The pack features two new maps for co-op, a subway station in Kiev controlled by a dangerous militia, and SSC headquarters, where they can finally take down Dalton, the man responsible for framing them, who might possibly make his escape in a Pontiac...your escape from the everyday driving experience. Along with the co-op maps, players can also go 2-on-2 with the China Canal Lock map online, with all four fitting comfortably in most of Pontiac's line of luxury sedans.

Pontiac, Pontiac, Pontiac. Not nearly as funny when we do it, is it? Head for the mountains indeed.

FINISH THE FIGHT WITH THE UPCOMING FREE VETERAN MAP PACK FOR EA'S ARMY OF TWO
Free Downloadable Content Features Two New Campaign Maps and Enhanced Versus Map

This year’s breakout 3rd person co-op shooter just got more intense! Players now have the chance to extend their ARMY OF TWO™ experience with two brand new co-op campaign maps and an enhanced multiplayer map that offers more opportunities to show that a two-man team can be unstoppable. The free Veteran Map Pack, sponsored by Pontiac, will be available on May 29 in North America and Europe on Xbox LIVE® Marketplace and PLAYSTATION® Store.

Players will experience an all-new map as they find themselves underground in a subway station in Kiev where they must find and destroy the central hub of a dangerous militia. The second map takes players back to SSC headquarters in Miami where they finally get the chance to take out Dalton, Rios and Salem’s ex-boss and the man responsible for framing them, in an intense boss fight where the glory of revenge is finally felt. The Veteran Map Pack features dynamic and interactive environments including destructible objects that were not available in the retail version. The action also continues online with two-on-two teams battling it out in the China Canal Lock map.

ARMY OF TWO has been rated M by the ESRB and 18 by PEGI. It is available on the PLAYSTATION®3 computer entertainment system and Xbox 360™ videogame and entertainment system. For more information on the game, please visit the official game website at www.armyoftwo.com or the EA press website at www.electronicarts.co.uk/press.

"We're pleased to have Call of Duty 4 leading the way in the FPS genre, with recent launches such as Army of Two and Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 failing to inspire. Call of Duty 4 has been a phenomenal success for us and reflects Activision's commitment to creating truly ground-breaking games."

Activision: Vegas, Army of Two "failing to inspire" [CVG]

Zero Punctuation on Army of Two [the escapist]

But seriously, the Army of Two demo really is coming April 1st to Xbox 360 (sorry PS3 owners) and it will include both the training tutorial and the entire first level of the game. DLC will follow soon after, including 1 new multiplayer map, 2 new campaign maps and the SSC Challenge obstacle course. (Given that single player only features 6 levels, 2 new maps for single player is quite a bit).

Of course, given that the demo is slated for April 1st, EA could be lying to us in what would be the lamest April Fools' prank of all time. You know, almost as lame as the opening to this post.

DEMO Coming Out & New DLC Info! [EA Forums via Xbox 360 Fanboy]

I hang out with other gamers all the time, but it's mostly in multiplayer online play, using headsets. It's social, sure. But as any psychologist will tell you, hanging out in real life allows for even richer styles of communication to emerge. In face-to-face mode, we're better at picking up the little nuances — frustration, glee, sarcasm, subvocalized ranting, body language — that build team cohesion, and allow us to game with a positively Vulcan level of mind meld.

All completely true. The most fun I've had gaming over the past few years have been on those rare occasions that I have someone else playing with or against me at my side. Hearing a voice on the headset is one thing. Being able to turn to your side and punch someone in the arm when they screw up is another thing entirely.

Gaming with your friends is something that should be encouraged more. Oddly enough, this is one area where the PC gamers - connected to the internet years before consoles - excel. Look at LAN parties. Everyone lugs a computer out to a centralized location, complete with monitors, mice, keyboards, power supplies, etc., just for a chance to see the look on their opponent's face when they shoot it off. We need console game gettogethers, where a few folks bring their televisions, consoles, and controllers and people just chill and play together.

Mind you, if I ever seriously refer to such get togethers as play dates you have my full permission to punch me in the neck.

