Kotaku: Hell

The Nine Circles of Xbox Live Hell

Mike Fahey — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:00:00 EST

Commenter Firescorpio takes us on a (somewhat misspelled) journey through the nine circles of Xbox Live hell, a path that transforms an innocent online gamer into a foaming, frothing, enjoyment-destroying fuckwit in today's infographic-tastic edition of Speak-Up on Kotaku. More »

Hell Is For Koopas

Mike Fahey — Wed, 12 May 2010 18:00:00 EDT

Did you ever wonder what happened to that unfortunate Koopa Trooper you left bouncing between those two pipes in Super Mario Bros.? Of course you didn't, you heartless cad. Thankfully College Humor has its ever-bouncing back. More »

Dante's Inferno: The Original World Map

Brian Crecente — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 13:00:00 EST

As seen at The World of Dante, an illustration by Lindsay McCulloch. More »

Which Console Gets The Dante's Inferno Demo First?

Mike Fahey — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 11:40:00 EST

The demo for Dante's Inferno is coming to the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 this month, but one console is getting it two weeks ahead of the other. Who gets it first? Hint - it's not the Xbox 360. More »

Modder Banishes PC To Hell

torif — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:00:50 EST

Nothing says serious gamer like a Dell Inspiron M155 with Satan's head glaring back at you! PC Modder Ken Kirby decided his computer needed a facelift, and opted for a more grotesque one in its place. The handiwork is pretty neat, but I don't think I could sleep in a room with that thing staring back at me. *shudders* It even has its own smoke machine. More »

Pokemon Christmas Bash... The Album

Brian Crecente — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 15:00:28 EST

Last night I arrived at my late-grandparents home in south Georgia, a Spanish rancher my grandad designed and had built in the 70s. After unpacking, lighting luminaries and having dinner, I spent an hour working on the old record player, trying to get it to work. Once it was spinning I dug up the old Christmas records we used to listen to when I was a kid. At the top of the dusty pile of 33s were two Christmas records by the Chipmunks. I can't believe my parents let us listen to these things so endlessly during the holidays. They were and are horrid. But I guess that was, in some way, their Christmas present to us. More »

Satan's Rayman Raving Rabbid Cupcake

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 04:00:53 EST

If hell had a gateway, it would be that cupcake mouth. Shortly after reader Nathan and his girlfriend made this, they were sucked into a ring of the underworld Dante missed. Truly, truly nightmare inducing. Masochistic readers, check out the complete Flickr set. Yes, there are more of them. Brian Ashcraft More »

Tokyo Game Show Dated, Show Expanded

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 08:22:13 EST

This should finally put to rest those crazy rumors that the Tokyo Game Show has been cancelled. Not only is TGS 2007 alive and well, it's bigger than ever! This year's show will be increased from the usual three days to four days. And since last year was apparently the most crowded one ever, we can look forward to an extra day of sweating people pushing up close. Oh goodie! So this go round, TGS07 will run from Thursday, September 20th to Sunday, September 23rd with Thursday and Friday being business days. Since E3 no longer what it once was, TGS is making its move to take center stage internationally. We'll be there come September to bring you up-to-the-second coverage. Should be utter hell. Brian Ashcraft More »

Japanese PS3 Ad Fortells Japanese PS3 Chaos

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 06:22:47 EST

A commercial for those PLAYSTATION TVs, which have been appearing across the country. Think of this spot as a nice version of Saturday, when the console launches here in Japan. Brian Ashcraft More »

Update: Japan Gets Another PS3 Ad, Still Screwed Out of Consoles

Brian Ashcraft — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 15:00:27 EST

More of Sony egging on adult insanity and man crying, here's a commercial directed at a Japanese market that will be getting reamed royally regarding PS3 shipments. If this ads seems short, just check Japan's console numbers. How fitting! Brian Ashcraft More »

Japan Gets A PS3 Television Ad

Brian Ashcraft — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 13:30:59 EST

With only 80,000 machines launching here in Japan, I was surprised as hell seeing this on TV. The heavy handed symbolism refers to the PS3's launch Land of the Rising Sun's November 11th launch date. Mark you calendars, that's when the proverbial shit hits the fan. Brian Ashcraft More »

Ronnie James Dio: Hell Has Video Games!

fdemarco — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 10:00:14 EST

Gentlemen, grab your beer coozies and mirrored sun glasses! Ladies, pull down your tube tops and shake those jublies to the sky, it's time for some good old fashioned ROCK AND ROLL!! More »

Sony Cuts Japan Launch Numbers

Brian Ashcraft — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 17:30:35 EST

