After catching a bunch of people using an external application to unlock achievements, and thus get new in-game items, Valve's grimly dutiful TF2 administrator has bemoaned on the game's official blog:

Please, do take a cursory glance at the missive directly below this one. Take care to notice its author, and the dismally recent date of its posting.

Now imagine how profound my disappointment, to be called back again so soon to administer justice to the melon-headed few of you who persist in fraudulence. I'd just sat down with the two things I enjoy most in life - the most recent issue of Punishment Monthly and a carton of cigarettes - when the alarm sounded. I feel like a dog owner who's rubbed her pet's nose in a mess on the carpet, only to turn around and discover it setting fire to the drapes.

This time it seems a number of you used an external application to unlock all of your achievements in order to get items unfairly. Coming as a surprise to no one with the ability to retain memories of the recent past, I have taken these items from the perpetrators for one week.

Can I trust that this episode has finally taught you a lesson? I should live so long. Having watched how the sorry lot of you comport yourselves on the battlefield and in the forums, I would consider it a small miracle to trust one of you enough to lick stamps without asphyxiating.

My magazine awaits.

The Administrator

Who do you do it, cheaters? Why must you break the administrator's heart like this?

I Can't Take My Eyes Off You for Five Minutes [Team Fortress 2]

So it must be the highlight of their week when they get to not only catch them, but dream up imaginative new ways to punish them. Valve had such good fortune this week, when people were caught using weapons that shouldn't have been available to their player class.

The offender's punishment was grim:

It saddens me that despite my best efforts to instruct and better you, some of you insist on finding new ways to fail.

We have sounded the alert and released a quick fix for an exploit that some unscrupulous players were using to wield items on invalid classes. I have considered an appropriate punishment for the good-for-nothings responsible for this horrendous breach of conduct. Death, of course - but death is too good for disappointments such as these. Instead, their unlockable items have been removed for a month.

To the majority of you who did not see fit to cheat, you have my congratulations: I await the countless other ways you will inevitably disappoint me in the future.

You Have Failed Me [Team Fortress 2]

Hit the jump for a screen cap of the code, safely locked away from eyes that would rather just not know. Now I go back to staring at Activision reps with a wild look in my eyes until they announce Stan Bush's "The Touch."

For those of you in the audience who are colorblind, that's Blue - Blue - Red - Green - Green - Blue - Blue - Yellow, though why you folks would be playing the game in the first place just confuses me.

Just enter the following numbers into Niko's phone (they should work on both 360 and PS3):

Restore Health
4825550100

Restore Armour
3625550100

Equip Baseball Bat, Handgun, Shotgun, MP-10, M4, Sniper Rifle, RPG, Grenades.
4865550100

Equip Knife, Molotovs, Handgun, Shotgun, Uzi, AK47, Sniper Rifle, RPG
4865550150

Remove Wanted Level
2675550100

Raise Wanted Level
2675550150

Change Weather/Lighting
4685550100

Spawn Annihilator
3595550100

Spawn Jetmax
9385550100

Spawn NRG-900
6255550100

Spawn Sanchez
6255550150

Spawn FBI Buffalo
2275550100

Spawn Comet
2275550175

Spawn Turismo
2275550147

Spawn Cognoscenti
2275550142

Spawn SuperGT
2275550168

Grand Theft Auto IV - Cheats [GTAIV.net]

Here's what it comes down to, for me: we argue a lot about what game critics "should" or "shouldn't" do to be worthy of writing their review. But the most important thing in judging a game is to figure out what makes it fun, and then try to enjoy it for what it sets out to do .... Sometimes, you have to stop rushing and just not finish the game in order to actually enjoy the time you spend with it. Other times, if you're driving yourself nuts over one stupid puzzle, it's worth cheating your way around it - which is what a lot of your readers would probably do anyway. In trying to decide if it's "okay to cheat," I'm basically down to my core philosophy: you should just figure out how to have fun with the damn thing. And if you can take that fun and distill it down to a letter grade, you've got yourself a review.

