nominated by: Antiterra

There's a phenomenon that goes on in life, and I don't know what the name of it is (I'm sure it has one). You see it in almost everything that's popular. One group will like something, and other people will take it as their sworn duty to believe the polar opposite of the people who like this something. They not only hold the opposite viewpoint (which is entirely valid), they go to great lengths to show their disdain, even when those lengths aren't warranted. I'm not sure if these people are trying to balance the universe, or what exactly the point is. I see it here in this thread regarding Nirvana, you see it regarding Gears, Halo, Call of Duty, etc. Opinionated extremism, I guess you would call it.

The amount of general disrespect in the comments below, regardless of their viewpoint, is borderline astonishing. It's not totally astonishing because, well, this is the internet and it's almost par for the course. Even still, it's really, really pathetic.

People like to crack jokes and I don't mind that, a lot of the light hearted ones make me chuckle and there's no harm done. But a lot of the stuff I'm reading in the below comments is, for lack of a better term, simply fucking retarded.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'm a big fan of respect. I'm only 24 so I'm not the oldest, wisest, or most mature person around here, but one thing I do recognize and give is respect. We all joke around, we all insult people, that's fine, but the tone and hate I see a lot of these comments laced with is just disgusting.

Regardless of what you think of Kurt being in Guitar Hero, and regardless of what you think of Nirvana, where is the fucking respect?

Sometimes I guess I just expect a bit too much from people on the internet. I guess it's my own fault, really. I don't know why I would expect anything less than nothing, but here I am being surprised and appalled by some of the commenters here and their lack of respect.

To those who don't understand why this bothers anyone, it's a very simple concept. Kurt and everything he stood for was the opposite of commercialism and consumerism. Yes, he was in a band on a signed label, yes this is all very legal and no, nothing is wrong with him being in the game from a technical standpoint. The problem people are having is that Kurt was against everything he's being used for in this game. Why is that a hard thing to understand? Surely we're all capable of disagreeing while also understanding the other point of view, aren't we? Maybe I'm just expecting too much again.

Kudos to those who commented (regardless of viewpoint) with some poise, some intelligence, and some respect. To those who trolled with needlessly hateful, useless, and despicable comments, try letting your balls drop and growing up a few years. It isn't cool to be a fucking moron.

Ghostbusters Now Looks Better On PS3
Comment by: (Zombie) Goldwings
Nominated by: Kobun

A day in life at school regarding games during the old days and now. With your buddy, Goldwings

Old days...
Kid A: Mario is better than Sonic cause he can squish all the bad guys with his feet!

Kid B: So? Sonic can run really, really fast and kill all those robots just by running through them.

*********

Kid A: FF7 is soooo cool. Also look what I have. THE STRATEGY GUIDE!

Kid B: *SQUEEEEEELS*

Now...
Kid A: lol the Ghostbusters game on PS3 sucks. Have you seen those carpet textures on Kotaku.com? The coding must have gone haywire because teh cell can't do anything. You got pwned cow.

Kid B: Who cares. Ghostbusters isn't even that great anyways. Go back to your RRoD console fool.

**********

Kid A: FF13's graphics look meh

Kid B: You're meh!

Boy did gaming arguments change dramatically from actually talking about games (most of the time) to talking about other features the console/game has or does. Go progress(?)

Ghostbusters Now Looks Better On PS3
Comment by: D Mitsuki, Gotta have guts kid!
Nominated by: Curse Lily

If there's something wrong, With your graphics! Who you gunna call?

Terminal Reality!

If there's something weird, and it don't look good. Who you gunna call?

Terminal Reality!

I ain't afraid of no blur!
I ain't afraid of no blur!

If your seeing things, like no anti ailising. Who you gunna call?

Terminal Reality!

An invisible wall, that you can't get past. Oh, who you gunna call?

Terminal Reality!

I ain't afraid of no blur! I hear it like the girls, I ain't afraid of no blur!

Who you gunna call?
Terminal Reality!
If you got a dose, of a bad post, who you gunna call?