100,000 consoles for Japan? Sony was just joshing! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha. The Land of the Rising Sun will actually only be getting 80,000 machines. Isn't that so funny? The demand for the machine is at fever pitch, with Tsutaya Online burning through pre-orders in six minutes and game seller Geo taking a few days to clear house. In hopes of avoiding angry mobs, many stores like Yodobashi Camera, however, are not taking pre-orders. Let's take a quick inventory: A pushed back launch with fewer consoles than originally announced. What. A. Disaster. Brian Ashcraft More »

PS3 Kills Amazon Japan

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 03:22:47 EDT

Blame it on the PLAYSTATION 3. (Or rather, the lack of them at launch.) On October 16th at approximately 7:10pm, Amazon Japan began accepting pre-orders for 20GB and 60GB. Since online shopping isn't as popular here as in America, Tokyo's CheapyD at CheapAssGamer.com decide that he'd give it a shot. Cheapy and an otaku hoard swooped, overpowering the Amazon Japan server. He writes: More »

Hey Japan, Why The Pre-Order Hate?

Brian Ashcraft — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 12:22:24 EDT

Trolling around game shops today, it hit me that Japan is totally adverse to pre-orders. Signs promoting the PLAYSTATION 3 and the Wii also make known that there won't be pre-orders. Why? Because standing in line for three days before the machine goes on sale is fair, that's why. I'm sure both launches will be batshit insane with small children and grown men crying. Though, the PS3 launch just bodes worse, and I'm expecting a ring of hell that Dante missed. The other scary thing, the PS3 HDD60GB still isn't even priced at some stores and is *still* listed as "open." Does that mean the price is going to be sprung on consumers at the last minute? Can't wait. Brian Ashcraft More »

PS3 Demo Unit Hits Japan (Well, One Does)

Brian Ashcraft — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 13:22:10 EDT

PLAYSTATION 3 Japan launch? Hell. Pure, uncut hell. To build up everyone in this island nation for the ensuing bitch fights, retailer Yodobashi Camera is getting demo machines. Make that, one demo machine. I have neither seen nor heard of other stores yet installing any sort of demo unit, and Yodobashi's Akihabara branch seems to be sole recipient. Checked the Shinjuku and the Umeda branches, but turned up nothing. The unit will apparently be running Genji, Warhawk, The Eye of Judgement, Hot Shots Golf 5 and Afrika. And according to Yodobashi staffer I spoke with, these games are not playable, and these are just apparently looped clips. Swell. Brian Ashcraft More »

TGS06: It's Packed As Hell

Brian Ashcraft — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 01:39:15 EDT

1:35PM—Tokyo Time. We've got a full house. Mike and Scott have headed off to Sony's Polyphonic Digital Studios to get the scoop on Gran Turismo HD. We've roped in Gridskipper's Jean Snow for a fistful of interviews. He's sitting in some posh hotel room, listening closely. Our cameraman Jon is milling about in the sweatfest that is TGS. Me, I've ditched the press lounge. There's a mosquito in there, you know. Brian Ashcraft More »

Forgive Us, For We Have Sinned

egauger — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 20:40:04 EDT

Destructoid's readers (and contributors) are a tawdry, villainous bunch. As are scoundrels over at The Age blogs, where Destructoid got the idea for compiling a list of gaming sins in the first place. More »

Duct Tape DS Wraps Itself in Fulgyness

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 10:22:50 EDT

Eliza put out a call, and reader Chris answered. Unfortunately. Here is the ugliest DS case mod on this planet Earth. This oddly duct-taped DS was created by altometer1337 (oh, boy), a member of the Pocket Heaven forums. As soon as he finished wrapping his portable in duct-tap and coloring in the DS symbol with ball-point pen, altometer1337 posted this on Pocket Heaven, where everyone with eyes declared this case mod as truly hideous. Note that altometer1337's post signature is: More »

Test Time for Japanese Developers?

