The Halo Waypoint previews have come to an end, and now the only way to get your anime-style Halo fix is coming on February 16th in three different flavors. There's the standard, boring DVD with a suggested retail price of $19.98, the two-disk special edition for $29.98, and the shiny Blu-Ray version for $34.99.

The two-disc special edition comes packed with bonus features, including:

* The Making of Halo Legends – An introduction to Halo Legends followed by a making-of segment for each episode.
* Halo: Gaming Evolved – Explaining the Halo phenomenon from its inception as an Xbox video game to a present day entertainment franchise.
* Audio Commentary with directors Frank O'Connor and Joseph Chou
* Widescreen (1.78:1)

Yes, widescreen is a bonus feature. I didn't write the press release.

The Blu-Ray version comes with all of that, plus an overview of the Halo Universe called Halo: The Story so Far.

"Halo Legends offers fans stunning, new creative visions of the popular video game's expansive universe, providing added depth and perspective to these beloved characters and thrilling environments," said Halo franchise development director Frank O'Connor. "Halo Legends is a perfect complement to the game's growing canon of ancillary entertainment options."

I'll be snagging the Blu-Ray version of Halo Legends myself, simply for the novelty of playing Halo on my PlayStation 3.

According to a report from Nikkei, the increase comes courtesy of some new ways to evaluate content on the disc. Or, in more technical terms, is thanks to new partial response maximum likelihood (PRML) signal processing, which "assumes inter-symbol interference, which makes it difficult to base optical disc quality evaluation on jitter, as is widely done now for Blu-ray and many other optical discs".

Now, there's good news, and there's good news. Good news first: this advance will be compatible with all existing Blu-Ray players, as all that's required is a firmware update. So the technology will find its way to PS3 games soon enough.

And the good news? The increase applies to all layers of the disc. So as soon as dual-layered Blu-Ray discs start becoming common, you'll be able to fit 66.8GB of data on a disc.

From 25 to 33.4 GB per Layer, Even Larger Blu-ray Discs on the Horizon [Nikkei]

Until now, all we knew was that the collection, which remasters God of War I & II in full HD on a single Blu-ray disc for the PlayStation 3, was coming out in November. The collection is now slated to be on retail store shelves on November 17th, just in time for the Thanksgiving holiday here in the states, giving players something to do between rounds of Modern Warfare 2.

Along with the release date announcement, Sony has also released a full list of trophies for both God of War games, which we've reproduced below, courtesy of the magic of cutting and pasting. Behold our power!

GOD OF WAR

Bronze

1.21 Gigawatts - Acquire Poseidon's Rage
Rocking Out - Acquire Medusa's Gaze
Bolt Action - Acquire Zeus' Fury
Sword Man - Acquire Blade of Artemis
Soul Search - Acquire Army of Hades
Matador - Win the first Minotaur fight
Scape Goat - Win the first Satyr fight
Roll Over … and Die - Win the first Cerberus fight
Don't They Ever Shut Up! - Defeat the Desert Sirens
Beat a Dead Horse - Complete the Centaur sacrifice to Hades
Kickboxer - Complete the Spike Room Box Puzzle
Rockin' the Boat - Complete the Sex Mini-Game
Don't Leave Her Hanging - Rescue the Oracle with 10 seconds to spare
Get the Ball Rolling - Complete the Challenge of Atlas
Totally Baked - Complete the Human sacrifice
Splash - Kiss the Nyad
Get Me a Beer Kid - Free yourself from the depths of Hades
Zero Health = Bronze Trophy - Open a Health Chest when your health meter is already full
Hitman - Get a 100 Hits Combo
Getting My Ass Kicked - Die enough times to get offered Easy Mode

