Every man craves (or at least ends up with) an obese, troglodytish wife. Hi honey! So this account of an amazing Oblivion glitch that will allow you to roleplay a frustrated chump with no sexual discrimination whatsoever! Play your cards right, capitalize on a glaring Bethesda bug and you, too, could go home with the alluring orcish vixen Mazoga.

Ma-zo-ga: Light of my life, fire of my loins.

She has the most green skin, and the cutest upturned nose. She has a husky, deep voice, sultry and enticing. Her hair is arranged in exquisite black plugs that pepper her otherwise bare skull. Those beautiful teeth. She is bold and forthright, never afraid to tussle, and I've personally seen her take a man's life in just a few swings of her two-handed sword. She is a sight to behold, and a knight to boot.

A Nabokov reference will get you quoted here everytime. Now how about some Pnin?

My Oblivion Wife, or: Of Orcish Bondage [Games First]