As the pantheon-blessed people at Out of Context D&D Quotes have shown us, moments from tabletop campaigns can be inspiring, poignant and weird. Mostly really, really weird.

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Hi, readers. I’m Mary, I’m doing some weekend work for Kotaku, and I’ve been playing tabletop games since college. I’ve written characters, worlds, and lots of ugly fights (sorry, player friends), but my favorite part of tabletop RPGs has always been the weird non sequiturs you can only get from gathering people around a table to play pretend.

I’m starting a weekly roundup of the best (read: my favorite, in a totally subjective way) moments, quotes, character backstories and loot from tabletop games. All are welcome—be ye Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Fall of Magic, whatever.

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I’ll start!


I ran a Pathfinder session in which our plucky heroes battled a massive astral dragon. As the plane-hopping lizard neared death, the attacking paladin rolled a natural 20. He asked that every party member strike, finishing the beast off together.

The paladin stabbed; the magus’s staff flared; the barbarian cleaved; the rogue’s sickle sank into its flesh.

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And the gnome bard summoned weasels. Right into its throat.

The astral dragon choked to death on weasels.


Bonus points if your story is shorter than mine, and a thousand Mary points (which are worthless, but shiny) if you include an image. Post your moments, quotes, backstories, and loot in the comments.