Generally when a game shows up on store shelves and absolutely no one has a review up for it, that's a bad sign. It means either the publisher forgot to send out review copies, or purposefully withheld them to get people to buy before the bad word hit the streets. Legend of the Dragon for the Wii had no reviews, but I told myself that maybe everyone was just too busy with other stuff to review the new fighting game. Everyone in the gaming press.

Farfetched, I know, but I'm a hopeless optimist sometimes. I once had a girl from the internet visit me who had refused to send me a picture, convincing myself that she just didn't want her beauty to effect my opinion of her. She ended up having ankles as thick as my neck and a smell like an infected ear piercing..true story. I just never learn.

At least Legend of the Dragon smells nice?

This is definitely one of those games they'd rather no have press look at. I'm not familiar with the cartoon, and after playing the game version I have absolutely no intention on rectifying that anytime soon. The controls are awkward, the game modes weak, the graphics lean towards N64 quality and the sound is just...odd.

Now You're Playing with Power

This is not a game that should have been made for the Wii. It's more or less your traditional 3D fighter with a few bells and whistles tacked on to take advantage of the unique setup, and it just does not work. You use the control stick on the nunchuk to move, jump, and crouch, with the C & Z buttons being used to step up or in on the 3D plane. Then you have A & B to punch and kick and the directional pad to block. Once you transformer into your alter ego (every character has one) you gain super moves which just make no f***ing sense whatsoever. The tutorial doesn't help. The book doesn't help. The Spanish half of the book doesn't even help.

What also doesn't help is that once your opponent transforms, you pretty much have to as well or your chances of survival drop considerably. Rounds end up like Voltron episodes. "Well we started fighting as separate lions, but then decided that the ultra-powerful robot was the way to go. If only we had some sort of blazing sword..."

Modus Operandi

You can play story mode, where you choose a character, fight one or two battles, and then spend half an hour honing another character's traits, decimating opponent after opponent only to be cheap shotted out of ring by a guy named Henchman. The there's survival mode, where you can decimate opponent after opponent until being cheap-shotted out of the ring in a single punch. Love that game balance.

There is no arcade mode, but there is a quick versus, where you jump instantly into action, win or lose the round, and then get a game over screen. Definitely quick. There are other modes and of course multiplayer, which I haven't tried but can't imagine making the game magically playable.

But How Bout The Graphics?

In the game's defense, it does indeed capture the look of the characters from the show, who just happen to all be pretty bland and generic, lacking any real flair or style. The environments are too back, with breakable objects scattered about adding a little depth to the surroundings, but all in all they have no flavor whatsoever.

Sound Off

The sound, as I stated earlier, is just odd. At times it sounds like they doubled or tripled up on some fighting grunts, meaning instead of hearing just one you'd hear the same sound two or three times in a row. Then there was this character I ended up playing for the better part of an hour. Ming the rat guardian, this little girl who dances around after her fight ends and then wheezes like she's having an asthma attack four times. Jarring, horrible noises that seem very out of place. Does the cartoon character actually have some horrible lung disease? Should we start up a collection for her? Now I'm worried.

Magically Atrocious

Legend of the Dragon is going to be one of those games I never live down purchasing, though as I see it if I hadn't picked up the game one of you would have, and I've got enough blood on my hands. You are welcome. Michael Fahey