Anyway, a Mr. "serv-27zb4-1438184361@craigslist.org" is offering his services and his DJ Hero kit to rotate some tracks for your wedding party, using "'ACTIVISION DJ HERO and XBOX360' to mix blends and mash-ups of DANCE - CLASSIC ROCK - HIP HOP" - aka the usual shit you hear in the waiting lounge of a Jiffy Lube down in Fuquay.

The guy then quotes 21 songs off the DJ Hero tracklist. "Host must provide STANDARD TELEVISION SET and SPEAKERS!!" Thass right, bitches!!! No Hi-Def!!! We talkin' STANDARD. Also: "My setup is state of the art," even though you could tune a boom box to 107.5 out of Winston-Salem, Rock 92 from Asheboro or 102 Jamz ("It really, really does!") from Greensboro for the same effect.

His fee? Three hours for just $50 and the beef or chicken. But for $25 more, he'll close down the joint, be it Masonic lodge or Jaycee hut. Luckily, "Don't Cha" is also not on the tracklist, so you don't have to endure a bunch of 55-year-old broads pretending to be MILFs before the cake-cutting.

L@@K DJ for parties, weddings, business eventTAKE URPARTY2THE NEXT LVL (RTP, NC) [OH YEAH, via Destructoid.]

Interested? Well your prospective employer also demands that you be able to play a Death Knight to "farm honor for items." Reward is $50 per hour while he's sub-1,850 in arena rating, $100 an hour when he's past that, and a big fat $5,000 bonus if he hits 2,350.

I'll admit, half of this is going well the fuck over my head, but it sounds a lot like the time back in sixth grade when I paid Jones Holcomb $20 to let me roll a 16th level fighter in D&D - in the basic set. That's right, I didn't even get to buy an artifact with that. No Mace of St. Cuthbert, no Celestian's Mantle, no Libram of Ineffable Damnation. Not even a sword +4 vorpal. And I was certainly more gracious and less bitchy about the transactional relationship than this clown:

"You *MUST* be trustworthy, helpful, have vent WITH MIC, and not have an holy-then-tho [sic] attitude," the advertiser writes. Christ, if I was getting paid to go into Warcraft and stand around healing some schmoe with more money than sense for 20 hours a week, I might not have a high opinion of my employer, but I'd definitely have a lower opinion of myself.

Oh, and, "Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster." Just in case you're a headhunter for arena-healing death knights.

Looking For WOW ARENA Healer Who Can Also Play a DK...(Laurel Hts / Presidio) [Craigslist, thanks Jeffrey S.]

"Do you have a passion for acting AND gaming? Do you have a costume emulating your favorite video game hero?" the ad asks. Me, my answers were no, yes and no. But if yours are yes, yes and YES!!!! they'd love to have you, especially if you can play as one of 67 (really) character types.

Here's a sampling (all of this is sic'd):

5. Canadian Mountie
14. Killer Fish
15. Evil Russian
17. Princess (a la "Super Mario"...but ruined party girl feel to her....also "Fat Princess")
18. Hand & Forearm (FPS gag)
19. Contra Bros.
22. Laura Croft (with "white trash" inspiration thrown in there)
23. Protoype/Assasin's Creed guy with hoodie hiding his face
25. Indian guy from Mike Tyson's PUNCH OUT
28. Asteroid/Space Invaders
32. Pitfall/Indian Jones/Nathan Drake (Uncharted)
41. Russian Mafia/Leisure Suit Larry (sleeze-ball look)
44. Bomberman/Dig-dig
47. Tetris piece
49. Little creepy girl (FEAR, BioShock, Silent Hill)
51. Nazi
61. DDR/Singstar pop-people
66. Fairy tale inspired/Cooking Mama cuteness

Can I cosplay a hand and forearm? Let me think about that for a second. Pulling off cosplay as a vector-graphics asteroid would be a smidge difficult. I'm also guessing that's not one of the speaking roles. And Contra Bros., I don't know when that game is releasing, but here's $5, mark me down for a preorder.

Actor? Gamer? Both? Casting for a Commercial ((west LA)) [Craigslist via Superannuation]

Posting on Craigslist in Aruba, Little Sis writes that she doesn't have any Adam in her - but she sure would like to!!! wink nudge thats-what-she-said rimshot.