Silver

Kratos' Marble Collection - Collect all the Gorgon Eyes
Stick it in Your Cap! - Collect all the Phoenix Feathers
It's the HUGE One - Retrieve the Captain's Key
Take the Bull by the Horns - Defeat Pandora's Guardian
God Killer - Kill Ares
Head Hunter - Obtain the head of the Architect's wife
The Power to Kill a God - Retrieve Pandora's Box
Hitman 2 - Get a 200 Hits Combo
Legend of the Twins - Watch the ‘Birth of the Beast' Treasure
Seeing Red - Max out all Weapons and Magic

Gold

Prepare to be a God - Beat the Game on any Difficulty
You Got the Touch! - Climb the Spiked Column in Hades without taking damage
I'll Take the Physical Challenge - Complete the Challenge of the Gods
Speed of Jason McDonald - Beat the game in under 5 hours on any Difficulty
Key to Success - Collect all of the Muse Keys

Platinum

Trophy of Zeus - Unlock all God of War Trophies

GOD OF WAR II

Bronze

Breaking Wind - Acquire Typhon's Bane
Big, Tuff, Buff and Rough - Acquire Rage of the Titans
Blue Balls - Acquire Cronos' Rage
Shiner - Acquire the Golden Fleece
Rock their World - Acquire the Head of Euryale
Learning to Fly - Acquire the Icarus Wings
Shaky Ground - Acquire Atlas Quake
Death from Above 2009 - Defeat the Dark Rider for the first time
Resurrection - Climb from the pit of Hades
Rock Hard - Defeat the Titan Minotaur inside Atlas
Pick'n on the Little Guy - Win the battle outside of the Palace of the Fates
Watcha Got on the Hot Plate? - Solve the riddle of the Fire Phoenix Statue
Whip it Good - Whip the Steeds of Time
Lift with Your Knees - Topple the Temple in the Bog of the Forgotten
Swinger - Cross the collapsing Grapple Bridge
Stoner - Stone and Shatter 30 Enemies
Super Sized - Get a 500 Hits Combo
Hitting Your Stride - Power up any item

Silver

Eye Can't Believe it - Collect all the Gorgon Eyes
Go Make a Pillow! - Collect all the Phoenix Feathers
Eye Sore - Collect 20 Cyclops Eyes
Boss Batch 1 - Kill the Colossus of Rhodes, the Dark Rider, and Theseus
Boss Batch 2 - Kill the Barbarian King, Euryale, and Perseus
Boss Batch 3 - Kill the Kraken and all three Sisters of Fate
Daddy Issues - Defeat Zeus
Rise and SHINE - Awaken the Phoenix
Spread ‘Em - Open the wings of the Temple of the Fates
Shine King - Open the door to the Temple of Euryale
Blowin' Your Wad - Max out all Weapons and Magic

Gold

The End Begins - Beat the Game on any Difficulty
Feel the Urn - Collect and use at least 2 Urns of Power
Bleeding Thumbs - Beat the Challenge of the Titans
15 Min Fight Scene - Battle your way to the Loom Chamber in under 10 minutes
You Know the Germans Make Good Stuff… - Collect all Uber Chests

Platinum

Trophy of Gaia - Unlock all God of War II Trophies

God of War Collection Ships November 17th, Plan Your Trophy Hunt Now! [PlayStation Blog]

Larry "Major Nelson" Hryb posting on his Xbox 360-centric blog today that Ballmer wasn't speaking about the Xbox platform during his interview with Gizmodo, instead saying those accessories were bound for the PC. More "poorly chosen words" or just a simple misunderstanding?

"As we have said in the past, we have no plans to introduce a Blu-Ray drive for the Xbox 360," Hryb reiterated. "In fact, the future of home entertainment starts very soon when Xbox 360 becomes the first and only console to offer instant-on 1080p streaming HD movies."

We have no plans for Blu-Ray on Xbox 360 [Major Nelson]

In an exclusive interview with sister site Gizmodo, Ballmer addressed the question of adding Blu-ray to the Xbox 360, saying, "Well I don't know if we need to put Blu-ray in there-you'll be able to get Blu-ray drives as accessories.

