Remastered Sellout Tracking Listing:

Let There Be Rock Band Exclusive Content At Walmart
Disc Instead Of DLC Done Walmart Cheap
Biway to Walmart
Shook Me All Night Long Sale
It's a Long Way to the Superstore (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll)
(It's Not) D.L.C.
If You Want AC/DC (You've Gotta Go To Walmart)
Girl Greeter's Got Rhythm
Whole Lotta Rock Band
Big Wals
Walmart Ain't A Bad Place To Be
Who Made Walmart
Ain't No Fun (Waiting Round for Tracks That Should Be DLC making Billionaires Trillionaires)
For Those About To Get Our Rock Band DLC (We Say Screw You)

Mortal Kombat Box Art Revealed, Plus Shazam!
Comment by: TRT-X
Nominated by: Mister_Jack

Each copy of the game comes with its own pole so you can vault over any plotholes or gaps in logic you come across.

Trust me, you're going to need it.

Live Action Dragon Ball Trailer Successfully Fails
Comment by: BlueWizard422
Nominated by: Strife56

It's over...

No, I can't... I just can't.

This movie is clearly not Over Nine Thousand.

Guitar Rock Tour and Real Soccer 09 Coming to DS, TV Show King Party to Wii
Comment by: ludwigk
Nominated by: foxhound417

@uppitycracker: Real singers weren't threatened or flabbergasted by karaoke. Real Dancer's didn't have a problem with DDR. Pimps and gangster's didn't complain endlessly about the GTA series, and serial killer's weren't off-put by Manslaughter.

Pilots weren't bothered by Flight Simulator (in fact, many of them play Flight Simulator). Martial artists aren't critical of Street Fighter. Race Car enthusiasts don't have trouble 'getting' Need for Speed. America's Armed Forces are not upset over "America's Army", and small game hunters have yet to point out the glaring inaccuracies of "Whack-a-Mole".

In other words:

1) Get your head out of your butt.

2) Figure out what video games are.

3) Try playing one. If you find that you like them, come back and post again. Otherwise, do not frequent gaming blog/forums.

Thanks, good bye now, and have a nice day!

Watching The Professor Layton 3 Trailer Is Great
Comment by: alaren
Nominated by: Đipic

The next Layton game is ready for release in the U.S. But the shipping crates are stuck in a very full warehouse. Get the shipping crates out by sliding the other boxes around! It can be done in as little as 14 moves.

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t's the most wonderful time of the week!
With the commenters yelling
and Spoonybard telling you, "You're up the creek!"
It's the most wonderful time of the week!

It's the hap, happiest Monday of all!
With those commenters bleating
and ban-happy beings when Spoons comes to call...
It's the hap, happiest Monday of all!

There'll be commenters roasting
commenters for toasting
and crying and pleading all day
There'll be fine wine and dining
with commenters whining
But we won't care to hear what you saaaaaay

It's the most wonderful time of the week
There'll be much whistle-blowing
and tears will be flowing
All over your cheeeeeeeeks
It's the most! Wonderful time! Of the week!

Don't forget to tip your waitresses!

Gaming And Bus Driving Can Kill A Career
Comment by: Altima NEO
Nominated by: JBP

PSP is a pretty high end device. With its realistic graphics, it blurs the line between reality and virtual reality. The bus driver likely found it difficult to distinguish between the realities, and which one he was in.

Sony Exec Notes "Slow Progress" In Japanese Development
Comment by: fuchikoma
Nominated by: 天

*shakes fist* If you guys start churning out a bunch of boring sandboxes with kitchen sink options, I'm throwing in the towel and hibernating in last-gen for a while until it gets sorted out...

Japan still suffers low self esteem culturally - amazing. They're like Britain in the 60s right now; if anything I think they should be touting their artist and visual designers' skills. I've played games with 10 year old graphics technologically that look way better than games I barely have the tech to run. Odin Sphere, Okami, Team Ninja generally, or even Ragnarok for example.

IMO eastern games are eastern games, western games are western games, and they cater to the home teams' interests first. Japanese devs are just starting to buy into the mythos/meme lately and it's freaking me out...

Make Comics, Pop-Up Books, Anything With LittleBigPlanet
Comment by: DarkHavoc99
Nominated by: Cronoeds

LBP the comic book! LBP the lunchbox! LBP the FLAMETHROWER! (the kids love that one.)

Mega Man 9 Boss Art, Screens
Comment by: Ockeroid
Nominated by: drbrownt0wn

"Plug Man"?

He's not even "electric man" or something. So what powers will have have? The power to plug into things?
He doesn't sound like much of a threat as long as you don't turn around.

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You know, I have a lot to say about this business model. If you ask me—-

[Please pay $5.00 to continue this comment.]

Wii Music Lets You Play "The Cheerleader"
Comment by: NoBullet
Nominated by: Aethyr

@Ryodestined: Umm...that is not an instrument last time I checked.

They are if you're a jock.

HEY-OH!

Square Enix President Sorta Dates Dragon Quest IX (Mentions Tecmo)
Comment by: 108
Nominated by: BPMOmega

There's still the Dragon Quest VI remake to be released.

It'd be hilarious, in a forehead-slapping way, if they announce in two weeks, Pre-Tokyo Game Show, that they'll be releasing the remake of Dragon Quest VI in January.

They previously said that they wouldn't release DQIX until they'd released the remakes of DQIV, DQV, and DQVI.

Then again, prior to saying that, they said that they were going to release DQIX at the end of 2007.

They also said DQIX was going to be an action game.

Then people freaked out, because Monster Hunter hadn't exactly exploded yet, and they changed the game to a traditional RPG, and announced three remakes.

So . . . hmm.

DQ games are traditionally released on Saturdays, thanks to that urban myth about people skipping school to buy DQIII when it was released on a Friday.

So releasing it during a holiday season — especially when this installment is expected to outsell all the previous installments — certainly follows logically.

Why release the game after New Year's, though? Why not release it just before?

If they release it the week of New Year's, that implies that they're playing up the multiplayer function, expecting kids and parents and extended family to enjoy questing during their new year's parties.

If they release it after the holidays are over, that's like they're playing up the singleplayer mode.

If I were them (glad I'm not!) I'd just slop it out on Christmas, alongside White Knight Story! That'd really be a crushing blow to Level-5 — the typical Jotaro Sixpack is going to be like "Spend 5,000 yen, or 57,000 yen? Hmmm."

Then again, I will buy White Knight regardless, because, ahem, I am already planning to spend Christmas and new years alone — and in the dark.

. . .

. . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . .

:(

Game Bans: Misinterpreting the Gaming Experience
Comment by: golguin
Nominated by: 天

"Is it healthy for any culture to ban something that would explore their taboos in a safe environment?"

Short answer no, long answer yes with a but.

There are some taboos that might grow in a safe environment and then bleed out into the rest of society. Would it be fine to ban a sim that revolves around pedophilia? I think so. However, I wouldn't say the same thing about a game that includes violence.

Is this a double standard? I don't think so. People with a desire to play the pedo game are playing said game with the intent to satisfy their pedo urges. I don't think anything positive can come of that. People who play FPS games MAY have a desire to inflict harm on other people, but I think the main reason people play FPS games online (or any other competitive game) is to assert their dominance over another person. People are constantly sizing themselves up with other people in an attempt to establish a hierarchy. The world is all about competition and I think violent games promote that.

Then again, it's sometimes fun to just vent after a long day and cap a bitch online :).

You Got Hurt While Gaming?
Comment by: Squanderdalfast
Nominated by: LuppyLuptonium

I'm surprised there have been no drugs + video games stories. I have a friend who has some Meth stories. It's bad kids, don't do it, but... he swears buy it's ability to enhance fighting games. And there are some epic stories of all his fingers bleeding from playing Dead or Alive against his best friend for over 24hrs.

I also didn't notice any Mortal Kombat "Test your strength!" stories. To break diamond you make a fist and wipe your knuckles back and forth over the buttons until they bleed.

There are a number of games I've used that trick on. Sometimes I modify it to fingernails but knuckles gives the 'best' results.

When I was in grade school we used to play Street Fighter, outside, with our fists. Sometimes just in the grass but mostly out on a giant trampoline where super kicks and special moves proved more successfully accurate. Jumping over ten feet in the air to fall down into an uppercut that knocks you 14 feet to the ground. SO MUCH FUN.

When FFIX came out I played it without sleep for over 48hrs and I tried to minimize bathroom breaks. Delirium certainly set in but kids in the dorm would bring me snacks, so that was nice. (I just picked it up on psp. Man oh man, that game is still gorgeous.)

Similarly, when Final Fantasy XII came out, I happened to be homeless so I bought a 7.5inch TV, a playstation 2, (I had given mine away prior) and I snuck into the basement of Tulane's library to play. After beating it I took everything back to Best Buy. Well, everything but the game, that I gave to a good friend in Tennessee.

also, I have loved reading a lot of these stories. The kid who bit his SF2 box, classic. And so many, "who would have thunk it would bounce back into my face," stories. We are a classy group."