Frag With a Friend for Ultimate Fun [Wired]

... he figures if Army Of Two causes some gamers to Google "private military contractors" or touches off debates about the role of mercenaries in real-world war zones, that's not such a bad thing.

"It's not the goal of the game (to educate people), because it's entertainment," Tascan said. "But if they learn a little bit more about it like we learned about it, it might open their eyes a little bit."

In addition to getting people's hackles up for content, Canada has attracted the wrath of European trade unions for offering supposedly unfair incentives to encourage studios to make the move. Oh, Canada.

Montreal firm Yanks some chains [Winnipeg Sun]

...this decision was taken by the development team for reasons specific to the AOT gameplay, rather than being an indicator for future games.

The game works on a deterministic or peer-to-peer network setting. Because we have all these synchronized animations and the players are always doing things together, the only way to support that kind of model right now is to use a deterministic model for networking.

The online game modes in Army of Two are not cross region compatible and is only supported between PAL discs.

So what did the critics think of Army of Two? Hit the jump for our Frankenreview on the game—what is inarguably the leading meta review system on Kotaku today.

GameTap
The aggro mechanic, where one player draws attention and hostility and glows red as a result while the other player effectively becomes invisible, sounds really goofy but actually works...It sounds nonsensical and looks pretty goofy, but the visceral feel of one guy tearing through baddies with an unlimited-ammo gun while the other slinks around and ends fools like a ninja is pretty great.
Eurogamer
There's a whole plethora of other co-op mechanics built into the game, and the majority of them are mildly pointless and prosaic in their implementation. Boosting up to high ledges, simultaneous co-op sniping, pre-animated feats of twin strength, and the scripted moments of back-to-back, slow-motion massacre all feel rather forced and flow-breaking.
IGN
[AI] will do what you need it to do for the most part and help you through most missions without major incidents. However, the AI will perform some stupid mistakes here and there, such as dragging you large distances to what it determines to be "safe cover" before healing you...and will sometimes charge blindly into the middle of battle, swinging the momentum its way and leaving it open to be quickly injured or even killed.
Daily Game
Borrowing a page from Gears of War, Army of Two [online multiplayer] goes the route of more-intimate online matches, with four players hopping into games that see two armies of two going up against one another. Like a tactical team-based game, Army of Two includes several objectives within each of its three game types (Warzone, Bounties and Extraction), and although the map choices are limited (four total, based on the campaign), they offer enough diversity that players can switch up their tactics each time out.
Kotaku (360 version)
I've never been a fan of small team shooter match-ups, but Army of Two doesn't just make it work, it makes it sing. Buy it for the chance to head butt your enemies to death in a custom mask, keep it because you're not going to want to give up on the ability to drag and heal, distract enemies with gunfire and use car doors to block bullets on the move. Whether or not the game is going to rattle the industry, it looks like a pretty fun co-op shooter.

More good than bad, more blue than red, I still found Army of Two to be quite a mixed bag.

Loved:
* Aggro: The most aggressive person in your two-man team doesn't just attract attention, he glows red, allowing the non-dominant shooter to sneak around nearly invisible head butting people to death.
* Customized Weapons: Use money earned in missions to buy new weapons and add stocks, silencers, grenade launchers, shields. You can even pay to have them dipped in gold.
* Drag and Heal: When you or your partner go down the other can drag the injured player to safety and heal him. While being dragged, the injured player still gets to fire off his weapon at approaching foes.
* Coop Shield: Rip off a car door or find a riot shield and one player can carry it as portable cover while the other player gets cozy behind him to fire off his gun, forming a two-man, bullet-proof death machine. The shield holder can also use it to bash someone to death.
* The Parachute: There's not nearly enough of it, but on occasion you can drop into a level by parachute. One of you controls the drop while the other picks off enemies with a sniper rifle. It's great fun.
* Back to Back: At times in the game you can go back-to-back with your partner and orchestrate a ballet of death in slow-motion with temporarily powered up weapons. Unfortunately, you can't trigger these events, they only occur at set times in the campaign.

