It's An Outstanding Year To Be A Homicidal Raccoon Fan

If I may speak hyperbolically, there is nothing I want more in this life than a quality action figure of the Guardians of the Galaxy's anthropomorphic raccoon person. Judging by the showing at Toy Fair, this is going to be my year.

Just look at that furry little bastard up there, firing away. That's Hasbro's Big Blastin' Rocket Raccoon, eight inches of rotating barrels and catch-phrases.

He's hitting stores in July, as is the case with most of Hasbro's Guardians goodies. Goodies like this little guy right here.

It's An Outstanding Year To Be A Homicidal Raccoon Fan

How about that? I don't know which line he is from. Hasbro's images call him Galactic Battlers Rocket Raccoon. It really doesn't matter. I shall have him.

Oh, and then there is this.

It's An Outstanding Year To Be A Homicidal Raccoon Fan

That's the Rocket Raccoon Action Mask. It costs $20. The mouth, eyebrows and ears move. Will I wear it in bed with my wife? That's a rude question and I am offended you would ask it.

Let's just say I wouldn't take it off.

What else? There's a Titan Hero series figure for $9.99. No pictures for that one, but it sounds large-ish. Sold.

What's this?

It's An Outstanding Year To Be A Homicidal Raccoon Fan

Just a picture of a raccoon from the internet, you say? Doesn't matter, still buying it.

Meanwhile, over at Comics Alliance...

It's An Outstanding Year To Be A Homicidal Raccoon Fan

D'AWWWWWW.

What's the point? The point is that if I don't have a room filled with Rocket Raccoon merchandise — including Halloween costumes for my children (the mask doesn't count, sicko) — then the toy-producing industry has once again gravely underestimated the depth of my wallet when it comes to such things.

It's An Outstanding Year To Be A Homicidal Raccoon Fan