That stands for "Fuck This Shit!"

One-hit kills (except for grenade splash damage). No continues.

The middle level of difficulty is called "Dame This Is Hard." The easy level is called "Wussy."

The early 2010 downloadable game Matt Hazard: Blood Bath And Beyond has that sense of humor. I played it yesterday and can confirm that it's a game that was made to reproduce the frustrations (and joys) of old-school games while laughing at them.

Blood Bath and Beyond is an ode to Contra, an eight level downloadable title for Xbox Live Arcade and the PlayStation Network developed by the same Vicious Cycle team that produced Eat Lead, the 2009 third-person comedy shooter that parodied a generation of video games. Eat Lead was in 3D. The new game, a throwback, is a side-scrolling shooter.

Both games put players in control of Matt Hazard, a self-aware video game character who has seen his star fade as he was (fictionally) made to star in increasingly lame games. He was a badass action star reduced to kart racing, of all things.

In Blood Bath and Beyond, Hazard is sent back into games he (again, fictionally) starred in in the early 90s as he hunts down Neutronov, the villain who has stolen Matt's 8-bit self. A second player can join as Dexter Dare, Matt's 90s sidekick.

Contra fans would recognize the gameplay. The left stick moves the character across a scrolling battlefield full of angry enemies. One button makes the player's character jump. One button fires his gun. Holding a shoulder button locks Matt or Dexter in place so they can easily fire from all angles. A pull of one of the triggers allows Matt or Dexter to shoot into the background. Weapon upgrades fall from the sky, providing temporary access to machine guns, rocket launchers, flame-throwers and guns that shoot a tall spray of bullets.

The levels are ripped from a fictional version of Hazards' 90s games, though you might need to be told that. While they play like a 90s Contra, they have the more polished look of a modern game and sometimes riff on products from a few decades. For example, 2007's BioShock gets a send-up in this level called Hate Boat:

There's also a level that has players fighting Mounties and Moose Tanks. Anyone know what that's a reference to?

I watched a Vicious Cycle developer play through a pirate level based on a fake game called Chest of the Pirate Queen. Pirate skeletons ran in from the sides of the screen. Some parts of the level, on a boat, swayed with the motion of the sea. Then I tried a more cutesy level with demented Pokemon-style trainers spawning colorful monsters I needed to eliminate. Another reporter and I shot our way up several floors of a big house that was full of fighters, snakes and these Pokemon-like creatures. The level felt like it was ripped, amusingly, from what I believe was the 80s Kung-Fu game I long ago played on my friend's Nintendo Entertainment System. Surprisingly, though, it ended with a boss battle against a large mechanical rhino who had a long health bar. The fight against him was as pattern-based and tough as a lot of old-school gaming fights, the kind of thing that will make one gamer laugh, one gamer relish the throwback challenge and another run away.

Publisher D3 of America has no price to announce yet for the new Matt Hazard, but the creators promise about two to three hours of first-time play through on lesser difficulty levels, with support for local co-op, online leaderboards, and, of course, that hard difficulty mode.

Want to laugh at how people used to play games? Then this one's for you.

Dream C Club's premise, if you aren't familiar, is to recreate the visual wonders of a Japanese hostess bar, letting the player drink frilly alcoholic beverages while chatting up (and loosening up) anime archetypes. They'll apparently be in various states of undress—but things stays PG-rated—and will perform karaoke numbers for you. Sometimes they get a little... bouncy.

Enjoy a batch of new screens from the Xbox 360 game, while you await your new kanji dictionary and clear some space under the mattress for your import copy of Dream C Club.

While pretty much panned universally, the cheesy low budget flick was good old fashioned mindless fun. Guess it was successful enough to warrant a sequel, which has just been announced.

Dubbed Chanbara Beauty: VorteX, the flick seems based on the game by the same name. By "seems", we mean, there's cowgirl Aya, swords, blood and the walking dead — much like in the VorteX. Though, we cannot vouch for plot accuracies.