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Square Enix: Why won't you go out with me?

Tecmo: Because, you're a whore.

Hideo Kojima Mentions "Massive Ad Campaigns" And "Sell-Off Tactics"
Comment by: gique

He needs to put some jam on his shoes and invite his pants down for some breakfast.

Capcom Swears Off Console Exclusives
Comment by: GlibGamer

Bonus points to Capcom for sanity.

Could LittleBigPlanet Have Been Made On 360? Not Really
Comment by: PokeSmot

While LBP can't be made on 360, a 360 can be made in LBP.

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Come on guys, this is a take over, not a merger. SquareEnix would stay SquareEnix, and TECMO would become BITCH.

Grand Theft Auto For Wii? Take-Two Says...
Comment by: TheHeartless

GTA Wii Edition

A remake of the classic PSone hit! Complete with the following features:

-No improved graphics!
-Waggle hookers to death!
-Smack the Nintendo Wii Remote and Nunchuk together to hotwire cars faster!
-Multiplayer! Play up to 40 minigames featuring popular Nintendo characters in the bar, including darts, pool, and all the other "sports" that have worked with wild success in the past on with the Wii's innovative technology!
-Blood has been replaced, with the help of Stephen Spielberg and the Boom Blox team, by confetti! We hope to score an ESRB E10+ rating to expand this game to a "wider audience."

Coming Holiday, 2010 along with other Christmas hits like The Legend of Zelda: Save the Forest Again, and Mario Nebula!

Tecmo Rejects Square Enix's Takeover Offer
Comment by: KeroseneClimax

Yeah, I had a feeling this wouldn't happen. Despite a number of factual and rumored internal problems within Tecmo, I just don't see a plausible reason why they would consider Square-Enix's offer when it isn't really a necessity for them at this point. As long a they can stay afloat with their best selling titles (and hopefully taking the opportunity to create some new titles or/while improving old ones) they should be alright without any outside assistance...for the time being.

Well, there goes the disturbing mental image of Ryu Hayabusa riding a Black Chocobo being burned to ashes.

Capcom Confirms Resident Evil 5 Controls Change
Comment by: Sensai

I feel in the minority by saying this, but I really like (yes, as in presently) the controls for RE4. They just seemed to fit perfectly and be the perfect balance between the earlier RE games (shit, I can't see what I'm shooting at) and more modern shoot-em-ups, a la Gears.

Half of being scared in the original RE games was not knowing what was around the corner or knowing EXACTLY what was around the corner simply because of a mirror. Making Resident Evil into a run-and-gun is not doing it any service, it's killing the last thing that made it a scary game.

Why 7-Eleven Suddenly Loves Gamers
Comment by: Sekai

Japanese convenience stores have sold video games, dvds, music and concert/amusement park tickets for 10 years or more now.

The main thing holding back such glorious implementation in American stores is likely the security factor, what with our crime rate being an order of magnitude worse. Maybe this will take off and midnight release parties will become much much easier to get to. Or maybe a 7-11 clerk will get murdered and his shipment of Madden 2010 will get stolen and the practice will stop. Time will tell.

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Regurgitation takes time

Spore Penis Monsters Impress Will Wright
Comment by: Mister_Jack
Nominated by: Aex

You hear that people? He's impressed! This is a sign! If we impress him enough, he might decide to hire us to be on his design team! More! Send him more! Flood his inbox with screenshots of Cockzilla and Donkey Dong! DICKS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!!

Invaders! Indeed No Longer Playable At GC 08
Comment by: adocious
Nominated by: Cor-Wii

After three days of gleefully enjoying my piece's escalating publicity, I have just given my agreement to the organizers of the Leipzig Games Convention to simply turn off the installation Invaders! While I realize the arrogance of believing only the lowest common denominator might find issue with my "art," unfortunately my current understanding of "art" has totally obfuscated any potential aims of the piece. While I take full responsibility for the uncomfortable idiocy and irrelevance of this work, it was created merely to provoke controversy for publicity's sake. The American response to this work has been, frankly, predictable for obvious reasons, and lacking the "sophistication" and "consideration" that other parts of the world that weren't part of the national tragedy I made light of have shown in the work. I am an American, and it saddens me that we as a people remain so profoundly able to process "art" as a cry for attention and publicity by criteria of purely self-serving "artistic" representation. Due to these profound insights into my pathetic attempts to capitalize "artistically" on tragedy, I simply feel that from a business perspective, the work has lost the ability to advance my career, monetarily or otherwise. I have not been pressured by the Leipziger Messe, nor by the Computerspiele Museum in this decision - to the contrary, they have offered their support in defending the right of "artists" to offend in order to gain personal attention freely, and in whatever context they choose.

Douglas Edric Stanley

New PS2 Models Hitting US Stores
Comment by: Skunky
Nominated by: Essonse

They should market this new model as the "PS3 Backwards Compatibility Upgrade Kit" and show a picture of the PS2 duct-taped onto the top of a PS3.

Comment by: tzaketh
Nominated by: Karl Marx Vladimirs Linens

This is actually the best way this could have ended, I believe. No legal action was taken to remove it. There was no pressure, no censorship. Lots of people were offended by the piece, exercised their free speech in condemning it and letting the "artist" know they did not approve, and he removed it of his own volition. There was no censorship here. This is how freedom of speech is supposed to work. No one can force you to stop saying anything you believe, the government cannot step in and make you stop saying what you believe— but others have the free speech to drown you out, and make sure their contrary viewpoints are heard.

In my own opinion? There was no artistic value to that piece. It was created for controversy's sake, and the artist himself doesn't know what it's even supposed to mean, considering he changes his mind so much. I'm not all that offended as an American, because frankly, 3,000 people killed is tiny when compared with the civilian casualties in almost any other war since the invention of gunpowder. But I still think the work was boring, pointless, a waste of space, and worst of all, designed specifically to piss people off so this wannabe can get his name in the public eye.

Download Eight Hours of Arcade Cacophony
Comment by: Knoxximus (360/PSN)
Nominated by: Witzbold

I remember when Street Fighter 2 mania 1st hit Oahu, Hawaii.

My best friend up the street had the TurboGrafx-16 CD ROM with Fighting Street, and we played that shit all day long, trying to perfect fireballs, dragon puches, and hurricane kicks on that stiff ass d-pad. We would make jokes about how if they made a SF2, how all the combatants would be from different countries...and then we'd start imitating the announcer while saying different countries:

"Spaaaaaain"
"Porrrrtugaaaaal"
"Braaaazil"
"Afffffffrica"

We would crack our selves up trying to imagine what these various challengers would look at, all the while passing the controllers around to take turns with Ken and Ryu, the only playable characters in SF1 (for the uninitiated).

Then one day I went to their house, and his little brother and mother had just gotten back from the mall. I remember standing behind their minivan in the garage as my friends little brother pipped up with:

"They got Street Fighter 2 at Fun's!" (Slang for the Fun Factory, an arcade at the Pearlridge mall)

"Yeah right."

"Serious!"

"Come on, man....quit playin' with me. Shut up."

Then he started trying to describe the new challengers, like a big Russian wrestler whose "name starts with a Z", and "this Chinese chick. The announcer said 'Chiiinaaa" just like us!". So this went on for a little while, and just when I was starting to buy it, he went and said:

"...and there's this guy from Brazil. Name starts with a B...Banka or something...Blanka! Yeah, Blanka. He's green and makes electricity!"

That was when I was convinced that he was really in rare form and that I was being had. But he was so passionate about it I just played along after awhile. Kids will be kids, I thought. Granted, this was WAAAAAAAAAY before any type of internet or consistent news.

So the next weekend I go to the mall and hit the movies. I didn't even stop by the arcade 1st cause I was running late for the movie. So I get out of the movie, and the Friday night crowd afterschool/weekend crowd is in full effect. The escalator coming down (movieplex was on the 2nd level by itself) faced the Fun Factory. As I was riding down the escalator, I observed something I would never forget.

1st of all, the arcade had a LARGE opening, like no doors. They pulled those screen gates at closing to lock it up. The entrance itself was like the average mall stores width, like a gaping maw into heaven. Whenever they got a new, hot game, they would place 1-3 machines of said game near the front to attract attention.

There was a line coming out of it....a line that looked like people were waiting to watch Return on the Jedi on it's opening night. It stretched out of the arcade and passed in front of at LEAST 2 other stores ( a coffee shop and Foot Locker, if I remember correctly). I was like WTF is that about?

I hit the ground floor, stroll my way to where the line began, and lo and behold at the front of the arcade was two SF2 machines in all of their 16-bit, joysitcks-not-busted-yet glory. Brand SPANKING new.

I was in shock. I could NOT believe it. My boy's little brother was NOT FIBBING. There WAS a guy from Brazil named Blanka who could autonomously GENERATE ELECTRICITY. I stood there, transfixed. It was like a dream come true. I didn't dare get in that line that night....I came back and played it another day. But I watched it for a good hour and a half, mesmerized. The arcade tech came to empty the token basin of each machine at least once. Someone would accidentally do a special move (no gamefaqs back then) and everyone would let out a great big "OHHHHHHHH!!!".