I think mostly the future of movies is on-demand, actually, as opposed to distribution via physical media," Ballmer continued. "So we're just gonna keep driving forward and try to make it the best entertainment — overall entertainment, not just gaming, but overall entertainment experience we can."

In the post format war, Microsoft has continued to push digital distribution, which seems contradictory to the idea that Microsoft would pursue a Blu-ray add-on accessory.

When Xbox spokespeople were asked about Ballmer's comment, they told Gizmodo, "Our solution for HD quality video on an Xbox 360 is coming this fall with Zune Video and 1080p instant-on HD streaming. As far as our future plans are concerned, we're not ready to comment."

Ballmer Talks Natal, Says Blu-ray Add-On for Xbox Coming [Gizmodo]

According to a report from Blu-ray.com, the first Blu-ray releases to feature said PSP copies of the films will arrive with Matthew Broderick vehicle Godzilla and sassy, sexy screwball comedy The Ugly Truth, both due November 10 in North America. And to get said PSP copies, you're going to need a PlayStation 3 to transfer them.

Looks like digital copies for the PC will still be happening on some Blu-ray releases, with the PSP option looking more like a matter of convenience.

PSP Digital Copy Included on Sony Blu-ray Releases [Blu-ray.com via Gizmodo/Joystiq]

The Blu-ray releases of the original Star Trek come packed with extras, as well they should, because when you make something very old very clear it generally makes it look even older than it is. Along with rare pilot episodes and various other bells and whistles, Star Trek: The Original Series season three on Blu-ray comes packed with a special code that will unlock an Admiral costume for your character to wear in Cryptic's Star Trek Online.

"For a limited time, sets will include an exclusive free offering in Atari's Star Trek® on-line game. Each set will include an insert that includes a unique code that will allow game players to outfit their avatar in an exclusive Admiral's outfit available only with this offer."

That's certainly one motivational extra for fans of the series and serious MMO fanatics. I just hope they keep things authentic, so when players don the Admiral outfit they suddenly find themselves trapped behind a desk, desperately trying to give orders to starship captains who have no respect for authority - for example, all of them.

The third season of Star Trek: The Original Series on Blu-ray ships in December.

Star Trek News [TVonDVD.com via Big Download]

At this point you've read about everyone and their brother getting some hands-on time with the E3 2009, Comic-Con, and PAX God of War III demo. Isn't it about time you got to take Kratos out for a spin yourself? Each copy of the God of War Collection, due out this November, will come packed with a voucher allowing players to download and experience the third game in the series well in advance of its March 2010 release date.

If you don't pick up the collection now that the demo is included, you're just a heartless person who wants to see Kratos cry.

God of War III E3 2009 Demo Included in God of War Collection [PlayStation Blog]

After all, there are plenty of popular PS2 games/series that - provided they were upgraded visually and included a few bonus features - people would be willing to spend money on. And not all those games/series are published by Sony. So we asked around, to see if the God of War announcement had lit a fire under any other publishers.

"We are constantly exploring unique ways to expose players to some of our legacy titles such as Metal Gear Solid and Silent Hill", a Konami representative told us. "Re-releasing games on Blu-ray presents an exciting opportunity for a publisher, however we have no announcements at this time".

"I don't want anyone reading this the wrong way (as I'm not saying anything like this could happen) but I'm seeing some interested for DMC to get this treatment", said Capcom's Christian Svensson, posting on the company's Unity forums. "Are there other titles you'd like see go this way? I'm looking for some temperature readings".

"We're always looking at new ways of getting content on PS3", Sony's Patrick Seybold told us, "but as of now, [God of War] is the only one planned."

Square Enix, sadly, refused to offer comment.

So, as you can see, no outright confirmation that similar projects are in the pipeline elsewhere (or indeed at Sony for other series), but definitely some encouraging words. You can bet somebody, somewhere is looking at the God of War collection and imagining something similar for Silent Hill, or Metal Gear Solid, or even Onimusha.

Movie fans love the Criterion Collection because it takes old movies and breathes new life into them; it's about time video game fans were given something similar.