Hi guys!!! I just turned 18 and I'm looking for a hunk to bring me Rapture! No fatties! I want a musculer guy with a big "drill" (*winkwink*) who knows his way around the bedroom. I'm up for anything (except water sports — ewww!). Teach me please!!! ;)

And the IRL reply:

u for real? 30+ experienced/mature big stick for you...you local on aruba??

You can also see Mario, who straight up says he's from the Mushroom Kingdom, get a rise out of a Texas dude, and Snake gets a spambot reply. Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil 4 has by far the most titillating response. Another grand memorial to the power of the Internet to connect the desperate and horny.

Personals from Video Game Characters [Asylum via GoNintendo]

As you can see, these ads were still active on the S.F. Bay craigslist as of 1 pm Crecente time. Here they are commingled with other lonely (and creepy) hearts seeking some nsa companionship.

Hmmm ... that one with the long tongue sounds ... tantalizing ... doesn't it? Go ahead. Hit him/her/it up. You know you want to, baby.

OK, you know what's really disturbing? SOMEONE ACTUALLY REPLIED TO THAT.

Gah. That guy'll probably flake once he sees me.

Aim high, Wasilla Xbox Craigslist seller [Boing Boing]

Pacman Ghosts Halloween Costumes (Thanks, Bill!)

"Oh GameStop Girl, how you make my heart meter skip a beat. If you were being held captive in a mountain fortress by a ruthless mutant mafia gangboss and I had to fight my way through 16 levels of fire-breathing undead ninjas with swords the size of small ponies, I would find a way, even if, after every level, a small man continued to taunt me by saying that you were in another castle. EVEN IF."

GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you - m4w [Best of Craigslist]

"That's a Nigerian 419 scam," my friend at work said. "They put these dream homes up and try to sucker you into placing a holding fee or deposit."

I was crushed. I could take the relentless fakery and heartbreak of trolling for online sex in the spam-soaked CL casual encounters. But housing? Was nothing sacred? And now there is this:

Know what I hate? When they want $100K but retail price is $99,999, like I don't know it's just a dollar's difference. Please. $50,000 or I walk.

Insider Documents Apple Nintendo Merger! - $99999 (cupertino) [craigslist, likely removed by the time you click it, but thanks to Eggy]

I want a guy who looks like link. from the game. I thought to myself that I might as well be honest. I look like zelda, so why not ask for it? who knows.. I know theres a guy like that. So if you think you look like link, the blonde skater cut, and light eyes look email me. Im a simple chick who loves zelda. I know thats a corney one to ask but heck we might as well be honest as to what we like? am I right? I want a guy like that and a guy who is romantic and believes in chilvary, love, old school ways, and doesnt have a problem with european culture. Thanks a bunch!!! If I like you, and you have a pic, ill email you back. PS I WILL NOT RESPOND to guys without FACE SHOTS. period. Thankyou for understanding. Im not a body chick. more a face and Please only guys 30 and below. And please do not email me rude comments... this world has too many jerks and I delete them and report to the authorities. Its extreme I know But please have respect.

It's happened. All those scary people from Renaissance Faire are online thanks to WoW and now they can be weird in front of everyone for more than one month out of the year. Yay.

A woman has posted an ad on Craiglist asking 5000 world of gold for an "epic flying mount" and in return letting the winning bidder "mount her". Some of the details of the post include preferential treatment to those who role-play (she has a costume, you see) as well as considering groups/anal. It could be a big fake since I can't find the original posting on Craigslist (though an old link is listed from a Digg user). I hope it's fake, or else people should have to be tested before they are allowed to breed. Kim Phu

Epic Slut [YMND via Digg]

Sony PS3 - 60GB - Brand New - Sealed in Box - $575 (los altos)
Received as Gift several weeks ago. Planned to return to EB Games, but I'm past the 2 week return period. This is about $75 less than you will pay with tax at most stores.

You gotta love Craigslist. So many uses! I've exploited it to sell furniture. Others have used it to scam hundreds with false promises of anonymous, attachment-free, rough sex. Some are looking to hire gullible line-sitters with no grasp on the concept of capitalism.