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 08:22:17 EDT

While Western developers worry about burnout, Japanese ones dread the possibility of forced exams. Japan loves tests, passing out certificates to those that pass and stamping a big "L" on those that fail. There are examinations for just about everything in Japan. Want to enter pre-school? Take a test. How about a job? Test. Want a license? More on that shortly. More »

PS3 is Way Complex

Brian Ashcraft — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 07:22:39 EDT

Know-it-all analyst P.J. McNealy told face-stuffing marketers at an MI6 luncheon about just how complex manufacturing the PS3 will be. He said that the number of parts used to make a PS3 is even more astounding that the 1,700 parts found in the Xbox 360. What does this mean? More »

An Xbox That's Michael Jackson Fulgy

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 01:24:17 EDT

Like the King of Pop, this modder just could not leave well enough alone. Had to keep adding, changing, modifying. Couldn't stop, until the Xbox turned into that. Utterly hideous. Brian Ashcraft More »

Sega Keeps Idoru & Tortures Humanity

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 23 May 2006 10:22:48 EDT

Yuko "Not Annoying, But Annoying" Ogura will return as Sega's campaign for the 2006 fiscal year. The child-like Ogura, who claims to be from outer space, was too cute for Sega all last year. She does win big points for effort as her calculated ditzy charade has rocketed her to fame here in Japan. It's no accident she's currently studying psychology at university. Irritating? Yes. Dumb? No.—Brian Ashcraft More »

PS3 & 360 Screens: "Impossible To Tell Apart"

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 03 May 2006 00:23:51 EDT

In a Pre-E3 interview with IGN, Swedish developer Starbreeze Studios (The Chronicles Of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay) talk next-gen and offer their insights on the next-gen console cat fight. So, is there really a big difference between the Xbox 360 and the PS3? One Starbreeze folkin had this to say: More »

Sony Forecasts Loss On PS3, But No Fist Fights?

Brian Ashcraft — Mon, 01 May 2006 12:22:28 EDT

That behemoth console known as the PlayStation 3 looks set not only to make consumers' lives miserable, but Sony's finacial statement as well. "On the surface the forecast looks bad," says Daiwa SB Investment's Koichi Ogawa. More »

Will The Real PS3 Launch Titles Please Stand Up?

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 11:21:41 EDT

The names are rolling in, and the British Gaming Blog has a few PS3 launch titles to add to the list. Names and dates could change, but this list has apparently been confirmed by Sony. Here goes: More »

Ubisoft Ditches Starforce... Thanks Gawd!

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 11:22:06 EDT

In a fitting comeuppance for the nexus of evil known as Starforce, Ubisoft has wiped Heroes of Might and Magic V free of the malware and won't use it in future copy protection. The bad, bad, bad anti-piracy system is pimped by Russian gangsters, so unscrupulous that they offer nay-sayers free knuckle sandwiches in some Moscow warehouse. A $5 mil class action lawsuit was brought against Ubi for using loathsome Starforce DRM in their games back in 2004 and continued to be publicly berated for using it. The company took a hint. Do we hate Starforce? Yes, and now so does Ubisoft. More »

PSP Battery Recall

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 13:21:00 EDT

The PSP's Pelican Power Brick battery charger is being recalled due to potential hazard overheating. The non-Sony accessory gets hot enough to cause the battery's plastic to melt and poses as a fire threat. The Power Brick is comprised of two lithium-ion batteries mounted on plastic housing and connected via circuit board. More »

Strange Image On Final Fantasy XII Package

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 08:22:09 EST

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The folks over at the RPG watcher flipped over the FF XII artwork and found what some say looks like either a goat or Satan. I say goat. What do y'all think? More »

"Not Concerned At All," Says Sony's Harrison

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 08:22:34 EST

Phil Harrison admitted at a GDC lunch that there will not be enough PS3s for everyone at launch. (Uh, no duh.) A million machines are set to ship, but demand for the product is boarding on feverpitch. More »

PS3 and Revolution Pre-Orders at Toys R Us?

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 17:22:23 EST

A tipster sent word that Toys R Us in Canada is already taking pre-orders for the Revolution and the PlayStation 3. So, if they are taking pre-orders now, what does that mean come this fall? Launch is already starting to seem yucky, and it's still spring. Anyway, here's the actual email: More »

Australian Media Mucks Up the PS3 Console

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 17:55:06 EST

You'd think websites that publish articles about video game consoles would have a vague idea of what they looked like. Not so with Australia's News.com.au site, which has posted a ridiculous fan conception from circa 2003. Under the mind-numbingly ugly manta-ray-like PS3 surfboard, it even says, "Playstation 3 ... only another six months to wait." The image leaves one wondering if this site either has an amazing sense of humor or is chocked full of knobheads. More »

Poll: PS3 Launch Success Rate

Brian Ashcraft — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 11:21:09 EST

Sony's spin doctor(s) told us yesterday that there will be a million consoles at their "global" launch and will continues to churn out PS3s at a rate of one mil per month. Sounds good, but just how possible is it. To avoid a MSoft-like 360 catastrophe, Sony's going to need to keep their promise. More »