Hmm. You know, somewhere in this I think I see a proposal for how to make the world a better place.
So as I understand it, when somebody does some particularly violent action, it gets referred to in the game as a sexual action (which, honestly, does pretty shine a pretty harsh light on the inner workings of the developers' brains). This is bad as it then inspires people to go commit sex crimes.
It's an interesting model, but there are two possible things we could do with it.
What if every time you shot somebody in a particularly skillful way, some over-the-top action voice said, like, "EXERCISE!" or "WASH THE DISHES!" or, my favorite, "BLOOD DONATION!" (see? It even fits!) Then people would be compelled to go do good things and they'd all end up fainting on the treadmill because you shouldn't do that right after a blood donation.
That's pretty good, but we still have all those terrible sex crimes caused by all the games that didn't take advantage of this research. So what can we do about them? My suggestion is to go with the same effect in reverse. Any time you fail miserably in the game, or any time the game makes you do something tedious or boring, say during loading screens or unskippable sequences that happen right after checkpoints, there's a voice yelling about gang bangs and toplessness and every horrible form of perversity imaginable. That's right, you'll play that game and then when your Bulletstorm-playing friends come by and say, "Let's all go violently ravaging the local streets" you'll look at them with disdain, yawn slightly, and say, "Whatever, bros. I gotta go wash the dishes."
Better world. Solved. Thank you, FOX news.
So as I understand it, when somebody does some particularly violent action, it gets referred to in the game as a sexual action (which, honestly, does pretty shine a pretty harsh light on the inner workings of the developers' brains). This is bad as it then inspires people to go commit sex crimes.
It's an interesting model, but there are two possible things we could do with it.
What if every time you shot somebody in a particularly skillful way, some over-the-top action voice said, like, "EXERCISE!" or "WASH THE DISHES!" or, my favorite, "BLOOD DONATION!" (see? It even fits!) Then people would be compelled to go do good things and they'd all end up fainting on the treadmill because you shouldn't do that right after a blood donation.
That's pretty good, but we still have all those terrible sex crimes caused by all the games that didn't take advantage of this research. So what can we do about them? My suggestion is to go with the same effect in reverse. Any time you fail miserably in the game, or any time the game makes you do something tedious or boring, say during loading screens or unskippable sequences that happen right after checkpoints, there's a voice yelling about gang bangs and toplessness and every horrible form of perversity imaginable. That's right, you'll play that game and then when your Bulletstorm-playing friends come by and say, "Let's all go violently ravaging the local streets" you'll look at them with disdain, yawn slightly, and say, "Whatever, bros. I gotta go wash the dishes."
Better world. Solved. Thank you, FOX news.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that BioWare may manage to create a memorable character or two. You know, just maybe.
Oh, no reason for it to be a rhythm game. Though I'd be ok with a Ringo! Tatakae! Ouendan!
@clsmtih: It's a perfectly cromulent word.
Restore, Restart, Quit, or Undo?
@Shemhazaix300: Everyday problems with naughty, naughty solutions.
Nom is ALWAYS my word of the year.
@AnimeCanuck: Yeah, obviously just quick and messy. Prince not to scale.
@Shinobiii: Hell, I'm going with the theory that that's Link.
@ibro911: That's what my children Zork, Floyd, and Irata think.
(all lies, but my cat -is- named Tycho)
(all lies, but my cat -is- named Tycho)
@TuxBobble: Odd, to me the definition's pretty consistently changed in the other direction. Meet the Mac Portable.
Once you see something in a picture, it's hard to un-see it.
Bad answers are so much easier to come up with than good ones. Whee, free brainstorm time!
Bowser.
Pac-man.
Dreamcast.
Harmonix.
Splosion.
Heavy.
Cake.
Ico.
Thrall.
Shoryuken.
Chocobo.
Madden.
Kinect.
Phoenix
Anything with initials D.S.
Raynor
Drake
Super Meat Boy
Bowser.
Pac-man.
Dreamcast.
Harmonix.
Splosion.
Heavy.
Cake.
Ico.
Thrall.
Shoryuken.
Chocobo.
Madden.
Kinect.
Phoenix
Anything with initials D.S.
Raynor
Drake
Super Meat Boy
@yanipheonu: Three, huh? Well, here's to hoping. It's not like I have any illusion that I'll be able to restrain myself from the 3DS once Layton v. Wright comes out, so if there's a NGP-exclusive Persona 5 or something crazy like that, I end up... well, with an excuse to get both, which as problems go is pretty, um, first-world.
Sigh. I sat out a while last gen and waited for the killer app that'll make me go one way or the other... looks like that's still the best approach.
Atlus, Capcom, (and I can dream, iNiS)... DECIDE FOR ME.
Atlus, Capcom, (and I can dream, iNiS)... DECIDE FOR ME.
@Batman: All that matters are attach rate- number of games sold per console, and margin that they capture per game. And my guess is, with digital distribution, they capture more since they charge similar prices to retail but have no marginal cost and cut out a middle man. So... if the target audience for the thing is people who are likely to want at least one each of the primary Sony franchises... it's probably fairly positive money (and production costs will only go down).
Maybe there's room for a compromise. I'd love for there to be stickers on bad games warning me about those. "May cause forehead damage". Also on games that make me forget to pee... well, not a warning about forehead damage there, but some sort of warning. I hate that, and if I knew I should pee ahead of time, that'd save me on all sorts of pain and laundry bills. Or if he's going all stickery, maybe the better route is that he should just make stickers saying that he approves of a specific game as "Approved by Joe Baca as 100% not-going-to-make-you-go-effin'-crazy" and just start putting them on games. Others could follow suit. Soon game boxes would be all stickers and box art would then only matter for naughty games. But then again, maybe it's better for us to all just agree with the dude, let him put stickers on whatever he likes, and never tell him about digital distribution?
Sorry, dudes like this break my brain and stuff just trickles out.
Sorry, dudes like this break my brain and stuff just trickles out.
@aw3str1k3r: If it's like a lot of stories at NPR involving teens, it was probably produced by students in a internship or class kind of setting.
@originaldave77: Aha! I knew there was some sort of synapse sparking back in the dim recesses of my mind. That's it exactly.
