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clips

Late Late Show Rants Rationally On GTA IV

Okay, Craig Ferguson, you've made me a fan. Your recent monologue on the hubbub surrounding the release of Grand Theft Auto IV—despite it being clear you've not played the thing—is a thing of beauty. Five minutes of material, all based on various GTA IV topics? This is gold, pure gold. The host of the Late Late Show does more than just make out of touch Pac-Man jokes. He riffs on recent political pandering, the dangers of letting our children get their hands on violent games and tosses in some googly-eyed looks that are just hilarious. Bonus GTA mention after the jump. More »

torture devices

Kids Won't Listen? Sic BOB on 'Em

Parents! Do you lack all authority to control your child's video game playing? Do you lack opposable thumbs, or an appendage suitable for TURNING OFF THE TELEVISION???? Well, fortunately for you, now there's BOB

Yes, BOB takes all the guesswork, temper tantrums, hurt feelings and, you know, parenting out of refereeing your child's time in front of the tube. Now when you tell little Johnny he has only five hours to kill hookers and drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto IV, BOB is there to show you fuckin' mean it!

As the product's website says, "BOB becomes the bad guy in screen time negotiations." That means you can get back to being the cool mom or dad! And kids! Make sure you save your progress every three minutes because YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN BOB'S GONNA LAY DOWN THA LAWWWWW. It's like Russian roulette with gamesaves!
More »

faq

GTA IV: A FAQ for Old People

So, Brian's 70-year-old dad took on GTA IV and took quite a liking to it. Others his age are not as enlightened or — shocker — willing to try new things, and so the series might require further explication.

Helpfully, here is a FAQ (a FAQ? an F-A-Q? how do I do this) from 23/6 to break down the choices and consequences and action and intrigue that make all the young folk shine shoes and save up their penny-candy money to buy it.

So this video game. Is it like pong?
No. It's called a "sandbox" game.

A who?
A sandbox game. That means it's not strictly linear and the player has some freedom of movement within the game.

Is this e-mail you're talking about?
No. E-mail is different.

I think Sen. Ted Stevens was a consultant on this outreach initiative.

Grand Theft Auto IV: FAQ for Old People [236.com]


lists

LOLBox Art: You're Doing it Wrong

1Up has a running feature on worst-ever box cover art. It's been about six months since the last installation so they drop another dozen or so for us to laugh at. Yes, Okami's watermarked box makes the list. So does the Orange Box. Remember, just because it's bad box doesn't make it a bad game. In fact, a good game triumphing over bad packaging is ... even gooder!

Some of these are so bad they look like LOLz. Utterly incongruous text over the graphics. Like someone developed a game and then they retrofit whatever art was laying around because they ran out the packaging budget. Pure Pinball? That looks more like a concept for Fox Force Five or something.

The Worst Video Game Box Covers, Part 4 [1Up]


clips

If Nintendo Made Halo 3

Reader Dead Hex found this — apparently it was posted in mid-April and we missed it? But it's a concept video that dares asks the question, what if Nintendo developed Halo 3? More »

grand theft auto iv

Wives and GTA IV: Worlds in Collision

Nothing shreds the mystique of a game like watching as it's played by someone who not only is not in awe of it, but also obliviously misses its point. It also makes for an hilarious write-up, as The Exploding Barrel demonstrates with author Jeremy's report on inviting his non-gamer wife to play.

Her gaming style clearly asks questions Rockstar never thought to answer. Like accidentally hitting an elderly pedestrian with a semi, jumping out to see if she's OK, then wondering how to put her in the truck and take her to the hospital. Uh, left bumper, hold Y, click right stick? His wife also loves swinging a baseball bat, but only at a dumpster, because hitting people with it would be mean. It's why she didn't finish off the hood who dropped the bat. "I think he learned his lesson."

"No, honey, Grand Theft Auto IV is like Seinfeld, the characters never learn from their mistakes." See, that's what he should have said.

Anyway, good thing he didn't take her into multiplayer. Or, come to think of it, the first dating mission with Michelle. Her head might have exploded from the intriguing dialogue and nonstop excitement. If Lifetime wrote a sandboxer, that mission would be the finale.

When Wives Meet GTA IV [The Exploding Barrel]


clips

Conan Drills Deeper Into GTA IV's Kinder, Gentler Side... Again

Late Night with Conan O'Brien is certainly getting some mileage out of its "Gentler Side of Grand Theft Auto IV" shtick. This one's more of a B-sides than a Best Of—his earlier effort was much much better—but that doesn't mean it's not worth watching. (Glad someone else noticed that Niko is partial to checking out his ass in jeans.) We're just thrilled Conan and crew are educating the public about the nice things one can do while in Liberty City.

zero punctuation

Zero Punctuation Takes On You

Apparently Yahtzee's review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl received so much negative response that he decided to dedicate this week's Zero Punctuation to you, his viewing public. More specifically, the members of his viewing public that saw fit to bombard him with letters about how wrong he was about his review. This sort of thing always amuses the hell out of me as you cannot tell someone that their opinion is wrong. You can try to change their opinion, but an opinion cannot technically be incorrect. You can disagree til the cows come home, but then why the hell are you living with cows? Exactly. I especially like the letter that asks how he can call them game reviews without a numerical score. How indeed.

gta iv

The Onion Outlines GTA IV's New Features

When I say that every major news outlet had stories about Grand Theft Auto IV last week, I mean every major news outlet, including venerable parody news site and internet staple The Onion, who took some time to inform their readers of the new features in Rockstar's latest entry in the series. My personal favorite, which hits quite close to home...

