If you are not yet familiar with the world of Sims patch notes, please allow us to make your day.
Over the past few years, EA's ridiculous simulation game has been chock full of ridiculous bugs, and rather than ruin them by paraphrasing, I've rounded up the best ones right here, all taken verbatim from actual Sims updates.
- Fix for babysitter routing off lots with babies.
- Fix for a freeze that can occur when Sims attempt to clean out bad food from the fridge.
- Babies will no longer be born to single parents.
- Reduced the urge for neat Sims to put away fire pits.
- Sims can no longer interview non-playable ghosts.
- Sims no longer have the rare chance of getting permanently stuck while socializing.
- "Become Enemies with Child" wish no longer appears.
- Prevented a case where toddlers were allowed to escape a lot and wander freely.
- Eating specific prepared meals no longer has an impact on an unborn baby's gender.
- Fish are no longer duplicated in the fridge when moving homes.
- Televisions no longer play video after they are burned or broken.
- Sims can no longer "Try for Baby" with the Grim Reaper.
- Fixes a bug that causes Sims to teleport off of some of the new beds in SP01.
- Fixes an issue that causes Sims to get stuck in the "Grab a Slice" interaction on pizza.
- Fixes an issue that prevents the fulfillment of the "Buy a Video Game System" wish when buying the "GUGA JoyToy 3" and "Console 7" video game systems.
- Sims may now walk and stand on bridges.
- Dead relatives will no longer appear alive in your Sims' family trees while traveling to Egypt, China, or France.
- Fire Engines will now maintain all functionality after Sims drive them in Egypt, China, or France.
- Fixed an issue that caused Sim relationships to break when traveling to Egypt, China, or France.
- Sims will no longer walk on water to view paintings placed on swimming pool walls.
- Fixed an issue where ghosts could become stuck in vehicles under certain conditions. Ghosts will now properly exit vehicles after arriving at their destination.
- Sims that catch on fire from the Invention Workstation can now have the fire put out when the firefighters are called.
- The magical laundry bear Abracadabra will no longer block Sims from moving after disappearing.
- Pianists will no longer continue playing pianos that have been detonated.
- Mac Only: Swimming in a pool inside a high rise building will no longer cause a Sim's plumbob to become invisible.
- Sims will no longer receive a wish to "Skinny Dip" with Mummies.
- Pregnant Sims can no longer "Brawl."
- Sims that drown while Skinny Dipping will now spin into their clothes while interacting with the Grim Reaper.
- Fixed an issue that made Sims disappear from the world when exiting the carpool on their way to work.
- Fixed an issue that caused Sims to leave their Toddler inside a bar at closing time.
- Toddlers can no longer get fleas.
- Baby Sims will no longer become stuck on a Sim's hand while driving a car.
- When adopting a dog, you will now be shown whether the dog is a Little Dog or a Large Dog.
- Babies and Toddlers will no longer go into a frozen state when a Social Worker comes to take them while they are being pushed in strollers.
- Sims that have been turned into a Ghost will no longer receive an extra diploma.
- The "Throw a Teen Party" wish will no longer appear while a Teen Party is already planned.
- Ghost Sims will now remain floating when returning from Boarding School.
- Children and Teens can no longer die from motive failure while on a Time Out.
- An issue has been fixed that caused Unicorns to lose their special powers when using the Make All Happy cheat.
- An error that causes Sims to reset when scooping a dead fish out of an aquarium has been fixed.
- Sims who are on fire will no longer be forced to attend graduation before they can put themselves out.
- Fixed an issue where fish placed in the Sims inventory will no longer disappear when Sims travel back from a vacation world.
- Fairy children will no longer stretch into adult size when using the "Talk to Plant" interaction.
- Fixed an issue with conversion spells turning inexpensive items into expensive items.
- Sims will no longer occasionally flip or stutter when trying to walk through doorways.
- Fixed an issue where Sims could not collect space rocks.
- The Time Portal will no longer disappear when travelling to the future.
- Sims that skip class activities or lecture halls will no longer have their needs frozen.
- Child Sims will no longer "Play in Sand" indoors where there is no sand.
- Alien abductions have been disabled on houseboats if the player has The Sims 3 Island Paradise installed.
- Fixed an issue with the underwater cave where the tentacles waved forever, preventing Sims from entering the cave.
- Self-employed Sims can now check into resorts without the game freezing.
- Sims can now relax on floor tiles.
- The Murphy Bed has been made less lethal.
- Mermaid Children can now take showers.
- Fixed issue with Baby Walker and Playpen that could cause toddler problems.
- Fixed an issue that could cause the Time Traveler to catch on fire and not be able to be put out.
- Fixed an issue that could cause a teen to be trapped in a child's body when travelling to the future at the exact moment of a birthday.