It's the weekend! Time to lock the kid in the basement, tie the wife to the radiator and game. After all, what else besides violent escapism prevents us from twitching once, then launching into a Son of Sam style streak of murderous mayhem? A handful of Zoloft washed down with a belt of scotch?

Speaking of murderous mayhem, this weekend I fully intend on finally beating Resident Evil 4. You know Salazar, that midget undead conquistador? I shot him directly in the face with a bazooka. As my buddy Sven put it, "Somehow it's always the midgets that die like that." The aftermath of this triumphant kill was something to behold. After all, there's really only one thing to do when you've shot a toddler-sized little person in the face with a rocket launcher: scream "SUCK IT!" at the top of your lungs until your upstairs neighbors call the police. Which they did. And they say that gaming promotes anti-social behavior.

So what about you guys? What will you be entertaining yourself with this weekend? Let us know in the comments section.