Though it doesn't affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders
See, before I couldn't identify with Nico, but now it's like we were separated at birth or something. Also, great news for those of you who don't enjoy all of the violent combat...
You have the choice to stay in Liberty City or drive to the suburbs of New Jersey, where you can earn a degree or learn a trade
See? GTA IV has something for everyone!

Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores [The Onion via TBBPS]


machinima

Half-Life's G-Man Gets Even More Frightening

The G-Man from Half-Life series has long been one of the spookiest figures in gaming for me. His mysterious motives and menacing disposition were the cause of many a nightmare while I was playing through the first game. Welcome to my new nightmare. Byron Mallett was screwing around with implementing some motion capture data in Source when something went horribly, horribly wrong. I'm not sure if this alleviates my fear of the G-Man or raises it to an all new level. Either way, thanks for sharing Byron!

say no to drugs

Pac-Man, Explained


Let's close things out today with this, an attempt to rationalize Pac-Man into an actual narrative: Bottom line, drugs and outer space are a bad combination.

This picture comes from an animation that gets annoying after about like 2 seconds. Turn down your speakers if you have easily startled house pets or children around. Fair warning.

Don't Do Drugs in Space! PLEASE! [ytmnd.com]


sex

Another List: Top Blue Ball Moments in Gaming

And weekends are made for lists, too. GamesRadar put up the seven top unrequited lust moments in gaming. The Sims, Leisure Suit Larry and, of course, the final rescue sequence in Super Mario Brothers make the list, but I think they missed about half a dozen more: More »

pc gaming

An Interview With the Developer of Solitaire for Windows

You know, I can't really argue with the claim that Wes Cherry created the most-played video game ever: Solitaire for Windows (PC) which came out in the early 1990s and was installed on millions of machines worldwide. I think IGN gave it a 10/10 at the time. I kid! I kid!

But the Web site B3TA tracked down Mr. Cherry and, by all appearances, got a legit Q&A with him. A bunch of their commenters sent in questions and according to the article, Cherry got back to them about a year later. The big question, would he play ball with this kind of an interview? Oh yes, he did.

More »

sushi

Capcom's Sushi Muse?

So my day job (Frengo Corp.) is like, not even a block from Capcom supreme world U.S. command in San Mateo, Calif. And equidistant to us both is the above Trader Joe's grocery, which Californians know as a go-to stop for tasty lunchtime treats for not a lot of dough. I enjoy the barbecue chicken pinwheels, even if they do pack 53 percent of my RDA of fat.

But I was in there Thursday and I noticed something.

More »

clips

GTA IV Great For Not Getting Crabs, According To Late Late Show

Conan O'Brien and The Late Show writers have already weighed in on the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. His competition, Craig Ferguson, takes a different angle, checking in with special correspondent Tim Meadows, who we're glad is getting work. Highlights include racial tension, European immigration, venereal disease gags and the murder of innocents. Does the Late Late Show have that laughter piped in or does everyone else think Craig's accent is as funny as I do?

clips

Conan O'Brien Shows "Toned Down" GTA IV

Late Night with Conan O'Brien's Conan O'Brien said this about Grand Theft Auto IV in his opening monologue:
In the past, Grand Theft Auto's been severely criticized for being too violent. The new version, it's been toned down a lot, I think in reaction to the criticism.

I'm not sure it's better. Take a look.


Well, it's certainly more polite.
Conan Reveals [GameRush Thanks, CORN!]


game design

The Seven Video Game Commandments

David Wong over at Cracked.com has written a feature titled "The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey", in which he takes a look at some of the dos and don'ts of video game design, calling out the big name, popular games that have broken the rules. Several of his proposed rules make a great deal of sense. Take #7 for instance: Thou shalt let us play your game with real-life friends. He cites GTA IV as a major offender in this case, and I would have to agree. It's the only game that makes me glad my girlfriend lives in another state so we can play it together. Others are a bit washed out, trying to shoehorn too many concepts into one commandment, as is the case with "Thou shalt not force repetition on the player", which crams in problems with save points, unskippable cut scenes, and fail and die quicktime events. I'd say the article is half-on and half-off target, but still a pretty great read. How do they stack up in your eyes?

The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey [Cracked.com - Thanks Michael!]


media

Zero Punctuation: Chains of Olympus

What starts out as a pretty slow, actually not so funny take on God of War Chains of Olympus, turns to typical gold after Yahtzee seems to find his stride and knocks it out of the park again and again... as usual.

The Escapist