It was epic. And I wish things where still like that when Street Fighter 4 hits.

Good times.

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Nice to see Microsoft making some strong sales in Japan, but no one had the forethought, with all the work they've put into Japanese-friendly software partnerships this year, to a least divert some consoles from other territories to Japan just in case their moves paid off? They work hard to get Last Remnant, Tales, Star Ocean IV, XIII, and Infinite Undiscovery on the 360 and then don't adequately prepare for the possibility these plans could work? That's a little strange. Usually I don't plan on my strategies failing— I understand the possibility, but I don't take a course of action unless I believe it will work. Apparently I've been doing it wrong.

Electronic Arts, Take-Two Break It Off, But Not For Long
Comment by: Quilt
Nominated by: karl_hungus

I'll say what a friend of mine says to me when I'm persuing a girl and fail:

"Did you ask her out?"
Yup, it didn't work.

"Did you bring her flowers?"
Yup, it didn't work.

"Did you take an interest in her hobbies?"
Yup, it didn't work.

"Did you tell her how you felt?"
Yup, she laughed.

"Did you try holding her down?"
Yu...wait, what?

Forgive Dad, He Knows Not What He Does
Comment by: The_Inquisitor
Nominated by: FP Bleentastic has cake

That's a pretty sturdy tree, not falling over from the weight of that thing.

Lionhead Patches Fable Pub Games Glitch, Community Offers Advice For Earning Big.
Comment by: Moonshadow101
Nominated by: liquid_kore

Step one: Disconnect from the internet.
Step two: ???
Step three: Profit!

Artist Explains WTC Space Invaders Exhibit at Games Convention
Comment by: wild homes loves you but chooses...
Nominated by: ca$h

We've made September 11, 2001 into a campaign platform, movies and miniseries, books, and justification to spend the lives of Americans to hunt down foriegn nationals on foriegn soil, a justification for detaining and torturing foreign nationals. We've allowed the events of that day to be turned into a climate of fearmongering that exists seven years later— we've allowed the telecommunications industry to spy on the people of our country, in the name of September 11, 2001. We as a nation implicitly condoned a culture of racial discrimination as a result of September 11, 2001. We as a population of the most powerful nation on Earth have willingly stood by to survive both the commercial and political exploitation of an attack on our country— stood by and watched as frightened reactionary voices fought to violate human rights and human decency for money and agendas. We endure all that, and yet some of you would talk about wanting to hurt another human being for using September 11, 2001, as a means to make a fairly harmless statement, even if an obvious and tasteless one, about exactly how we've failed to deal with September 11, 2001. That's just repulsive. You stand by while those events are used to justify criminal behavior and corruption and crass exploitation, but you get angry when someone exercises his constitutional rights? I don't know what that is, but it's not patriotism.

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With the original Wii-mote, the controls were only precise enough to allow for broad gestures and hand movements.

Apparently, the Wii MotionPlus's 1:1 control is so precise, it can actually detect when you're giving 3rd party developers the finger.

On the Road to PAX
Comment by: fourzerotwo
Nominated by: everybest

I think we all know how these sorts of trips end.

Brian gets dysentery.

You'll lose two bison attempting to ford the North Skunk river crossing.

And just before you reach PAX you'll all drown to death attempting to river raft your caravan of cars the rest of the way.

That said, I'll take a plane and meet you in Seattle.

Mega-Man vs. Concrete Man, Tornado Man, Magma Man
Comment by: Interstella5555
Nominated by: Rebochan

Oh if only I were any good at old school games I'd pick this up in a second...I think I''ll just pound my head against the table and save myself some cash :-)

Halo 3 Beats Out GTA IV, Portal, Wii Fit For Edge Innovation Award
Comment by: kainzero
Nominated by: CarbonFalcon

Halo 3 is definitely innovative. Throughout 3 games, they've managed to nerf and weaken weapons like the pistol and the BR and fall damage and the plasma pistol combo and SOMEHOW explain it in the story. That's skills right there.

Microsoft's European Failure Is The Mediterranean's Fault
Comment by: Vidunder
Nominated by: 天

Well, we have other things to do.

But seriously, here in Italy for example, there's a huge mass of nerds who own multiple consoles. Consoles are not a problem, I think. The main issue is games. I know people who own X360, PS3 and Wii but own just one or two games for each system. I'm one of them. I own X360 and Wii, and own just ONE game for 360 and 2 games for Wii.
Why? Because they're expensive and before spending €50 or so I want to be extra sure that the game complies to my tastes and it's worth all that money.

Portables are different, for example. Games are cheap, good and provide the same amount of hours of fun of a normal game. I own a PSP and a DS and like 20 games for PSP and 10 games for DS.

It's just like that. I don't like how Microsoft tries to always blame the others for their half-failures (or almost total failures, like Xbox).
People are ready to buy stuff. In Italy (and in Mediterranean Europe in general) home computers like Commodore 64 or Amiga had a devastating success.
This means that the right hardware and the right software CAN make the difference here and can conquer our hearts (and wallets). If Microsoft couldn't... well, too bad for you. Try harder.
Or maybe... with a more country-specific target? Oh and localize more games too. Mediterraneans can't speak English very well ;)

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Sack? SACK?! SAAAAACK!!!

You're No More A "Gamer" Than You Are A "Listener", "Watcher"
Comment by: The Whaleman
Nominated by: kennyd1

I am a Gamer.

Hath not a Gamer eyes? hath not a Gamer hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a non-Gamer is?

If you frag us, do we not bleed? if you critically miss us, do we not laugh? if you camp us, do we not cry? and if you grief us, shall we not revenge?

Sega Admit, OK, Sonic Has Been A Bit Crap Lately
Comment by: freakout
Nominated by: Elly

He comes so close to being right, too. Quoting from the article:

"This time around, with Sonic Unleashed, we got a great new engine, the Hedgehog engine, and that allows us to truly deliver the Sonic experience as it arguably should have been on the next-gen - you know, blending classic 2D gameplay with 3D, beautiful landscapes, rich environments."

My cup runneth over! Yes, yes, YES!

Oh, wait, you're still talking...?

"Then with a nice innovative twist, we're taking Sonic in a different direction, slow him down and he transforms into a 'Werehog.' And that changes the gameplay again. For fans of Sonic that have been looking for a next-gen experience, this is the game they've been waiting for."

No it isn't! Fuck you, Sean Ratcliffe. Proof that Sega STILL isn't listening to us. Please tell me where we asked for a Sonic game where you "slow him down" and "change the gameplay". We didn't. Asshole. (froth, fume, gurgle)

Peacemongers Protest Ubisoft HQ Over War Games Claims
Comment by: LanciePants
Nominated by: sisedi

I really admire these courageous protesters. Throwing down the shackles that society's overlords have placed on them and bravely marching against the very system whose greed rapes the world of it's beauty daily. You have to admit, they're really spearheading some new ground by protesting. These compassionate souls have sacrificed EVERYTHING they have for the betterment of others. True heroes one and all. Think of the millions of lives they saved with this solemn act of unity for peace, justice and tolerance. Great things are on the horizon because of their fearless act in the face of brutal repression. Truly one of the most inspirational feats I've ever been honored to witness.

Microsoft Clarifies Final Fantasy XIII Asia Version "Announcement"
Comment by: Amazon_Chris
Nominated by: CarbonFalcon

In other words:

MS: There are no plans. Keep your eyes open though, cause we're spontaneous and may make plans later. MS...AWAY!! *Wooooooosh*

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Also, that picture makes me chuckle.

"Hello. I'm a Mac."
"-and I'm a PC."
"Say P-"
"Fuck you Mac, I can run Crysis."

Kirby's Back And Not As Pissed In Kirby Super Star Ultra's Box Art
Comment by: Monsieur Fap★Fap!
Nominated by: BPMOmega

Michael McWhertor:
If you insist...

FUCK YOU, KING DEDEDE! FUCK YOU AND YOUR BIG FUCKING HAMMER! I'M GONNA TAKE THAT FUCKING GIANT HAMMER AND JAM IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR TIGHT BLUE PENGUIN MONSTER ASSHOLE, YOU DIRTY ROTTEN SKULL FUCKING COCK SUCKER! YOU STUPID SHIT FACED DICK LICKING JACK OFF! I just HATE YOU, AND I HATE YOUR ASS FACE!

. . .

AND FUCK YOU, TOO, META KNIGHT!!!!1!! I HOPE YOUR ASS HOLE GETS VIOLENTLY PENETRATED BY DARK MATTER!

Richard Garriott Wants Your DNA!
Comment by: Aye Mak Sicur
Nominated by: sqoon

What a coincidence! I want Richard Garriott's DNA!

Another Kuju Renamed - Headstrong Games
Comment by:
Nominated by: Pezdispenser

Remember when you were a kid, and you and your friends would make up little clubs for yourselves? They'd be totally exclusive (No Homers!), but the time would come where you had to choose a club name.