Starlet Eri Otoguro who played Aya in the first film appears to have been replaced by some other lady. Fingers crossed she sticks around for the inevitable third Chanbara flick.

Onechanbara The Movie [Official Site via 24Framespersecond via J-Film Pow-Wow]

In Dream C Club, players go to a hostess bar for a year, working odd jobs during the weekdays to save money to spend on your nightlife.

The game features a drinking system called "IIS," which has players control their drinking using the Xbox 360 controller's analog stick and try to get the hostess shitfaced so she'll talk about personal things she normally wouldn't. "IIS" stands for "Interactive Inshu System" with "inshu" being Japanese for "drinking alcohol."

The system for talking with the hostess is called "ETS" (Emotional Talk System) and gives players three response choices using the X, A, and B buttons on the Xbox 360 controllers.

It's also possible to have girls get on stage and sing karaoke for players. There are cosplay options, too.

Seventy percent of Dream C Club's development has been completed, and the game is slated for a summer 2009 release. This is the second recent recent title to offer the hostess bar experience. The first is PS3 exclusive Ryu Ga Gotoku 3, which features Koakuma Ageha model Rina Sakurai who was interviewed for Arcade Mania.

Cabaret Club game coming to the 360 [Canned Dogs Thanks, Jeff!]

Above and below are images directly from D3 of the game's heroine Aya wearing her cowboy and boots, but not much else. At least she's got her swords. Very important! You can't kill zombies with boobs.

Bikini Samurai Squad [Playboy]

Something about these screens just seems too happy to me. No spoilers, but suffice it to say Coraline is not a tale of bright, shiny, happy things. So why does everyone (including Coraline) seem so pleased to be stuck in an alternate reality with buttons for eyes?

The game (on DS, Wii and PS2) sounds like your average kid's movie tie-in: "a whimsical exploration game that combines puzzle solving, character interaction and item collection with traditional action gameplay." Not sure I see any of that in the screens, but I do take note of the Skip button. That had better be for cut scenes.

Coraline the movie is out February 6. The game ships January 27.

I went to go check out Chanbara Beauty on Friday but unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I had a little too much to drink right before the movie so I didn’t get to see it in its entirety because I fell asleep. I remember some zombies and some chick in a bikini named Aya who had a sword, and she used this sword to fight the zombies. At some point I woke up and she was fighting some other chick who was in a school uniform of some kind. I don’t remember ever seeing this little girl [with arrow] in the movie so I have no idea who she is or what she has to do with the movie. And then the movie ended.

We would've remembered everything if we had seen it. But we didn't, so tough tooty.

OneChanbara Review [That Girl's Site]

Digital Extreme probably had a no-brainer hit when the decided to let people lop off body parts with a deadly Frisbee, but in their pursuit for something more they may have missed the mark this time around.

Loved
The Glaive: As if lopping off enemies' legs and arms with a flying three-bladed disc weren't fun enough, Dark Sector lets you slow down time and guide it along it's path with the PS3's tilt controls. (Which works amazingly well) You can also absorb electricity, fire and ice with it, allowing you to do things like freeze over lakes you have to cross or turn waterfalls into bullet-deflecting cover.
Gruesome Finishing Moves: Call me a fan of action violence, but I love being able to weaken a creature or enemy and then walk up and sink my glaive through its arm, or cut out its intestines and lop off their head in one move.
Puzzling Boss Battles: The boss battles, and there are a lot of them, almost all require as much thinking as it does shooting and throwing. The final fight in the game is particularly brutal.
Weapon System: It's not all about the glaive in Dark Sector. You can also upgrade your weapons through a black market, a requirement because the ones you find on the street tend to explode after a few minutes use.

