I will stop here before I start writing about totally overpaid agents, managers, agents, and studio executives in L.A. living in airballoons as long they can rip money out of the world outside of L.A. or the major companies. If I would run a studio I would do the same movies for half of the production costs in throwing the cokeheads out and cutting the bullshit of breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings with idiots who never made a movie in their life. I can shoot a movie like Fantastic Four 2 in half of the time for half of the money shot by shot.

Boll breaks down the problems with the film industry and what he can do to help. (And no, it's not stop making movies. DAMMIT.)

• 20 years ago maybe three movies came out every week. Now 6 to 10.
• In earlier days you had 5 to 10 event movies per year. Now you have 40. And they destroy the medium movies. Not because they are good! Because they are so expensive and spending so much money in p&a to win their weekends and to win market share.
• In 1999 piracy maybe destroyed 5% of the revenues — now 40%. Why? Because tons of territories in Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe are selling more pirated DVDs as legal DVDs. Illegal downloads taking 20% of theatrical and HV revenues of movies away everywhere. Legal downloads to rent or to own are not compensating anything ? people don't want to pay for downloads. A $1 billion gross in downloads means a loss of $9 billion in DVD sales.
• In TV are less and less spaces for films. Every channel is showing casting and reality shows: Superstar, Idol, Cooking, Handyman shows are invading the channels.

If you head does not hurt (and really, why not), read Boll's ways to fix-up Hollywood.

• It's proven that actors are totally overpaid. Some beach boys getting hyped up and absurd amounts paid for saying five lines per day and letting the stuntguys doing the hard work. If the studios would in general not pay more as max. $3 million for a star per movie — the stars would work for that money if nobody offers more. It's also absurd to pay medium names more as $250,000 per movie.
• Why not Pirates putting for 10 years in jail?
• Why SHOWTIME or HBO paying for independent movies $20,000 and for medium movies produced by the majors millions. TV channels must show more movies and pay also fair prices for independent product.
• Theaters must show also more trailers of smaller movies.
• TV and Radio channels must report more also about small movies.

Uwe Boll Explains Why "There Is No Money In Movies" [1up]

Running with Scissors just announced that his Postal film won not one, but two awards at the Hoboken International Film Festival. Boll took home $500 cash money for the best director award, beating out the directors of films like Crazy, Strange Girls, The Sensei and Flyboys. Oh, snap! Boll beat out D. Lee Inosanto!!!

Postal also was named the best of the festival despite showings of The Noogies, In The Eyes of a Killer, Predator’s Return and The Pack.

"When the fans speak, WE WIN,” said Vince Desi, the movies executive producer and founder of Running With Scissors. “We know this from our experience in the game industry and now the film business just confirms it. The continued success of the POSTAL franchise in all its forms is proof that democracy works; you cannot stop what’s in the hearts of the people. Freedom will always triumph over tyranny."

The New Jersey awards fly in the face of the movies mysterious box office opening when it hit 13 screens nationwide, and put a little salve on Boll's ego, bruised when hundreds walked from a free screening of the movie earlier this month... oh wait, that was at the same festival.

Approximately 200 theatergoers walked out of a free Postal screening in New Jersey last Friday. While Hoboken Mayor David Roberts refused to attend the screening, he stated that he did not like the film's 9/11-style attack gag and added that it was "too soon to mock a plane going into the World Trade Center." According to Boll:

Being politically correct, let's say, the big studios are kind of overdoing it... I feel it is time now to make a really wild movie, something over the top... We don't spare any group. We don't want to hurt anybody but we want to break the rules... We want to make people think: What is a taboo? We want to make people start thinking about their own boundaries and rules.

It's kind of curious of Mayor Roberts to say it's "too soon to mock a plane going into the World Trade Center". Does that mean eventually it will be okay to mock that? And if so, who will decide that? Rather subjective, no?

Postal Offends Some [NJ.com via Binge Gamer] [Pic]

Postal's Box Office mystery [The Cut Scene]

Interview with Uwe Boll [LoadingReadyRun Thanks everyone for sending this in!]

Directed by much-derided shlockmeister Uwe Boll, 'Postal' stars Zack Ward as a misfit who sets out to rob his local amusement park while getting mixed-up with a faction of the Taliban. Barely released in U.S. cinemas last year, the film grossed less than $5 million at the box office domestically.

