Count your lucky starts CNB doesn't come for you. Instead, Norris and facial hair have teamed up with Gameloft to launch their own iPhone game: Chuck Norris: Bring the Pain.

Prepare your fingers, because you'll be taking charge of mini Chuck Norris in this game as he fights his way through the Cambodian jungle in search of prisoners of war. The game include three environments, 13 levels and, you better be sitting down, TWO Chuck Norrises.

I'm surprised Apple approve a game that can kill you by touching it, but it looks like they're going to.

I ran this by my Dad, also a Joe Bob fan, and he agreed this had to go up pronto: "The commenters will put up their own Chuck Norris facts too," Dad said. "Like: Chuck Norris finished The Bourne Conspiracy."

Zing!

OK, part two. This all looked a little too complex for me to think it was simply a well done movie. And lo and freaking behold, I think I'm right. As this video went around this week, Ripten found that there is indeed a Super Chuck Norris Bros. demo for the PC. And goddamn if I don't feel like buying a copy of Windows just to play this sucker. Ripten vouches that the download is virus free. Someone grab it and tell me what I'm missing.

Play Super Chuck Norris Bros. [Ripten]
Super Chuck Norris Bros Demo [ctfdoh.googlepages.com]

Special thanks to Kevin for reminding us of this special day!

When I saw the Chuck Norris Mii character I thought it was pretty funny, but the WoW version of the great Norris really takes the game cake. They've done a great job recreating him although those arms and hands are rather terrifying. I'm not really a WoW player, but I would be proud to be a member of any guild in which Chuck Norris was a member. Wouldn't you? If you value your life, you'll say yes. Flynn De Marco

Sometimes celebrities look like in-game characters. And sometimes in-game characters look like celebrities. And sometimes, they look like neither! Game site Gamewad has round-up of these kwinky-dinks which includes comparisons like Bruce Lee—Tekken's Forest Law or Kurt Russell—Solid Snake and not-so-obvious ones like Kratos—Scott Ian from rock band Anthrax or Chuck Norris—Second-guy-in-your-family on Genesis's Family Feud. Coincidence or not? YOU DECIDE. Brian Ashcraft

Video Game Real Life Celebs [Gamewad]

I don't have the slightest clue how we missed this, but Destructoidite FRONZ uploaded it sometime in July and I dug through our archives but I didn't find it. So. At the risk of posting old meme, and for the sake of completeness, I give you the trailer for Last Champion, which hopefully really is actually coming to Xbox Live Arcade Because you know what? Why the hell not.

Thanks, D-Toid.

Eliza Gauger

I didn't play The Movies... from everything I read, it sounded like the fun machinima generator I always wanted wrapped up in a plodding, completely pointless sim game.

Now I want to, despite all that. This machinima of zombie Bruce Lee versus shotgun-wielding Chuck Norris is great enough to make me sit through even the most plodding, pointless sim game for a chance to jizz my creative juices. Florian Eckhardt

I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have a soft spot for internet meta-humor. YTMND.com is infinitely fascinating to me, as is Encyclopaedia Dramatica, LJDrama.org, and Netmodelreview.

So when I saw this pop up over on Aeropause I just had to propogate it. Here we see the actual translations for the myriad acronyms you see bandied about in game chats the world over. Eliza Gauger

Read more [Core77, via Aeropause]

Choice excerpts:

683. Because /y LEERRRROOOOY JENKKKINNNS was used by unfunny people across the globe... to great affect and fanfare. The same people moved on to Chuck Norris jokes, and are currently busting out L2(insert vern here) jokes to tremendous affect. Shoot me.

679. Because neither of the new races in the expansion will be Murlocs..

659. Two words: Chuck Norris

879. "LF1M Strat need healer then we're G2G"

75. Because I gained over 60 pounds from playing. I had to stop

116. because i couldnt find any tin ore

I usually take breaks...a few months on, a few months off. If it stops being fun, stop playing. There is nothing I hate more than getting some dickweed in my group who throws a shit fit every time anyone makes a mistake, and does not actually appear to be enjoying himself in the least.

If you aren't doing this for sheer entertainment, get the hell out of our game. Eliza gauger

Get That WoW Angst Of Your Chest [Joystiq]

This avatar should satisfy our Chuck Norris quota for the day. Or the month or heck, even the year.

Chuck Does Oblivion [Kotaku]
Chuck Norris [Official Site] Thanks, Andre!

That said, we laughed.

Chuck Norris - Oblivion Style! [You Tube] (via Evil Avatar)

Lemon Demon's power pop flash masterpiece showcases everyone from Godzilla to the Power Rangers to Sonic and Super Mario in an apocalyptic death match. And yes, Chuck Norris even puts in an appearance. Two Chuck Norris posts in the past week? Hot diggity dog, the planets must be in alignment.

Watch Here [Ultimate Showdown] Thanks, Ken!

Thank God this had a gaming connection, because I was going to paste it anyway. I, and apparently Chuck Norris, were completely unaware that there were a bunch of factless rumors floating around on the internet about the ass-kickingest Texan to ever do a roundhouse kick.

The rumors are all hilarious and one is even about gaming, though it's not nearly as funny as the rest.

My personal favorite is that one about Trix. I don't know which is funnier, these rumors or the fact that Norris felt the need to debunk them on his blog. Maybe he didn't want people thinking his tears really do cure cancer.

We love you Mr. Norris, you're right up there with Mr. T.

Top 30 Facts [Chuck Norris Rocks]