To wit:

SONY PS3 PLAYSTATION 3 CAMPER WANTED PAID IN CASH - $200

IF SOMEONE IS WILLING TO CAMP OUT FOR ME IN FRONT OF A STORE IN ORDER FOR ME TO BUY THE NEW PS3 I WILL PAY THEM BECAUSE I HAVE SCHOOL I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE THERE, I WOULD BE BACK ON THURSDAY NIGHT AT 10PM, OR YOU YOU CAN WAIT TILL THE FOLLOWING MORNING FOR AN EXTRA 50 BUCKS. PLEASE LET ME KNOW, YOU CHOOSE THE STORE, I BUY THE SPOT FROM YOU, THANKS!! CALL ME ANYTIME!!

Okay, doofus, no one is going to do this. Besides, any gamer worth their salt would just drop OUT of school already. Michael McWhertor

SONY PS3 PLAYSTATION 3 CAMPER WANTED PAID IN CASH - $200

We're sometimes hesitant about putting eBay/Craigslist stuff on the K, because someone always ends up making money, and it's not us. But, we did come across this original Xbox kiosk (just a kiosk, that's it) on Craigslist. The unit does contain built-in speakers and lights, which could be used to draw mosquitos and other insects. Baring in mind our hesitancy to post things like that, this item is pick-up only. Dude lives in Hawaii. So. Brian Ashcraft

Buy A Xbox Kiosk [Craigslist]

Oh indie gamedevs, will you ever fail to make me chortle ruefully, like a fat baby who drops cake on the floor? I think not.

Tittering tipper Tony (aka el moco, the Endangered Gamer) exclaims the following in his blog:

Sometimes on craigslist.org you run into weird shit. [...] This post on craigslist was the catalyst to my collision with the portal of suck known forevermore as Galloping Ghost Productions. They are developing a game (set for release this year!!!) "similar to the older Mortal Kombat games" called Dark Presence and were looking for "actors".

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the most profoundly retarded indie game I have seen since FATAL. Everything about it is pure gold: from the doodled-in-civics class company logo, to the kicked-out-of-the-Camarilla character portrait gallery, (hover your cursor over them; it gets so much better).

And the backstory... remember yesterday when I said one of my lost posts was "absolutely the greatest thing ever jettisoned into the hallowed halls of American literature"? I withdraw that claim as of now, because I've just read the Dark Presence backstory and it makes my post look like an Engrish translation of Pat the Bunny.

Read a stuning excerpt after the jump.

Just then, a familiar woman walked out to the banister above. It was Ravona. She had heard the commotion. She saw then, her friend knelt down, drawing back the knife. "Vamphyrial — NO!" she cried out. Both Vamphyrial and the Mind Master looked up. Ravona started down the stairs. Mind Master turned back and kicked Vamphyrial in the face.

There's nothing more to be said. Get your fill of this christlike manifestation before my flying monkeys exceed his bandwidth. Eliza gauger

El Moco's post [Endangered Gamer]

Galloping Ghost Productions Official Site [Galloping Ghost]

Captain sends word of a new website he's created that is striving to become the Craigslist of the MMO world. Dawnmarket is essentially a site to place free classifieds for massively multiplayer online game items.

You just register, select the game and server, list the item and asking price and then when you get a buyer hook-up online to do the trade. So far the place is a virtual morgue, but I'm hoping people start listing the same sad, self-indulgent Missed Connections that made CL such a huge hit.

BIOMEK WITH MOHAWK IN SCRAP VALLEY I was in the pick-up with the turret-mounted mini-gun and nail studded hood. I noticed your Dune Buggy as I zipped down the shattered highway past a clutch of Pikes. You were roasting a zipgunner with your flamethrower. Your wheels were sexy.

If you remember me lets meet at Old Fort Logan.

Sexy!

Dawn Market

Not only is the protagonist a trench coat-wearing World of Warcraft gamer, but he drinks the Dew.

ME: What are you drinking there?

YOU: (barely looking over your should back to me) A gin and tonic.

ME: Can I buy you one?

YOU: I already have one, see... (you hold up your drink sarcastically)

ME: Well then, can I reimburse you for the one you are drinking?

This guy's a real charmer.

You-Gorgeous Me-A Gamer [Craigslist]