This is where everything would fall apart. One person wants the club called "Cyber Death Squad." Another wants it to be "My Little Pony Express." Fights would ensue. The result being the destruction of "Team Oblivion Thunder Horse."

The next week you'd do it all again. The cycle would get more brutal over time. Chains and baseball bats would be brought to club meetings.

Eventually the fat kid would be crushed by a large rock. A sort of morbid homage to Lord of the Flies. Parents would be horrified. There would be a police investigation. But blame could be spread throughout the numerous children, so it was no big deal.

I miss being a child.

Star Trek Online Officially Announced, First Screenshots
Comment by: Shiryu
Nominated by: Nirolak

Dammit, Jim, I'm a Healer, not a Tank!

Here Are The Top 20 Publishers In The Business, Ranked According To Cash Money Intake
Comment by: jgw
Nominated by: kingofallcosmos

Their methodology states that they carved out only the publishing divisions if applicable. Konami, which as a large slot machine business in Japan, actually booked a total of US$2.8bn vs the US$1.8bn reported here. I would guess Capcom and Sega Sammy to be similar. This is pretty much how you would do it if you were trying to get an apples to apples comparison.

HUGE GLARING ERROR 1
In the whole apples to apples scheme, they take console hardware to be a part of the entire publishing comparison, which makes sense if you are looking at each company's play into the console market. However, clearly you cannot compare Microsoft or Nintendo profit/loss to Ubisoft since one is strictly software and one is diversified. That would be like comparing a company that sells iPhone apps to Apple, which sells both the iPhone and its own apps.

HUGE GLARING ERROR 2
In instances where they had to look at divisions within larger companies (most notably Microsoft) and there was no further break out in their public statements, they had to look at the whole division. Most notably, Microsoft's Entertainment and Devices Division, which, according to their 10-K, includes the following:

"Xbox 360 console and games; Xbox Live; Zune; Mediaroom; numerous consumer software and hardware products (such as mice and keyboards); Windows Mobile software platform; Windows Embedded device operating system; and Windows Automotive."

HUGE GLARING ERROR 3
In instances where they had to look at these already-flawed divisions within companies, they are forced to look at operating profit/loss since tax treatment of those divisions isn't individual, but rather for the company as a whole. In short, they have mixed operating profit figures with net income figures. They are completely ignoring 30% tax rate for Japanese companies, 35% tax rate for American companies, and 33.33% tax rate for French companies. It would be like comparing my gross pay to your net pay after you deduct federal tax, state tax, social security, medical, dental, 401k, WageWorks bus pass, etc.

Am I the only one who wonders what in the flying fuck these people were thinking when they decided to publish this complete abomination they decided to call "analysis?" This isn't "oops I meant 101 million instead of 100 million;" this is like comparing Shakespeare to a Rubix Cube to the My Little Pony for the Xbox and presenting it to your entire Introduction to Writing class that one time freshman year when everyone laughed at me because my fly was unzipped and I stuttered the whole time and then later my little sister beat me up and called me a pussy.

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Why can't the spammers who say first at least be more creative? Like this:

OH JOYOUS DAY! I HAPPENED TO BE THE FIRST COMMENTATOR TO STUMBLE ACROSS THIS WEB-TYPE PAGE. I SHALL NOW EXCLAIM VICTORY OVER THE INFERIOR. HUZZAH!

HMMM... WHAT'S THIS? A BANHAMMER OF EPIC POWER? WIELDED BY A LOWLY BARD? HA, FOOLS!"

Interview: EA Boss Riccitiello Aims To Win You Over
Comment by: Kanik
Nominated by: Tyber_Zann

No, he doesn't look like Darth Vader. But he does have the look of Imperial scum though!"

New Sonic Wii Game Revealed, Brings Much Needed Swordplay To Series
Comment by: AntiheroKing
Nominated by: Nirolak

True, true. Though I still think neither idea has enough merit to follow through on, the very concept of Sonic turning into a big, tough monster is aneurysm inducing. I believe the meeting must have gone something like this:

Guy 1: I've got it. Let's have Sonic turn into a werewolf. No, fuck that. A "werehog"! Haha, God damn I'm a genius.

Guy 2: ...But, why would he turn into a werewolf?

Guy 1: Werehog.

Guy 2: Uh, right. Werehog. I mean, Sonic's never had that power, not in the games, any of the animated series... Really, the closest thing is when he turns into Super Sonic.

Guy 1: Super Sonic is old news, man. I'll tell you what the fans want - GRITTY! You know how many times I heard that word in the past month alone? Everybody is making gritty games. In fact, I think we should make the game entirely shades of brown and grey!

Guy 2: You didn't answer my question, though. How are we supposed to explain why Sonic suddenly turns into a werehog?

Guy 1: What the fuck do I care? I dunno, make Dr. Robotnik use the Chaos Emeralds to curse him or something.

Guy 2: But the Chaos Emeralds never -

Guy 1: GRITTY!"

Killing Zombies With My Best Girl
Comment by: deathbunny
Nominated by: theblackgate

*clear throat* *taps microphone*

ahem.

I've got jungle FE-ver! I've got JUNgle feVER,
I've got jungle FE-ver! I've got JUNgle feVER!

Madden Soundtrack Coming to Rock Band DLC
Comment by: Len Bias Cocaine Surplus
Nominated by: Nirolak

Yeah fuck them for adding more DLC to an ever expanding list of DLC they have been adding to every week since the game came out. Worst company ever for giving us more music.

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1. I don't work. I just do interviews and photoshoots all day while ego surfing. ;)

2. The bigger, blah blah thing has been retired for a month. Yeah, it got old. I got tired of hearing it come out of my own mouth.

3. I no longer want to be called The Cliffster. I want to be called Dude Huge.

Soul Calibur IV - So Who Is Algol Anyway?
Comment by:
Nominated by: Ben

Bad-ass or no, that is one stoopid haircut.
It's like dreadlocks and a mullet got drunk and had sex under a Soviet x-ray machine.

Jade's Next Game - I Am Alive
Comment by: Cogito
Nominated by: shaunomacx

@damienchowder: @Pete193:
@ everyone else on this thread that wants to "spooge" or "hit it."
Please, for the love of intelligent conversation everywhere, shut the fuck up.
It's embarassing to me that I even have to point this out, and it should be even more embarassing that it has to be pointed out to you, but your comments add nothing to the discussion, are sexist, and ignorant. It's wading through trash like this that prevents me from frequenting most sites, and Kotaku is one of the few that keeps goons like off of it's channel. Unfortunately, someone forget to lock your cages this morning, or something.
This article is about Jade Raymond the game developer. She is a woman, and some people think she is attractive. And that's all anyone should say about that. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to read shit like this when I want to actually be informed of something, or parse through someone's comments or opinions, be they insightful or witty.
I understand the conversational nature of this blog, I realize that many stories are posted with "suggestive" material, and I recognize an attempt at humor and playfulness. But this shit is crossing the line. What line? The one of grace, class, and decency.
Perhaps some of you haven't reached the real world yet, and realize that you must treat others with respect, but when you do I imagine you'll change your tune to something akin to mine...either that or remain forever compared to a 12-year old.
Every time we have a story even remotely suggestive we get the morons crawling out of the woodwork...be it racism, sexism, ignorance, antipathy, relgious persecution, anti-country propaganda (pick your nation, they all get hate equally), xenophobia or just plain indecency.
Think about what you write before you write it. Think long and hard. And for the love of god, if you're wrong and you know it, don't try to justify your position under some ignorant title like "everyone else is doing it!" or "freedom of speech!" or "this isn't even the worst thing that has happened on this blog!" or whatever else you may dredge out of the black hole you call a mind.
There is no call for this behavior in any social setting. Anyone calling themselves educated should know to avoid this kind of junk, and certainly how to deal with it. Usually the best way is to ignore it and let the trolls deal with themselves, but I've had enough of it. Why? Because this pollution you call comments is messing up my favorite site. I didn't come here to read what you think about Jade Raymond and why you want to date her. I came here for some humor and information and gossip about video games. If you want to talk shit, go to 4chan or gamefaqs.
I'm spologize to everyone that's been acting normal through this; you shouldn't be subjected to this comment as much as you shouldn't have to read thiers'. But something needs said, and something needs done.
I'll get off my soapbox now. Keep it clean and keep it civil, please, or don't bother.

Too Human Demo Coming To LIVE Next Week
Comment by: wild homes
Nominated by: EnigmaNemesis

Something about this demo reminds me of a certain conversation on Dagobah. I can just picture Dyack and Yoda.

'What about NeoGAF? Will it explode?'

'Hard to see. Always in motion, the future is.'

I've got to release this demo.'

'Decide you must, how to screw GAF best. If you release a demo now, destroy their illusions you could; but you would destroy all over which they have fought, and suffered.'

Check Out SoulCalibur IV's Darth Vader Stage In Action
Comment by: ShaggE
Nominated by: mind in rewind

God forbid a couple of people have fun playing a demo. Yeesh. What'd you expect?
"Why, I do believe I am partaking of some "SoulCalibur"..."
"Quite right, friend. Quite right."
"I tire of this. Fetch me my Penny-Farther, would you?"
"Quite."