Hated
Delayed Abilities: While it's a rather lengthy game, it takes far too long to give you the abilities that make playing it actually fun. Typically that isn't a problem, but the game has so little else to offer that, sans your evolving powers, Dark Sector feels like a generic, rather bad shooter.
Weak Glaive: Lets face it, none of use are going to buy this game to shoot people. Dark Sector is all about the amputation and designing it so that you can't lop off a limb without several hits is just plain stupid.
Shallow Plot, Bad Dialog: Wow, just wow. The plot is an amalgam of every old sci-fi and military movie. You've got your scorned lover, your grumpy old Russian scientist, your patriot-loving general. Thank god they let you skip each and every cut-scene... immediately.
Trite Character Design: The look of some of the main characters go hand-in-hand with that hackneyed plot, but the one I can't figure is lead Hayden Tenno. Since when do Emo kids go black-ops when they grow up?
Bugs: While the technical glitches aren't as pronounced later in the game, early on they can be quite distracting and it never shakes the occasional chugging.

When I first checked out early code of Dark Sector I hated it. When I started playing it I hated it. In fact, there were times when I was playing through it that I honestly considered just stopping and moving on. But something kept me coming back for more. Most likely the glaive and the impressive ways you can use it to, at times, literally shape a level. Unfortunately, the game doesn't really shake out its kinks until nearly half-way through and the elements of the game that are truly unique and impressive tend to get lost in a glut of generic gunplay.

Next time, more Jackal and Aftertouch and less running and gunning.

Dark Sector was developed by Digital Extremes, published by D3 Publisher of America and released on March 25 on Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. Retails for $59.99. Campaign played to completion, online modes sampled on PS3.

I've emailed the PR folks to find out how exactly they'll show up in the PS3 version of Dark Sector. If you're interested in the nitty-gritty, hit the jump for the games achievements and entitlements, which are broken down into level completion, combat and multiplayer.

I'll make sure to update when and if we hear back.

ACHIEVEMENTS (X360) / ENTITLEMENTS (PS3)

LEVEL COMPLETION - 300 PTS.

Name: Prologue
Description: Completed Chapter 1
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 1
Score: 10

Name: Exposure
Description: Completed Chapter 2
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 2
Score: 10

Name: Baggage Claim
Description: Completed Chapter 3
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 3
Score: 10

Name: Moths To The Flame
Description: Completed Chapter 4
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 4
Score: 10

Name: The Shipment
Description: Completed Chapter 5
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 5
Score: 10

Name: The Bait
Description: Completed Chapter 6
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 6
Score: 10

Name: Industrial Evolution
Description: Completed Chapter 7
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 7
Score: 10

Name: Unnatural History
Description: Completed Chapter 8
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 8
Score: 10

Name: Threshold Guardian
Description: Completed Chapter 9
Achievement Parameter: Complete Chapter 9
Score: 10

Name: The Dark Sector
Description: Completed the game
Achievement Parameter: Complete the game
Score: 100

Name: Dark Sector - Brutal Difficulty
Description: Completed the Game on Brutal Difficulty
Achievement Parameter: Complete the Game on Brutal Difficulty
Score: 110

COMBAT - 200 PTS

Name: Headhunter
Description: Decapitated 30 enemies
Achievement Parameter: Decapitate 30 enemies
Score: 10

Name: Incinerator
Description: Incinerated 30 enemies
Achievement Parameter: Incinerate 30 enemies
Score: 10

Name: Electrician
Description: Electrocuted 30 enemies
Achievement Parameter: Electrocute 30 enemies
Score: 10

Name: Jack Frost
Description: Killed 30 frozen enemies.
Achievement Parameter: Kill 30 frozen enemies
Score: 10

Name: Finesse
Description: 30 Aftertouch kills
Achievement Parameter: Kill 30 enemies with Aftertouch
Score: 40

Name: Hardball
Description: 30 Power-throw kills
Achievement Parameter: Kill 30 enemies with Power-throw
Score: 35

Name: Sharpshooter
Description: 30 Headshots
Achievement Parameter: Get 30 headshots
Score: 10

Name: Glaive Master
Description: Completed a level by only using the Glaive
Achievement Parameter: Complete a level by only using the Glaive
Score: 10

