Not only should every game be required to memorize quotes like "A Winner Is You" from Pro Wrestlnig and Metal Gear's "I Feel Asleep!", they should add them to their every day lexicon of useful phrases. I cannot tell you how man times randomly shouting, "Let me remove the eggplant curse!" has gotten me out of a tough jam, mainly because it is a very small, unimpressive, and circular number.

Look, the point here is that it is dangerous to go alone! Take this.

50 NES Quotes Every Gamer Should Know [SydLexia.com - Thanks GPF]

Tiggerboy, who keeps a blog on the UK GameSpot, brought in all the hardware dignitaries to bid the 360 goodbye. You can see the 360 packaged in his foam coffin (aka the Peter Moore Catafalque), ready to to be ferried by the Boatman of the Dead Consoles (aka the UPS guy) on his way back to Microsoft, where his remains will become part of the circle of console life. There's a gallery of the proceedings on the jump, including an astonishing, last-minute appearance by a disowned relative that will leave you heaving up great sobs.

Master Chief, a lifelong friend, gave a moving eulogy. In the crowd: Venerable PSOne up front, leaning on his cane, pale and wan, feeling every day of his 14 years of age and wondering how it has come to pass that he is burying the children of his friends. And behind him, the grand statesman NES, his gaming days long gone and his service limited to ceremonial functions such as these.

Even R.O.B., gaming's great useless partner, like Andrew Ridgely or John Oates or Art Garfunkel, put aside his bitterness to come and pay his respects. Why, when I last heard of him, he was living in a Vermont cabin like J.D. Salinger, drinking heavily and refusing all requests for an interview. And in the back is the unmistakable PS3, dark and foreboding. Like World War I flying aces, there can still be honor and respect among blood enemies.

Then at the end, 360's biological dad Xbox showed up, only deepening the regret and sadness felt by everyone. Cast aside and virtually estranged for the better part of two years, reduced to living in basements on the kindness of others, Xbox still loves his son unconditionally, forgiving all of his design flaws.

In pace requiescat, Xbox 360. "The candle that burns twice as bright — or hot — burns only half as long."

The Funeral for my Xbox 360 [tiggerboy's Blog, Gamespot UK]

While maybe not up to the spec laid out by Blizz and apparently not playable on a proper Atari 2600 emulator as some other recent demakes were, The Molten Core is playable and visually more authentic than previous attempts to make this joke serious.

The Windows-only download is a mere 2MB and, according to its author, offers about 20 minutes of gameplay. I've yet to walk to the Windows box to try it out myself, so downloaders beware.

The Molten Core [Gamer's University via Something Awful Forums]

Any clip that starts with "What's up, viral marketing douchebags?" has to go horribly wrong to lose my attention. Fortunately, this YouTube video response... wait where are you going?! This is actually pretty amusing. Anyway, this YouTube video response to the Activision viral marketing attempt doesn't go wrong at all. "Bike Hero On Expert" shows the brand managers at Droga 5 how it's done on the streets. Self described PRO GAMER Freddie Wong plays Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and the Flames" on expert while riding a bike while wearing a metallic foil button-up. Well, Activision, how does it feel?

South Park Studios

We're not sure how deep into the goof juice the Kids in the Hall were when troupe funnyman Scott Thompson started sulking and playing Portal in the back of the tour bus, but something got into Kids during this sad little gaming session. Yes, the comedic stylings of Valve writer Erik Wolpaw are most amusing, as is the struggle of watching Thompson attempt to do anything more than move a cube — uncrouch already! — but something tells me there's something magical in those cups. Thanks for the tip, Sascha23!

Hey, folks. Big fan of the site. I'm the Editor for ToyFare Magazine, and I wanted to draw your attention to our new fake "Back Page Ad" that we just posted on our blog. Not necessarily because I think it's hysterical, but because the more we thought about such a game, the more we really, really wanted to play it.

Thank you, Justin. Your disembodied head atop an action figure's body is an inspiration to us all.

Back Page: The Ultimate Ultimate Fighting Championship [Wizard Universe]

File this under So-Not-News and Somebodys-Gonna-Get-Yelled-At.

Xbox 360® Bundle w/ Controller, Headset, A/V Cable and More [RadioShack]

The original artist is Lysol-Jones.

