Homebrew Japanese DS Development Brings Tentacles

We've gotten dangerous close to actual naughty games on the DS. But those always end up being big teases! Now, we're going to get an actual dirty game at this year's Comic Market this summer. The person who's making it says there are plans even to sell it in Akihabara after that. The self-made game's entirely homebrew and certainly does not have the Nintendo Seal of Quality — and never will! And the best part? The name of this 18 years old and up game is Half Elf Tentacle Assault. The developer says game play clips are forthcoming. For better or worse.

Hit the jump for a THANKFULLY pixelated promo-scan. Still might be NSFW, depending on where you work. You've been warned!

No More Nintendo Surprises This Year

Are those of you who felt let down by Nintendo's E3 showing hanging onto hopes that maybe, just maybe they'll pull something out just for you at the last minute? As if it were your birthday, and all day everyone seemed to have forgotten, and just as you're heading home for the night, surprise!

If that sounds like you, here comes Cammie Dunaway to crash your party.

"You have seen the extent of Nintendo's 2008 holiday lineup," she told Wired recently, in the same interview wherein she also said she's really as jaw-crackingly smiley in real life as she appears to be during press conferences.

When you think about it, though, the holiday's not that far off. And before you know it, it'll be a brand new year, and time for brand new announcements. Such as?

SouthPeak's Mister Slime DS Hits Retail Today

Southpeak's Mister Slime, which we last heard was coming to DS in April, actually hits retail today in North America. Oh, okay! It sounds fairly interesting, actually — players control Slimey, who must stop violence between warring clans, a rather serious pursuit for a young slime.

The gameplay uses both stylus and microphone to stretch and manipulate Slimey's arms toward anchor points in each level, which is how he navigates.

Screens plus more details after the jump!

Every Final Fantasy fan has their favorite game from the series. Hell, some even break the franchise down into two eras, pre and post-PlayStation. For myself and good percentage of the FF fanbase, Final Fantasy IV (II in the U.S.) is that game. The story was deep, the characters memorable and well-developed, and the graphical leap from the NES to the SNES made it the prettiest version of the game to date. Now Square Enix has upgraded FFIV in the same fashion as they did FFIII precious, bringing the game to the Nintendo DS with new graphics, voice overs, and new mechanics to keep things fresh.

Remakes of classic games are often a dangerous proposition, risking alienating fans of the original games in order to attract new players. For this week's Frankenreview we've gathered opinions from RPG-centric sites along with the more mainstream gaming press to see how Final Fantasy IV measures up.

Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff Hurry Up Impressions

Portable football devoid of the NFL license may sound like the sports game that has the least likely chance of success, but Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff may just get by with its barebones, retro-styled gameplay and a heaping help of nostalgia. The game sticks close to the formula established in a handful of Tecmo Bowl games release in the late '80s and early '90s, offering basic side scrolling gameplay for casual fans of the sport.

Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff offers d-pad and stylus control options, naturally, with the latter making for easy (possibly to easy) play-making. You can move your QB around and pass to your receiver with straightforward stylus drags and taps, leaving little to the imagination control-wise.

The DS version also adds Super Skills, buffs that give your quarterback, running back and receivers special abilities, adding to the arcade-style bent of Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff.

Tecmo's exhuming of the franchise may not appeal to the Madden set, with its faux teams, old school graphics and limited playbooks, but for lapsed football fans it might be worth checking out. We had fun, maybe you will too.

There's a new Star Wars movie coming out next month, bringing with it a fighting game that pits the best and the glowiest against each other in an all-out, drag-down lightsaber duel to the finish. Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a fighting game for the Wii that focuses on the Jedi side of things. Each character in the game is a lightsaber wielding bad ass of varying degrees, from the single saber of Obi-Wan to the quad-wielding General Grievous. Is the the lightsaber combat game fans have been demanding since the Wii's motion controls were first revealed, or is it just another fighting game using licensed characters?