Terminal Reality!

Let me tell you something sharp corners make me feel good.

I ain't afraid of no blur.
I ain't afraid of no blur.

Don't get caught alone, oh no Terminal Reality! When it comes through a patch, and if you want some more, I think you better call,

Terminal Reality!

Who you gunna call!

Terminal Reality!

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Who wants to drive a Ferrari that has a 50/50 chance of its brakes failing?

Gamescom Booth Blitz: The Old Republic
Comment by: Yossarian
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

[Gamescon opens to a wild mob of Star Wars cosplayers, who are led by one particularly angry uber fan dressed up as Darth Vader. They burst into the convention center and head straight for BioWare's booth]

Cosplay Vader [motioning menacingly and making fists]: Where is this MMO that you have createD? WHAT have you DONE with my KOTOR 3?

Bioware Rep [choking]: There is no KOTOR 3.
[gasps]
We are just a marketing team, on a diplomatic mission...

Cosplay Vader: If this is a marketing vehicle, then WHERE is KOTOR 3?

[Bioware rep runs away in fear.]

Cosplay Vader [addressing his Cosplay Commander]: Commander, tear this ship apart until you find that game! And bring me all bioware employee, I want them ALIVE!

[After they start terrorizing the booth another, female, rep is hauled before Cosplay Vader]

Female Rep: Gamescom Security will not sit still for this. When they hear you've attacked a marketing...

Cosplay Vader: Don't act so surprised, your highness. You weren't on any marketing mission this time. Several KOTOR must be in development. I want to know what happened to your plans for them.

Female Rep: I don't know what you're talking about. I am an employee of Bioware on a marketing mission to Gamescom...

Cosplay Vader: You are part of Lucas' attempt to ruin Star Wars and a traitor! Take her away!

The Table Problem
Comment by: Slothboy
Nominated by: Jim

Actually, I walked into a room yesterday and got stuck on the table. Really embarrassing. Later that day I tried to pick up a stapler and instead threw a grenade. Yeah, that's coming out of my paycheck.

Poker Game Kept Gabe Newell From Naming Valve "Gearbox" [UPDATE - Story isn't true.]
Comment by: SilentBeeker: Now with 50% more truthiness!
Nominated by: 2c-b

Gabe Newell went down to New Orleans, he was looking for a name to steal. He was in a bind 'cos Half-Life was way behind, and he was willin' to make a deal. He came across this young man playing poker and playin' it hot.

And Gabe sat right next to him and said: "Boy let me tell you what. I bet you didn't know it, but I'm poker player too. And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play pretty mean poker, boy, but give ol' Gabe his due : I'll bet the name Gearbox against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."

The boy replied: "My name's Randy and it might be a sin, But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."

Johnson And Johnson And Pikachu
Comment by: DigitalHero
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

Well, you can wash your squirtle with this.

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I fully support the decision made by the Australian classification board. As an adult gamer, I have often found my life controlled by the media I watch. Watching Gandalf smoke pipeweed in the Lord of the Rings turned me into a marijuana addict. I struggled to resist buying the services of a prostitute after listening to 50 Cent's PIMP. I lose my license each time I watch the Fast and Furious. I understand that I need to have others control what I watch and listen to at all times.

After all, I play games because I am a child and only children play games. Regardless of what adult achievements, like degrees or occupations, I may have attained, I still remain a child's mind within an adult shell, incapable of following the various rituals and traditions that grant passage into adulthood. It would be far too presumptuous of me to assume that I can make decisions from ratings based on the mere fact that I am, outwardly, an adult.

The Australian Classification Board, through their conservative, Christian background, have proven themselves to be much wiser and aware adults than us and therefore are entitled to make these decisions for me. They understand that, at all times, I must be protected from myself.

Let's Compare PSP And PC Versions of Erotic Game
Comment by: alexdiaz
Nominated by: (Zombie) MaxDragon7

This is putting new meaning to the term "handheld"

Art Style: Precipice Micro-Review: But What If It's Art?
Comment by: Sarcasmancer
Nominated by: 天

The interesting thing about the Art argument in video games is that people frequently reference the story, graphics and music as evidence of a games of artistic merit.

