I have horrible news. Everyone at Kotaku is presumably either celebrating Labor Day or died in a tragic fight over who would review Frog Fractions 2, which means that I’m in charge. I’ve been sitting at my computer trying to come up with a great way to explain who I am to those who might not know me and reassure those who do. I’m Doc Burford.

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That was easy.

Most of you know me from one of two places: Kotaku’s comment sections for the past… wait, it’s been NINE YEARS? Heck, man. I’m a veteran. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. I’ve said them too, things like “I think Half-Life 2 is a terrible video game,” which people still refuse to believe. I’ve grown up here, for good or ill. Kotaku was the first place I visited when I returned, exhausted and drained, from my regular hospital visits. It’s been a place of comfort, a place where I forged new friendships, a place where I taught myself to write again after an illness had me convinced I’d never write again. Kotaku means a lot to me.

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The rest of you probably know me from my column here on Kotaku for the past few years. I wrote things like “Most Survival Games Have Problems that S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Solved Years Ago” and “I Keep Going Back to the First Forza Horizon.” Most of what I write is “how games work” type stuff. I’ve always wanted to write other things, but I have the most fun exploring how games work, so I keep doing that instead. Always have, always will. It’s why, eventually, I’m gonna actually release one on Steam.

For this weekend, I’ll be your editor, which means I get to do what I’ve always wanted to do, which is to turn Kotaku into a Digimon/S.T.A.L.K.E.R. fansite until such time as I get bored or someone wrests the reigns from me. I actually started to write an epic poem about it, but then I realized that they’re not paying me anywhere near enough money to write an epic poem.

So instead I’m just gonna write some stuff that sounds cool, report the news, and maybe, just maybe, tell you why I’m not such a big fan of Half-Life 2. Let’s keep things nice and chill.

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Completely unrelated, but I feel the need to share some obscure fact about myself: I once almost murdered a bald eagle. It was back when I was earning my pilot’s license, back when I could still fly. It was my first solo flight without the instructor present, and I took off and almost hit one right on takeoff. Bald eagles look better from above than they do from below. The more you know.

I think it’s time we blow this scene. Get everybody and the stuff together. Okay, three, two, one let’s jam...