To all of you writing now about me and the fact that POSTAL is not getting screens.its okay ..its fun kicking a guy nonstop who is on the ground you are all not getting it that i'm the guy who made it against the big hollywood system and you are all only busy to destroy me and finish me up and then you YOU WON WHAT ? the attention of the studios, michael bay .. ????? if you damage me you feel closer to Hollywood ? what is your game plan?

The Official Postal Movie Site [Official Site via GameSpot]

Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.

Hi here's Uwe Boll, I'm very happy to say the fight is on. Boll Vs. Bay. It's a rumble in the jungle 2, it will be in Kinshasa, Zaire. I think September 30th will be the fight. Boll against Bay. He agreed to do it, I'm very proud of it. So if you want to be live there you need ten tickets from Postal opening May 23rd. You bring these tickets and this will be the entry to the boxing fight, Boll against Bay. Or you can buy tickets on eBay or wherever else you can buy it, of course also, but I think the cheapest way is with the Postal tickets. OK, so Michael Bay, start training and I think you will go down to be honest. I think round three or round four you will go down in history, not only for the worst war movie ever: Pearl Harbor, no, also for the worst boxer in the ring against Uwe Boll ever. Thank you.

Just spoke to Mike, and it's false. This guy is really creepy, he's creeping me out.

BTW, Michael has never spoken to him and won't speak to him. Mike has a movie to deliver for June 2009, unlike this idiot.

Boll doesn't deserve press for his lame movie, so this is the last we talk about him in these forums. This press stunt will tank.

I tracked down who's signing that petition, and these are like a few people, getting under different identities and things in the internet and signing it over and over again. The second thing is that I was able to find that actually Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg under various different identities posting ongoing that I should stop making movies, and I know why: They are afraid of the competition. What jealous internet nerds and wannabe filmmakers are signing that petition?

I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care?' Not in the slightest.

M

Other folks whose opinion carries no weight say that the movie is "the funniest film of the year" and will bring you to tears or the brink of incontinence. Even Postal developer Vince Desi says the film has been "sharpened" and I can't imagine he'd be anything but honest with us about the movie based on his game.

About another half-review is contained in the press release after the jump.

"POSTAL" Movie Campaign Delivers Raves in NY, Chicago"

Tucson, AZ: SRO advance screenings of Uwe Boll's "Postal" at New York's Tribeca Film Center on April 1 and April 3 in Chicago have created genuine buzz regarding the film's May 23rd rollout. The popular site Times Square Gossip, in a story entitled "Osama Bin Laden Goes time last night with Village People icon Randy Jones at the screening of 'Postal', the new movie based on the hit video game. This is a must see movie if you want to have some old time laughs. Scenes with Osama Bin Laden are so funny you are going to drop your popcorn..."

Times Square Gossip went on to attest: "'Postal' will take you back to all the laughs you had as a teen. I haven't seen a movie this funny since then, with the audience yelling and falling on the floor laughing."

Michael J. Hein, Director of The New York City City Horror Film Festival, declares: "'Postal' is the funniest film of the year...hands down!"

After the New York event, Uwe and Vince Desi, RWS's ringleader; took part in a no-holds-barred Q&A session with the audience. Packed houses in both New York and Chicago enjoyed the latest cut of the film. "The most recent edits have really sharpened the film," reports Big Apple-native Desi, who took a break from developing POSTAL III at Running With Scissors' Tucson headquarters.

Meanwhile, POSTAL fan Tara "Evilstara" Jarvis attended the Chicago sneak preview and wrote: "[My husband and] I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants and he had tears in his eyes. It was awesome!"

In shattered English, Boll says he hopes that someone, somewhere will start a pro-Uwe petition. Why? Here's why.

"I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again," says Boll. "If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius you know, and if you go on May 23 on Postal you will see that I deliver a movie what nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend."

Pretty infallible, but if it's not clear yet, Boll clearly illustrates that you're at fault, not him. "You have to really wake up and you have to see me what I am," he says. "I am the only genius in the whole fucking business. Goodbye."

Genius? And how! He's got a legion of anti-fans paying him more attention than ever as Postal approaches. I'm off to generate that pro-Boll petition, 'cause if Boll stops making movies, we're out a half-dozen posts a month. Oh, and sprinkle some [sic] around this post. It's all verbatim.

