Kotaku: Stupid

Modern Warfare 3 Developer Pleads for Better Metascores, Discovers That's a Stupid Idea

Owen Good — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:00:00 EST

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Why someone from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 developer Sledgehammer would consider its fan-voted Metacritic score worth a get-out-the-vote tweet is utterly beyond me. It is by far the most polarizing title among gaming's annual releases, so a user score of 1.7 is probably to be expected, given how much gaming's ~~snobs~~ cognoscenti despise all that it stands for. Besides, who gives a shit what kind of user-voted Metascore a game pulls? Is that really a publisher or studio's measure of success now? More »

Are You Going Commando To the Gears Of War 3 Launch

Brian Crecente — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 00:45:00 EDT

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GameStop sent us a box of underwear, t-shirts and steak seasoning to help promote their Go Commando Gears of War 3 giveaway... What now? More »

Microsoft's Execrable "Clippy" Returns in Gamified Office Tutorial

Owen Good — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 23:30:00 EDT

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Microsoft Word's loathsome Clippy, the Crazy Crab of application mascots, is making a comeback. Yes, really. Killed off in 2007, Microsoft is now using him as the tutorial host introducing you to the wonders of the latest round of whatever useless bloatware they're heaping on Office. More »

Melbourne Gunman Felt Like A Computer Game Hero During Two-Day Crime Spree

Mike Fahey — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 11:40:00 EDT

Last June 19-year-old David Rowntree grabbed a sawed-off shotgun and went on a two-day criminal rampage, stealing two cars and committing multiple burglaries. Now Rowntree tells a Melbourne, Australia, court that he felt like a computer game hero. More »

Man Hit By SUV While Playing Real-Life Frogger

Brian Crecente — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 09:29:39 EST

A 23-year-old man was hit by a Lexus SUV Monday while trying to play a real-life version of Frogger across a South Carolina highway, police say. More »

Really Bad Games: Satan Vs. Jesus

Mike Fahey — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 13:00:00 EDT

From the creators of adult-themed adventure game Bonetown comes the Flash game Satan Vs. Jesus, subtitled "Good VS Evil in an Epic Battle to Get Laid," and it's wrong in so many ways. More »

Science Figures Out Why Teenagers Are Stupid

Mike Fahey — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:20:00 EDT

While average blog readership is packed with the sort of hyper intelligent teenagers that have to be portrayed by 30-year-olds in TV dramas, many of the world's teenagers are prone to doing stupid things for stupid reasons. New research explains why. More »

Bass Pro Shops Wants Your Video Games

Mike Fahey — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:20:00 EDT

Finally a way to get rid of all these damned Burger King Xbox 360 games I have laying around! The folks at Bass Pro Shops want your video games, and the trade-in value could be better than GameStop, depending on what you use it for. More »

Ed Boon On MK Vs. DC Making Sense

Mike Fahey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:00:00 EDT

Witness Mortal Kombat kreator Ed Boon trying to explain how the whole Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe things is supposed to make sense. Apparently it is all about magic! Every thing will make sense when you play the story mode! No. There is no way in hell you can make this pairing make sense. Maybe, just maybe if DC runs a mini-series before the game comes out they could make the concept slightly less than laughable. My hopes got up when Boon said the words shattering...I thought he was going to say jaws, but no. Shattering masks. Woot. I think he neatly sums things up at the end of the interview. It's all about the novelty. More »

Hot Chicks In Stupid Game-Related Clips

Mike Fahey — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:00:00 EDT

If G4's old show Cheat - The Pringles Gamer Guide taught us anything, it was that cheat shows just don't work. The odds of someone looking for cheats and hints just happening to stumble upon a video for the exact game they are curious about before resorting to GameFaqs are just too high to even bother. They even tried replacing the host with a hot woman, and that didn't work out...but was it a scantily clad hot woman? SpikeTV combines cheat codes with attractive women in a way that slips right past sexy into a giant pile of stupid. "It takes more than one shot to take me out baby!" Don't waste your bullets. More »

CNET and GameFaqs Respond to Church Arson

fdemarco — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 13:00:00 EST

GameFaqs and parent company CNET have responded to yesterday's story about the teen who burned down a church. After the incident, the teen went to the GameFaqs forums and bragged about his crime, leading to his eventual arrest. In a statement to TV news station WGEM, CNET and GameFaqs said: More »

"Do Gamers Read?"