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Oh man, you guys totally missed the rape scene. You get like a million points for it too.

Denis Dyack Tells Too Human Trolls "Put Up Or Shut Up"
Comment by: okenny :)
Nominated by: Madeira

I'm all for people calling out internet stupidity as they see fit. The people he's talking to know who they are. It's fucking stupid that we have to live like this in human society. I live through these pins and needles moments at work daily where someone says something that's so true but "everyone" knows it's corporate suicide, burning bridges... the bullshit flows. We read fairy tales about the king with no close to learn values like having the courage to speak out and we quickly denounce someone who does so.

I'll sure I'm not the first to feel this way but it may not be the optimal business strategy (and really, whose to say it isn't) but God bless Mr. Dyack for standing up to a literal hoard of unbridled idiots who shoot off the mouth words of absolute ignorance. He has the kind of courage I would want if I invested years of my life into making something I believed was amazing.

Ever Re-Name A Video Game?
Comment by: Polterg3ist
Nominated by: Luis

When I was a young boy, everyone in my family called my original gameboy, perhaps out of spite or some form of perverse humor, the "Nofriendo". I curl up and cry in my bed nightly to this day.

Connecticut Senator Searching For "Rape Scene" In GTA IV
Comment by: wild homes is weathering...
Nominated by: 天雷

We haven't really acquitted ourselves very well, here. Most people have been pretty reasonable, or have done well to take the whole thing lightly— to simply laugh it off, because it absolutely IS ridiculous. Nothing will come of it, except possibly for a little coverage on Fake News or the Glenn Beck hour or whatever. So it's because of just that— the absolutely PREPOSTEROUS nature of the story— that the more disgusting comments in this thread are all the more abhorrent. Do any of you (and mind, this doesn't apply to most of us, just to the idiots) really think it's OK to call this woman a whore? A bitch? I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest this woman might be older than a lot of you— did your parents raise you to think it was OK to talk shit about your elders, even when they're wrong, possibly even clueless? The neat thing about what this woman does for a living is that she has to follow rules. She can't just go and outlaw whatever she wants, or create new holidays for random crap— there are procedures for doing things. I just wish there were procedures around here to stop some of you from being douchebags whenever gaming comes under fire— even if the fire is coming from a completely confused congresswoman with an idea powerful as a Nerf gun.

Hey Girls! Become a Boogie Superstar!
Comment by: elementary
Nominated by: bigman88zz

The worst part is they don't even let their staff wear flip-flops. Casual Studios my Ass!

Let Pokemon Show You The Haruhi Dance
Comment by: kidnicky
Nominated by: DavidRS

@dreamy-moon:

I can clear that up for you. You see, these little characters are monsters from a new Game Boy game called Pokemon. It looks like it's going to be a hot new fad.

Want to nominate comments? Send to tips any insightful or funny comments you read from other commenters. (Read: NOT YOURSELF). Be sure to include the post's URL, the commenter's page, the actual comment and your commenter page.

Also know: Dip into tool territory and we'll ban yer ass. And quick! And better yet, guess what next monday is....

The comments section is as good as the commenters make them. Nominate the comments you like for HMT, and the commenters you don't for BM. Start making your lists, checking them twice!

If Capcom is going to own my likeness, it damn well also be a zombie in Dead Rising 2.

Jackie Boy Gets A Visit From A Couple Of US Marshals
Comment by: plantationace
Nominated by: thejakeman

(US Marshalls approach Jack Thompsons house)

Marshall 1: So hows the wife?

Marshall 2: Things are getting pretty good. Babies startin' to look like me more everyday. Hows it going with your girl?

Marshall 1: Oh. Well. Let's just say, I'm getting more action from my vaccum than from her!

(Marshalls knock on door. There's a loud commotion with lots of witless, dry cursing and commentary violence in videogames.)

(Jack Thompson answers door in the nude)

Marshall 1: ....Excuse me...Mr...Thompson?

Wacko Jacko: GOOD GOD THEY'VE FINALLY HIRED ASSASINS!

Marshall 2: Excuse me? We're here to speak with you about your let...

(Thompson begins to scream)

Thompson: THEY WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! NEVER!

Marshall 1 & 2: We're here to remind you, sincerly, that you are an IDIOT!

Legal Mess Over Euro Alone In The Dark Reviews
Comment by: Touy
Nominated by: dan

I love how we have that great post on the 7 Deadly Sins for game reviews and everyone says "Yeah! Fuck scores!", then we come over here and everyone's got their panties in a twist over a 3/10. You guys that wanted a thumbs up thumbs down system? There's your thumb. And it's pointed in a decidedly southern direction."

Pac-Man T Shirt Spreads The Word
Comment by: Kyattsuai
Nominated by: Dariendude17

Said Pac-Man to his disciples upon completion of the second level, "fear not thine ghosts, and may they chase thee to the left of the screen, trust that thou growest twofold in size and chase thine ghosts to the right of the screen, and so shalt they be blue with humbleness."

Can I get a wakka wakka.

NPD's PC Sales Charts: May
Comment by: freakout
Nominated by: Nirolak

Sorry, I must have missed the study that showed every pirated copy = lost sale...?

Not to disagree that piracy has been a constant thorn in the side of the PC industry; just that there's many, many factors involved in its decline. Such as:

*Console graphics nowadays are generally good enough for even the most hardcore graphics whores. Used to be you could only get quality 3D experiences on the PC. Not true anymore.

*Consoles now offer online services.

*A lot of companies don't make PC versions of their biggest games, or else leave them on the self and only release months after the console version.

*PC games are more complicated to install and set up.

*Rightly or wrongly, the perception exists that PC gaming is significantly more expensive than console gaming. This also pushes more people to piracy.

*DRM just gets worse. And worse. And worse.

That's just off the top of my head; I'm sure the rest of the readership could come up with more examples. The point is that there's no silver bullet to fix the pathetic state of PC gaming, but they could start with:

*Less DRM
*Value-adding content for legitimate users (books, posters, cool manuals etc in the box)
*Lower prices
*Find some way to kill the console industry stone dead.

Then they should turn the angry yellow eye on piracy...

Leaked "Crucible" Is Oblivion Designer's New Console RPG
Comment by: InsidiousTuna
Nominated by: MaxS

Cool! Looks badass. Blue shit everywhere, large sword. I'm intrigued.

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I guess the acceptable plural for the Nintendo Wii has just become Wii. Like sheep, or moose.

"We can see the herd of Wii roaming the countryside."

Sid Meier Won't Turn His Back On Wii
Comment by: Palladium
Nominated by: Crawl to China

Wii Civilize!
Play many different Civilization based Minigames using the Wiimote.
Move your Wiimote around vaguely to sow the fields to grow crops.
Connect the dots on a puzzle with a million dots to unlock nuclear secrets.
Use the Wii Fit Balance board to maintain "Political Balance".
Troops will automatically build and manage themselves.
Resource management has been eliminated, because that was confusing icky, and too hard.
Instead, you'll play a Bejeweled, and a variety of cheap flash minigames to gain the money you need, which will be distributed automatically in a way which guarantees you win.
Famous historical figures will be replaced with Mii versions of themselves.
The game comes packed in with a "Rake Attachment", "Pointer Attachment", "Magical Floating Hand Attachment", and a "Baseball Bat", just for the hell of it.
And, naturally, to play the way it was intended, you'll also have to buy a proprietary accessory that works with Wii Civilize alone.

Old Snake Says Don't Litter, Smoking Is Bad For You
Comment by: /Ethereus
Nominated by: Dayvie

*draws weapon*
*install menu*

We are installing the Stinger Missile into your PS3. Please hold.

Did you know what stinger missiles pack a punch? That's right! Shooting them has detrimental effects to you and those around you, particularly infants, children, and the elderly.

Have consideration for others when choosing to stinger.

Mounted AoC Camper is Patient, Contemplative
Comment by: Bakeroo
Nominated by: Egon's Cartoon Hair

"Conan, what is best in life?"

"To position your horse at a precipice , knock your enemies off the edge, and hear the lamentations of their saxophones."

Billy Mitchell Manages to Make Himself Look Like an Even Bigger Ass
Comment by: Scrapple

If you have five dollars and Billy Mitchell has five dollars, Billy Mitchell has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Billy Mitchell's computer. Billy Mitchell is always in control.

Apple pays Billy Mitchell 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Billy Mitchell can sneeze with his eyes open.

Billy Mitchell can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Billy Mitchell is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Billy Mitchell destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Billy Mitchell can kill two stones with one bird.