Postal [MovieSet]

Are you aware that there is a petition online, signed by 18,000 people, requesting that you stop making movies?
Yeah, I know that. 18,000 is not enough to convince me.

How many would it take?
One million. Now we have a new goal.

It's mostly an immature and dumb flick, but definitely Boll's best so far (not that that's saying much) and he should probably stick to making funny movies. Boll is a humble guy and I actually felt kinda bad for him, he mentioned being one o the most hated guys in the video game world and seemed kinda depressed saying it. I felt bad, but then I remembered he made House of the Dead /and/ Alone in the Dark /and /Bloodrayne /and /Dungeon Siege and then I didn't feel bad anymore.

Thanks reader Vincent for the tip!

And if you'd like to see the film for free, you can dig up their Facebook profile and make a comment about the movie on their wall before March 28th—five pairs of tickets will be given away to the group. Play nice. Here's the full show info:

Tucson, AZ: Prior to its long-awaited national rollout on May 23, Uwe Boll's cinematic rendition of Running With Scissors' POSTAL video game franchise will be shown at special screenings in major American cities, starting with New York and Chicago.

The Big Apple preview will take place at 8PM (EST), April 1st at the Tribeca Film Center (founded by Robert DeNiro and Jane Rosenthal and home to the famous Tribeca Film Festival). "As a born-and-bred New York boy, I'm really looking forward to this event," admitted Running With Scissors CEO Vince Desi. "I'm very happy with what Uwe has done with this film, so I'm proud to see it showcased in my home town. Plus I get some good pizza and Italian ice."

Desi and auteur de farce Uwe Boll will both be bringing along their egos for a Q&A following the screening. The kings of multi-media controversy will take unscreened questions from the audience. The Chicago screening will follow on Thursday, April 3rd, 7PM (CST) at the Lake Street Screening Room at 70 E Lake St.

RWS is offering New York-based fans a chance to win one of five pairs of guest tickets to the Tribeca screening through a Facebook promotion. Anyone who joins the POSTAL Facebook Fan Page and leaves a wall post related to the film before March 28th is eligible to win.

The poster included with this press release is the second in an ongoing series of Running With Scissors one-sheet style movie posters being produced to celebrate the release of Postal-The Movie.

For more information on the upcoming POSTAL Movie, Postal games and gear, as well as updates on the development of POSTAL III visit our new expanded site www.gopostal.com and be sure to visit PostalNation.net for in-depth coverage of the RWS scene.

"We will go out and destroy Indiana Jones at the box office!" thundered a confident Uwe "Raging" Boll of the first film to win him positive reviews, even from the video game community.

Release Date for POSTAL Movie: May 23, 2008

Uwe Boll to Go Head-to-Head Against Indiana Jones

Tucson, AZ: After a year of touring the world via film festivals and preview screenings, the film version of Running With Scissors'cult video game franchise POSTAL now has a firm release date. Moreover, Postal: The Movie will make its big screen bow on May 23rd, in direct competition with the first weekend in release for the latest Lucas/Spielberg Indiana Jones flick.

"We will go out and destroy Indiana Jones at the box office!" thundered a confident Uwe "Raging" Boll of the first film to win him positive reviews, even from the video game community. Boll attributed the delay of the film's rollout to litigation involving the New York Post and his film's outrageous opening scene spoofing 9/11. "But now the field is clear," Boll vowed.

The film stars Zack Ward as "The Postal Dude", along with Kids In the Hall star Dave Foley; Austin Powers Mini Me - Verne Troyer; Seinfeld's Soup Nazi Larry Thomas and classic character actor J.K. Simmons.

"Frankly," Running With Scissors' CEO Vince Desi (who plays himself and the lovable Postal character Krotchy) admitted, " we're ecstatic that a release date has been set, and to have Universal behind it is all the sweeter. We've been working overtime developing POSTAL III for PC and console and our fans have been waiting to see this movie for a long time now."

For more information on the upcoming POSTAL Movie, Postal games and gear, as well as updates on the development of POSTAL III visit our new expanded site www.gopostal.com and be sure to visit PostalNation.net for in-depth coverage of the RWS scene.

On the Indiana Jones weekend - May 23 - we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up - would Michael Moore say!