After all, it's not like the set is being released out of the blue. There's a new God of War game coming, and what better way to drum up (or dredge up) interest than to get people playing, and talking about, the first two games again?

So it got us thinking: since this is as much a marketing move as it is a service to fans, what other upcoming PS3 games are there to market that have PS2 prequels you can repackage on Blu-Ray?

These (for GT5, FFXIII and The Last Guardian) are the obvious ones. But moving beyond the marketing side of things, are there any other series you'd like to see thrown together on a single disc, cleaned up to 720p and given a second chance on the shelf?

There are two of them available, both of which bundle two Blu-Ray movies along with a PS3 remote control. One offers you 300 & Batman Begins, the other offers 300 & 10,000 BC.

The interesting part comes in the retail price; both are sold for AUD$60 (USD$50), even though the remote retails for AUD$50 on its own and both Blu-Rays would set you back at least AUD$30 each.

So if you like any of the three movies on offer, and are without one of the excellent PS3 remotes (and are...in Australia), it's a pretty good deal.

ULTIMATE BLU-RAY MOVIE KIT [JB Hi-Fi]

Sony recently opened a new Blu-Ray factory in Sydney, and threw open the doors for the media to come in and take some photos. While most took the opportunity to take cheesy snaps of Sony executives, News Limited's Charlie Brewer did us all a big favour and came back with shots of the production line so nice they border on the pornographic.

For reference, of the Blu-Rays produced at the factory in Huntingwood, in Sydney's western suburbs, around one third of them are PS3 games (you can see PAL copies of PAIN rolling off the production line in the top shot).

There are 16 shots in all, taking us from silicon grain to artwork printing to packaged product, and you can see them all at News.com's site at the link below.

Inside Sony's Blu-Ray Factory [News.com.au]

If you didn't, you missed dipping into Capcom's endless bar and hanging with a Kikoken of Chun-Li, including that one right there in the center. The one who's eyes say "I really am Chun-Li and I'll kick you in the ear if you disagree with me.

The little post Chun-Li movie release party also included a top-tier Street Fighter tourney which handed out $2,000 in prizes.

If you did go, where the F are our pictures???

Street Fighter Party at the Shadaloo Lounge [Capcom] [Pic via Capcom Unity, via Karaface]

Sony have announced that the game will be out on disc in PAL regions next week. Continental Europe will see it on June 24, Australasia on June 25 and the British Isles will get it on June 26. And while it'll be including what looks like everything released for the game bar the Hasselhoff DLC, it'll still be priced lower than a standard retail game at €24.99/£19.99.

PAIN On Blu-Ray Disc [PlayStation.Blog.Europe]

When asked if including a Blu-ray drive on the PS3 was a mistake, Hirai replied, "Purely from a gaming standpoint there was no other choice for us." The reason being, Hirai explained, that the disc capacity is essential. "Last year's Metal Gear Solid 4 was pushing 50GB as it was," Hirai told The Guardian. "If it was on DVD it would have been a 6 disc set. The packaging and cost would have been prohibitive and it would have been hugely inconvenient to consumers."

What's more, the PS3 helped Sony get a leg up in the format war. Winning that format war was a bright spot for Sony — and the company isn't looking to abandon it any time soon. C"onceptually it may make sense to remove the Blu-Ray drive but in reality it doesn't make sense," said Hirai. "Also we never want to be in the position where countries without super fast broadband connections are locked out of the PlayStation business because the PS3 has gone download only."

The PS3 launch, however, wasn't as smooth as the company would have liked. Does Sony have any regrets? "Looking back if we could have done it again we probably would have not gone for the simultaneous worldwide launch," Hirai said. The exec pointed out that it's not so much how a console starts, but how it finishes — take the PS2, for example.

"For other consoles which have a five year life cycle it is much easier to judge performance after two years," said Hirai. "But for us, with the 10 year life cycle we have, it is premature to judge after such a short time."

Interview: Playstation boss Kaz Hirai [Games Blog]

The announcement reads, "The shape of a new report. Misato Katsuragi info plan. News will change with the PS3..."