Name: The Finisher
Description: Performed 30 finishers
Achievement Parameter: Perform 30 finishers
Score: 10

Name: Double Decap Latte
Description: Two decapitations in one shot
Achievement Parameter: Get two decapitations
in one shot
Score: 15

Name: Jack the Jackal
Description: Took the Jackal for a ride
Achievement Parameter: Take the Jackal for a ride
Score: 35

Name: Skeet Shooter
Description: Shot 10 projectiles in mid-flight.
Achievement Parameter: Shoot 10 projectiles in mid-flight
Score: 10

Name: Weaponsmith
Description: Applied 5 upgrades in the market
Achievement Parameter: Apply 5 upgrades in the market
Score: 10

Name: Greed
Description: Collected over 50,000 rubles
Achievement Parameter: Collect over 50,000 rubles
Score: 10

Name: Researcher
Description: Collected 10 weapon upgrades
Achievement Parameter: Collect 10 weapon upgrades
Score: 10

Name: Master Researcher
Description: Collected all the weapon upgrades
Achievement Parameter: Collect all the weapon upgrades
Score: 15

Name: Rebound
Description: Killed an enemy with a reflected projectile
Achievement Parameter: Kill an enemy with a reflected projectile
Score: 15

Name: Ghost
Description: Used cloaking to get a finisher
Achievement Parameter: Use cloaking to get a finisher
Score: 35

MULTIPLAYER - 200 PTS

Name: Glory
Description: Finished best overall in a ranked match (Multiplayer)
Achievement Parameter: Finish best overall in a ranked match (Multiplayer)
Score: 30

Name: Veteran
Description: Scored 500 points (Multiplayer)
Achievement Parameter Score 500 points (Multiplayer)
Score: 30

Name: Hero
Description: Scored 5000 points (Multiplayer)
Achievement Parameter: Score 5000 points (Multiplayer)
Score: 40

Name: Champion
Description: Best overall in a ranked team game (Multiplayer)
Achievement Parameter: Finish best overall in a ranked team game (Multiplayer)
Score: 30

Name: Comrade
Description: Scored 500 points in ranked team games (Multiplayer)
Achievement Parameter: Score 500 points in ranked team games (Multiplayer)
Score: 30

Name: Hero of the people
Description: Scored 5000 points in ranked team games (Multiplayer)
Achievement Parameter: Score 5000 points in ranked team games (Multiplayer)
Score: 40

I wondered how they would change the jewel matching style gameplay to make this game different from its predecessor and they certainly didn't disappoint. Besides the obvious visual differences in the interface, the style of puzzling has changed as well. The round pieces have changed to hexagonal ones and extra challenge has been added by the movement of the hexagons once you have matched up your three or more. Instead of dropping straight down, your columns slide diagonally, and depending on which piece you move, the columns will fill in either from the left or the right. Gravity will have a bearing on the various movements of the pieces as well making you have to think in several directions at once.

One of the things I asked about was whether the AI was going to be improved over the seemingly punishingly difficult AI of the original Puzzle Quest. I was told that the developers had heard players issues and it was something they were working on. So hopefully this time around, our enemies from space won't have the same kind of luck that will allow them 5 minutes worth of amazing moves while we just sit and watch our health go down.

Like the original Puzzle Quest, Galactrix has an overarching storyline that ties all the puzzle battling together. In the far future, the entire galaxy is run by four mega corporations. It's not long before one of these corporations starts deadly experiments that go awry and threaten the existence of the universe. The player must puzzle battle these enemies of the universe and save us all.

There wasn't much more information given in the short demo that I saw but I could tell from what I did see that D3 definitely has another addicting hit on their hands. The changes from the original game are enough that new players will find it exciting and seasoned players will take to it immediately without feeling like they are just playing the same game over again. Puzzle Quest: Galactrix will be coming to the DS, PC and XBLA later this year, ready to fly its way into your heart and not let go.

