The meal comes in four configurations, offers four "collector's cups" featuring NFLers rendered, interestingly, in their cartoony Madden-for-the-Wii forms. McWhertor, still nauseous from last year's unboxing of the Guitar Hero meal, assigned this to me on the pretense that as the sports writer, it was my responsibility.

I selected the five hot wings version over the two-piece grilled chicken (white or dark meat), the three chicken strips or the Twister (a wrap with lettuce). I went with the hot wings because I figured five pieces would allow me to burn 66 percent more calories reaching into the box than I would with three crispy strips, and that would be healthier than whatever I got from the Twister's vegetable matter.

The KFC Madden Box also comes in a standard $5 version and a $7 special edition that, while it doesn't include night vision goggles, is packed with enough pupil-dilating sodium you'll see in the dark on your own. I went with the $7 configuration, which is supposed to deliver an extra side item and a dessert.

But as you can see in the above unboxing, this product shipped in such an incomplete state I'm not sure any patch or update can fix it. Opening the box reveals just the five wings and the mashed potatoes and gravy - which I had declared as my extra side item. No crumbly biscuit doused in butter pheromones. No chitinous coleslaw in mayonnaise the color and consistency of watery ejaculate. In fact, since the hockey-puck brownie bites come in plastic and I poured the Diet Pepsi (oh hell yeah, I went with the diet), there are a grand total of two items here actually prepared by KFC employees, even though the loading time for this was an unacceptably slow seven minutes.

KFC #D705027, Springfield, Ore., you fail. Well, maybe you were thinking of my health by subtracting 360 needless calories. Either way, my review of this meal's components follows:

Hated (Secretly Loved):
Hot wings: These babies start slow, not really hitting you with the spice until midway through the third piece. Then it was like Cayenne Frankenstein farted in my face. Even after the meal my mouth had this residue on it that reminded me of the time I drunkenly kissed this chick who had that bee-sting toxin lip gloss to give her the Angelina Jolie pouty look. Both encounters were degrading, but this one diminished my self-esteem. Also, these are not boneless wings; I thought "wings" was an allegorical reference in lieu of "nuggets," a competitor's term, because these things were fried up to the point they no longer resembled the limbs of any known terrestrial animal. So I took a big mouthful of bone on the first attempt, and believe me, that's not a sentence I ever wanted to write. I didn't expect the amount of meat in this item to be nourishing; I did expect it to at least be filling. Rating: Anorexy.

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy: The pudding-like body of potato flour and pureed notebook was at least free of lumps or standing water. It was thoroughly mixed with the viscous tailings of cooked chicken, whose bouquet hit artful notes of obesity, unemployment, and parole. If the chicken didn't fill me, this sure did, as not soon after polishing off the MP&G it felt like my large intestine was mixing up Redi-Crete, certain to turn my commode into a birdbath. Rating: Lunchlady.

Brownie Bites: These pucklike treats came packaged in a cellophane sleeve upside down on a piece of waxed cardboard, evocative of the conveyor belt that shat them out. In March. But ultimately, they were chocolatey and thus the highlight, comparatively speaking, of this dining experience. Rating: Hockey.

Despite the grandiose packaging and $7 pricetag, even if this order had been completely filled it would still be engineered for a 15 minute experience, tops. I expected that this calorie bomb would have left me doing the old Dad thing of unbuttoning my pants and laying on the couch to watch Jeopardy and blame my farts on the dog. But all it took was one tuberculose belch-cough and I was back to full strength.

If there was $1.95 worth of actual food in this meal I'd be astonished. That, coupled with the EA Sports sponsorship, must make this cross promotion an insanely profitable no-brainer for Yum! Brands, and all but guarantees a sequel in the coming year.

KFC Madden NFL Box was developed in a conference room by marketing geniuses and produced by KFC, a subsidiary of Yum! Brands, Inc. Retails for $5, $7 if you want the extra side-item and brownie bites, assuming they remember to pack all the base items. Eaten until regretted.

Among the list of goodies you can win is an Xbox 360 Arcade Entertainment System. The official site for McDonald's Monopoly says there are thousands of the systems to win instantly tucked away on large fry containers and Angus Burger wrappers.

This is the only time of the year that I let myself eat McDonald's, and I still have borderline high cholesterol, dammit.