Hated
* Idiot AI: This is not a game intended to be played on your own. If you rely on an AI to be your partner expect him to get stuck, lost and occasionally to drag your bleeding carcass back and forth in front of machine-gun firing enemies for a few minutes before deciding where exactly to heal you.
* Online Coop: While playing the campaign online or off with a friend is fantastic fun, you can't just drop in. Instead you have to start off with a partner. A mortal sin for a game so coop-centric.
* Glitches: Call it an AI problem, call it a graphic problem, but games shouldn't allow half of your team to get stuck in the backdrop. At one point I needed to use a grenade to "free" my partner from a railing.

Army of Two brings so many new things to the table that it's almost possible to overlook the atrocious AI, almost. Fortunately, the campaign is a relatively short affair and online gaming, be it in coop or versus mode, promises to be quite a bit of fun. I've never been a fan of small team shooter match-ups, but Army of Two doesn't just make it work, it makes it sing.

Buy it for the chance to head butt your enemies to death in a custom mask, keep it because you're not going to want to give up on the ability to drag and heal, distract enemies with gunfire and use car doors to block bullets on the move.

Army of Two, developed by EA Montreal, published by EA, released March 5, for $60. Available on Playstation 3 and Xbox 360, reviewed on Xbox 360, played to completion.

After a half hour or so I couldn't help but ask what Electronic Arts Montreal is up to, now that their game has shipped. Downloadable content, I was told. When I pressed for more details, all I was told was that there's a ton of it being created for Army of Two. Good thing too, I've managed to buy and upgrade most of the games' weapons and masks. If there's a game that calls out for more DLC, hopefully on the cheap, Army of Two is it.

Word is some will be hitting shortly after the game goes live... which is today.

Bully: Scholarship Edition (Wii, X360)
Rockstar's Bully comes to the Wii and 360 with optimized graphics and all new missions.

Let's Ride! Friends Forever (DS)
"Every girl needs a best friend, and yours is your horse! Together, there's nothing you can't do."

Major League Baseball 2K8 (PS2, PS3, PSP, Wii, X360)
MLB '08: The Show (PS2, PS3, PSP)
Performance enhancing drugs not included.

Army of Two (PS3, X360)
The third-person shooter with a heavy reliance on partnership hits the streets.

Chicken Hunter (DS)
Shoot the chickens while they run amok.

Imagine: Figure Skater (DS)
Following in the footsteps of Imagine Fashion Designer, Imagine Animal Doctor, Imagine Babyz and Imagine Master Chef.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)
You won't have to wait much longer - it's set to be released March 9th, 2008.

"There is a tremendous lack of imagination on the part of the games industry..."

For those that may not remember, my organization is sponsoring a video game contest in which the goal is to create a video game with a theme of Teen Dating Violence without actually using violence in the game itself. Obviously many games have absolutely no violence whatsoever but there are nonetheless some interesting points to be found in the original article.

Crazy Woody the mercenary shills for Army of Two [Montreal Gazette via GamePolitics.com]

SAN FRANCISCO—With private military contractors (PMCs) like Blackwater topping news stories, the timing couldn't be better for EA Montreal's new cooperative shooter, Army of Two, which has just been pushed back to a Q1 2008 release.

"Army of Two should help PMCs," said Woodie Mister, a former Navy SEAL and current PMC operator for an undisclosed company who consulted with EA on the new game. "PMCs do a job that nobody else wants to do. They're willing to put liability on the line. Some governments out there aren't even doing that. The way Army of Two portrays the PMCs is the way the top tier operators perform on the field in the real world."

Army of Two Producer Reid Schneider said Mister has been an outstanding resource for the Montreal team, shedding light on things that otherwise would never have made it into the game.

"He showed us these pictures of a Jeep with an interior that had a big red button," said Schneider at a recent press event in San Francisco that mixed paintball with Army of Two gameplay. "We were thinking this was some kind of James Bond thing that would shoot a rocket or a missile. We asked Woodie what it did and he explained that it was the ignition. You don't want to be looking for your keys when you're in the middle of a firefight. And when you think about it, that makes perfect sense. But for us it was a foreign concept."