Microsoft Responds To May NPD Sales, Seems Pleased
Comment by: okenny
Nominated by: PeteeWJ, Captain Impulse

The price drop alone isn't enough to sustain long performance. Think of it this way. A price drop is like KY Gel. Sure it feels good while putting it on but if thats all you do then that was a short (no pun intended) and ineffective. The key here is to restore faith in the brand with the GPU issue resolved: This will achieve penetration. If you have penetration with out the the KY gel then things will be tight but rough and can create unwanted friction for people who just aren't ready to take you in. This could lead to a shorter climax and generally unsatisfactory results. MS can be successful if they take the steps to restore band confidence and use price drops to moisten the people who they are trying to penetrate and therefore achieve achieve a larger and deeper penetration at a much higher point of climax. The smoothness of this push will lead to a longer lasting success.
I think that this experience they are going through now is a humbling experience that will teach MS the importance of its consumers so hopefully when they climax, they won't Houdini us.

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Hey now you heard them.

These games cost a lot of money to get people to buy. Hundreds of people went to college for 4, or even more, years to obtain the skills necessary to convince a 10 year old girl that she wants a technologically advanced diary and a simulation of a baby care. if you were legally allowed to only use a baby for competition.

This is someone's life, and they most likely have a drinking problem because of it.

Kiljaeden Dead, Burning Cursade Ends, Everyone Moves On
Comment by: cordsie
Nominated by: KaneRobot

It's all over. Blizzard are taking down the servers as we speak. Congratulations to everyone.

Reviewers Can't Talk About MGS4 Cutscenes, Install?
Comment by: wild homes
Nominated by: jesp3r

The first rule of Metal Gear Solid 4 is, YOU DO NOT DISCUSS THE MANDATORY HARD DRIVE INSTALLATION.

The second rule of Metal Gear Solid 4 is, YOU DO NOT DISCUSS THE 90-MINUTE CUTSCENES.

Solid Snake, if this is your first installment of Super Smash Brothers, you have to fight.

The Worst of Ubidays 08
Comment by: hk458 and Nirolak
Nominated by: mind in rewind

hk458
Adding a Z doenst make things cute...when will pple learn =/

Nirolak
@hk458: Likely neverz.

hk458
@Nirolak: Onoz!!!

Rumor: Square Enix President Laying Down The Law
Comment by: VileMethoD
Nominated by: Sixtail

As I've said in previous posts. The remakes and production costs are definitely not enough to sustain Square. I would assume their shareholders are not pleased at all. (As I also said)

I still stand by my word that sometime in the near future there is going to be a major internal management change due to shareholder pressure. It's a natural course of action when a business isn't doing as well as it should be.

Wada also has to understand that the games are not alienating themselves from the mainstream, the company is. It once again comes back to the fact they they are taking entirely way too long on all franchises. The games they make work. However the length they take to make such games is what's entirely wrong. The production costs begin to sore so high from this long development that it cuts the profits made when the game is released. Now, I'm not saying that they should rush their games, but it comes to a point where you need to allocate the resources you have to get these titles finished and on shelves. That's all there is to it. DQ9 should not as a DS game take anywhere near this long to complete. FF13 and FFv13 are two more titles that since announcement have been seemingly moving at a snails pace. These games are not special. Look at the industry as a whole and look at the extremely good games that have come out during this console generation. Some were not even in development half as long as some of Squares games.

There is nothing wrong with Squares games, or the fans desire to play their games. The problem solely falls on Square having problems with themselves.

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One last thing: Next Monday should be fun!

I hear the Playstation 4 is being built from liquid VX8-nerve gas encased in depleted uranium. The controllers are built from baby seals, puppies and two square miles of rainforest.

Olympic Committee Prez Doesn't See "Real" Success In Video Games
Comment by: spectheintro
Nominated by: huginn

Are we really so defensive of our hobbies that now we refuse to recognize them for what they are?

Games provide absolutely no lasting merit to the person who completes them. You don't walk away from a game that you've "mastered" with any meaningful accomplishments—you are not more physically fit, you are not healthier, you are not substantially more intelligent. You have simply mastered a small set of skills that will have absolutely no impact on the rest of your life. And it doesn't matter how difficult it was to master those set of skills; simply because something is difficult does not make it worthwhile. Games exist, fundamentally, to emulate the real world (or a fantasy world.) In fact, the only times a game succeeds in breaking away from emulation and wanders into creation or other "real" endeavors (i.e. not pretending to be doing something that one could feasibly do in a real or fantasy world) are when it strays away from the "gaming." (Note that I am only talking about the act of playing games—creating a game is an entirely different story.)

This does not make games less worthwhile. And if you read the article, he's not advocating watching the Olympics over playing video games. He's lamenting the fact that interest in sport, overall, has dropped off—and he even states that it's not just a medical thing. And he's right: we're not just getting heavier because of the food that we eat; our attitudes have shifted pretty dramatically as well. And this isn't a good thing. Everyone acts like sports are some way to get picked on and tormented and quite frankly it's bullshit—I was a fat nerd in elementary and middle school and I *loved* playing sports. I just happened to love playing video games and reading books more, but as I've grown, I've found that being physically active and having face-to-face interactions with my peers is much more meaningful and satisfying than gunning down someone in CoD 4. (Although that, too, is awesome.)

It's not always about competition and "being the best," and I can't fathom why so many posters here act as if every athlete conforms to the "asshole jock" stereotype. I have witnessed MUCH more virulent denigration and overall assholishness on Xbox Live and WoW than I have *ever* seen displayed on a sports field.

Games are what they are—games. I'll be the first to admit that not all sports are created equal. But *any* activity where I am interacting with the physical world and doing something *real* is inherently more meaningful than a game, where I'm only pretending to do so. The things that could make the game more meaningful—an intellectually (or emotionally) stimulating story, beautiful music, gorgeous art—are all things that are not intrinsic to gaming, but are instead tacked on to complement the gameplay.

There's nothing wrong or insulting about those statements. It sure as hell isn't going to make me stop gaming.

Wii Gamers Are Hardcore Gamers
Comment by: megaStryke
Nominated by: Sixtail

It'll never stop with you people, will it? The proof is right in front of you yet you continue to ignore it:

The "hardcore" claimed that the Wii would bomb right out the gate because it was underpowered and not sold at a loss. PS3 and 360 were expected to shoot up like nobody's business. Yet, the Wii proved them wrong.

The "hardcore" then claimed that Nintendo was abandoning the hardcore. Yet, in the past year and a half, Nintendo BY THEMSELVES released some of the most critically acclaimed games from their core stable. In fact, it was completely unprecedented that Nintendo could squeeze out a major Zelda title, a Metroid Prime title that proved FPS controls on the Wii, a Mario game that has rivaled the mighty Mario 64 in most circles, the sequel to the GameCube's best-selling Melee, and even more specialized fare in titles like Battalion Wars and Fire Emblem.

The "hardcore" then claimed that it was not these games that were selling but Wii Sports and Wii Play and nothing else. In fact, no one was buying anything else because the only consumers of the Wii were little kids and old people who only ever buy one game and then no more! Yet, Nintendo's software-to-hardware ratio is rising faster than any console before it. It exceeds that of the PS3 globally, and in many regions it has surpassed that of the 360. In the US, the Wii has sold more software per system than either the PS3 and the 360, and its tie ratio is set to surpass that of the 360 around the time that it finally overtakes the 360 in console sales.

The "hardcore" then claimed that the Wii is targeting another market entirely and will go completely "casual" (which would imply that they contradict themselves in that there aren't "hardcore" titles). They don't believe that companies would ever want to develop titles directed at them when only "garbage" sells and "AAA masterpieces" fly on other systems. Yet, we hear major announcements like Monster Hunter 3 jumping from the PS3 to the Wii, Namco slowly bringing RPGs like Tales of Symphonia 2 and Fragile over, Grasshopper and Tecmo working hard on Fatal Frame IV, and recently Sega and platinum games pushing a new franchise in MadWorld. This of course doesn't account for the many companies who have yet to OFFICIALLY announce their wares.

The "hardcore" then claim that the Wii isn't innovating or disrupting this industry. It's clearly holding everyone back. Yet, we hear about companies going under or merging because of major underperformance. Sega merged with Sammy, Atari disappeared from the NASDAQ, etc. etc. Multimillion-dollar projects fail to generate enough revenue to offset the massive costs. It's a path that, should the industry continue to follow, will lead to massive closures left and right canceled projects, despite industry spending rising year to year. So Nintendo creates a platform that hopes to slow the rising costs of development. A platform where risks can be made without the fear of dipping deep into the red zone. This is a GOOD direction.

The "hardcore" then make more and more excuses. The hardware sells. The software sells. Companies are moving the developments onto the Wii and those that refuse WILL be strong-armed by their publishers because the market leader should not be ignored. It's a much-needed refresh for the entire industry, and yet the "hardcore" cannot fathom how this could be any good?

The "hardcore" can't fathom how anyone could legitimately like the Wii and its games.

The "hardcore" can't fathom how this machine continues to sell month after month.

The "hardcore" can't fathom how they are not the center of the universe.

The "hardcore" won't admit that there is a solid experience to be had on the Wii.

The "hardcore" won't admit that expanding a market will create long-lasting consumers. Maybe not all of them, but you have to attract customers initially somehow.

The "hardcore" won't admit that the Wii is positioned as a device that reminds everyone that even the simplest pleasures can be the most enjoyable.