I don't really care if a reviewer cheats on a puzzle or two, but if the game is maddeningly frustrating, it would be nice to have that noted.

Can Game Critics Cheat? [Save the Robot]

Codes for the Cockpit radio (Use radio from left to right)
• Code1 2751 Iwata
• Code3 4617 Sakamoto

Tips
• The four lights on the top of Samus' helmet indicate the battery life in your Wii Remote
• Hypermode - by managing your Hypermode correctly, you can stay in Hypermode for 35 seconds. As your Hypermode bar level increases, shoot your weapon to deplete Phazon. This way, you can "float" in Hypermode and stay in it longer.
• Ghor Battle - Freeze the Fuel gel puddles on the ground to cause Ghor to Spin out and slam into a wall, making him stay stunned for a longer period of time.
• The following creatures can be killed with one shot by using the Nova beam and X-ray visor:
1. Metroids
2. Metroid Hatcher
3. Bezerker Pirates
4. Commando Pirates

Bumper Stickers available
• Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
• WarioWare: Smooth Moves
• Excite Truck
• Mario Party 8
• Wii Sports
• Wii Play
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl
• Super Mario Galaxy

Crackdown Orbs Picasa Album [via The-InBetween]

Oh, swell...

IGN Sports: I read how your strategy for Tiger Woods includes the ability to buy new courses. Does that mean you're holding courses back intentionally from consumer who buy the game in order to force them to purchase courses separately and spend more money?

Chip Lange: The Tiger team is taking a creative approach to it. You can either unlock or buy the courses, depending on your gaming preference. We look at this a lot like other stuff that goes on in the industry. IGN does this with premium subscriptions where there's a subscription service and you can get guides to games. I can pay for a subscription in order to unlock some stuff so I don't have to play the game all the way through, or now I can go this route. It's just another way to allow gamers the choice on how they want to play the game. That's the way the Tiger team is approaching this.

In other words, EA is now going to let you pay to get past hard parts of the game. If you want to unlock content, you can either do it by playing the game or you can pay them to unlock it for you.

Here's the question: exactly how long do you think it's going to take for a company like EA to make it flat out impossible for most players to advance or unlock without paying for it? Florian Eckhardt

EA Sports Tackles The Marketplace [IGN]

After the LocoRoco interview, game creator Tsutomo Kouno was kind enough to pass along a copy of the LocoRoco Guide Book, which went on sale today. The book features hints and pointers on how to tear through the game. Best of all, there are two pages of LocoRoco stickers! Schweet. Hit the jump for more details. Brian Ashcraft

What's cool about this video showing how to use the Master Hand as a playable character in Super Smash Bros 64 isn't so much the character itself — which is kind of neat but would cause your friend's to suck your eyes out of their sockets over how cheap it is — but that it took 7 years for someone to figure out that rotating the control stick 30 times in a row would unlock him. Florian Eckhardt

There are tons of these vids floating around the Intertubes, making me think that there either a lot of people really good at math or a lot of people good at cheating. Regardless, I'm amazed the game can read this guy's chicken scrawl, because mine causes it to go haywire. That, and when I say "blue." Brian Ashcraft

Aeropause recently had the misfortune of joining a
Game of Halo 2's Big Team Battle which had been shat upon by a cheater. Aeropause messaged the guy after the match and somehow got him to agree to an interview.

Unfortunately, names have been changed to protect the shitweasel. But this little interview goes to show that cheaters are not only irritating, they're stupid as well. From Aeropause I also stole this image of the cheater in question at his tenth birthday party, where his chin was tragically lost in a cakeface accident. The little guy didn't let it keep him down, though!

Observe this excerpt from the interview, in which Schmuck follows up his assertion that "everyone wants to cheat" with a defensive "like I give a flying fuck what other gamers think about me".