Another example Schneider pointed out is that in the field, when soldiers get shot, they stick a tampon in the bullet hole to stop the bleeding. One of game's designers brought that into the game as a mini-game.

"Woodie's brought these little nuances from his vast experience to the game," said Schneider. "The weapons customization system in the game allows you to change the barrel and the stock. You can even put a grenade launcher or a shotgun on the M16. What they do in the field is duct tape all types of crazy stuff on the gun, and that was the genesis of our weapons customization system for Army of Two. Our conversations with him have really helped us shape the product."

"I worked with them early on lining up details and concepts, looked at how the writing was and told them what was feasible and what was fantasy," said Mister. "We have to have that entertainment level, as well. No one wants to play a game that's so realistic that you don't even want to finish it. They covered all of those bases."

In addition to having worked on games like SWAT 3 and 4 and the Splinter Cell franchise, Mister is also an avid gamer. He said if he had the room, he'd buy the arcade version of Silent Scope.

"Holding that weapon in your hand and shooting terrorists trying to save the president was pretty exciting stuff," said Mister. "Now they're making it even better with Army of Two coming out."

Mister said many PMC soldiers travel with their own gaming consoles in combat. He said Xbox 360 is the console of choice. One of his favorite games, besides Army of Two, is Gears of War. He said although it's fantasy-based, he enjoys the way the soldiers take cover and communicate during battles.

"We'd be stationed in a safe area and someone would bring out a console. I never brought out a console myself, but I'd always bring the games along," said Mister. "Out in the field you're not playing, but in the safe zone you're playing. Some guys carry the console with them. A lot of guys have PSPs, as well. But nothing's better than playing a next gen console on a 52-inch screen."

Although Mister's own background is classified, he's seen action around the globe, including in Afghanistan and Iraq. That enabled him to help the team in creating their own missions.

"In Army of Two you have a mission in Iraq to rescue a hostage and he's an enlisted soldier in the Army," said Schneider. "That happens a lot in Iraq and Afghanistan. We're seeing more and more that when the US government needs black bag or certain operations carried out, they aren't going to their special forces, they were going to companies like Blackwater or Aegis. When they want things done quickly and not on the books, this is the popular option."

Another mission in the game takes a more fictional approach, as the players are sent in to assassinate a terrorist and are tricked into killing a US Senator. Shneider said he doesn't think that kind of thing happens in the real world, or at least he hopes it doesn't, but the team was taking creative liberty for the point of making the storyline more dramatic.

"As you go through the game, you realize how much better off soldiers for private military companies are then enlisted men," said Schneider. "They're better paid. They have better gear. And that's ultimately why you choose to join SSC (Security and Strategy Corp.) in the game."

"After 9/11, the US began hiring soldiers for hire to get the job done," said Mister. "There's not a lot of bureaucracy between the private military firms and the guys on the ground level. You can communicate with higher authorities a lot easier than in larger corporations that just deal with simple security or government organizations.

Mister said there are a lot of different mission types in the real world, as well as in the Army of Two game. And the bottom line is the same in both worlds, at least for the PMC soldiers—it's all about getting in, making your money, and then getting out and getting ready for the next mission.

The game was noticeably absent at EA's E For All booth, instead focusing on The Simpsons Game, Team Fortress 2, NFL Tour and Medal of Honor entries, so I'm not clear on exactly how unpolished the game was at this point. Looks like "early 2008" is going to be as chock-a-block with big releases as the fourth quarter was originally intended to be.

EA delays "Army of Two" to early 2008 [Reuters]

Yes, they do use tampons as field dressing in the real world too.

Over two minutes of EA's Army Of Two gameplay, not a second of "witty" dialogue and a brief look at the game's weapon customization system. Lots of co-op shooting, tasty hovercraft piloting and a plethora of crouched walking are all featured. These two must make weekly trips to the chiropractor.

This is EA right? So when we have a hit we'll make more.

To Ferriera's defense, he said a lot more about game developement, and sounded much more humble in the process.