There's a Namco Bandai Games logo on the same page — Namco Bandai is releasing an action adventure Evangelion game for the PSP this summer. One would assume that if there was an Evaneglion game, Namco Bandai would be handling that as well.

"Cellius, Inc." also appears as a copyright. Well, of course it does!

Back in 2007, Sony and Namco Bandai announced a joint venture to develop new content for the Cell chip including games for the PS3 and content for mobile phones and personal computers. The two companies invested about US$821,000 to form Cellius, an outfit headed up by Ken Kutaragi, the father of the PlayStation. Here's how the company was divvied up: 51 percent owned by Namco Bandai and 49 percent by Sony Computer Entertainment Inc.

Previously, the fruits of Cellius and Namco Bandai produced a Gundam video on-demand channel of all things.

However, because you're paying for this Blu-rayjust to get an extended sneak peek at Final Fantasy XIII and because I sat through the film twice to try and wrap my head around whatever new plot points they'd thrown in — I'll break it down for you in 15 minute format.

If even that's too long for you, just know that the sneak peek is footage we've already seen in demo footage and teasers, plus a couple of extra scenes at the end where Snow and Lightning get into an argument about something called Focus and whether or not Serah (the woman Snow drops at the end of the demo, perhaps?) is alive. Other than that, the extra 26 minutes in the film are mostly expository scenes about Denzel — the orphan that's living with Cloud and Tifa — and if that's not enough for you, the Blu-ray also includes an anime called "On the Way to a Smile" which gives you even more exposition on his sob story.

Other things you may want to know before buying Advent Children Complete are that the subtitles are still the closed-captioning for the dub instead of accurate translation. There's another FF7 retrospective that uses footage from Crisis Core and that cell phone game that never came out in the United States. The anime Last Order isn't on the disc, sadly.

Oh, and the Blu-ray looks pretty amazing.

SPOILER ALERT
The opening scene is the ending scene from Final Fantasy VII if you sat through the credits. Red XIII and his inexplicable progeny (since Red XIII was supposedly the last of his kind) race up to a destroyed Midgar, implying that Cloud's efforts to save the planet from "rock falls, everybody dies" syndrome were unsuccessful.

RED XIII: Rawr!

Next scene is set in people-infested Midgar, so apparently Cloud's efforts were successful. Sort of — a lot of people seem to be suffering from some disease called Geostigma that makes them seep black tar or green boogers. Gross. Two orphan children huddle together with a Moogle doll in an alleyway, watching some hobo vomit up black tar and die.

Meanwhile, in Seventh Heaven, which now appears to be a delivery service instead of a bar…

DENZEL: Hey, Marlene, is my face still seeping black tar?

MARLENE: Who are you again? And why do you live in my house?

PHONE: (rings)

PHONE: (rings)

PHONE: (rings)

PHONE: (rings)

We cut to a scene out in the wilderness around Midgar where the sword Zack inherited from Angeal and later gave to Cloud is rusting in the dirt. The title crawl finally rolls and Cloud, perched on an expensive-looking black and gold motorcycle, checks his voicemail.

TIFA: Reno wants you to pick something up from Healen. By the way, we're out of milk.

CLOUD: Can't talk right now, babe, about to get attacked by Sephiroth rejects for no apparent reason. Luckily, I just installed this sword dispenser in my motorcycle!

After a random motorcycle/sword fight, the Sephiroth rejects — Loz, Yazoo and Kadaj — call off their attack and Cloud, left with nothing better to do, heads for Healen. Reno and Rude appear for five seconds of much-needed comic relief and then Rufus Shinra rolls out in a wheelchair and blanket, apparently horribly scarred — but still alive.

RUFUS: Hi there. I'm...

CLOUD: What the? You're dead!

RUFUS: ...not dead. Anyway, so, this whole mess is really all Shinra's fault…

CLOUD: Seriously, how are you alive?