This is not a game. I repeat, this is not a game. Based on the Korg MS-10, Korg DS-10 is a music tool packed in DS software. It allows up to eight DSes to connect by ad-hoc wireless. The soundboard interface looks like an actual Korg synthesizer soundboard with knobs that can be rotated and turned and jacks that can be plugged into and switch by simply drawing lines. And since it is a straight up synthesizer on DS software, the chart of full scale musical notes might seem intimidating. It's possible to create full, rich layered tunes that range from a minute and a half to five minutes. Developer Cavia included a "Chaos Pad" that simply lets users "draw" on the touch screen and it maps out corresponding notes. Perfect for noodlers.

Going For the Mass Market: Good News or Bad?

Giving Spectrobes A Second Chance With Beyond The Portals

Last year's Spectrobes on DS sold around a million copies, but I have heard tell that critics found it lacking in substance a bit. From what I saw at Disney Interactive's E3 booth, though, they've fleshed things out.

For monster-collector nerds like me, it's exciting to know that Spectrobes: Beyond the Portals has doubled the number of Spectrobes you can unearth through touch-screen archaeological digs, and it looks like they've expanded upon the battle system, too.

So how does the new Spectrobes stack up?

Atari: Witchers, RPGs, Cooks, and ... Deer Hunters

D3 Publisher: Boobs, Sheep, and Aliens, Oh My!

Apogee Making Duke Nukem The Forrest Gump Of WW2

While the Duke Nukem Trilogy trailer was a blast, it told us absolutely nothing about the planned handheld trilogy. Fortunately, Apogee's Terry Nagy is a little more forthcoming. He says the games will see Duke as "the Forest Gump of World War II", and in doing so explain how he got the name Duke Nukem. And how do you do a "Forrest Gump in WWII" storyline? Nagy says you do it like this: "It was really Duke that sunk the Bismarck. It wasn't the British." The games will be appearing on both PSP and DS, but judging from the state of that trailer, they won't be appearing for a while.

Duke Nukem Trilogy Details: Duke Heads to WW2, Apogee Talks Possible PC Release & DS Censorship [Shacknews]

More DS Strumming - Guitar Hero On Tour Decades

In case you didn't get enough of looking completely ridiculous while strumming your Nintendo DS while it plays music, Nintendo has revealed the next version of Guitar Hero: On Tour, Guitar Hero: On Tour Decades. Details were slim on the new title...basically it was Nintendo letting us know that it was on its way ...but they did reveal that the game will feature song sharing between Nintendo DS handelds, which would mean one copy of the game has the potential to have a song the other doesn't? Could there be DS downloadable tracks in the near future? The mind boggles!

Messrs. Fils-Aime, Miyamoto and Iwata of Nintendo are due to take the stage at the Kodak Theater in downtown Hollywood today, giving E3 attendees a look at what's in store for the Wii and Nintendo DS. The whole thing kicks off at 9 AM "sharp." Since these things always start a few minutes late and we've got some time to kill, join us in the comments as we await the megatons, Nintendo-style.

We'll be hosting another contest in the comments for fabulous prizes, etc., so keep an eye on the liveblog for details.

Hit the jump for our up-to-the-minute liveblog coverage of Nintendo's E3 2008 Media Briefing.

Fact-Checking Nintendo's E3 Presser

Rumor: Slim, Sub $100 Nintendo DS Coming

IGN is currently running a rumor sourced from "trusted insiders" that Nintendo may be planning to introduce a new, slimmed-down, sub-$100 Nintendo DS minus a GBA slot at its media briefing tomorrow morning. The new DS, the outlet writes, may come with a built-in accelerometer, bringing motion control to Nintendo's dual screen handheld. That news is paired with alleged details on an Activision designed accelerometer cart for the portable.

It would be surprising, considering the Nintendo DS Lite is just two years young and still moving through retail at a rate equal to hotcake sales. Still, after the Wii Remote Motionplus hardware announcement earlier today, it just goes to show you we never know what Nintendo will do next.

E3 2008: DS Accelerometer / New DS Forthcoming? [IGN]

Apogee Return To Feast On The Living (And Duke Nukem)