Hey Squall, did you hear? Your game's on Steam now.

It's kind of a big deal, dude.

Because now tons of people can buy and play Final Fantasy VIII on their PCs? I mean, you must know what Steam is.

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Okay, sorry! I shouldn't have assumed.

Steam is this big network that lets people buy computer games, earn achievements, share games with their friends. It's run by Valve, the company started by Gabe Newell—

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You really don't know who Gabe Newell is?

I mean, I don't really care, I'm just—

Okay, okay. Let's call timeout here. Can you take a step back and admit that you were being a bit of an asshole just then?

What? Man, I'm just trying to let you know that your game is on Steam. What's with you?

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. If it helps, Final Fantasy VIII is pretty good.

Critics! And fans! I mean, aren't you excited about all the new people who will get to experience your game?

Why?

Very funny. I thought you might be psyched about your audience expanding, that's all.

What, you mean Square Enix? I mean, I know they've got some awful business practices, but I don't think they're that bad...

:(

Random Encounters is a weekly column dedicated to all things JRPG. It runs every Friday at 3pm ET. You can reach Jason at jason@kotaku.com or on Twitter at @jasonschreier.