Admittedly, each of these factors deserves attention, but games are more than composite art forms. When determining whether or not a game is art, one must look at it's rules, controls and play; the things that comprise the actual game. Anything can become artistic when it is dressed up with gorgeous art, carefully composed music, and an enriching story, but in the end, those are decorations (inherently artistic things). I think Totilo is on the right track with this interview by examining what the abstract game play represents. *inhale exhale* Artsy-gamer rant finish.

Six Days In Fallujah Devs Closing Down
Comment by: Mister Jack does shots with Jubei
Nominated by: (Zombie) Komrade Kayce

Unfortunately, I have to side with the US collective sheep hive mind here and say its probably for the better that this game never came out... yet.

Why, you ask, as you rage at your keyboard? Because its a slippery slope on this topic.

We've seen the Propaganda games that get made in flash supporting KKKisms and Neo Nazis and shooting Mexicans, and some of you may even have seen the fully developed (although crappy) games that the middle east has regarding stupid Americans.

But we haven't run into mass produced and funded console/PC games regarding a current ongoing battle yet, at least in North America.

Now this Six Days in Fallujah might have been quite the excellent 'Survival Horror' game (as described by the wiki), but once one gets made, whats to stop another from getting made? This game might have left out all the politics, but will the next game? Or will we get the equivalent of Americas Army, funded by the US army, teaching kids at home on their xboxes to kill iraqi insurgents because its the right thing to do. Throw in a bunch of cutscenes showing some Iraqi's doing some horrible things to people, and voila.

Its already happening all the time with Television, but this doesn't make it any better.

Stuff like this, thinking hard about it, makes me cringe because I'm unsure where to stand normally. I'm all for freedom of speech and a lack of censorship in society, but... our society is currently too fucked up to be able to embrace the idea of 'You can make games, but leave the be all you can be shit at home'.

Of course, I largely think this would have all gotten completely ignored if it wasn't for Konami willing to publish it. Which is completely stupid, because it just further points out the hypocrisy (and hopelessness of what I say here) of us regarding all this taboo subject matter.

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I honestly can't believe some of the comments here and on youtube...
"I'm not impressed"
Seriously W.T.F?
This technology is amazing!
I mean, imagine if the internet had been around when Edison invented the light bulb...
"meh, my candle still burns brighter" - waxman
"w34k" - flamingflaming09
"sun's better" - S0l4r
"Get a real job, Edison" - CoalMiner's Son

WoW Finally Returns To China, With A Little More Censorship
Comment by: Covert_Knight
Nominated by: Lessthan_tom

At first I was going to crack a "see everything is beautiful in china nothing wrong here, go away american" kind of joke, but actually I decided I would go to a more serious statement. This is kind of long and verges a little off topic, but isn't knowledge a good thing?
China has social issues that run very deep, farther than us outsiders really know. Not that I'm an expert on the social and cultural relations in China, but I did do a good research paper on it last semester. (usually I slack, I admit) Their social development is just radically different than ours. They're raised to be absolutely the very best only in order for them to achieve a middle class life. (one that we take for granted over here) They ignore their childhood studying 8 hours a day and doing all "extra credit" assignments. Eventually they have to take an SAT equivalent called the gao kao, except their whole life pretty much rides on it. A lot of the failures of this test end up falling into depression, and playing video games, particularly WoW. (most are too ashamed to accept a life lesser than they planned) Suicide rate is high, it's the leading cause of death for people in their low 20's to mid 30's. They are literally working themselves to death over there.
China's government responds the way it always has known throughout history. They don't see it as sweeping a problem under the rug as much as they see it as "this is your problem not ours." The government only knows how to fix things by making it law, compliance runs deep through Chinese society so it is expected when they change things you follow, ergo the problems are solved. Obviously not to us of course, but you see the reason. Changing those undead guys to be a little less dead looking is just one of many ways the government is trying to subtly change Chinese society to be less suicidal. Of course this won't work but I think you see the mindset now, correct?
I know China is expected to become a world leader and all, and I mean with their economic strength/output, and intelligent people this would be an easy conclusion. But the two of the problems I described are just two out of many that will hold them back until they get truly resolved.

