The E3 No Shows: Why They Weren't There

The E3 party is over. We here at Kotaku are crumpling up the paper tablecloths, throwing out the empty cake boxes, and pulling your shoe out of our fish tank as we wrap up the last of our coverage of the many, many things we saw and did at the event.

But what about what we didn't do? There are a handful of key titles that we thought we could expect for this year's holiday season, so why weren't they showing alongside their seasonal bretheren? We rounded up for you a complete list of this year's no-shows and the hype that preceded them, and then tried to get to the bottom of their conspicuous absence.

Hit the jump for the full report.

Apogee Making Duke Nukem The Forrest Gump Of WW2

While the Duke Nukem Trilogy trailer was a blast, it told us absolutely nothing about the planned handheld trilogy. Fortunately, Apogee's Terry Nagy is a little more forthcoming. He says the games will see Duke as "the Forest Gump of World War II", and in doing so explain how he got the name Duke Nukem. And how do you do a "Forrest Gump in WWII" storyline? Nagy says you do it like this: "It was really Duke that sunk the Bismarck. It wasn't the British." The games will be appearing on both PSP and DS, but judging from the state of that trailer, they won't be appearing for a while.

Duke Nukem Trilogy Details: Duke Heads to WW2, Apogee Talks Possible PC Release & DS Censorship [Shacknews]

What do you do when E3 rolls around and you've got nothing to show? You fudge it, and you do what these guys did, and just go make something awesome. Be sure to stick around for the crotch zoom.

Duke Nukem Voice Actor Harasses People In Duke's Voice

If you could do the Duke Nukem voice, like really do it really well, you'd probably call people and say things like "Blow it out your ass". Well, that's pretty much what the voice actor behind Duke Nukem Jon St. John does! According to John:

I often have friends ask me to place a call to some unsuspecting victim and get medieval on their asses in the Duke voice. I once called a radio morning show on the east coast and harassed the DJ's in Duke's voice...they had recorded the call and ended up using parts of the call over and over again on station promos!

And hey, Jon St. John will even record stuff just for you. Well, if you pay him money. For fifty bucks, he'll happily record a message up to 30 seconds in any audio format. And he has "no issues with profanity". That's good.

An Interview with Duke Nukem - Balls of Steel [ZERGWatch via VGB] [Pic]

Rumored and then confirmed earlier this year, Duke Nukem 3D is making its way to the Xbox Live Arcade this year, but when? The time could be near, as an anonymous tipster sends us several pictures of the game's XBLA entry. Of course it isn't available now...note the 1337 placeholder price tag...but the fact that these shots are coming out indicates the game is very close to release. Check out the other screens below, including a shot of the "Looks Like A Cleanup On Aisle Four" achievement, which makes stepping in a pile of shit fun!

Why Won't Duke Nukem Forever Be At E3?

Duke Nukem's development is - according to 3D Realms' Scott Miller - "swimming along nicely". No, "seriously nicely". So it's fair to assume that we'll be seeing it in some kind of capacity at this year's E3, right? Uh, no. It won't be there. At all. Why not? Miller says it's because E3 is now irrelevant. "It's just that we view E3 as irrelevant nowadays. In fact, I wasn't even aware it was coming up". Harsh words from Scott Miller, who is perhaps secretly envious that E3 has a firm date.

3D Realms: Duke Coming Along, E3 "Irrelevant" [Next-Gen]

New Duke Nukem Screen Is Small

Found over on the 3D Realms careers page, there's this new Duke Nukem Forever screenshot. It's tiny! And there's Duke and a sunglasses and a pipebomb and a gun... Don't forget that this was posted on a job page and not via traditional publicity means. And for those interested, the 3D Realms help wanted reads:

Need more help. Must go faster. Scotty, we need more powah! ATTN: 3DR Website level designers, local Dallas/Guildhall level designers and level designers everywhere...

If you're a pro, or an amateur, if you have talent and passion, feel free to send us your stuff. Programmers interested in game play programming, or with 360 experience should look us up, too.

For those not interested, move along, move along.

Help Wanted! [3D Realms via Shack News]

First Duke Nukem Forever Gameplay Video

With Duke Nukem Forever over a decade in development, you'd think that a first gameplay video reveal of the thing would be a major event, the type of clip that would be handed out as an exclusive to a major video game press outlet. Nope. Instead, 3D Realms' forever-in-the-making first person shooter gets the over the shoulder, indirect feed treatment on The Jace Hall Show—delivered via the dreadful Crackle video player no less.