"This is EA right?..." [gamesradar]

Just remember that the characters who are making the fart jokes do not represent your own personal comedic discretion, but that which is funny to mercenary employees of companies like Halliburton. It makes flatulence all the more bearable.

Army of Two Gets Mid-November Launch [totalvideogames]

First impression: it's Gears of War with more color, less texture and no camera shakes. I really dug that they added a very realistic aperture to the game, which is the first time I've ever noticed the effect. Essentially, the camera works like you eye to balance light. You look up at the sky—for a moment it's blow out white—and then blue clouds and sky appear. The same principles apply to the shadows as well, and it's a subtle, well-executed effect we'll be seeing a lot more of, I'm sure.

I knew that the game had an agro meters, but I didn't realize that it's so integral. There is only one meter between two players, meaning it's a constant tug-of-war...or not, depending on how well you cooperate. Anything hostile you do agros you up, making you turn more and more red. At the same time, your partner becomes more translucent, Back to the Future, Michael J. Fox style.

It's a constant distraction/stealth combination that's extremely fluid. I cause a distraction, my partner sneaks around. The more red I am, the more the bad guys notice me instead of my friends. And at the most extreme of this meter, enemies can almost not see the stealth player at all, allowing them to sneak up and do brutal hand combat. And when the agro guy peaks, he can go into "overkill", causing his peripheral to blur and double damage. Squads of suicide bombers run at you while time slows a bit. You mow them down, subsequently saving the universe. It's intense. And looks fun as hell.

The other combined control gameplay elements are based upon combos. During a parachute attack, one player dodged bullets while the other snipes. But to get a clean shot, the player controlling the chute needs to hold still.

Going back to back makes you and invincible turret. You stand in place but can rotate fluidly around one another. Some nice animations here.

Yes, you can interact with you partner to play some air guitar on your guns, but the gameplay really isn't riddled with lowbrow humor. I asked the developers about the negative reaction from some about the juvenile humor, and they likened it to Bad Boys. It's buddy cop stuff. And if the game has stupid characters who fart alot...just know they are really making fun of Haliburton in the process.

Electronic Arts Army of Two has some definite potential. I really like the look of the game, and the idea of a shooter that really puts the emphasis on two-player co-op appeals to me for some reason. Brian Crecente

Says the official site:

To enter the contest, gamers will need to submit an image of their weapon and a brief 500-word description. Gamers can also access new gameplay screens on the site as well as see examples of customized weapons in the game. Once gamers submit their designs, the images will be posted on the site for the community to vote on. Come June 16, the top weapons will be reviewed by the development team who will then pick two lucky designs to be created and included in the game.

This is for the Xbox 360 version only, so keep that in mind if you're a one-console kinda guy. Just don't use my Madden idea. It won't fly with the suits. Michael McWhertor

Army of Two [EA]

I seem to land those "coveted" gigs at Kotaku. The ones where I have to play Left Behind: Eternal Forces at E3, carefully crafting my questions to avoid burning in eternal hellfire; going to the Spike TV VGAs, only to spend much of the show regurgitating Fatburger; liveblogging Will Wright's DICE keynote while each of the design leads tries to best John Moschitta, Jr. for world's fastest talker. I push my body to it's limits for Kotaku. Granted, my physical limits don't really extend that far. At least I'm not digging ditches, my father would probably tell me.

Most recently, I traveled to the other side of the continent to Quebec, to play EA Montreal's latest over-the-top skiing and snowboarding title SSX Blur at the H tel de Glace, Canada's best known ice hotel. I risked life and limb—okay, maybe some frozen toes—to get hands-on with the Wii exclusive shipping tomorrow in North America.

When I told friends and family that I had gone to the ice hotel, I was hit with a barrage of questions. Where did you shower? Can you see through the walls? What did you sleep on? My favorite: Was it cold?

Let's get that one out of the way. Hell, yes, it was cold. Ice is cold. And everything was made of ice. Everything. Tables, chairs, walls, ceilings, beds, drinking glasses, room lighting, everything. But we'll get back to that later.

