I Swear To God, They Had Better Not Kill Call of Duty DogS

Yesterday, when we all met Call of Duty Dog for the first time, the first thing we said was, "Aww, a dog!" The second thing we said was, "Too bad they are going to kill him."

Every comment, every video, every Call of Duty Dog joke made has been accompanied by the implicit assumption that, yes, this dog is totally going to get shot. Why else have a dog in a Call of Duty game? They tell us we're going to care about this dog, that he'll be part of the team. We'll forge an emotional attachment to him.

That is obviously code for "just before the final act, the main bad guy is going to fucking shoot him in slow motion while you look on, helpless to intervene."

Let's not forget that this is Call of Duty we're talking about. In these games, it's more surprising if a mission doesn't end with you getting betrayed and shot in the chest at close-range by a man you Thought Was Your Friend.

I can imagine the dogicidal cutscene so vividly, it's like it already exists. You round the corner, and a swarthy gentleman with a beard is standing there. The audio goes hushed and does that flipped low-mid-frequencies only thing, and everything goes into slow motion. He brings his gun up, and then swings it to the side. He fires. A single doggie yelp. Silence.

I swear to God, they had better not kill Call of Duty Dog.

We've seen it happen too many times. Old Yeller. The Fallout games (if we weren't careful). Fable II (sort of). I haven't even seen I Am Legend and I'm about 95% sure the dog gets it. The dog aaaalways gets it.

So, time to shake things up, Infinity Ward. Forge a connection with us by giving us human characters we can believe in. If you need to move us emotionally, show us heartbreaking devastation, make us come to grips with the destruction of a defenseless town or something. Let us watch our team grow closer, then tear us apart and test that friendship. Don't just give us a fucking awesome dog, let us hang out with him, then kill him to make us sad.

I mean, it'll work. I'll be super sad if you kill Call of Duty Dog. But surely you can do better!

I guess we'll have to wait to see what happens when the game comes out. In the meantime, what do you guys think? How would you rate Call of Duty Dog's chances?

I, for one, hope they surprise us all. I hope they let Call of Duty Dog live. Heck, let him star in his own DLC (Dog-loadable content). The nation has fallen in love with Call of Duty Dog. Please, don't tear him away from us.