RUFUS: …and you may have encountered some Sephiroth-looking guys…

CLOUD: They scratched my bike!

RUFUS: Can't a man finish a sentence?! Sephiroth…

CLOUD: (looks like he's about to cry)

RUFUS: …might not be dead. Lifestream tomfoolery, you understand. Anyway, about those kids you live with...

CLOUD: (leaves)

RUDE: I think he took it well.

RENO: Took what well? I was locked out of the room the whole time!

The next scene is set in the church where Aerith hung out in better days (y'know, the ones where she wasn't dead). Cloud appears to have set up house in the ruined building beside a patch of flowers. Tifa and Marlene enter the church and find his sleeping bag next to a big box. If you want to see what any of this looks like, check out this Korean music video.

MARLENE: Look, Cloud's stuff is here. Let's wait for him to come back!

TIFA: Well, we could be waiting for days. But he owes me rent, so why not.

We cut back to Healen where Reno and Rude perform more comic relief.

RENO: Boy, sure wish Tseng and Elena were here.

RUDE: Yep.

DOOR: (seeps ominous black smoke)

Now the scene cuts to a new segment with Denzel that provides some back story. Filthy and seeping black tar, 10-year-old Denzel wanders around a ruined Sector 7 outside Aerith's church. He spots Cloud's shiny bike with his cell phone in it.

DENZEL: (deliriously attempts to dial his dead parents)

DENZEL: (checks missed calls section)

DENZEL: (calls Tifa)

TIFA: Cloud?! You never call! How long does it take to get a dozen eggs, anyway?!

DENZEL: (has a black tar seizure)

TIFA: Oh, crap, you're not Cloud.

CLOUD: (comes out of the church) Oh, there's my phone!

The new scene ends with Denzel blaming himself for Cloud never coming home. Then Yazoo speeds by on a bike, reminding us that the Sephiroth rejects are still relevant to the plot. We cut back to Healen where Kadaj — the Sephiroth clone with the woman hips — has evidently laid out Reno and Rufus and is now whining his little white-haired head off at Rufus about Jenova.

KADAJ: Where's my mommy, I want my mommy!

RUFUS: Oh, you mean that head that we keep in a jar? I dropped it. Out of a helicopter.

KADAJ: That's too bad. I killed your henchmen.

RUFUS: I have more.

KADAJ: You mean these guys I laid out on the floor here?

We cut back to Aerith's church where Marlene and Tifa are still waiting for Cloud. Loz — the biggest of the Sephiroth clones — slams open the door and Marlene, who must be near-sighted or something, runs toward him.

LOZ: Hey. Wanna play?

TIFA: (throws down, gets ass kicked)

MARLENE: (gets kidnapped, along with Cloud's box which contained materia)

Now we get another new scene of Denzel; but unlike the previous scenes which didn't do much to clear up the cluttered plot, this scene shows how it is that Denzel winds up with the bad guys.

YAZOO: Hey little boy. Want some candy?

DENZEL: Will it fix my head?

YAZOO: Just get in the truck.

Meanwhile, Cloud finally returns to the church to find his material box gone and Tifa collapsed among the flowers. He runs to her side.

TIFA: Oh Cloud, you do care!

CLOUD: You let them take all my materia?!

Cloud passes out. They're rescued by Reno and Rude, who take them back to Seventh Heaven.

RENO: So, the Sephiroth rejects took your kids.

CLOUD: Guess I'll pull a Hamlet and delay.

TIFA: Oh Christ, this again?! You always dilly-dally, shilly-shally!

CLOUD: Dilly-dally, shilly-shally?

The next scene is the Sephiroth rejects gathering the sick children around a pond in the Forgotten City, which is like Sin City, but with white trees instead of hookers. In a bizarre hazing ritual, Kadaj has the sick kids get into the pond with him and drink the water.

KADAJ: Hey kids. My mom says you're sick and you need to drink the water to be cool. You wanna be cool, right?

DENZEL: I do, I do!