The "hardcore" won't admit any of this because they feel entitled to everything. They need everything right NOW. The Wii isn't everything, so they throw fits because it is "destroying gaming" and any evidence that proves the opposite is ignored.

What do they do? The "hardcore" ask for more evidence. They don't really want evidence but rather proof that the Wii is pure hellspawn. If there is some positive Wii news, they want some statistics that show that people are stuffing Wiis in the closet. If the attach rate goes up, they want to have often consumers are REALLY playing those games and how many are licensed garbage.

And should anyone ever insinuate that the Wii is anything but pure casual trash (say, for instance, that it is for anyone and everyone), then THIS happens. And you all should be ashamed for calling yourselves gamers.

Breaking Into The Industry
Comment by: kyouryuu
Nominated by: Irixyu

"It's no wonder that just having an education or degree in game development will not automatically translate into a job in the industry."

No kidding, Sherlock. That's perhaps the most telling part of his whole essay. It says, "I bought an education, I got a slip of paper that says I'm experienced, now give me a job."

That mentality is typical of graduates from trade schools. Your DeVrys, Universities of Phoenix and Collins Colleges. These places have no positive reputation because everyone knows that given enough money, they'll hand over whatever degree you want. More damaging, they lure prospects into believing that the school can teach them everything they need to know to instantly get a job.

That's a lie, plain and simple, and if you put all of your faith into one of these .com colleges, you are sabotaging your chances.

I've interviewed many candidates for design positions. Speaking from a design standpoint, if you are an applicant looking to break into the industry, mod experience is huge. Mod experience tells me two things:

- One, it tells me that you went out on your own to learn a skill and master it to the point where you can contribute to a major project. You are a self-starter (this is huge!). You've already gone above and beyond the million-and-one faceless and naive DeVry graduates.

- Two, it tells me you can work in a team environment, even if the team is scattered across the world. You have to confer with others, meet deadlines, and worry about things people in the industry have to worry about.

There are varying degrees of mods, of course. Obviously, you want to participate in a good mod that has a chance of being successful rather than some random total conversation your friend Bob came up with last Monday. Likewise, if you are the kind of person who builds maps just for the hell of it, then more power to you. Most of the legions of bright-eyed trade school graduates can't profess that, and this tells me you are truly passionate about what you do.

The bottom line is, if you're trapped in one of those trade schools, you have to go above and beyond your peers. Cause they took the same course you did and completed the same projects you completed. Tell me why I should hire you instead of the hundreds of others out there.

A Week In Comments
Comment by: Garro
Nominated by: I_hate_this_Place

I have the freedom of speach to call people what I damn well please. Now, if I were to do it repeatedly and persistantly, then it's harassment.

Look, human rights is a serious issue, but XBL is HARDLY the place to start carrying that torch. Are we REALLY giving words that much power? Seriousley?

They're words, over the internet, for all of 10 minutes.

Bigotry is always going to be an issue, no matter where you are, and I think it seriousley undermines the core fight when people react so strongly to these people over XBL or the internet as a whole.

I'm not saying you shouldn't mute them and file a complaint, I'm just saying, Cchrist is blowing this way out of proportion.

Everyone talks about desensitization to violence and what not in the media, but no one talks about America being TOO sensitive to things like this. When we start giving words the power to tear down our reasoning, shackle up our ability to think, and turn us into raving monsters about injustice and righteousness, we have a serious problem.

The civil rights movement was a powerful moment in America's history, and many people are still fighting that fight. They're fighting for real issues, real discrimination and real bigotry that's institutionalized. These days, you're only hurting that fight when you start swinging that hammer of "racism" this and "homophobia" that for every god damn little thing.

No, bigotry isn't gone. No, not everything is equal. And that makes it all the more imperitive that people stay focused on important isues, and not worrying so much about this small shit. If that little speach was given about a black guy being called a nigger at school or work in a threatening way, then fine, more power to the people who stand with him in defending himself. But we're talking XBL, the internet, complete anonymity and totally forgetable events.

The great irony of all this is that the so-called victims don't seem to be in nearly as large an uproar as many Kotakuites so eaily slip into. I've played countless games where derogatory slurs of all sorts were thrown around, and the peole on the recieving end responded in kind. The way you paint the picture, I'd expect the Black Panthers to be busting down doors and making citezens arrests for hate speach.

It's time to wake up and smell the fucking cofee: the times we live in now aren't 40 years ago, and such a strong sentiment regarding this issue is akin to donning powerpuff crusader armor and bopping the big bad biggot monsters with the wand o' warm fuzzies. Save all that for real issues, for real problems, not this nonsense.

The time to stand up and fight for equality is NOT going to come from XBL.

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Maybe I'm just a jaded old gamer, but I fail to see how EA will create a true holographic interface. Unless, of course, they develop a new type of 'television' that we haven't seen before. Seeing as how I don't see that happening anyti— ok never, I would like to take this opportunity to address EA.

Dear EA,
False promises only work for doctors and governments. The reason they work for these two groups is because by the time you are able to realize it is a lie, you are probably dead. Following this logic, I am pleading for you to NOT kill the customers.

More Ubisoft Games on Steam, 96 Percent of World's Population Still Can't Play Them
Comment by: Artful Dodger
Nominated by: Majorasblaze

Ubisoft Exec 1: Hey, great news: we finally got the clearance to release a bunch of classic games on Steam.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Oh awesome. That'll definitely bring in some nice revenue for Q3.

Ubisoft Exec 1: Yeah, they asked if we wanted to make the games available for purchase worldwide, but I told them to kiss off.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Well of course, you've gotta- wait, WHAT?

Ubisoft Exec 1: I told them to kiss off.

Ubisoft Exec 2: I know, but WHY?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Well, I was gonna tell them to kiss my ass, but that seemed a little rude.

Ubisoft Exec 2: No, no. Why did you tell them we didn't want to release the games worldwide? Wouldn't we make a lot more money that way?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Well... no.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Uh, how do you figure?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Because we live in the United States dummy. We use American money. If we let foreigners pay us, we're gonna get crazy foreign money.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Like what?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Like "pounds". That's what they use in England, "pounds". They don't even use money, they use weights.

Ubisoft Exec 2: That's no good.

Ubisoft Exec 1: Exactly. You know what they use in Russia? Rubles. I mean, what the fuck is a ruble?

Ubisoft Exec 2: Ruble... isn't that some sort of fruit?

Ubisoft Exec 1: I dunno, probably. I mean, what are we gonna do with a million rubles except snack on them? Sorry, but I didn't get into this industry to eat rubles all day.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Yeah, that sounds stupid. Good call. Hey, speaking of snacks, you wanna grab some lunch?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Ahh I can't, I have to get my tires rotated. I told the guy at the shop that my tires are rotating fine, but apparently they've got some high-tech procedure they gotta do.

Bayonetta Sells Itself In 36 Seconds
Comment by: Ex_EA_Slave
Nominated by: user.error

Meh, stiletto pistols. Now a pistol bra, that would be worth seeing. Or a canon diaphragm.

Perhaps The Stupidest Anti-GTA Vid You'll See Today
Comment by: stevesan
Nominated by: futurebiblehero

*sigh*

Conservative estimates put the civilian death toll of Iraq at around 100 thousand. That's about 100 thousand innocent people dead thanks to a war based on, at best, complete incompetence and national stupidity. And here we have Glen Beck talking about a fucking video game, as if once we get rid of video games, all our problems would be solved.

Our media loves to hang on to these insignificant issues because it helps to maintain an illusion of rigorous journalism. If they can say something controversial and "to the point" about insignificant news, then that excuses them from being controversial about real issues. Real issues, such as the civilian death toll of Iraq and the inevitable consequences.

Not to mention other real issues, such as poverty in the lower class. Real issues that, if fixed, would actually address the root cause of violence.

Food can cause death if you're already unhealthy. Should we get rid of food because of that?

Metal Gear Movie Update
Comment by: 108
Nominated by: kcorbo

Let's go ahead and say that, if Paul Thomas Anderson is directing and Hideo Kojima is involved as a producer, that pretty much means it's going to be a good movie. Don't even think of it as a "videogame" movie. Think of it as a "movie".

PTA is the man who made a thoughtful comedy-drama about the 1970s pornography industry somehow flow like an action flick; he spent three hours building up fourteen ad-lib-heavy plot lines in "Magnolia", only to destroy them all with a ridiculous injection of the supernatural (probably the only part of the movie that was set in stone from the beginning).

And above all this, PTA is a man who looked at Adam Sandler's comedic works, noticed their trend toward outbursts of freakish angry violence, and made it a personal quest to write a "Meta-Adam-Sandler Flick", which turned out to be "Punch Drunk Love", which was, whether you like it or not, pretty amazing from a technical standpoint. I mean, he turned "Billy Madison" and "Happy Gilmore" into art. That's impressive, in this bullshit Hollywood world.

So: I'm prettttttttttttty sure if PTA is confirmed as the director, it's not going to be a "Generic Super-Soldier Action Movie". I'm pretty sure that he, if no one else, would be able to understand that the heart of "Metal Gear Solid" isn't the soldiers and the "action", it's the . . . atmosphere.