It's was the first time I've ever worked in a bathing suit, so I was a little worried at first. Though, the costume was really cool, and I was able to play the part. We filmed during the winter, so it was a little chilly. I don't think you'd see a person dressed like this in winter.

D3 and Tomy just sent over their plans for next week's Comic Con. The companies will have a lot to look at including Dragon Blade: Wrath of Fire, Naruto: Path of the Ninja and Ed, Edd 'n Eddy.

Other games on site will include Dark Sector, Naruto: Clash of Ninja Revolution, Ben 10: Protector of Earth and Dead Head Fred. They will also have some artists and writers on hand, though I'm not sure if that's for the Comic Con or just their party.

Coolest part? They're going to be transporting press from the Comic Con to their party via "Naruto pedi-cabs."

The concept of D3 Publisher's Simple Series is simple: Cheap, fun and crazy games. The company held its SIMPLE SERIES Awards at Club Camelot in Shibuya. Awards were given to games which sold certain amounts during the 2006 fiscal year. They include:

• "Platinum Prize" For Selling Over 200,000 Copies: THE Earth Defense Force 2
• "Gold Prize" For Selling Over 150,000 Copies: THE Earth Defense Force, THE Boku no Machi Zukuri
• "Bronze Prize" For Selling Over 50,000 Copies: THE Mah-jong, THE Illustration and Figure Puzzle, THE Judgement

Congrats to all THE winners! Brian Ashcraft

THE Awards [Dengeki Online]

Everyone's favorite cowboy boots and bikini wearin' zombie slayer Aya from D3's Onechanbara is getting a new figurine come this June. Priced at ¥7,140 (US $59), the fig is at 1/6 scale and measures in at 29 cm (11.4 inches). Over at the YAMATO link below, there's even a "PHOTOZoomer" that lets shoppers get up close and personal with the figure. How close? Why, this close. Brian Ashcraft

Zoom Here, Kiddos [YAMATO]

Over at game site Gamasutra Brandon Sheffield has a neat interview with D3 Publisher's Alison Quirion. About a year ago, the company established an American arm of the company. Lots of nice info peppered through the interview, so do head over there and read through the whole thing. Here's what caught my eye:

• Earth Defense Force X is coming to the US as Earth Defense Force 2017 (as previously reported). Price point: Quirion says, "I don't think we've settled on it. They're not going out at $59, but I'm not sure if we're going to go $49 or $39."
• The company does intend to bring Onechanbara VorteX to the US.
• There are no plans to bring Zombies Vs. Ambulance to America. Like ever. And America is less wonderful for that.

Anyhoo, swing by, check out the piece and tell 'em Kotaku sent cha. Brian Ashcraft

D3P Interview [Gamasutra via Insert Credit]

We've seen the cute toys, now have a gander at the cute Onechanbara cell phone game. Cowboy-hat-wearing-zombie-slayer gets cell-shaded and over-the-shoulder camera angles for D3 Publisher's CERO Z (the Japanese game equivalent of "X") title. Since its a cell phone title, apparently the game slips under the country's ratings radar. Though, with graphics that kawaii, what's to worry? Brian Ashcraft

Onechanbara Cell Phone Game [Siliconera]

There are some games that cannot be as good as you imagine them. Simple 2000 title Tairyou Jigoku ("The Overwhelming Hell") for the PS2 is precisely one of the those games. The plot is Alice in Wonderland gone bad. It's a "panic action" game and centers around a schoolgirl named Erika, her missing cell phone, giant bugs and a rabbit in a top hat. See, the rabbit in a top hat stole her cell phone (of course!) and as the girl goes searching for it, she's attacked by cockroaches, centipedes, crickets, spiders and snakes. When the creepy-crawlies start to attack, Erika shakes them off or smacks 'em with poles and sticks. Though, don't know which is worst for most schoolgirls: Giant insects or not having a cell phone.

Game drops next February in Japan. Brian Ashcraft

Overwhelming Preview [EG via namako team]