Five Classic Erotic Games Coming To UMD
Comment by: Paradox me
Nominated by: Slatz_Grobnik

"Thank you for calling Game Stop, how can I help you?"

"Do you have Ways to Have Sweet Sex With A Childhood Friend in stock?"

Crytek Threatens To Leave Germany
Comment by: Ursus-Veritas
Nominated by: Curse_Lily

It's a shame that there people who are still ignorant to the cultural and artistic integrity/importance of the Video Game as a form of Art rather than a child's past time - Stylistically, symbollically, you can even say culturally, games play just as an important role in Art as film, television and theatre do. Until the world can start seeing that games can carry as much emotional weight and influence as a piece of stunning film or TV drama, I'm afraid things like this will only become commonplace.

A ban on violent video games is about a silly as a ban on violent films - Violence is a primal and integral part of the human species, it makes us what we are as a sentient race: It can't be ignored, or hidden away or censored because it's a negative thing - to be truly Human we have to see violence, to understand violence, to accept that it is part of who we are. Film, TV and Theatre have been portraying death and violence for - well, in the case of theatre - thousands of years, but it's not frowned upon, because it is 'Art'. Video games are a crucial injection of freshness into the art world, and as much as the German Government wants to deny it, ARE a new form of Art. And as a form of art, it should be allowed the same freedom of expression and liberties as any piece of Film, TV or Theatre.

First Look At Prince Of Persia LEGO
Comment by: patapon
Nominated by: (Zombie) MaxDragon7

Ahhhh, stuff like this brings me back to the good old days. 

You know, of playing LEGOs in my parents basement, sounding all the little people out and whatnot. My parents could overhear all the talking. They were worried and thought I had sever mental disorders, can't blame them really.

Regardless I've created many a fantasy land. I WAS KING! Sexy lego ladies were all over me.

Man, I miss last year...

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Remember when nudity was nonexistent in mainstream movies? Well, that changed, and so will games, eventually. One day, games will be able to have full artistic expression without being labeled as smut that's harming our children. We're not there yet, but it will come.

Now, I'm not saying artistic expression = boobies. However, being able to include adult situations (and even nudity) when appropriate is really telling of the level of freedom that's accepted.

I look forward to the day that some shmuck on a "news" show tries to bash the next big game because it has adult situations, and everyone laughs it off just as quickly as we (as a gaming community) laugh off that kind of thing right now.

Happy Birthday ESRB!
Comment by: BigManMalone
Nominated by: Witzbold

As is the norm, most people here don't really get it, though I'm pleased to see that many do.

First, no, the ESRB does not "censor" games; it simply passes judgment on the existing content within a given game. On top of this it is completely up to the game makers themselves whether or not they want to submit to the ESRB. Sure, most places will not sell games that are not rated or have been rated too maturely, but anyone is free to do so at his discretion. The fact that many stores do not is their choice, and it is not the ESRB's responsibility to micromanage the video game market to correct for this perceived unfairness.

Second, maybe some of you should do a little research on what actual game developers think of the ESRB. I've heard some who are very pleased with the system and extol the ESRB as one of the least restrictive rating boards when compared to other countries. Ryan Payton, I believe, of Kojima Productions echoed this sentiment on one of the old KP Reports.

Lastly, even with my defense of the ESRB thus far, I have to point out that it should not exist. It was nudged into existence by the U.S. government, though as it stands it is self-regulating and free of bureaucratic tentacles. Had it lacked its governmental midwife, then it would have been a shining example of how free citizens can affect their society and the powerful, "greedy" corporations that inhabit it. To be honest, it still is; it just would have been a smoother and more accepted affair had the government allowed for people to wait for when they thought it was time for a free and voluntary video game ratings board.