Aeropause: The rise of online gaming has had its share of hurdles and one of the greatest hurdles is getting rid of cheaters such as yourself. What advice would you give game designers to help discourage cheaters?

Schmuck5000: Give Up! There is no way to stop us. Everyone wants to cheat and we will always find a way to do it. Anyone reading this is simply jealous of the fact that I have enough nuts to cheat and play the game the way I want to.

Aeropause: Everyone online including myself see you as the scum of online gaming. How do you respond to that?

Schmuck5000: Like I give a flying F**k what other gamers think about me. As long as there are games there will be cheaters, why should I stop if no one else does, as far as I see it I am evening out the playing field!

Brilliant reposte. Eliza Gauger

An Interview With A Cheater [Aeropause]

Game Boy Advance
1. Invulnerable - Right Button, Left Button, Up, Up, LKey, RKey
2. Magic Wind (Always Behind) - Up, Right Button, Down, Left, Left, Right
3. Restore Health - Select Button, R Button, A Button, L Button, Left, Right
4. Exit Map to Island Nav (or go to next island) - Left, A Button, Left, Select Button, Down, Down
5. Unlock Rumors - A Button, L Button, Select Button, A Button, Right, Up
6. All Ship Upgrades - Right, Left, Left, Down, Up, Select Button
7. Best Jack Upgrades - Right, L Button, Down, A Button, Left, Select Button
8. Restore Grog/Food - A Button, Select Button, Left, Down, Right, Up
9. Add 1,000 gold - A Button, L Button, Select Button, R Button, Right, Right

Cheat Keys Sequence
Restore Health 8 Y Button, Y Button, SELECT, +Left, +Right, +Left, +Right, +Left
Restore Savvy 8 X Button, X Button, SELECT, +Up, +Down, +Up, +Down, +Up
Invincibility 20 +Up, +Down, +Left, +Right, +Right, +Right, +Right, +Right, +Left,
+Right, +Up, +Down, +Left, +Right, +Up, +Up, +Up, +Up, +Up, +Left
Infinite Power 11 +Up, +Up, +Down, +Down, +Left, +Right, +Left, +Right, L Button, R Button, SELECT
Ludicrous Weapons 6 Y Button, Y Button, X Button, Y Button, Y Button, Y Button
(Oversized Weapons)
Seasickness Mode 6 X Button, X Button, Y Button, X Button, X Button, Y Button
(Camera Wobble)
Ghostform Mode 6 Y Button, X Button, Y Button, X Button, Y Button, X Button
(Player is transparent)
Banker's Cheat 5 +Right, X Button, X Button, +Right, +Left
(Gain 10 Gold)
Fast Music 6 Y Button, SELECT, Y Button, Y Button, Y Button, Y Button
Slow Music 6 Y Button, SELECT, X Button, X Button, X Button, X Button
Get Blunderbuss 6 +Down, L Button, L Button, +Down, +Down, +Down
Get Pistol 6 +Down, L Button, L Button, +Down, +Down, +Right
Get Rifle 6 +Left, L Button, L Button, +Up, +Up, +Up
Get Chicken 6 +Right, L Button, L Button, +Up, +Down, +Down
Get Pig 6 +Right, R Button, R Button, +Down, +Up, +Up
Get Axe 10 +Left, L Button, L Button, +Down, +Down, +Left, +Up, +Up, +Down, +Down
Get Executioner Axe 10 +Right, L Button, L Button, +Up, +Down, +Up, +Right, +Right, +Left, +Left
Clear Cheats 6 X Button, X Button, X Button, X Button, X Button, X Button
*(Clears Ghostform, Invincibility, Infinite Power, and Fast/Slow Music cheats.)*

Buena Vista Games just sent out a pack of cheat codes for the PSP version, so I suppose I'll have to make the time. Hit the jump if you're into that sorta thing. Don't worry, no one's looking. Brian Crecente

"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" Cheat Codes:

PSP Cheat Codes

tctctccx (tctctccx)* Full Health
tccttsxx (tccttsxx)* God Mode
tccttsss (tccttsss)* One Shot Kill
ccctttxx (ccctttxx)* Unlock Treasure Levels
ccctttss (ccctttss)* Unlock Kraken Battle
tttssxcc (tttssxcc)* Unlimited power moves

t = Triangle Button
c = Circle Button
s = Square Button
x = X Button

Cheats can ONLY be inputted during gameplay (while in Single-player, while in a level).