If Fast Food Mascots had to Fight in Street Fighter Alpha [neeBiT]

The job involves getting him something to eat, maybe playing a little basketball with him, and basically chatting and getting whatever he needs between important things. During the conversation, apparently Zero Wing came up.

You know, the Sega Genesis video game. I don't know how.

And apparently, my friend made the off-hand comment of "All your base are belong to us".

And Obama leaned forward in his chair, quirked his eyebrow a bit, and responded "What you say?"

Granted, this nugget comes from a random Tor commenter's friend, so it's tough to verify — we're going to call this a rumor, a delicious rumor. Quick! Somebody find John McCain and tell him about the "full extent of the jam." He must know!

Great Caesar’s ghost! [Tor.com Thanks, Eric-Jon!]

mario + obama = mariobama? [Technabob]

In fairness, this could be said of most 72-year-olds, not just that one. But yeah, it rather captures the image both candidates have in the media. Also, it's bad when you're getting busted on by a Canadian political cartoonist. Check out the one preceding it. I don't get it? Canadians actually have something named the Liberal Party? That would go over like a turd in a punchbowl down here, considering the level of our debates.

Who's Winning? [Filibuster Cartoons via GamePolitics]

Screw Ohio. Screw Colorado. What does the voting public of Azeroth, population 11 million, think about the upcoming presidential election.

Machinima.com hopped into World of Warcraft to find out. So is Azeroth a red or blue state? I’m not sure which was more surreal: Listening to undead Warlocks and human Paladins talk about the right to choose and which character the candidates would be in the game or watching what looks like a minotaur in a bikini poll people.

This is a must watch, but because it’s funny as hell and because it sheds a bit, a very small bit of light on what some gamers think of the candidates.

We're really hoping that someone out there is smart enough to give Gwar its own headlining release. Don't think about the retail shelf space, Harmonix and Activision, just do it.

Rejected Guitar Heroes [Maxim]

Nintendo DS development kit? Wrapped. Master Chief helmet? Wrapped. Destroy All Humans figurine? Wrapped. Even the poor man's Elite Beat Agents poster rests beneath a layer of packing paper.

5th Celler Liz notes "When he got back, he just gave up and decided to unwrap what he needed to work. A week later and the games, action figures, and trash bin are still wrapped in paper." Developers, if you've submitted your resume to these savages recently, we'd suggest a speedy retraction.

Video Game Skills [SomethingAwful]

The victim may have also been sexually assaulted, something we hope was caught on a nearby bank security camera, because that is traffic gold.

For the record, we condemn these attacks and hope that Mr. Hodges and his neckbeard make a full and speedy recovery.

FAKE UPDATE: It appears that this rumor story could be Joystick Division throwing their credibility out the window as part of a timely "joke." Kotaku's decision to run rumors is always based on the credibility of the site and the information contained within it. Normally, we wouldn't post about such obvious linkbait, but it appears that may no longer be the case.

Joystick Division supporter viciously attacked, “K” carved in his face [Joystick Division - thanks, Chris!]

Note the picture caption. And what in the hell is that chopped-off headline at the top? I see "Nazi-style." Is a new pizzeria opening in town?

Mario's Mistake [infendo]
Now You're Thinking With Portals [Reddit]

How to Get a Nintendo Seal of Quality [SomethingAwful via GoNintendo]

Eight Other Video Games That Obama Should be Advertising In [College OTR]

There are group get ups, a Dude Huge recipe, and even some for the ladies — Computer Space Robot Bimbo is a can't lose costume. Thank you, Benj, for reminding us of our costume-rich past and making us laugh at love again.

VC&G’s Halloween Video Game Costume Ideas (2008) [VC&G]

Two more pics on the jump.

{OSS} |CiC| Andy <3 amvalvo: Nfreak, turn around
Bob Dole's Woodlen Critters >:3: We're trying to do a spycrab calendar
Bob Dole's Woodlen Critters >:3: SS
{OSS} |CiC| Andy <3 amvalvo: Bob, keep walking back and forth

TF2Newbs promises to donate $1 to the National Spy Crab Fund for every download.

(/rushes to establish National Spy Crab Fund).