But wait. He's not done! It's not enough to heap shit on 20th century cinema's most acclaimed entertainers, he's got to go heap shit on a third:

Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!

From the site:

A religious charlatan (Foley), his mild mannered nephew (Ward) and a gang of bosomy commandos face off against Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in an epic battle that will determine the fate of the world in POSTAL, the latest film from controversial director Uwe Boll ("BloodRayne"). Boll roasts an entire herd of sacred cows and smashes taboos to smithereens in this over-the-top and hilariously subversive critique of modern day America. Inspired by the notorious videogame of the same name, POSTAL is a jaw-droppingly original spoof of contemporary culture and an equal opportunity offender, lampooning religious extremists, minorities, bureaucrats, immigrants, cops, women, the Holocaust, gun nuts and more with evenhanded abandon.

Hmm, when did they change the definition of controversial to really, really, really bad?

Postal Trailer [Apple]

Running With Scissors, publishers of controversial shooter Postal, announced today that they have named Tommy Tallarico, the man behind the Video Games Live concerts, the person of the year.

Why is a developer handing out Person of the Year awards? Good question.

"This is an acknowledgment on our part," explained RWS CEO Vince Desi, "of someone who has been both a dynamic force within the video game industry and a good friend to Running With Scissors. Tommy Tallarico has achieved what so few artists have in any field by successfully crossing over two giant industries, blending games and music; truly an amazing feat. He has brought a unique recognition to our industry and his musical talent and relentless effort have made a difference for all of us."

The award was announced at the publisher's annual Christmas party in Tucson, Arizona. Tallarico sounded adequately befuddled.

"It's an honor to be recognized for bringing recognition to the industry that I love so much," Tommy responded. "As the industry starts to take itself more seriously I hope it never loses sight of what we're all about.... fun. I've seen a lot of industry progress over my career and still think there is a lot more to go. I'm looking forward to what the future holds and I'm humbled and grateful to receive this acknowledgment."

I do like what Tallarico is doing for the industry (and still want him to have a concert here in Denver), but I'm not sure how delighted he actually is being named Postal's Person of the Year.

POSTAL Publisher Honors Tommy Tallarico as, "Running With Scissors Person of the Year"
"Video Games Live" Maestro First to Receive Award

Tucson, AZ: As a climax to its year-long celebration of the company's 10th Anniversary, POSTAL creators Running With Scissors (RWS) announced that celebrated video game music composer Tommy Tallarico would be the first recipient of its Person of the Year Award.
"This is an acknowledgment on our part," explained RWS CEO Vince Desi, "of someone who has been both a dynamic force within the video game industry and a good friend to Running With Scissors. Tommy Tallarico has achieved what so few artists have in any field by successfully crossing over two giant industries, blending games and music; truly an amazing feat. He has brought a unique recognition to our industry and his musical talent and relentless effort have made a difference for all of us."
"It's an honor to be recognized for bringing recognition to the industry that I love so much," Tommy responded. "As the industry starts to take itself more seriously I hope it never loses sight of what we're all about.... fun. I've seen a lot of industry progress over my career and still think there is a lot more to go. I'm looking forward to what the future holds and I'm humbled and grateful to receive this acknowledgment."
The award was announced at this year's POSTAL X-Mas Party, an event staged every year in RWS' hometown of Tucson, Arizona that brings RWS together with its fans, MOD masters and long-time members of the POSTAL family."
Tallarico's acclaimed live concert series "Video Games Live" will be performed this year all over the world starting in January.

By John Gaudiosi

The year 2008 is going to be a very busy year for controversial film director Uwe Boll, who has a legion of detractors in the gaming community after films like Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne and House of the Dead. The prolific filmmaker, who independently finances every one of his movies, has a slate of movies in the can. He talks about what the coming year brings in this exclusive interview.

First up for Boll is his $60 million fantasy epic, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. The movie, which stars Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Perlman, Kristanna Loken, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds, will open on 2,500 screens across North America on January 11—making it Boll's biggest film release yet.

"In the Name of the King is tracking well," said Boll. "Eighty percent of the TV spots for the film will begin January 1. The film opened in Germany and other foreign territories already and remained in the Top 10 for the first three weeks in every territory.

Boll concedes that In the Name of the King is by far the best movie he's ever made with the best cast and the best script he's ever worked with.

