Always pallid, toneless and corpse-like, we weren't surprised when legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto punched his claw-like hand through Nintendo President Saturo Iwata's chest cavity and began feasting on the steaming sweet meats inside. Miyamoto quickly took control of Nintendo Japan afterwards. At a recent press brunch, he briefly outlined his future plans for the company.

Using a chilled spoon to daintily scoop iced brains out of the screaming skull of Kotaku ex-staffer Brian Ashcraft, Miyamoto-zonbi-san first announced a new model of the Nintendo DS. Deemed the Nintendo DSkin, Miyamoto bragged that it would be the first edible Nintendo console. After ripping off an adjacent journalist's finger, Miyamoto demonstrated the device's improved stylus input, as well as the new built in camera, created with an actual human eyeball. Lovingly crafted with infected human flesh, Miyamoto stressed that the built-in mouth, ears and cerebral cortex would allow gamers "to experience unparalleled interactivity and processing power." A new chat game will also be bundled with the device, allowing gamers to talk with the tormented soul trapped inside.

Miyamoto-zonbi-san also demonstrated the new direction of Brain Age: "We've decided to go in an entirely new direction. Gamers don't want to strengthen brains, they want to eat them. Nintendo will give them what they want."

We're intrigued, but quickly coming on the heels of the release of the Nintendo DS Lite, the DSkin seems like another cynical money-grab from a company that is squandering gamer good will not just by eating us, but our wallets as well.

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