Brian Ashcraft — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 02:00:36 EST

Once again, further proof that mainstream press shouldn't let just anyone cover games! National Public Radio's Chana Joffe-Walt has an interview with Halo: Contact Harvest author Joseph Staten. The book was a New York Times best seller, but Joffe-Walt couldn't care less. Not only is she ignorant about gaming, she's brings her own ill-informed prejudices to the the interview. There are exchanges like this: More »

Boy Fries Himself with Hot Hot Xbox 360

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:00:14 EDT

Dumb, dumb, dumb. Apparently, a 14 year-old North Carolina boy was almost killed trying to keep his Xbox 360 from overheating. According to local news, the boy's mother found her son unconscious after he attempted to submerge the console in a pan of water. "When I left to go next door he was playing a game but when I got back he was laying on his back on the floor and unconscious," she said. The console, wrapped in plastic and tape, was still plugged in. The kid has read online that he could keep his 360 from over heating by cooling its power supply. By the time the ambulance showed up, the boy had regained consciousness. Thankfully, when the ambulance arrived, the boy had regained his senses. He was rushed to a nearby hospital and suffered small burns on his hand and foot. Kids remember: No matter what the internet says, electricity and water are NOT friends. They're not even on speaking terms.
More »

Morons Weigh In On Why Wii Activity Is Bad For You

Michael McWhertor — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:20:15 EDT

Normally, the mainstream media can't say enough nice things about the Wii. From giving old folks one more reason to crawl out of bed for the 30,000th time to fostering family gameplay to getting portly youth off their cellulite ridden asses, the media is all about Nintendo's Blue Ocean strategy. More »

Homeland Security Bemoans "PlayStation Generation"

Brian Ashcraft — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 05:00:29 EST

Always popular fodder for society's ills, games are once again the scape goat. This time it's Jay Cohen (above), who heads up science and tech research at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Cohen's department has an US $850 million research budget, but he's worried about finding research talent in the future. Why? The "PlayStation Generation," he says, avoids math and science because they are too difficult. It's so bad that Cohen describes this dilemma as "a crisis in the country." I, on the other hand, would describe government officials who made blanket statements about things they don't know about nor truly understand to be the real "crisis in the country." That's just me, though. Brian Ashcraft More »

Killing Homeless Is Like A "Violent Video Game"

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:00:55 EST

CNN has a sad piece up on a teen attacks against the homeless. Nathan Moore and his friends Luis Oyola and Andrew Ihrcke savagely beat 49 year-old homeless man Rex Baum. They threw rocks and a barbecue grill at Baum and punched and kicked him. They then hit the man with a baseball bat and a pipe before smearing feces on Baum's face and cutting him to "see if he was alive." The teens then went to McDonald's and bragged about this murder before police picked them up. Quoting CNN: More »

Can The DS Attract Child Molesters?

Mike Fahey — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 10:20:59 EST

Short answer? No...unless they are child molesters into handheld gaming, but Fox News 6 out of Milwaukee seem to think otherwise. In a special report entitled "Playing Games With Your Kids Safety," Reporter Brad Hicks delves into the disturbing, implausible possibilities. It is pretty much one of those grab the viewer stories that they tease during prime time television. Things like, "Could those french fries give you testicular cancer? Find out at 11." The stories are generally use fear to entice people to help stations generate advertising dollars, and are generally ridiculous. Even more so in this instance. More »

Blood Elves Declared Too Femme, Put on Steroids

egauger — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 20:40:47 EDT

Well, this is crap. Blizzard has decided, based on a bunch of hooting, red-assed baboons screaming "GIRLY MAN!" in their forums, to change the design of the male Blood Elves. More »

Gizmondo Bo Says "No"

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 03:21:04 EDT

Car-lovin' sister site Jalopnik sends an update on the Gizmondo craziness. Former company honcho and Swedish gangster Fat Stefan Eriksson has rejected his plea deal. If Eriksson, whose real first name is "Bo," had accepted this deal and pleaded "no contest" to four counts, he would've been hit with a two year, four month sentence and a US $25,000 fine. There's more, including admitting previous felony conduct. More »

Twilight Pricess Embarrasses GameStop

egauger — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 20:20:12 EDT

Plaid-skirted Destructoidette Faith Naked and I apparently share more than hair color (although recently mine's been blue, at heart I am a redhead), as she displays while tearing into GameStop for once again failing to run their ad copy through even a basic spellcheck. More »

A Service for People Who Believe Gamerscore is Equivalent to Penis Size

egauger — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 20:40:58 EDT

The SmackTalk is bad. This is worse. More »

Dumb, Dumb Brit Game Addiction Documentary

Brian Ashcraft — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 06:22:16 EDT

Thought all the stupid game-hating news programs were American? Nope. The fine folks of the United Kingdom get to watch scare drivel as well. How stupid is it? Resorting to mainstream journalism's game-are-drugs default setting, statements include: Kids' reactions change when they are "on a game" and " off a game," video games are more damaging than regular chemical addictions and video games are keeping kids out of school. As game site UK:Resistance points out, that's all within the show's first fifty seconds! And in the next fifty seconds, its noted that "children have become slaves to gaming." Old hat sure. Hit the jump for the sensationalism in full. Brian Ashcraft More »