McDonald's Monopoly

Starting October 10, this Taiko no Tatsujin lunch box will go on sale at Narita Airport, outside Tokyo. It will be flown in from Ishikawa Prefecture just so airport travelers can enjoy woofing it down.

The bento will be sold on the second floor of the Terminal No. 2. Priced at ¥900 (US$10) and available only until November 8. After that, you'll have to make due with regular airport food.

『太鼓の達人 にぎわい祭り弁当』が羽田空港限定で発売だドン！ [Degenki Online]

What makes this cookie extra-special is not the fact that baked treats are always extra-special. No, what makes it extra-extra-special is that it's not the work of some bored/obsessed fan. It's up over on the game's official site, as part of creator Keita Takehashi and his dev team's series of instructional animations, detailing their attempts at recreating in-game characters and items in the real world.

WEB WEB BOY DIY 3 [Namco, via Offworld]

From May 11, Pizza Hut has been offering Sengoku Basara pizza pies as part of a campaign to promote the game's anime.

The question: What does Devil Kings pizza look like?
Like normal pizza!

Campaign [Pizza Hut via GIGAZINE via Alafista]

The flavors include Chinese tea, green tea, pineapple, grape, black currant plus orange and "sports drink". The answers are below...

In Japanese!

Sengoku Basara Drinks Reviewed [GIGAZINE via alafista]

Tsujimoto has gotten into wine-making and last year, he launched his first vintage made at a Napa Valley winery. The property was purchased by Capcom USA in 1990, and Tsujimoto later bought it as a private property. He has fronted this venture with US$100 million of his own money.

His wines are priced between ¥5,000 and ¥15,000 (US$51 - $153) a bottle and are named "Ai" ("indigo" in Japanese), "Murasaki" ("purple"), "Rindo" ("Japanese Bell Flower") and "Asatsuyu" ("morning dew"). Classy, sure, but there's a missed crossed branding opportunity. A glass of Street Fighter Bordeaux anyone? With "Bordeaux" being French for SPILLED BLOOD.

According Tsujimoto, crafting video games and crafting wine are "exactly the same." We'd like to point out that drinking wine and drinking video games, however, are different.

FEATURE: Game maker Capcom's head takes on wine-making in California [iStock via Capcom Unity]

The first game went on sale March 11, 2004. Other MH titles followed, and the series is credited with being the PSP's "must-have" title in Japan. To date, the franchise has shipped 3 million copies.

To mark the anniversary, eatery Pasela Café is offering customers a special menu with MonHun-themed food like the pictured Monster Hunter "honey toast", which is limited to the first fifty orders. First come, first served.

「モンスターハンター」5周年記念ハニトー−カラオケパセラ各店で提供 [Akiba Keizai Shimbun via Alafista]

For as much money as Asashoryu makes, we're glad to see his hasn't wasted it on, I dunno, a non-crappy TV. How can he play the original Dead Rising on that?

Sumo Grand Gran Asashoryu Is An Xbox 360 User! [はちま起稿]

Capcom has teamed up with impulse novelty product company Boston America for this cherry-flavored Street Fighter Dragon Punch Sports Drink. Boston America is the brains behind the Nintendo Power Mints and the Wii Controller Gum. Boston America also put out a cherry flavored Pac-Man energy drink. Repackaging anyone? Say it ain't so, Ken!

street fighter dragon punch energy drink packs a wallop [technabob]

This was the work of human hands. Human hands and a bunch of seaweed. Hey, if you're taking requests how bout one of team Kotaku ala Last Supper, but made with Promite on buttered bread.

non-bento#2 Shadow of the Colossus

The food remains a mystery - if any readers want to translate the menu please do - but there do seem to be PCs there so we suspect a slight LAN party ambience. Maybe not the ideal venue for that anniversary dinner you promised your significant other.

There is a video clip from CCTV news, but that is currently being pounded by thousands of curious WoW fans - in the meantime you can see some pics via Dianping Reviews.

Warcraft restaurant opens in Beijing [WoW Insider]

Yeah, now you're interested. Cashing in on America's love of both active video gaming and passive waist expansion, Burger King have begun offering cheap, Nintendo Wii-inspired toys as part of their Club BK kid's meals.