"I already have the director's cut DVD version in my head, which will be much longer and have more character development," said Boll. "The theatrical release is really action-driven, which works for the big screen. It's already 2 hours and 10 minutes long. The director's cut will be a much better movie."

Other than the character of Farmer and the krugs, Boll admits that he took almost nothing from the Dungeon Siege videogame, although he worked closely with the game's developer, Gas Powered Games, which had a representative on set while filming in Vancouver, British Columbia.

"The very beginning of the film has Farmer tending to his crops, but that's about it from the game," said Boll. "The Dungeon Siege game didn't have a real story. Chris Taylor at Gas Powered Games likes the movie and they're really behind the film. I think gamers will be happy with this film even if it's not really based on the game's story at all. It's a good fantasy film. I'm just happy to get it out on 2,500 screens. I don't think it will be a disaster like BloodRayne was."

Boll has partnered with FreeStyle Releasing for this film, the same distribution company that released Captivity and The Illusionist. For BloodRayne, Boll partnered with a start-up called Romar, which he later sued. The company failed to book the movie on the appropriate number of screens and film prints were mailed to theaters that never showed the movie. BloodRayne, which was a hit on DVD and spawned a straight-to-DVD sequel, which has also sold well, was a complete box office bomb.

Next up for Boll is Postal, his political comedy very loosely based on Running with Scissors' controversial first-person shooter. Boll said Postal will hit theaters in May or June 2008.

"We're going to go up against one big event movie like an Indiana Jones 4 or a Prince Caspian," said Boll. "I think we'll get more press and have a better chance against one big movie than six smaller movies the same weekend. It will be like David versus Goliath."

The $15 million film will open on 1,500 to 2,000 screens and unlike In the Name of the King, which will not be screened for press, Boll will be showing Postal to everyone in the media beginning in February. Boll wrote, directed, produced and actually stars as himself in this movie. Zack Ward stars in the film.

"My new PR agency, 42nd Street Public Relations, is working on getting me on talk shows and mainstream media and political shows," said Boll, who will be featured in the February issue of GQ Magazine. "They're going to try to get me on 'Larry King Live.'"

Also hitting theaters in 2008 from Boll are a pair of original, non-gaming movies. 1968: Tunnel Rats will open in late summer/early fall, but will be shown in film festivals like Tribeca and Berlin earlier. Boll said Universal Music has given him a complete soundtrack of hit songs from 1968 for his Vietnam war movie, which will be released as an art house film. A videogame based on the film will ship in tandem for Xbox 360 and PC.

Horror fans will be able to see the NC-17 rated Seed at the Fangoria Convention January 18. The 1970s movie, which stars Michael Pare as a man hunting down a released serial killer, will be rolled out in a limited release.

"We're doing 100 prints of the film and will move those from territory to territory across the country," said Boll. "The film's rated NC-17 and it's too hard for normal film audiences. There's a four-minute-long scene where a woman is killed with a hammer and it's one of the most gruesome scenes ever filmed."

Those who couldn't get enough of Alone in the Dark will be able to check out the straight-to-DVD sequel, which doesn't feature anyone from the original or tie into the original in any way. The DVD will be released in March or April of 2008.

As for Far Cry, which is being finished up now, Boll said because 2008 is so crowded with movies, he may hold that theatrical release until 2009, which should have more openings with the Hollywood writers' strike. Boll said he will likely film only one movie in 2008, but hopes to film at least two in 2009. The tentative plan is to film videogame adaptations of Sabotage and BloodRayne 3 (which will follow the World War II Nazi premise of the first game) in Croatia back-to-back.

Gamers will have plenty of new Boll films to talk about for the coming years.

Postal 10th Anniversary Collector's Edition [Running With Scissors]

Xfire's Live Postal Chat with Uwe Boll [Xfire]

Thanks, Trencher!

...as i walked in the door Uwe Boll was standing right there. So i had to go over and say hi, i grabbed the attached pic of myself and him and made sure to thank him for pissing off videogame fans everywhere. He mubbled something in German and i heard a few shit and fucks coming out his mouth. ...he is quite a nice guy. I picked up his autograph and walked into the theatre.

Wired:...you want people to accept that this is what you're doing with this movie, that you're going to take taboo subjects and satirize them, but when I sort of take a subject like your movie and end up making a satirical or a funny article about that, I don't have the right to do that? Only you have the right...