Beyond the novelty of sleeping in a room made of packed snow and carved ice, the event was to feature hands-on time with SSX Blur, with invitees from all over, including press and members of the EA Montreal staff. Vice president and general manager of the studio Alain Tascan, as well as musician and producer Junkie XL, would be in attendance. Two other titles would be shown in video form, the co-op shooter Army of Two and an unannounced Wii game.

After my brief orientation on how not to die or be subject to amputation from the hotel staff, I walked down from the warm lodge uphill from the H tel de Glace to get some play time with SSX Blur. Unfortunately, the EA Montreal staff on hand who would walk us through the demonstration were running behind.

What to do? Check out the hotel's N'Ice Bar, which was wide open from a cost standpoint—it makes game impressions more positive, I'm told— and warm up with some chicken soup. The ice hotel bar was a simple affair, a bar, a few tables, mostly standing room only, the few seats covered with deer pelts to prevent frozen asses. I bellied up to the bar, ordered one of the "flavors of Quebec", maple whiskey, and sought warmth. The hotel bar thankfully featured one fireplace.

The down side was that, in order to maintain the structural integrity of a frozen building, it was perfectly insulated. Pushing my gloved fingers against the glass, I realized my only source of heat would be a hearty broth or the fire burning up the hill. I briefly considered slicing open the belly of one of my journalistic peers and crawling inside, but thought better of it.

As my body temperature dropped and my blood alcohol content rose, I wondered "Where the hell are the Wii motes? I want to play." The development staff soon arrived, controller in hand, and we got down to business, getting our numbing digits on the Wii-motes and nunchuks nestled within the half-dozen kiosks on site.

First impressions when starting a run down the virtual mountains of Blur: they've got some nice lighting, looking directly at the sun at the top of the slope makes for some beyond-Gamecube graphical effects; this is hard to control, using the nunchuk for movement, the Wiimote for tricks; I don't get it; I keep falling down, followed by some violent controller shaking; wait, I think I got it; I GOT IT!; this is pretty damn cool; Jesus, my hands are freezing!

Like many Wii games, in SSX Blur, maneuvering a snowboarder (or skier) with the two-handed control scheme takes some getting used to. But you'll find your hands, eyes and brain synching up quickly, changing your thought process from "How in the hell am I supposed to do this?" to "I can't believe I just pulled that off." I was nailing Ubertricks to the surprise of SSX Blur devs in no time.

When I first read news of EA bringing a unique SSX to the Nintendo Wii, my curiosity was piqued. How would it control? I expected a Wii-mote only manipulated game, one that involved much remote flipping, rotating, spinning. It would have been a disaster.

Talking to one of the game's developers, I learned that the team had experimented with three totally different control set ups, finally agreeing upon one that involved using the full capabilities of the nunchuk-attached scheme. The left hand will move your character, in an unusual (and customizable) blend of analog stick and nunchuk movement. The Z-trigger makes your boarder crouch to build up speed. Your right hand will be busy with jumping and trick duties. Holding A will make your character jump. Flip up the remote for, well, flips.

Tricks and ubertricks, with the required amount of the Uberific meter filled, naturally, can be performed with simple controller motions and a series of twelve shapes, respectively. Draw an S-curve or heart-shape and you'll ubertrick, which will slow things down just a bit, giving you ample time to enjoy your effort. The staff on hand, as well as the fact sheet, drove home that players should think of the nunchuk portion for on-the-ground controls, with the Wii-mote for whatever you need to do while in the air.

SSX Blur was designed specifically to set itself apart from other games in the series as a title that would take full advantage of Nintendo's unique control scheme. That was the number one aspect that the EA Montreal team focused on. Not unlike Nintendo's Wario Ware Smooth Moves, the game is less of a iterative leap and more of a demonstration of the capabilities of the Wii-mote. Same gameplay, totally new control scheme. But it works.

Also familiar to veteran SSX players are the mountains. The game features well-known slopes from previous games SSX 3 and SSX On Tour, but with a new distinct artistic style and softer, more Wii friendly attitude. How can an E-rated series possibly get more friendly? By dropping aggressive pushes from the control scheme and instead allowing players to scoop up snowballs and throw them at their opponents. Goodbye, mild violence, hello, comic mischief.