I'd expect something like Shakespeare, with nuclear missiles and giant robots and soliloquies and deceptively simple character relationship dynamics.

The story of the first game could be compressed and made into a pretty spectacular two-and-a-half-hour movie.

The Difficulty of (Games') Difficulty
Comment by: Uzumaki_Kiba
Nominated by: Gree-clad Gamer Dude

I think I'm in the group of people who prefer really difficult games.

It's not because I'm an elitist asshole who considers himself "hardcore," and just wants bragging rights about how easy Ninja Gaiden was for him.

It's just that... When I think back, all of my favorite video game experiences have been moments wherein I triumphed over some great video game evil. When a villain kicked my ass so thoroughly and for such a prolonged period of time, that I actually began to see him as an evil fucking villain. When my motivation, although entirely different, was just as passionate as my character's.

When you just want more than anything for that fucker to die, and after hours of being slaughtered (slightly less severely each time), you finally manage to end his miserable life.. Ah, it's euphoric.

Now, I realize that this could also be accomplished more accessibly with a superb story or a high level of interactivity/non-linearity. But there's something about that video game feel that an incredibly immersive, non-linear, interactive story just can't match for me. I like to feel like I'm playing a game, sometimes. Life bars and continues and impossible boss fights. It gets me nostalgic. It makes me remember why our hobby is the best in the world.

Can't We All Just Get Along?
Comment by: Cchrist
Nominated by: DaiMacculate

Are you really that closed minded that instead of dealing with a bigot you stay away from a confrontation?

When someone gets beaten up in the street do help or do you look away and walk past as quickly as possible? Oh god do you stand there and watch?

This isn't a problem of anonimity its a worldwide problem! Racism and Discrimination is on the rise. In europe and russia extreem right wing fascist kids are being given a green light in the name of freedom of speech and democracy.

Well guess what? Calling someone a F***** or N***** is NOT part of free speech. It's rasicm ad discrimination and i don't know in what country you live in but in my country those are crimes. Too bad no one pays any attention to the law anymore.

Did you know that you can DO SOMETHING about bigots and racists? Report tem on xbl (no don't give them a bad report FILE A COMPLAINT. It's easy and just a few button presses away. Here you can send a little mail about someone to comments@kotaku.com and on a forum you can report someone to the admin or appointed moderator.

Don't just sit on your lazy ass and let this kind of shit happen! Get up! Do something about it for once! This world CAN be a better place but it wont just happen overnight whilst you do nothing about it!

Don't turn a blind eye to racism and discrimination! Seriously YOU can make a difference.

If you don't, and you really don't care anymore, we're doomed to keep ging through genocide after genocide like we saw in WWII, the bosnian war and what we now see in darfur.

Go ahead, ignore this comment. And ignore that bigot on xbl. It'll bite you in the ass eventually.

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What's the point of this game? I don't get it...

totally joking, I can't WAIT for this title. I doubt I'll be able to peel my fiancee away from it once it's out. She squeals whenever she sees footage for this game. Why I can't get her to squeal like that saddens me.

LittleBigPlanet Killzone
Comment by: mrantimatter
Nominated by: liquid_kore

@TitillatedOcelot
have you considered dressing up in a burlap sack and putting stickers all over the bedroom? Might work.

Wait, I'm a Zombie
Comment by: tsathoggua
Nominated by: Slatz_Grobnik

This "zombie mod" is grossly offensive to the zombie community. The
Association of Metabolically-Challenged Persons Against Harmful
Stereotypes, the international lobbying group for zombies, has just
released a press statement earlier this morning making clear that they
intend to sue Rockstar and Take-Two for perpetuating the stereotypes
that have haunted the zombie community for decades. And for not
including any zombie prostitutes.

Hyper Multi-Tap: A Week In Comments
Comment by: Cola82
Nominated by: 17-A

GTAIV doesn't make me feel like a man while playing... that could be because I'm a woman, and I like being a woman, and I'm not intimidated by assuming the identity of protagonists of the opposite sex.

*cough*

Wii Fit To Little Girl: You're Fat
Comment by: battra92
Nominated by: Bashcraft

I think a lot of people are in denial of being fat, chubby, overweight, obese, whatever.

For me, I was told I was fat since I was in kindergarten. I was almost 12 lbs at birth and have had issues my entire life about my weight.

Part of my problem was that my parents and grandmother would tell me, "Oh you're a big guy so it's ok to eat two hamburgers." or in some cases really demand I finish my plate. Of course, once I realized they were fat it became clearer.

What really took me back was at the end of my last year at college I was 250 lbs! After that I decided I had to do something - ANYTHING!

First thing I did was cut out regular soda and switched to diet. I know people will complain that's not much better but when you were downing the equivalent of 5-6 Pepsis a day, the switch to 3 diet Pepsis is worlds better. I also gave up on going to fast food places on a regular basis and when I do, I get a kids meal.

I really never gave anything up, I just made food less important for me. 1 year later my scale tells me I'm below 230 and with my height that makes me now overweight again (instead of obese)

Wii Fit probably will tell me I'm fat but oh well. I don't really care. I know I'm losing slow and steady so it will be nice to track that. Now if I just can convince my work to pay for it if they can be made to believe it's exercise equipment.

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Every single day, I wake up, get dressed, go to school. Attend my classes, talk with my friends, eat more food than is necessary to support my body weight, go home, play games, watch TV, then sleep. And it is boring as all fuck to everybody but me.

No, not all immigrants cause crime, not all minorities wake up planning to commit murder, not all of the characters played by Cheech Marin are stoners. But those stereotypes carry a dramatic element that is exciting to an outside viewer. It's far more interesting to watch a story about a beat cop than a desk cop, despite the fact that both contribute to helping keep a city safe. And for a damn good reason - it's exciting!

Nobody's here to claim that all immigrants who come to America and contribute to crime, but it's an equal fallacy to claim that immigrants who come to America will never be forced into a life of crime to survive here. Thing is, the story of an immigrant who comes and gets a nice job as a bank teller or a secretary is a far cry away from entertainment.

And that's all this game is.

GTA IV Launch: A Tale of Two GameStops
Comment by: RogueSquid
Nominated by: kazzahdrane

1158pm: "I turned the corner to find the entrance had been somewhat boarded up by the zombie staff. All quiet outside...

11:59pm: "No zombies are keeping me from my GTA! As I tore through the benches, seats, golfclubs and random beach equipment that made up the barricade, the first former-possibly-still-probably-still-in-fact-definately-still employee zombie started muttering something about a 'coupon'.

"Register this!" I yelled, picking up the cash register and smashing it down over his temple.

Two more came at me, pricing guns and vacant stares fixed towards me. A moment of worry, but no... what's this? A Mario Kart Wii controller sitting on the counter?!

I dashed towards the nearest zombie, caving his face in with a blow from the $0.99-made-in-China-but-that's-$10-for-you-yanks-wheel before pulling it down over his head. Sweet necklace GORE shot!

The 3rd eyeballed me up and down before lurching towards me! With only one eye I instantly knew it's weakness! I grabbed a new PS3 controller from the wall, then spent the next 5 minutes trying to open the packaging as this freak slowly stumbled around after me. It did at least give me a moment to case the joint and spot the box of GTAIV's on the floor... My prize was close!

12:04am: Packet open and discarded, I flung the PS3 controller at it's only remaining eyeball, muttering "sixaxis that bitch!" as he fell into a heap on to the floor, screaming in a gargled fashion.

12:05am: I bent down and admired the box of GTAIV. Beautiful. I considered taking more than I needed, but i'm no criminal. I picked up a copy and gently carassed it in my hands. "My precious..."

12:07 (following some 'alone' time with the game cover and it's slinky artwork): Suddenly the back door swung open... O... M... F... G. It was Derek, from school, way back when. But now he was... even more gimpy. He slowed came towards me, hands full of... strategy guides! "Do you want a..." Yelling in fear I started pulling down game shelves atop him, but he just kept mumbling "$5 off retail..."

A fist to the head or two and he went quiet. I looked down at him, motionless, drowing in copies of Barbie Adventures, Spyro the Dragon and Halo 3, all pre-owned.

"I pity the fool..." I remarked, slowly heading towards the door. One last "Fantastic!" photo opp, and I was gone. As I wandered towards the mall exit, I felt sure, deep with the darkness, I could still here Derek's pitiful questions ringing on "Would you like a Gamestop branded cleaning cloth? Please?"

12:10am: Girl in car waiting for me. Sweet. She is gonna watch me play GTAIV, without once asking to play, without once asking to do something else or inform me that i'm being 'boring'. Life is sweet.

INT. MALL - GAMESTOP - 12:15

DEREK : Moooooommmyyy...

—

Oh well, coulda gone something like that no?

p.s. I can't be bothered formating the entire thing like a film script. I'm bored tis all.

GTA IV Reviews: An Exercise In Hyperbolism
Comment by: that_happy_cat
Nominated by: 天水

"GTA IV's main achievement is