Sega: Fixing Sonic Is Going To Take Time
Comment by: RufusEuryale
Nominated by: Lessthan_tom

It should say SEGA: Fixing Sonic is going to take AGES

Who Can Stop Dragon Quest IX In Japan?
Comment by: (Zombie) Goldwings
Nominated by: Curse_Lily

Tech Troop: Sir, the shield can't hold the amount sales for Dragon Quest.

Commander: Shit son bring it up to 100% and hold it together.

Tech Troop: It's not working! It's going to surpass 3 million sales and maybe even more!

Commander: Dammit! Send in Monster Hunter for the Wii and may God help us all.
*Hits "Release Monster Hunter" button*

Ubisoft Plans to Have Piracy Solution in Place This Year
Comment by: Shawnrw222
Nominated by: palmtoptiger

To be completely fair, seeing some of the download numbers on those DS games is pretty eye opening to the situation. I mean, yeah, some are just trying before they buy, but when 10,000+ are downloading a game, thats a pretty large dent to the profits.

However, I don't think anybody downloads the Imagine games, so bad excuse Ubi.

Kotaku Originals: I Said Turn Off That Machine Now!
Comment by: mintycrys is HOT for Bayonetta
Nominated by: Owen Good

When I was little, a friend and I played "Bad Dudes" outside. A really fat man who lived two doors down on the other side of the street was Karnov (unbeknownst to him), and when some grizzled old korean war veteran who lived on our street asked us what we doing, we told him we were going to save President Ronnie, he gave us two toy assault rifles to play with. My mother blew a gasket when she saw hiding in the holly bush (bad idea, I know) in front of the house with a fake assault rifle.

The veteran died several days later. I still have the toy gun, with the phrase "Ba" carved into the stock from when I tried to etch "Bad Dudes" into the toy gun with a pocketknife, but cut myself as I finished the 'a'.

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I shall never forget the NES and what it did to transform my life.

Without it, I wouldn't be the hyper-addicted gamer I am today.

Without it, I might have a decent career and riches.

Without it, I might have BEEN something.

Without it, I...

... crap, I lost my train of thought, let me go find another heart container.

No Snickering, Games Climax Too Late
Comment by: Psudonym
Nominated by: 天

I'm going to expound upon all those willing to read a personal　anecdote that exemplifies why gaming is unique and its story telling　challenges are different than any other. And that involves a little　early open world experiment called Shenmue II.

I had borrowed the game from a very good friend of mine, imported to　our then elderly Dreamcasts. I was a huge fan of the first game, a　dedicated virtual master of Hazuki Style Jujitsu, capsule games, and　Space Harrier. So when it came my chance to finally find my father's　killer and unravel the mystery of the Phoenix Mirror I unhesitatingly　took it on. Rushing headstrong into China with nothing but a napsack　and a wallet of saved up allowances, I was playing one of my favorite　games of all time.

Unerringly I delved deeper into the plot, fought street fight after street fight. Sure I suffered a set back or two, but nothing a good night's rest couldn't resolve or some time running game of Lucky Hit wouldn't relax away. For the most part, I was living out one of the great kung fu films never put to screen.

I was unstoppable in my quest. It was a tricky game on occasion, but for the most part my skills helped me through any trial. So when I was warned about continuing a particular line of investigation, I ignored them. I sought out the mysterious contact. And followed them to their location. And that's when your so standard cliche of arrogant hero beatdown came crashing upon me. I had my ass saved later by the lady who warned me of recklessness.

When I came to the next morning, I was perhaps just ready to reset the game. To try and see if it was possible to beat that event. I mean, it felt possible. If only I was stronger, faster. But that's when something unexpected, and yet perfectly classic to the genre, hit me harder than any beating could.

The little girl who was helping around the apartments I stayed in came in to see me after waking. She cried and said something like, I should never worry her like that again. And that it scared her. And that's when it hit me. That's when a real life lesson came to me, the player. I actually, for once, thought about how the individual characters Ryo had befriended cared for him.