MARLENE: (who was kidnapped by Loz for no real reason) Hey, I remember you. You live at my house!

Eventually, Cloud shows up on his sword-dispensing bike and hallucinates Aerith giving him a pep talk that's way more effective than Tifa's. Then he wipes out on his bike so as not crash into a brainwashed Denzel. Fifteen minutes of fighting ensue wherein Cloud drops his cell phone in a pond and passes out right as Vincent shows up to save him.

Vincent takes Cloud to some other part of the Forgotten City to explain what we already know: that geostigma has to do with the Lifestream. Then he explains that Tseng and Elena aren't dead and that they've found Jenova's head. Marlene shows up, apparently having freed herself from Loz with no assistance.

MARLENE: Gee, thanks for the rescue, Cloud. Can I borrow your cell phone and call Tifa? She's the only who really loves me.

CLOUD: I dropped it in a pond.

VINCENT: A cell what?

MARLENE: I feel safer with the vampire than with you, Cloud. You suck!

CLOUD: I do suck. I'll work on that.

CLOUD'S PHONE: (falls to the bottom of the pond, playing voicemails from Reeve, Yuffie, Barrett and a bunch of other characters that haven't gotten cameos yet)

Now we actually get to the fan service portion of the film where there's fighting and stuff. It starts when Yazoo and Loz decide to pull down a statue in the middle of Midgar because they think Jenova's head is inside it. But the fighting doesn't start yet because Cloud still has to drop Marlene off at home.

MARLENE: So...let me get this straight. You've been wandering off in the wilderness trying to find a cure for Denzel, plus it turns out you have Geostigma, too, and you're convinced that you can't be with people because you can't take care of yourself and you don't want to burden others?

CLOUD: Uh, yeah. I guess.

MARLENE: Seriously, you suck.

CLOUD: I said I was working on it!

Now we actually get to fighting. Dog-demons attack the bystanders in the plaza where Loz and Yazoo are working on pulling down the statue.

TIFA: Denzel! What are you doing with this riff-raff? You're coming home with me, young man!

Meanwhile, a block or two away, Kadaj has a moment with Rufus in some half-constructed building that Rufus should not have been able to access in his wheelchair. Kadaj summons an evil Bahamut to tear up the monument because I guess his brothers are going too slow. Then Reno and Rude show up and fail to be effective while verbally sparring with Loz and Yazoo.

YAZOO: Mother wouldn't approve of you.

RUDE: Tell your mom thanks for last night.

LOZ: What did you say?!

RENO: He said your mama's a ho' and she like it nasty!

More fighting ensues, but we can stomach it because finally get some cameos from the rest of the FF7 cast as they shoot, spear, gun, shuriken, and claw at evil Bahamut. Cid's got a new ship, Yuffie still hasn't hit puberty, Cait Sith... is, well, Cait Sith. And Vincent has decided to buy a cell phone. Denzel meanwhile has another flashback to his dead parents and then Cloud shows up.

At this point, you might expect Sephiroth, but there's still a good 20 minutes of fighting before that can happen. Denzel — in another "explosive" new scene — defeats a fire hydrant, while the real heroes completely defy the laws of physics to perform the ultimate alley-oop on Cloud to defeat evil Bahamut.

Cut back to the half-constructed building where Rufus reveals to Kadaj that he's actually not a cripple! Also, he's had Jenova's head in a box the entire time. He flings the box over the side of the building and Kadaj shoves him off before jumping after the box. Elena and Tseng make a long overdue comeback to save their boss with hammock-dispensing guns.

RUFUS: See, this? This is what I pay you for.

ELENA: You don't pay us anymore, sir. You don't have any money.

Kadaj snags the box and takes off. Cue second over-long motorcycle chase of the movie. People smash bikes into one another and somehow flying them through helicopters. Some freeways get destroyed and there's a bit of business with homemade bombs. It's all very Die Hard.

