Take Batman out of Frank Miller's classic story about an older Batman coming out of retirement. Replace him with Donkey Kong. And you get something that hopefully exists in some more blessed alternate universe: The Donkey Knight Returns.
Gaze upon the work of Brazilian artist Bill the Butcher—who we've featured before—and despair that you can't play this game. Then, start changing up all of your favorite TDKR quotes to ones that makes sense in the Mario-verse. "There's nothing wrong with you that I can't fix with my barrels." That kind of thing. Cold comfort, yes, but it's better than nothing.