Due to the aggravating nature of Crackle videos to autoplay, the clip is after the jump. An interview segment with developers Scott Miller and George Broussard kicks off around 2:30, with first blurry footage of Duke Nukem Forever about four minutes in. Thanks to the many, many tipsters who sent this one in.

Your Quarterly Reminder That Duke Nukem Forever Exists

3D Realms is still plugging away at Duke Nukem Forever, with a playable version being shown off to the crew from Shacknews that serves as a helpful reminder that Duke Nukem Forever exists. After witnessing "a good half hour" of gameplay and environments from the perennially late first-person shooter, the response was measure and largely free from overhype.

"We both confidently agree that after seeing this demonstration, Duke Nukem Forever is looking great, and will easily stand apart from the crowd in both visual and gameplay styles," writes Shacknews' Steve Gibson. Not going to be stamped on a box in a big, bright, all-caps pull quote, but better than nothing. Maybe?

Shacknews Views Duke Nukem Forever [Shacknews]

Today, April 1st, 3D Realms released a new corporate logo plus new Duke Nukem Forever concept art. That, after the jump.

New (Miniature) Duke Nukem Forever Screen

Listen to The Duke Nukem Forever Clusterfuck

Remember when The Dallas Business Journal reported that 3D Realms' honcho Scott Miller said Duke Nukem Forever was finally getting a release date? This year even! But then 3D Realms' George Broussard said this was just "confusion" about what was "off the record"? Almost as funny as Duke Nukem Forever finally coming out! 3D Realms honcho Scott Miller says this about The Dallas Business Journal:

Quite simply, they are lying bastards and they know it.

The Dallas Business Journal has posted a sound clip from the interview. The exchange goes:

3D Realms Try To Sweep 2008 DNF Date Under The Rug

In what appears to be an unfortunate turn of events, there seems to have been some confusion between what was 'off the record' and what was not. I suppose we're used to dealing with gaming press and not mainstream press. Lesson learned.

Confirmed: Duke Nukem Forever Coming in 2008, 3D Hitting XBLA

In a series of emails with the Dallas Business Journal, 3D Realms' President Scott Miller confirmed all sorts of news about the Duke Nukem franchise of games. (We wish that anything "confirmed" about Duke Nukem didn't just make us giggle at this point.)

First and foremost, the elusive Duke Nukem Forever is slated for a late 2008 release. As for platforms, Miller explains:

We haven't formally announced any platforms for DNF...But, of course hitting the big three makes the most sense (PC, PS3, 360).

Rumor: Duke Nukem Coming To XBLA In Mere Months

We've been hearing rumors of an Xbox Live Arcade port of Duke Nukem 3D for many, many moons now. According to a report from IGN today, the long moon-watching wait may soon be over, as "sources close to 3D Realms" are pointing to a Duke Arcade release within the next several months. That XBLA remake is also said to come equipped with 4-player online co-op and 8-player deathmatch. Sounds good to us. We know that something has to pay the electric bill at 3D Realms while the final decade of spitshine is applied to Duke Nukem Forever.

Rumor: Duke Nukem 3D for Xbox Live [IGN]

Duke Nukem Forever Teaser Trailer

What will we do when Duke Nukem Forever is actually released? Akin to the Rapture, many had faith that the day would one day come—a faith so based on faith and faith alone—as opposed to one based upon eye-witnessed miraculous tech demos. So when that day does eventually come, it will be a surprise even to the most devout believers, a feast for the entire corporeal kingdom of man.

New Duke Nukem Forever Teaser Trailer Debuts [primotech]

Duke Nukem Forever Trailer is Up Now

Remember that Duke Nukem teaser trailer we told you about? It's here! As of right now both 3D Realms' and Shacknews' servers are getting hammered, so viewing is a bit slow going. We'll be getting it up shorty for your own enjoyment. If 100 years plus 30 more minutes is just too long to wait, then hit the link and enjoy.

Duke Nukem Teaser [shacknews]

Broussard Tries to Quell DNF Hysteria

Perhaps George Broussard forgets that some of us have been waiting to play, even see Duke Nukem Forever for longer than a lot of new gamers have been playing games. Heck not only was my son not yet born, I wasn't married when the game was first announced. It's been ten years folks, well nearly.

Broussard seemed a little taken aback by the reaction to his announcement last night that there would be a "teaser video" hitting today around noon Central Time. So taken aback, in fact, that he decided to amend his statement.

Guys just to manage expectations...

This is a teaser. It's not a full blown trailer like the 2001 trailer (but something like that is coming). I tried to be clear about that in the message board post, so just bear in mind that it's a teaser :)

Enjoy.

Update [3D Realms]