The Muppets have officially replaced Aerosmith in The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and it fixes something that’s bugged me since the ride originally opened in 1999: Aerosmith simply doesn’t belong in Disney World. The only connection Aerosmith really had to Disney at the time was “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” Diane Warren’s maudlin ballad from Armageddon, the Michael Bay “only oil drillers can stop this asteroid” disaster flick Disney released through its Touchstone shingle in 1998—which didn’t even appear anywhere in the Aerosmith version of the coaster. Nothing against Aerosmith’s music (or, well, okay, some things against their music, especially the bunk they were releasing in the ’90s [no insult to Toys in the Attic or Rocks, which are undeniable]), but a ’70s sleazoid band best known for drugs, sex, and more drugs aren’t the ideal fit for a family-friendly resort where most bars are closed by 11 p.m. Disney’s Florida compound isn’t really a party town, unless you’re talking about a cupcake party, and inviting the Toxic Twins (and their three anonymous friends) just sends a really weird message.
The Aerosmith coaster itself was good, of course. Thrill rides and loud music are kind of an unbeatable combo, whether you’re talking about the Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster and EPCOT’s amazing Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind, or the classic carnival ride known as Himalaya (or Music Express) that you’d spin through at your local fair. Getting launched from 0 to 57 MPH in under three seconds while “Sweet Emotion” or “Back in the Saddle” blasts from the on-board speakers never failed to sound and feel amazing. Sometimes you’d get stuck with “Dude (Looks Like a Lady),” a song that had outlived whatever usefulness it might’ve once had long before the coaster ever opened, or the terrible “Nine Lives” (the only ’90s song on the soundtrack, and probably a contractual obligation to promote the band’s then-newest album), but Disney’s Imagineers generally picked a solid crop of sleaze-rock ragers from the ’70s and ’80s.
And the coaster itself, still perhaps the most intense at any Disney park, was (and is) a barnburner; the aforementioned launch rockets you directly into the first of three inversions, a sea serpent roll that can immediately knock you on your butt if you aren’t expecting it, and the following 80 seconds or so won’t give you any chance to find your bearings. It’s all indoors, in total darkness, so you can’t really see the track, with giant black light props selling the rock ‘n’ roll theme; in Aerosmith’s day, those props were mostly related to Hollywood, and that largely remains the case with the Muppets, although a number of Muppet-specific references have been added in. If I don’t pop a couple of Dramamine earlier in the day, this coaster puts me down for the count after a single ride.
Other than those props and the new soundtrack (more on that in a moment), the only major changes to the Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster come before and after the ride itself, during the pre- and postshow. This is also where the new theme makes the most impact. The basic concept is the same: You’re visiting the recording studios of G-Force Records, the same fictional company from the Aerosmith version of the ride. During the Aerosmith years you’d queue up in the lobby of the record label’s office, with various posters from real concerts on the walls (including one for a Velvet Underground gig in Boston during their Doug Yule era, and another for the MC5 at the Grande Ballroom, proving that at least one Imagineer in the late ’90s was into the good stuff).
Eventually you’d wind up in a studio where Aerosmith (appearing on one of those theme-park screens that try to give a semblance of depth and substance without making guests wear 3D glasses) jam on a version of “Walk This Way.” The band’s manager—played by Illeana Douglas of Goodfellas, To Die For, and Ghost World fame—realizes they’re running late for the big show in Hollywood, but the band refuses to go unless their fans—meaning you and all your fellow theme park guests—can come with them. So Douglas finds the longest stretch limo she can get on such short notice, which looks suspiciously like a roller coaster, and everybody climbs aboard for an 80-second trip through the streets of L.A. (Given Los Angeles traffic, that studio must’ve been one single block away from the venue.) And through that whole preshow comedy legend, Ken Marino of The State and Party Down sits quietly at the soundboard, in a wordless cameo as the studio’s audio engineer.
The new ride is set in the same universe as the old. G-Force Records has been bought by Scooter’s uncle, the same old rich guy who owned the theater from The Muppet Show. The queue now features over a half-hour of original video, with various Muppets interacting with a number of celebrities, largely Disney regulars like John Stamos, Neal Patrick Harris, and Yvette Nicole Brown. (Shockingly, Josh Gad is nowhere to be seen or heard; and unfortunately that video is only shown in one portion of the queue, so you’ll only see a few of those 30 minutes on any given visit.) The old concert posters have been replaced by a variety of music-based Muppets memorabilia, including fake album covers and show-worn outfits. One wall includes framed photos of the Employee of the Month—all 12 are Scooter—and a “lifetime achievement” photo of Marino, in a little touch that probably makes me happier than any other single part of the new attraction.