It was from that moment on, that I couldn't in good conscious continue on his quest. Instead, I had thought clearly that this revenge quest wasn't worth it. I had, infact, learned the classic Kung Fu morale tale without going through the classic Kung Fu tropes. I didn't need to kill my last bad guy. I didn't need to find out the ancient mystery. I had reached an emotional climax, and I was left content with half of the game completely unplayed.

I went around Hong Kong collecting capsules, working the Lucky Hit stands, eating ramen, played at the arcade. And then I retired from the game and returned it to my bewildered friend.

In interactive mediums, you always have a choice of your ending. Even if that choice is hitting the power button.

New Dashboard Commercials Bring Ad Breaks To Your 360
Comment by: Mr Pappzy lurves Orange Soda
Nominated by: superberg

You know what? Microsoft has the right idea. From now on, all my posts will feature value-added images.

Microsoft Seeks a Few Good Store Managers
Comment by: Asbestos_Underwear
Nominated by: Mr Pappzy lurves Orange Soda

Staff is required but not limited to phrases such as:

"Are you sure you want to go to the hardware segment of the store?"

"The store has encountered a problem and will now close"

"The sales pitch could not be initialized"

and

"You may now leave the store".

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Part of the problem is that all the games in the article are aimed at children. And as such, they suffer from the problem that afflicts the vast majority of children's games: they're awful. They are all extremely shallow in concept and gameplay, and where they aren't licensed spin-offs, chances are they were developed on a shoestring, in a very short period of time.

What children (regardless of sex or gender) need is games that are of high quality, and which thought has gone into. And, it turns out, there are a ton of them about. It's just that they are mostly designed with adults in mind. If you walk into any game store, there are plenty of good games, aimed at adults, but which do not have an age rating that precludes their being played by children. And it's those games that girls and boys would be playing in an ideal world.

Titles like Katamari Damacy, Okami, or Super Smash Bros. are all interesting in different ways, and offer great gameplay, and are suitable for children. When I was a kid, the divide between child and adult-targeted games wasn't the same as it is now. Still, I tended to ignore games aimed exclusively at children and played titles like Monkey Island or X-Wing instead. Just because someone hasn't hit double digits doesn't mean they can't tell the difference between a decent game and junk.

What is needed is for parents to understand at least the basics of what types of games are available, partly so that they can make sure the games they buy their kids are age-appropriate, but also to make sure that their kids aren't playing rubbish. Just like I wouldn't want my kid watching shopping channels all day when they could be watching David Attenborough or Blue Peter or something, I wouldn't want them playing Babiez when they could be playing Rachet & Clank.

And I know that if I have kids then they certainly won't be subject to the kind of gender indoctrination that means that daughters have to be interested in princesses and sons have to be interested in firemen. That kind of narrow-minded thinking is half the reason for these shoddy 'girls' games' in the first place.

They Remember Jedi, Jaws and Indiana Jones
Comment by: Orionsaint

The Summer Blockbuster experience is basically dead these days. The magic and wonder of movies is gone. Before the Internet you didn't really know what expect when you watched a blockbuster movie, just what the trailer showed. You were left in awe as you wondered how that stunt or special effect was done. These days we know the plot before hand. We know it's all done with computers. It's all so shallow. I'm so glad I grew up in the late 70's and 80's and got to experience the golden age of the Hollywood Blockbuster.

Grand Theft Auto And Pac-Man? "The Same"
Comment by: RoFFL3s
Nominated by: NeoStarr HD

space invaders is like gears of war, theres a cover system and you shoot from behind it

LucasArts Touts "World Exclusive Announcements" At Comic-Con
Comment by: PuppyGuarder
Nominated by: (Hollow) svenhoek

I'd squeeze milk from a gaggle of Hutt udders til the bantha come home for them to announce Battlefront III already

Saints Row PSP Apparently Confirmed By...Swedish Metal Band
Comment by: ShadowOdin isn't american

PRO TIP: Swedish metal band are a newssource you can trust and headbang to.

Their sense of press-ethics is as big as their hair is long.

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