UB: No, you have the right to do that, absolutely, but your article was not funny. Your article was only an ongoing insult against the untalented, bad director...You should admire that nobody else did what I did in the last ten years. Nobody else on the whole planet, not one filmmaker out of Germany was able to raise money. All the German money went to the Hollywood studios, I was the only guy doing it.

Maybe reviewers should be approaching Boll differently, like by asking why the one guy in Germany getting money to make movies is doing such a lousy job.

Uwe Boll Interview: 'I'm Not The New Ed Wood', 'You're Not A Good Journalist' [gamelife]

Uwe Boll, it seems was not as taken with Wired's Chris Kohler's take on Postal as we were. In fact the German-born director emailed Chris to, among other things, suggest he go have sex with his own mother.

chris your review shows me only that you dont understand anything about movies and that you are a untalented wanna bee filmmaker with no balls and no understanding what POSTAL is. you dont see courage because you are nothing. and no go to your mum and fuck her ...because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it. people like you are the reason that independent movies have no chance anymore. uwe boll PS: POSTAL is R RATED . The MPAA understood the satire — you not — you dumb fuck

The back and forth that stems from this first email is a bit funny, though taking Uwe on in a battle of wits is sorta like Uwe taking his detractors on in a boxing match.

I actually interviewed Boll back in 2006 and was impressed with his charm, something that likely speaks more to his ability to get financing and land actors than actually pull together a watchable movie. Boll is not the game-hating troll people think he is, but he also isn't the film-maker he thinks he is and all around, that's kinda sad.

'You Dumb F*ck': Uwe Boll Responds To Our Postal Review [Update 2] [Game Life]

But don't we all, or at least I assume we all would if we took the time to see the movie. I don't envy Wired's Chris Kohler at all, he was paid to watch Postal at it's premiere a, I can only imagine, giddy and constantly clapping Uwe Boll waiting in the wings.

Wired editor Chris Baker likened the experience to being in "Nam together" and Kohler described the movie as one laugh followed by 90 minutes of flat jokes, the whole thing punctuated by a "long, leisurely shot of a fully nude Foley scratching his reproductive organs." (He has two!!!)

Go to read Kohler's take on the whole odd experience because it is much funnier than I suspect Postal could ever be and to make up for the fact that the Chris' "went to the Castro so that Boll could beat not on our bodies, but on our very brains" for you, the reader.

Having A Boll: Scenes From the Postal Premiere [GameLife]

"already had some experience with blowing people's heads off playing Postal 2..."

Full release after the jump.

POSTAL Cuts a Cameo in Latest "Bourne" Novel

Ludlum's "The Bourne Betrayal" References the Classic
Running With Scissors' Video Game

Tucson, AZ As video games become consistently embedded in our culture, it was only a matter of time before POSTAL—already the subject of a soon-to-be-released motion picture made its way into the literary world as well. The POSTAL franchise, currently celebrating its 10th anniversary as development on POSTAL 3 progresses, is specifically mentioned on page 270 of Robert Ludlum's latest bestseller, "The Bourne Betrayal".

In the novel, a young, would-be gang banger is given a hand gun in appreciation for not snitching out a group of arsonists. The youngster then decides to put the pistol to use, as he felt he "already had some experience blowing people's heads off playing POSTAL 2...."

"Media whore and Running With Scissors CEO Vince Desi was so delighted with the mention that he openly declared his willingness to "perform a BJ in gratitude—that is, a Bourne Job. Hopefully the Hillary hypocrites won't see this as another opportunity to connect the dots between real violence and violent action in a video game; then again maybe this is a blessing since it would mean the literary world will have to share the same ignorant blame."

This all takes place as the third entry in the Bourne film series, "The Bourne Ultimatum" starring Matt Damon, explodes into theaters across America. Desi added "I seen it the day it opened, loved it, makes Bond look like Homer Simpson."

For more information on cool POSTAL products and gear, visit our new expanded site www.gopostal.com

"I feel like Austin Powers," admitted a shagged out Vince Desi. "The world is truly going POSTAL. The Postal Movie by Uwe Boll and now the Postal Babes going mobile. I welcome Herocraft into the Running With Scissors family. This represents a new era in the history of our brand's extension as the first time a subset of the POSTAL world has received its own license."