There are ten to collect, ranging from a Paper Mario puzzle (use the magnetic Wii Remote toy to avoid the blocks!) to a Metroid Challenge (use the magnetic Wii Remote toy to propel the ball through the maze!) to a Light-Up Luma (use the magnetic Wii Remote toy to...oh, he doesn't use it, he just lights up).

Most are cheap, most are nasty, but the adorable Luma and the Boo might just be worth the calories.

Club BK [Burger King, via Go Nintendo]

これで体力回復!?「テイルズ オブ」のマーボーカレーがついに発売 [GA Graphic via はちま起稿]

But as game site Multiplayer quickly found out, the ordering system was buggy, drinks didn't show up and the games kept crashing. "The meal started out entertaining enough," Multiplayer writes. Both "[We] were entranced with the touch-screen interface and the ability to peruse our lunch options as though we were playing with a giant iPhone or Nintendo DS. We were both giddy over the high-end concept behind uWink, but it all went downhill after we sent our order away." You know what would be a great idea for a restaurant and bar? Here's the pitch: Imagine an establishment with every retro Atari arcade game, greasy food and booze. Oh, and add some animatronics. Why do people always have to mess with things?

Our Disastrous Visit To Atari Founder’s High-Tech Restaurant [Multiplayer]

Vortisnaucks [Not So Few Monstrosities, via GameSetWatch]

We'll walk you through the meal after the jump.

Cracking open the Guitar Hero branded box, we get a look at just how much of this baby is deep fried. Pretty much everything. We opted to pass on the mac and cheese shown in the ads, instead going for the "BBQ baked beans" in a futile attempt to cut back on the saturated fat and grossly unnecessary calorie count.

It's been about a decade since our last trip to a KFC, so we thought we'd start in on the KFC Snacker to make an easy transition. We grabbed our spork and dove in.

KFC Snacker - Features the only hint of vegetable in the form of a few shreds of iceberg lettuce, the nutritionally bankrupt variety. Also features a vile khaki-colored sauce with black flakes we assumed to be pepper. Made it about 80% through before throwing in the towel. Rating: Disgusting.
Chicken Strips - These leathery strips were the most enjoyable part of the meal, but we were dismayed to learn that we had only Safeway brand ketchup in the refrigerator. Rating: Most food like.
Biscuit - We cut the rest of our meal with bites of biscuit, a food item that seems nigh impossible to fuck up. KFC didn't let us down, with our only complaint that it didn't inspire us to play more Guitar Hero. Rating: Meets expectations.
Original Recipe Thigh - Clearly the most atrocious aspect of the Guitar Hero: World Tour KFC Fully Loaded Box Meal. After carefully biting into the flesh of the fried thigh, much of the oily skin sloughed off, letting loose a stream of white hot grease. Gave up halfway through. Rating: Nauseating.
BBQ Baked Beans - So loaded with sugar, it's hard to go wrong. Diabetics need not apply, nor should anyway with an aversion to scalding themselves on beans. Rating: Bean-y.
Potato Wedges - The most damningly filling of the fried stuff. These pasty wedges are delicious, in a regretful way. They'll make you feel about fifteen pounds heavier. Rating: Brown.

We feel we must disclose that we did not complete the Guitar Hero: World Tour KFC Fully Loaded Box Meal 100% before writing this. That's why this is not a review, but an impressions post. In all honesty, we probably only ingested about a thousand calories and maybe fifty grams of fat before giving in to a feeling of fullness, regret and nausea.

Plus, we had a good opportunity to look at the flotsam from our KFC experience. It wasn't pretty.

Overall, we'd give the experience a D-. It was one of the few meals where vomit phobia was almost outweighed by a feeling to purge this poison. We'd recommend either waiting for the more fully-featured sequel or avoiding putting this sort of thing into your body ever.

Guitar Hero: World Tour KFC Fully Loaded Box Meal is prepared by apathetic employees, sold by KFC, a subsidiary of Yum! Brands, Inc. Retails for $7.99. Ate until feeling terrible.

Not according to Gamer Grub which just announced that they have been named the official snack supplier of the World Cyber Games USA 2008. That means they will be providing their brand of snack-things to the players in the Tournament Area and Player Lounge at E for All in LA this week.

