Late Late Show Rants Rationally On GTA IV

Kids Won't Listen? Sic BOB on 'Em

So, Brian's 70-year-old dad took on GTA IV and took quite a liking to it. Others his age are not as enlightened or — shocker — willing to try new things, and so the series might require further explication.

Helpfully, here is a FAQ (a FAQ? an F-A-Q? how do I do this) from 23/6 to break down the choices and consequences and action and intrigue that make all the young folk shine shoes and save up their penny-candy money to buy it.

So this video game. Is it like pong?
No. It's called a "sandbox" game.

A who?
A sandbox game. That means it's not strictly linear and the player has some freedom of movement within the game.

Is this e-mail you're talking about?
No. E-mail is different.

I think Sen. Ted Stevens was a consultant on this outreach initiative.

Grand Theft Auto IV: FAQ for Old People [236.com]

1Up has a running feature on worst-ever box cover art. It's been about six months since the last installation so they drop another dozen or so for us to laugh at. Yes, Okami's watermarked box makes the list. So does the Orange Box. Remember, just because it's bad box doesn't make it a bad game. In fact, a good game triumphing over bad packaging is ... even gooder!

Some of these are so bad they look like LOLz. Utterly incongruous text over the graphics. Like someone developed a game and then they retrofit whatever art was laying around because they ran out the packaging budget. Pure Pinball? That looks more like a concept for Fox Force Five or something.

The Worst Video Game Box Covers, Part 4 [1Up]

If Nintendo Made Halo 3

Nothing shreds the mystique of a game like watching as it's played by someone who not only is not in awe of it, but also obliviously misses its point. It also makes for an hilarious write-up, as The Exploding Barrel demonstrates with author Jeremy's report on inviting his non-gamer wife to play.

Her gaming style clearly asks questions Rockstar never thought to answer. Like accidentally hitting an elderly pedestrian with a semi, jumping out to see if she's OK, then wondering how to put her in the truck and take her to the hospital. Uh, left bumper, hold Y, click right stick? His wife also loves swinging a baseball bat, but only at a dumpster, because hitting people with it would be mean. It's why she didn't finish off the hood who dropped the bat. "I think he learned his lesson."

"No, honey, Grand Theft Auto IV is like Seinfeld, the characters never learn from their mistakes." See, that's what he should have said.

Anyway, good thing he didn't take her into multiplayer. Or, come to think of it, the first dating mission with Michelle. Her head might have exploded from the intriguing dialogue and nonstop excitement. If Lifetime wrote a sandboxer, that mission would be the finale.

When Wives Meet GTA IV [The Exploding Barrel]

Conan Drills Deeper Into GTA IV's Kinder, Gentler Side... Again

Zero Punctuation Takes On You

The Onion Outlines GTA IV's New Features

When I say that every major news outlet had stories about Grand Theft Auto IV last week, I mean every major news outlet, including venerable parody news site and internet staple The Onion, who took some time to inform their readers of the new features in Rockstar's latest entry in the series. My personal favorite, which hits quite close to home...

Though it doesn't affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders

You have the choice to stay in Liberty City or drive to the suburbs of New Jersey, where you can earn a degree or learn a trade

Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores [The Onion via TBBPS]

Half-Life's G-Man Gets Even More Frightening

Let's close things out today with this, an attempt to rationalize Pac-Man into an actual narrative: Bottom line, drugs and outer space are a bad combination.

This picture comes from an animation that gets annoying after about like 2 seconds. Turn down your speakers if you have easily startled house pets or children around. Fair warning.

Don't Do Drugs in Space! PLEASE! [ytmnd.com]

Another List: Top Blue Ball Moments in Gaming

You know, I can't really argue with the claim that Wes Cherry created the most-played video game ever: Solitaire for Windows (PC) which came out in the early 1990s and was installed on millions of machines worldwide. I think IGN gave it a 10/10 at the time. I kid! I kid!

But the Web site B3TA tracked down Mr. Cherry and, by all appearances, got a legit Q&A with him. A bunch of their commenters sent in questions and according to the article, Cherry got back to them about a year later. The big question, would he play ball with this kind of an interview? Oh yes, he did.

So my day job (Frengo Corp.) is like, not even a block from Capcom supreme world U.S. command in San Mateo, Calif. And equidistant to us both is the above Trader Joe's grocery, which Californians know as a go-to stop for tasty lunchtime treats for not a lot of dough. I enjoy the barbecue chicken pinwheels, even if they do pack 53 percent of my RDA of fat.

But I was in there Thursday and I noticed something.

GTA IV Great For Not Getting Crabs, According To Late Late Show

Conan O'Brien Shows "Toned Down" GTA IV

In the past, Grand Theft Auto's been severely criticized for being too violent. The new version, it's been toned down a lot, I think in reaction to the criticism.

I'm not sure it's better. Take a look.

The Seven Video Game Commandments

David Wong over at Cracked.com has written a feature titled "The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey", in which he takes a look at some of the dos and don'ts of video game design, calling out the big name, popular games that have broken the rules. Several of his proposed rules make a great deal of sense. Take #7 for instance: Thou shalt let us play your game with real-life friends. He cites GTA IV as a major offender in this case, and I would have to agree. It's the only game that makes me glad my girlfriend lives in another state so we can play it together. Others are a bit washed out, trying to shoehorn too many concepts into one commandment, as is the case with "Thou shalt not force repetition on the player", which crams in problems with save points, unskippable cut scenes, and fail and die quicktime events. I'd say the article is half-on and half-off target, but still a pretty great read. How do they stack up in your eyes?

The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey [Cracked.com - Thanks Michael!]

Zero Punctuation: Chains of Olympus

What starts out as a pretty slow, actually not so funny take on God of War Chains of Olympus, turns to typical gold after Yahtzee seems to find his stride and knocks it out of the park again and again... as usual.

The Escapist