Running With Scissors Cuts Deal for 1st POSTAL BABES Game!

POSTAL Team Pimps Mobile Rights to Herocraft

Tucson, AZ: In the decade since the original version of POSTAL was released, we have seen sequels, online comic strips, MODs galore and the birth of a dedicated international fan base obsessed with all things POSTAL. Now, in the year of our tenth anniversary the hotties in baby tees and thongs dubbed the "Postal Babes," have evolved into an IP powerful enough to carry their own videogame.

In the transition from booth babes to regularly appearing virtual centerfolds in the RWS online newsletters, the Postal Babes also became characters within the POSTAL universe itself. This expansion of the POSTAL franchise offers the developers at Herocraft, the Russian publisher-developer that acquired the Postal Babes license, the opportunity to go in any number of possible directions on systems ranging from Windows Mobile to PalmOS.

"I feel like Austin Powers," admitted a shagged out Vince Desi. "The world is truly going POSTAL. The Postal Movie by Uwe Boll and now the Postal Babes going mobile. I welcome Herocraft into the Running With Scissors family. This represents a new era in the history of our brand's extension as the first time a subset of the POSTAL world has received its own license."

Herocraft CEO Pavel Prokonich, meanwhile, vows that his mobile Postal Babes will definitely turn heads. "You'll be shocked, amused and tempted! This game will give you a real chance to play with your own Postal Babe!" Due out in time for this year's holidays, the game will be released in 10 languages.

For more information on cool POSTAL products and gear, visit our new expanded site www.gopostal.com

...the New York Post's attempt to slander my character and my movie POSTAL by stating that the movie mocks and makes fun out of September 11 victims is entirely incorrect and false. Their approach to writing this article was totally unethical. In fact, during their research for the article, The New York Post had to replace the three journalists who choose to support my concept. The publisher chose to censor these journalists and had Jill Culora write the article without even conducting an interview with me to explain what the movie is about.

What's more, Boll says:

Postal is my final statement. You can't make a more radical movie... There is no way you can ignore Postal — it's one of the funniest and most important films of the last decade! ...It's one of the best films of all time!

Uwe Talks Postal [Boll Bashers via 1Up]

Boll's other adaptation, Dungeon Siege, will see a bigger unsuspecting audience when it hits at the beginning of 2008 on over two thousand screens. Finally, the filmmaker also apparently can write, not just direct, and will release an original horror project titled Seed at no-one-cares-when.

With a $60 million production budget for In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and a $20 million ad budget, I can't help but think someone is encouraging him. Will you stop please? Michael McWhertor

Boll rolls out 3 films with Freestyle [The Hollywood Reporter, via 1UP]

Uwe Boll will be premiering the director's cut of his ultimate (one, can only hope) movei, Postal at Dead Channels: The San Francisco Festival of Fantastic Film this August.

The Dead Channel people say that the movie, set to show on Aug. 11, is a "terrific movie" and "laugh-out-loud funny." Why does this sound like the set up for a Borat joke?

Uncle Dave (Foley from The Kids in the Hall and Newsradio) leads a Doomsday Cult whose fund-raising efforts run afoul of Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban - currently headquartered behind a convenience store. Both factions target a shipment of International Superstar Verne Troyer's Krotchy dolls. Elsewhere, Postal Dude is having a really bad day. He catches his morbidly obese wife rocking the trailer with their hillbilly landlord and all Hell breaks loose.

The veteran ensemble cast (including a brilliant cameo by the director as himself) sinks their collective teeth into the tastelessly hilarious script and go for broke. Boll expertly maintains the frantic pacing necessary to handle the vast array of jaw-dropping material onscreen. The non-stop action and creative set-pieces also serve to showcase his directorial skills, technical control and stylistic flair. And Postal is much smarter than it first appears - which never hurts

Anytime a movie's plot has to be described using the world elsewhere I think you can be pretty assured it is going to be absolute crap. Meantime, what the hell was Dave Foley thinking? Brian Crecente

Postal [Dead Channels, via GameLife]

Go ahead and slap yourself firmly in the face. You're not dreaming. They have high praise for Boll's film adaptation of the crude first-person shooter Postal. Twitch says of the movie "It is brash, bold, smart when called for and stupid when required and - most importantly - it is frequently and intentionally laugh out loud funny."