Gamer Grub comes in three (atrocious) flavors:

Action Pizza: Which is a jar of Pizza Cashews & Pitas, Tomato Sesame Sticks, Tomato Almonds, Cheese Pitas and Mozzarella Peanuts.

Racing Wasabi: Which is Wasabi Soy Almonds and Peanuts, Wasabi Peas, Honey Mustard Sesame Sticks and Pita Chips.

Strategy Chocolate: Which is Almonds, Chocolate Raisins, Cherries, White Chocolate Chips.

and

Sports PB&J: Peanuts, Peanut Butter Chips, Strawberry Jelly Chips, Bread Cubes.

OK, so I'd be down with checking out Action Pizza and Racing Wasabi, and maybe, maybe the chocolate one. But Bread Cubes and Peanut Butter Chips? Sounds like the business end of a peanut butter and whiskey all-nighter.

GAMER GRUB(TM) BECOMES OFFICIAL SNACK SUPPLIER FOR WORLD CYBER GAMES USA 2008

SAN DIEGO, CA – October 2, 2008 – Biosilo Foods today announced that Gamer Grub™ has become the official snack supplier of the World Cyber Games (WCG) USA 2008 (www.wcg.com/usa). Through this partnership, Gamer Grub will supply its great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks to the gamers participating in WCG USA at E for All in Los Angeles, CA from October 3 – 5, 2008.

Additionally, Gamer Grub will sponsor the reception for World Cyber Games USA players and VIPs during E for All to honor the top WCG USA competitors that will attend the WCG 2008 Grand Final, held from November 5 – 9, 2008 in Cologne, Germany.

“World Cyber Games USA is extremely excited to partner with Gamer Grub and introduce it to America’s and the world’s elite gamers,” said Michael Arzt, general manager of World Cyber Games USA. “We believe that this new innovative performance snack product is a great asset to pro and recreational gamers alike and can become a ‘must-have’ new accessory in the market.”

Designed for hungry gamers who want to continue playing games while consuming snacks, Gamer Grub is a great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks. With a patent-pending formulation to support cognitive functions, gamers will have the opportunity to boost core gaming systems and speed reaction times for maximum gaming performance. The ergonomic packaging design maximizes fast-action dispensing of the snack—eliminating the potential of keyboard crumbs and greasy fingers.

“We are honored to have this opportunity to become the official snack supplier for WCG USA 2008. We believe we have tapped into a whole new category of peripherals with Gamer Grub and will help gamers reach a new level of performance,” said Keith Mullin, founder and CEO of Biosilo Foods.

Gamer Grub is currently offered in four tasty flavors; Action Pizza, Sports PB&J, Racing Wasabi and Strategy Chocolate. Gamer Grub will be available online and at retail stores beginning in 2009. For more information on Gamer Grub, visit www.gamergrub.com.

About the World Cyber Games

The World Cyber Games (www.WCG.com) is the premier blue chip global video game tournament and festival. First founded in 2000 to promote global harmony through e-Sports, the WCG has grown steadily ever since and often been referred to as the “Olympics of Gaming” by several notable media outlets. Behind the slogan "Beyond the Game" and with more than 1.5 million contestants from over 70 countries expected to participate in this year's Grand Final event in Cologne, Germany, the World Cyber Games has developed into a true global phenomenon with unquestioned prestige and arguably the largest annual prize amounts at stake.
Gamer Grub

Working through the collections provides some rather weird challenges to the discipline of library science. An entire segment of the collection is devoted to items termed as realia, basically commercial products tied to video game concepts or characters. They don't fit on shelves very well, and the exact means of how to preserve these detritus of commercial culture are fraught with an internal debate about their validity to humanity. I think everything should be remembered or recorded fastidiously, but then again I get a thrill out of looking at old Nintendo marketing crud, and I work in a library. That said, these items make my inner child awaken anew and crave some tasty morsels of the past.

I hope we can expect to see more of this sort of stuff — it's fun seeing what librarians at Stanford have decided to add to the collection. Though I would be curious to learn the acquisition backstory — was the cereal just hanging out in someone's personal collection? Two decade old overstock at Ralston Purina?

Errant Nintendo Licensing: Parties, Cereal, and School [How They Got Game]