Barack Obama Campaigns on Burnout Paradise
Comment by: Mister_Jack
Nominated by: DaiMacculate

WHAT?! I PLAY GAMES TO AVOID SCARY POLITICS. A BILLBOARD THAT GETS IN MY PERIPHERAL VISION FOR .72 SECONDS AS I ZOOM BY IT AT 120 MILES AN HOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE! GRAAAHHHH!! THEY SHALL PAY FOR THIS MINOR INCONVENIENCE!!!

Why Home Should Not Be Shown At Game Shows
Comment by: Mister_Jack
Nominated by: Mokai

It just doesn't FEEL like home without the childhood trauma and alcohol dependency options they had promised.

Gamers, Gabe Newell Thinks You Are Smart
Comment by: Testamonium
Nominated by: 天

I often wonder how much developers actually pay attention to what
gamers say about things they like, and how many games, in fact, the
developers themselves have played.

Being that I'm getting a graduate degree to go into the game industry,
I think it's safe to say I find these questions both relevant and
interesting. Of course, I could just outright say that I find them
relevant and interesting, but everyone should get to be an ass on
occasion.

In any case, I'm anxious to dive into some of these companies and meet
the people and the executives to see for myself what it's like. So
often I feel like I'm playing games that have good elements, or I read
interviews with developers who speak a good rap, and seem to know what
they're talking about. And then it all seems to fall to the wayside
because of some other poor element, or lack of attention to something.

I am somewhat biased in that I have my own idea about how some of
these elements should be implemented, of course. I'll freely admit
that I don't have any room to truly criticize until I try to implement
these ideas on my own, but as an avid player, I at least have a sense
of when something is well executed by one developer, and poorly by
another. Well, I hope I do, anyway.

A Proposal Of Marriage... via LBP
Comment by: Slatz_Grobnik
Nominated by: Mister_Jack

Door to House
You are at the door to your apartment. There is a note pinned to the door.

>examine note

The note is a piece of legal paper, folded over, and taped to the door. Your name is written on it.

>get note
taken

>read note
"I'm sorry, I forgot my key, so I left the door unlocked." ~me

>seethe
What emotion would you like to seethe with?

>seethe with anger
You positively bristle with upset.

>W
You enter your apartment. The lights are off.

>look at apartment
It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

>flip lightswitch
The lights come on. Your boyfriend is standing in the middle of the room, holding a bouquet of roses.

>Boyfriend, explain door.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Your boyfriend scatters the roses to the ground, dramatically.

>Boyfriend, explain lock.
"Oh, that was just to increase the surprise."

I drop to one knee.

>Boyfriend, explain surprise

Be patient, something's happening.

Your boyfriend outstretches his hand. In it is a diamond ring.

"Will you marry me?" he says.

>complain to boyfriend about potential breach of apartment security.

You start to complain, but then are struck with the magnitude of what's going on.

>No, I'm serious. You can't just leave the door open like that, even if you're here.

I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.

>It's too big a risk, Slatz, especially after what happened to Margie down the hall.

Could you say that again?

>Damn it, you never listen to me! Besides, what made you think that you can get away with such an asinine way of proposing? I mean, a text adventure? What is this, 1983? Do you expect tape drives for wedding presents?

I still don't follow.

"Oh," your boyfriend says, looking dejected, "I suppose that your lack of response means it's a 'no,' hunh?"

>flip lightswitch.

It is now dark.

If you could see him, you'd see your boyfriend's eyes mist over.

>wait

The room is dark. You think you hear a grue in the background.

>Grue, eat boyfriend

The grue eats your boyfriend in a single, slurpish gulp. "Now, for dessert," the grue says.

> have mad, passionate rebound sex with Grue, who shows me to places of ecstasy boyfriend never did, and who gives me a proper proposal, like in the park, or in a restaurant, or at least using a game that has a GRAPHICAL COMPONENT!!!

GAME OVER

Your score is 43 out of 160.

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