Never say whining doesn't pay off. After I griped yesterday about how Blizzard didn't send me, Florian Eckhardt for god's sakes, a Burning Crusade beta key... guess who got one? That's right. It wasn't God. It wasn't you. It was me. Many thanks to the anonymous Blizzard employee who took pity on me. And, while I'm at it, I'd really like to just bless the entire concept of favoritism in whatever ideal Platonic form it inhabits in the metaphysical realm.

So this weekend will be spent "testing" (read: playing, griping about the bugs, but never reporting them) the expansion. Unfortunately, I don't have a level 60 character to take to the Outlands. However, I anticipate a hilarious bout of metagaming, as I feverishly distribute misinformation about the contents of the new expansion.

Early this morning, I called Eliza up. Even at the best of times, her voice is far from melodious, but early in the dawn, it flatulates from her throat in Greco-Jabbaesque farting noises. It's like having someone press their anus up to your ear, then whispering through their bowels.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Eliza! Guess who got into the Burning Crusade beta? Here's a hint: NOT YOU."

"You have fun with your Blonde Elves or whatever," she replied.

"I don't have time for your womanly passive-agressive jealousy," I sneered." I have mounts to fly. And hey. You know what? Rogues have this new, PVP-only talent. It's called Assassin Recall. You use it upon a ganked target, and when they respawn, it instantly teleports you back behind them, already stealthed, full energy. Five minute cooldown. Neat, huh? LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU, ELIZA! Ha ha ha ha."

"I hate you."

"NYEAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" I screamed into the phone. I'd been drinking. She hung up.

Anyway, so you know what I'll be doing this weekend. You? Florian Eckhardt

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