Today Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem are rehearsing for a big show elsewhere in town, in the same studio Aerosmith once holed up in; Marino’s silent tech is gone, replaced at the board by audio-animatronic penguins (repurposed from Disney’s now-shuttered Muppet*Vision 3D show). A new audio-animatronic of Scooter fills in for Douglas’s manager, trying to get the band to stop playing and get to their big show. (They actually motion-capped a Muppet performer acting this part out with Scooter, and it really does capture that distinctive Muppet rhythm.) Suddenly an (on-screen only) Dr. Bunsen Honeydew comes crashing through the wall of the studio with his latest invention, the Lengthy Immediate Motion Object (L.I.M.O., for short), and Scooter talks him into letting the Mayhem and their fans (again: you) use it to get to the show. Cue the launch and the same roller coaster track as before, only with updated props and a new soundtrack of covers by The Electric Mayhem and a few famous guests. At the end of the ride you’ll quickly coast past audio-animatronics of Statler and Waldorf, who’ll zing you with one of their patented roasts, and then exit through the gift shop, which shows a film of the Mayhem playing “Can You Picture That” at their big show, while assorted Muppets and celebrity guests (including Easter egg cameos from Marino and Douglas) watch on.
As with many recent theme park attractions, as good as the actual ride experience is, the preshow for The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring The Muppets might be the best thing here. It’s certainly the most Muppet-y thing about the attraction, with the anarchic humor and irreverent show-business send-ups you expect from the troupe. It feels weird to call the Scooter animatronic lifelike, since it’s recreating something that has never actually been alive, but it looks spot-on, like an actual, physical Muppet being performed by an actual, physical human, and not like a high-tech Disney robot. The Electric Mayhem’s fuzzy, addled obliviousness is as funny as ever, and the unexpected appearance of Bunsen and Beaker squeezes in two of the most popular Muppets in a way that makes perfect sense. Also, during one of my ride-throughs the studio scene had an extra gag that didn’t pop up otherwise; before Bunsen crashed through the wall, Gonzo interrupted Scooter from a TV monitor to demonstrate a stunt he was scheduled to perform before the concert, to predictably disastrous results.
It’s common for Disney attractions with filmed preshows to have extra material that can be seamlessly cycled in when there’s an unexpected ride delay, and that was clearly the case with Gonzo’s cameo. The actual boarding area for the roller coaster retains the back-alley theme of the Aerosmith version, only with a number of Muppet-related gags and props added to it. (If you really miss Muppet*Vision 3D, this is where you’ll see most of the references to that show.) Once you’re on board the L.I.M.O., a new countdown video featuring Animal preps you for the launch, as you’ll hear the band introduce the song they’ll be playing and whatever guest joins them for it. Then the launch, then the coaster, then the gift shop.
The music is the only noticeable downgrade from the original Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. As misplaced as Aerosmith was in a Disney ride, that soundtrack at least included some of the biggest rock songs ever recorded. The Electric Mayhem are amazingly fun characters, but their covers of songs like Blur’s “Song 2,” Steppenwolf’s “Born to Be Wild,” and the Ohio Players’ “Love Rollercoaster” just don’t evoke the same primordial response as “Walk This Way” or “Sweet Emotion.” Their take on Katrina and the Waves’ “Walking on Sunshine,” with guest Kelly Clarkson on vocals, is the weakest song of the bunch (even if I’m always happy to see Soft Boys member Kimberly Rew getting another payday). “Song 2” works the best because it’s the only time one of the songs feels appreciably Muppet-like; Animal’s voice is unmistakable on the “feel like heavy metal” chorus, and Floyd’s shrug of a take on the “just not my problem” line shows actual character. The rest of the five-song soundtrack (which also includes Def Leppard joining the Mayhem on a version of their Pyromania song “Rock! Rock! (Till You Drop)”) could be the work of any cover band, without a lot of distinguishable Electric Mayhem flourishes. The music’s not bad at all, and the physical thrills of the roller coaster remain substantial, but other than the new static props, there’s very little Muppet-ness in the actual ride itself. Still, it’s a hell of a coaster.
Despite those minor quibbles, The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring The Muppets is about as good as Disney gets when it comes to retheming its rides. This isn’t the lazy imposition of Finding Nemo characters on Disneyland’s Submarine Voyage or EPCOT’s aquarium, or the bite-sized bit of Frozen placed on top of the bones of EPCOT’s Maelstrom. If you never knew The Electric Mayhem wasn’t the original band on this coaster, you’d never be able to tell. And the preshow thoroughly captures the spirit of the Muppets, while also putting a far more charming and appropriate group of characters into the ride than a bunch of almost-80-year-old men that mostly sing about sex and did more drugs in the ’70s and early ’80s than some entire countries. It’s a shame The Electric Mayhem couldn’t have moved into The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster while also keeping Muppet*Vision 3D alive elsewhere in the park, but at least the Muppets still have a home at Disney World.
