I want to be an amazing shoot-em up player, effortlessly weaving between endless streams of multicolored bullets, beams of light from my spaceship/airplane/magical girl painting enemies with glorious destruction. If only I were that coordinated.

Gritty heroes fight demons from hell with guns in a brownish world spiraling out of control — if Journey to Hell's story sounds clichéd, that's because it's supposed to be. It says so right in the iTunes listing. "Cliché-packed Journey to Hell" the developers call it, an apt description if I've ever read one.