Also exclusive to the Wii version of SSX was a solid 60-frames per second frame rate, a first for the series.

The Wii version of SSX also features a unique soundtrack, dynamically adding layers of sound with each successful trick and filled meter level. That soundtrack was designed by EA music vet, Junkie XL, contributor to games like Burnout Legends, Destroy All Humans!, The Sims 2, Forza Motorsport and Need for Speed Carbon. He even added music to the film adaptation of Tecmo's Dead or Alive—watch for the North American straight-to-DVD release soon!

JXL was on hand to DJ a quick set that got the partially sloshed crowd onto the makeshift icy dance floor, later letting his MacBook Pro take over.

But prior to Junkie XL's mini-set, EA Montreal boss Alain Tascan took the stage to congratulate his team on getting the Wii game out the door, as well as show off what the company was currently working on. The first title was... something I'm not allowed to talk about. I can say that it's definitely tailored to the Wii crowd and will feature sunshine. Cryptic enough for you? What I can say is that it's unlike anything the developer has ever done. I don't think you'll be expecting this one. Really.

Tascan then showed the newest trailer for the upcoming PS3 and Xbox 360 shooter Army of Two. It looks just as spectacular as it did back in November but the team at EA Montreal seems to have upped the comedy factor. The game is replete with bleeped out curse words, slapstick visual humor and Kelis' grating hit "Milkshake."

Following a few hours worth of play time, drunken chit chat with the development team and fellow press on staff, I decided it was time to pass out somewhere. I had a back-up room at the warm and cozy Auberge hotel a few hundred yards away. I had showered there earlier. It was wonderful.

I pictured the soft, queen-sized bed that would require no anti-hypothermia preparation. I fantasized about it's wood and concrete walls, skiers and snowmobilers snoring inside in toasty quarters. I wanted to go there. The Auberge called to me.

But I soldiered on, stumbling back to the H tel de Glace, ready for a night of maple whiskey haunted dreams on a bed fashioned from ice. I found my room. It was, obviously, freezing cold. I was somehow still surprised to see that my bed was made of ice.

Removing my boots, crawling into my sleeping bag, fully clothed, then piling on the numerous deer skins, I quickly found slumber. I had left the dim room lights on accidentally, but the calm quiet of a room shielded by foot-thick snow walls let me doze through the night. I slept like a baby. A completely smashed, booze-filled baby. I dreamt of snowboarding, drawing heart-shapes and spirals with my Wii-mote and nunchuk, on a downhill quest for warmth and a hangover cure. Neither were found.

Remember when Army of Two honcho Alain Tascan talked a bit of smack on Xbox 360 exclusive/second coming Gears of War? Well, maybe he had something there. This trailer for Army of Two is hot. Hot in a new gameplay possibilities kind of way. And wacky. In an Odd Couple sort of way. Let's hope that "snappy banter" is merely a suggestive bit of dialogue to replace your stream of F-bombs on Xbox Live and not something I'll have to suffer through during gameplay. Michael McWhertor

EA: "Gears of War? Zero Innovation." [Kotaku]

During today's earnings report, in which the company boasted of its $784 million quarterly revenue, EA CFO Warren Jenson let slip that a few new, if not entirely unexpected, titles would hit during the companys current fiscal year. I don't think you'll need to sit down for this one.

There will be another Lord of the Rings. There's a new SimCity game in the pipeline and the next-generation version of Black. Those things alone are all new, relative to fiscal '07.

In addition to those titles, which may or may not hit before April 2007, the end of their current fiscal year, EA also has the Sims 3 in development, as well as Sims software built for the PlayStation 3 and Wii platforms. Gamers can also look forward to a new Road Rash game, as well as titles based on the Harry Potter and The Simpsons films.

EA also announced that they're cancelling all future Madden and NBA titles. Kidding! Michael McWhertor

I didn't get too much of a look at Electronic Arts' Army of Two at this year's E3, so I sort of dismissed it as yet another shooter. But the buzz is really building on this game. And these screens are hot! Brian Crecente