I'm currently smack dab in the middle of playing through Half-Life 2 Episode I, so seeing this hidden weapon makes me giddy. As soon as I defeat that mother ant-lion, I'm all over this crap.

Here's how you do it:

In console first type "hopwire_vortex 1" then "give weapon_hopwire" now throw it and then press attack again to activate it. It is preferable to do it in an area with lots of physics objects, I also suggest you stand back lest you wish to be crushed into singularity.

Very cool hidden stuff from Valve. Michael McWhertor

Something cool in episode 1

So, the Saints Row demo is out, but the entire city is depressingly unavailable. Or is it? Some clever gamers have figured out a few ways to get you through the blockade.Just park a truck near the barrier and double hit Y. Glitches abound beyond the borders, but it looks easy enough. Way to program, guys! Also, thanks to Xenokai360 for giving his tutorial video the most obnoxious rap soundtrack possible. Florian Eckhardt

Here's one I do remember... the cheats for Doom 2.

One of the founding fathers of the first person shooter genre, you can make our hero a god by typing IDDQD with the keyboard. IDCLIP makes him walk through walls. IDCLEV## can warp you to any level that you wish. Levels 31 and 32 are Wolfenstein secret levels where you can kill Nazi soldiers in hell. IDKFA unlocks every weapon - shotgun, plasma gun, BFG, and oh yes the chainsaw. Never leave home without it. Type IDKFA again and it's an instant ammo refill.

IDCLIP is for noobs, guys. For us old schoolers, it was IDSPISPOPD.. Smashing Pumpkins into Small Piles of Putrid Debris! Heck, I even remember the more useless cheats, like IDDT to reveal the full automap or IDCHOPPERS to get a chainsaw. Florian Eckhardt

This sort of thing always baffles me. As soon as I start cheating, I lose any desire to play.

Dog Trainer is incredibly easy to use. Just plug it into your DS, and insert the game cartridge into your Dog Trainer unit. You're then offered the chance to transfer a game save to your cart, a save that opens up your game. And what excellent game saves they are...

Saves include unlocking all dogs, having tons of money, all toys, and for some reason, a pre-made Jack Russell pup named Banjo with lots of money and all toys. And a very long walk meter.

And that's not all! Dog Trainer also provides some buzzkilling saves for Super Mario DS as a random bonus.

So if playing Nintendogs for hours with no hope of advancement sounds like a blast of red-hot fun right to the nuts, then get thee to wherever they're selling this doggy dongle and fork over your $20. Eliza gauger

More here [CodeJunkies, thanks Zakarth]

The word goes forth: MPH players beware! You got incoming cheaters and they like it when you cry. Says savvy 4 Color Rebellion:

Thanks to a trainer officially released today for the game, hackers now have the ability to boot into the NWC with the trainer active, and do any or all of the following things:

* Infinite Energy
* Infinite Missiles
* Infinite Sub-Weapon
* Hold B To Levitate

The worst part is, according to the NFO, the trainer was created SPECIFICALLY to barge into Wi-Fi games, spreading general dickery all around - like a cancerous cyst, spewing pus everywhere. Beware, gamers. The onslaught commeth.

Disgusting. The very worst kind of shitweaselry. I await foam-flecked commentary on the state of the game, your scores, and detailed recountings of the day's triumphs and trials. Do tell. Eliza gauger

Warning: Incoming MPH Cheating [4 Color Rebellion]