Hot or Not for Gamers is Not

egauger — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:40:42 EDT

Thanks to Destructoid for finding this deeply embarrassing evidence of the further jockifiation of the gamer culture. At right, the top-rated guy on GorgeousGamers.com holds an invisible basset hound against his groin. More »

James Cameron Thinks He's Raph Koster

kotaku.com — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 13:40:31 EDT

And from the stupid, clueless Hollywood celebrity quote department, Mr. James Cameron: More »

"Nintendo" of Korea: Run By Thugs

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 07:22:16 EDT

Nintendo hasn't just dropped the ball in Korea. They've dropped it, stomped on it and then kicked it across the hall. Previously, we've covered how the game/console maker has left its goods in the hands of book publisher Daiwon, who have done a rotten job of handling Nintendo products. The demand is there, but the products and service are not. More »

Mario: Back to the Start

kotaku.com — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:40:32 EDT

I almost never say this, but air quotes, then "LOL." More »

WoW = Terrorism

egauger — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:20:45 EDT

This should techinically be titled "shitting iPods = terrorism" but this is, after all, a gaming blog. More »

PSP = Terrorism

egauger — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 21:20:28 EDT

We've already established that PSPs will reduce children to tears. Now we learn that they'll get you in trouble with homeland security, as well. More »

Mario, The Farting Hands Version

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 15:22:06 EDT

Internets, I am disappointed in you. It has taken until now for a farting hand version (with piano accompanyment and nipple grabbing) of the Super Mario Bros. theme song to be spread like Mono through a junior high school. This is about as stupid as they come, perhaps explaining the delay. Brian Ashcraft More »

Can't Draw, Not Funny

egauger — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 18:50:04 EDT

On today's episode of Please Shut Up, a website that has redefined my criteria for judging other humans: More »

Aeropause says Phil Harrison is a Stupidhead

egauger — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:40:40 EDT

Phil Harrison says the darnedest things. More »

Teens Knocked Up, Usual Suspects Implicated : TV, Movies, Games

egauger — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 19:40:16 EDT

This opinion piece on CantonRep.com addresses the high pregnancy rate of students at Timken High School, and places blame squarely on everything except lack of access to birth control and decent sex education. These two things are not mentioned once in the entire article. More »

Test Time for Japanese Developers?

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 08:22:17 EDT

While Western developers worry about burnout, Japanese ones dread the possibility of forced exams. Japan loves tests, passing out certificates to those that pass and stamping a big "L" on those that fail. There are examinations for just about everything in Japan. Want to enter pre-school? Take a test. How about a job? Test. Want a license? More on that shortly. More »

The Verdict? Solitaire is Fun!

Brian Ashcraft — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 07:22:34 EDT

A Federal judge was caught sneaking a few rounds of computer solitaire during the trial of John "Junior" Gotti. Radio host Curtis Silwa blew the whistle after he noticed Judge Shira Scheindlin getting her game on during the trial. Silwa was on the witness stand, testifying against Gotti who plotted to kill the radio host in 1992. More »

Kapson, Kapcon, Kapcom, Capcom, Whatever

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 14:21:31 EDT

It has come to light that a former employee of Osaka-based game maker Capcom is guilty of attempting to defraud his company. Last year, the unscrupulous employee tried to buy multiple highway passes worth US $145,000 with the intention of reselling them. Using an ATM, he transfered part of the money, but accidently mixed up the katakana characters for "n" and "so" and typed the name of his company as "Capcoso." ("Capcom" is written in "Kapukon" in Japanese.) This aroused suspicion as nobody was quite sure what "Capcoso" was, connected the dots and showed Capcom that some dope wasn't only trying to pull a fast one, but also had the reading ability of a first grader. The knucklehead was fired last Spring and arrested. Sentencing should include hard time as well as a Japanese language brush-up. More »

Dumb Gizmondo Exec Loses Another Exotic Car

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 18:55:28 EST

Stefan Eriksson, former Gizmondo honcho and idiot supreme, just forked over another car. On February 21, he totaled his priceless Ferrari Enzo in a most bizarre traffic accident filled with unanswered questions, Homeland Security officers and a German fella named Dietrich. This past Sunday, Eriksson lost his $400,000+ Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. And a 13-year-old car nut happened upon the scene, catching the entire thing on tape. More »

Iron And The Maiden Announced

brownlee — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 08:40:24 EST

Ha ha! Plucking his title like a tick from the retarded skull of the smelliest metal head doofus who ever lived, ex-Naughty-Dog Jason Rubin has announced on his — ha ha ha! — MySpace page that his next game will be called Iron and the Maiden. More »