Finally, Kadaj is singled out from the Sephiroth reject pack and ends up in Aerith's church, where he discovers the box is apparently empty. After a minor freak out, he winds up blowing a hole in the ground beneath the patch of flowers. This causes a Lifestream wellspring to flow into the church, which cures Cloud's Geostigma and gives Kadaj a case of hives. They escape via motorcycle to battle outside on a roof somewhere.

The rest of the FF7 cast in Cid's new ship flies to Cloud's aid.

YUFFIE: I'll throw him some materia!

CID: I'll drop bombs on him!

VINCENT: No. This is Cloud's battle.

TIFA: Yeah, Cloud can handle this on his own.

CID: (flies the ship away)

CLOUD: Uh, guys? Guys?

Meanwhile, Kadaj shoves the contents of what wasn't an empty box into his chest and turns into Sephiroth. For the next eight minutes, this is the best movie ever.

Cloud finally sustains enough damage to perform a limit break and hallucinates Zack.

ZACK: Hey, buddy. You want me to beat the boss for you?

CLOUD: Nah, I got it. (Limit break)

SEPHIROTH: I'll never let you go, Cloud.

Sephiroth turns back into Kadaj who mercifully has only a few lines before fading away into sky-sperm. A Lifestream rainstorm then cures all of Midgar's Geostigma cases. Except Denzel, who's at home, presumably grounded for being brainwashed.

YUFFIE: Yay, we won!

CAIT SITH: Yay, we won!

TIFA: I told you he could do it!

CLOUD: (gets shot)

LOZ and YAZOO: Ha ha! Gotcha!

The remaining two Sephiroth clones fade into sky sperm and Cloud goes into hallucination mode where a wolf drools on him and a disembodied hand strokes his forehead.

CLOUD: Mommy?

AERITH: Why does everyone call me that? Do I look old or something?

CLOUD: Am I dead?

AERITH: Don't be silly. You're the main character of Final Fantasy VII. How's Square supposed to milk more money out of this franchise if you're dead?

Cut back to Seventh Heaven where the phone rings again. Denzel actually picks up the receiver this time, but still can't manage a simple "hello." He hangs up and takes off to the church with Marlene, that orphan girl from the first scene and all the other children of Midgar to Aerith's church. There, they find Cloud floating face-up in the Lifestream pool. The entire main cast gathers in the church to watch Cloud baptize Denzel with Lifestream. Then Cloud hallucinates dead Aerith and Zack one last time before the closing credits and has a sudden epiphany.

CLOUD: I'm not alone. I see dead people.

Roll credits for 11 minutes.

Special thanks to Michelle!

While the Xbox 360 is getting Watchmen: The End is Nigh Parts 1 and 2 as a standalone retail release, the PlayStation 3 is getting a much more enticing release. The two-disc set combines the director's cut of the Watchmen film with both parts of the downloadable game, with exclusive artwork thrown in for good measure. The director's cut of the movie contains 25 minutes of footage not seen in theaters, but still no giant squid.

The releases will coincide with standard DVD release on July 21st, with The End is Nigh Part 2 also available as a standalone download on Xbox Live Arcade and the PlayStation Network.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete will be released in America on June 2. Have a look at the English language trailer. Rather, have a listen.

Re-recorded with the original voice cast that includes Rachel Leigh Cook and Mena Suvari, Blu-ray movie Advent Children Complete includes 26 minutes of bonus footage and one thousand new scenes. There is also a 25-minute original anime short, "On the Way to a Smile - Episode: Denzel", which tells the story of character Denzel before the events of Advent Children. Other extras includes a new featurette, a documentary and a storyline digest.

English Language Advent Children Complete Trailer Online [AnimeNation]

Look at that cover! It should come with a disclaimer: contains 5% actual Kristen Kruek. And also a warning: Chris Klein is not actually Nicolas Cage.

The Blu-Ray edition will be out at the end of June, and inexplicably comes on three discs, including an unrated edition of the movie. The one shining light is that, since there's three discs, there's surely room in there for the Chun-Li vs Balrog battle that has been spoken of, but never seen.