Rare Endangered Spy Crab 2009 Calendar [TF2Newbs]

In the coming weeks (blame TGS) we'll be posting some in-game videos, hands-on impressions, interviews and tour videos on the site. While LEGO Universe isn't quite playable(by me) yet, producer Ryan Seabury took some time to talk to us about where the game was headed and what we could expect to see. He also showed off his totally kick-ass real-world Starcraft LEGO diorama. Look for that one a bit later today.

In the meantime amuse yourself at my expense:

The 8 Worst Real Life Jobs of Video Game Characters [Blog of Hilarity]

That all being said, there is a game of sorts being played on Twitter right now that is 110 percent awesome. It appears that Lore Sjoberg, once of Kotaku and always of kicking the internet's ass, started it up by Twittering:

Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he's not even allowed to approach the bench at a picnic table.

and

Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can't even file briefs in his underwear drawer.

Which was followed by:

Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can't even practice the law of gravity.

and about a bazillion other Twitters by other people making me laugh until my sides hurt. A few of my favorites:

Jack Thompson is so disbarred, sharks can eat him without violating the tenets of professional courtesy.

Jack Thompson is so disbarred he isn't even allowed to read Shakespeare.

Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can't even play basketball because it's on a court!

The full list of Twittered So Disbarred jokes can be found on the link.

So Disbarred [Twitter]

BBC sketch comedy show The Wrong Door put together a handy PSA for those who tend to get a bit too excited during co-ed Wii play. Oh, it's painfully obvious, but I saw Crecente type "haha" earlier today after having watched the clip. Maybe you'll type "haha" too? If not, maybe the crude Wii Sports tennis and Mii renderings will elicit at least a "heh."

Thanks for the heads up, Robert!

Gaming's Most Impractical Outfits [GamesRadar]

The Five Best Video Games to Play During a Stock Market Crash [Destructoid]

Every time we talked over the years he would mention his infomercial. An hour long commercial for his place that was so packed with info, silly jokes and eyes on retro machines, that it had earned itself a cult following. Finally, one day I asked him how I could watch it and he said that it wasn't online. So I told him to send us a copy so we could host it.

The entire hour may not be for everyone, but if you like arcade gaming, you should probably watch a bit of it. Personally, I think it's awesome.

TNT Amusement

Atari Modern Classics [The -Minus World - Thanks Brian!]

When Gamers Have Kids [Screwattack]

The Resident Evil Activity Book For Kids [The -Minus World]

Parappa The Rapper [Mega64 - Thanks Squidley!]

Jay Leno makes Wii joke…and surprise, it’s not funny! [Go Nintendo]

Hello Korath, dead race walking. Remember what you said about us having no technologies to offer? I happen to know you have a cultural influence problem on your doorstep, and I also happen to be the sole proprietor of the most powerful cultural influence technology in existence. How much would you pay for that? Your entire treasury? That'll do.

You don't know this yet, but you're about to find yourself at war with the biggest, fiercest creatures in the universe without a penny to pay for it.

And you don't know this yet, but the money you just gave me was the last I needed to construct a Krynniac Conversion Centre outside your homeworld, a cultural broadcast station thirty-six times more powerful than the best one you could build. One so powerful that your entire home solar system will be officially in my territory.

So no, you can't have Solidarity.

Francis is up to day 9; if the other diary is any indication, we should have another eleven days or so to look forward to. It's worth a peek on the weekdays just to see how things are developing — I laughed so hard I cried when I read the original installment.

Galactic Civilizations Diary: We're up to Day 9 [PC Gamer blog]

The unintentionally hilarious part isn't anything she says in the interview. Oh, no. It's the picture she drew for Famitsu.com. The name of the "new" character is "Xbo-Kun".

Says Inamura: "I went with this name, because everyone playing games becomes a million dollars worth of smiling faces. It's the duty of Ekubo-kun the entertainer to spread the fun of Xbox 360 games to people all over the world."

Yep, there goes Xbo-kun, spreading fun all over the world to a million dollars of smiling faces with his little red shoes and his little Red Ring of Death nose. Just adorable.

稲村優奈：たくさんの出会いをくれた声優にありがとう [Famitsu via はちま起稿]