I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

You kids get off of my lawn! Damn, that really does feel good. I turned 40 on Wednesday, so excuse me if I didn't play as many gaming apps this week as you young people did. These old eyes aren't what they used to be.

Okay, not an excuse. If anything I should be playing more apps, what with all the time sitting out on the back porch (we don't have a front porch), rocking back and forth in my chair and watching the weather. Or The Weather Channel app.

Hell, technically old men don't even have to go outside anymore. In a few years I'll be downloading an app that delivers the same experience as walking outside and sweeping the leaves out of the driveway every 15 minutes, without having to deal with any whippersnappers. Some would argue that app is already here several times over.

But it's none of this week's apps. These are spritely, virile games, filled with action and adventure and carefully considered strategy and wisdom — all hallmarks of a newer generation, except for the second two.

Back in my day we would have skipped the first few paragraphs and gone straight to...

What We Played This Week

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Angry Birds Friends - iOS, Android - Free

The weekly Facebook tournament spills over onto Android and iOS, where the Angry Birds series has been just a little bit popular. A tad.

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Zoombies: Animales de la Muerte! - iOS - $2.99

Normally I take my own screens, but then normally I charge my iPad. Zoombies is another fresh game from High Voltage Software, who've been doing some great things on mobile lately. Take this, for instance — zombie animals. Why aren't there more zombie animals?

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Candymeleon - iOS - Free

See, he's a chameleon, but he eats candy! CANDYMELEON! He's adorable, it's mindless fun, and it's free. I like that combination.

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Dark Avenger - iOS - Free

The free-to-play Diablo clone with the amazingly generic name. Nice polish, good action, wildly derivative.

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Eclipse: New Dawn for the Galaxy - iOS - $6.99

The incredibly complicated board game is now an incredibly complicated mobile game. An amazing digital translation, but you've got to be sharp and patient to win.

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

LEGO Star Wars: the Yoda Chronicles - iOS - Free

Star Wars is great. LEGO is great. The mini-games here? Not so great, but LEGO. Also, Star Wars.

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Rocket Patrol - iOS - Free

A neat little fast-paced card game about the race across space. One of those quick-and-dirty affairs, where the players must choose to drop a travel card or drop a screw-with-your-opponent card.

App Reviews for the Week of April 29 - May 3, 2013

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

Every level of They Need To Be Fed 2 ends with you hurling your big-headed black and white body into the gaping maw of a carnivorous plant. Trust me, it's for the best. Read…

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

If Talisman Prologue is any indication of how the full version of the classic fantasy board game will pan out, then fans are in for a real treat when Talisman Digital Edition launches this summer. Until then, they can re-learn the ropes in this single-player boot camp.Read…

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

I was a little over 13 when I read the first book in UK game designer Steve Jackson's Sorcery! series of Fighting Fantasy books. Enhancing the page-turning elements of the Choose Your Own Adventure books with pen-and-paper role-playing game mechanics, the series instilled in me a voracious appetite for interactive…Read…

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

I stare at the glorious handcrafted world of Blitz Games' Paper Titans for hours, lazily rotating each colorfully cobbled-together stage. I would gladly take a large stack of proto-form Titans, popping them out of their paper prisons and folding them to life with a flick of my finger. This striking setting cries out… Read…

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

There's quite a lot of extra content available for purchase inHaunted Hollow, the spooky new iOS strategy board game from Firaxis, creators of XCOM: Enemy Unknown. Between new creatures to add to your arsenal and special item unlocks, you could spend upwards of $17 on the free-to-play game, but that'd be stupid — the… Read…

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

For the last few days, I've been playing Star Command, a mobile game that's had people excited for a very long time now. Beginning life as a Kickstarter project, it's gone through several major delays, and arrives this week on the App Store an example not just of excellent portable strategy, but of the realities of… Read…

I'm Too Old For This Week in Gaming Apps S**t

There are times I want to explore near photo-realistic ancient temples, battling terrifying enemies with the aid of powerful magical artifacts. I have moments where all I want to do is spend hours building armies, evaluating troop strength and capabilities and devising strategies to take advantage of my findings. Read…