Furthermore, the site lauds Postal's cast, screenplay, and technical efforts. They even say the film has plotlines. That's plural! Unbelievable.

You can read the full review below, but don't turn your back on it. I've got a bad feeling about this.

Thanks for the heads up, Raynato. Michael McWhertor

Todd Eats Crow, Declares Uwe Boll's Postal A Damn Good Movie. Really. [Twitch]

"Filmmaker" Uwe Boll's upcoming "film" contains a sight gag about the 9/11 attacks that has been met with wide-spread disapproval. But, Boll contests it's time to make light of the situation. And what better person to do it than a crappy film director! Here's chowderhead on the defensive, complete with German "Irak" spelling:

...who is patriotic? Is Bush patriotic? If yes, then why the BIN LADEN family could leave the USA as the only airplane leaving America on September 11? If yes then why Bush is so friendly to Saudi Arab[sic] - even if everybody knows that the Saudis are the financers [sic] of AL KAEDA[sic] (and not the IRAK[sic] etc.)?

What is patriotic? Believing the pr bullshit of a government hired by the weapon and oil industry to initial wars around the globe? I love America for the freedom of speech and the freedom of thinking and it was time with POSTAL to speak up and to break this self-censorship apart. Bush and a lot of mass media tried to brainwash the public and now all his politic goes downhill because it is not working. Instead of doing something against the global warming he has nothing else to do as to tank multibillions of $ in a senseless war. Would Bush fight in an Irak-War himself? No! So many young americans are dying in a stupid war for nothing - but Bush gets still considered as a patriot?

Don't think I'm an enemy. POSTAL is a necessary wake up call and we make fun in that movie about everybody[sic]. We blame the stupid Islam Extremists as retards and I portrait myself as a Nazi - so there are no rules we are not breaking. Where are the times where a movie like LIFE OF BRIAN was made?

It was time for POSTAL and you know it and I know it.

Remember Boll's halcyon years, when he just made shitty movies and beat fat guys up? Good times. Brian Ashcraft

Boll On the Defense [Boll Bashers via 1Up]

Boll-centric site BollBashers had what they called an "exclusive Postal clip" of the Running With Scissors game turned movie. That exclusive may have been rendered obsolete with the release of an extended trailer featuring all sorts of offensive stuff. I mean, it has Verne Troyer in it. Disgusting.

The potentially not safe for work Postal trailer is available on YouTube if you really want to see it. (You really don't. Really.) Michael McWhertor

Exclusive Postal Clip [BollBashers via 1UP]

"Hey," the Postal Dude supposedly admitted, "maybe it was Anna Nick-hole; maybe it wasn't. All I know is two things. One, she kept screaming "I can't feel my legs!" after our first hour together and two, I don't think she was on that Trimspa trip then, cause it sure looked like there was two of her."

Besides, it's obvious that I'm the father. Michael Fahey

Video Game Character Emerges in Anna Nicole Smith Paternity Search
"I Regret Nothing," Maintains Shadowy "Postal Dude"

Tucson, AZ An individual described as a "person of interest" in a series of felonies committed within the state of Arizona has suddenly emerged as perhaps the latest holder of a winning DNA lottery ticket following the death of legendary gold digger Anna Nicole Smith.

The individual in question refused to divulge his identity to the press but is believed to be the "Postal Dude" character who has starred in the popular POSTAL video game/movie franchise from Tucson-based developer Running With Scissors for nearly a decade.

Following Nicole Smith's untimely death last week a parade of players have emerged as potential candidates for the paternity and/or guardianship of Smith's infant daughter—who now stands to inherit a major fortune. The child was originally credited to Smith's latest boyfriend, Howard K. Stern, whose name appears on the birth certificate as her father. But a gallery of ex-boyfriends and alleged booty calls dating back several years has suddenly appeared on the scene in an attempt to claim guardianship of Anna Nicole's heiress offspring.

"Hey," the Postal Dude supposedly admitted, "maybe it was Anna Nick-hole; maybe it wasn't. All I know is two things. One, she kept screaming "I can't feel my legs!" after our first hour together and two, I don't think she was on that Trimspa trip then, cause it sure looked like there was two of her."

But while the other potential daddies are seeking out a courtroom solution, the Postal Dude has suggested that an expert be called in. "I trust that Maury Povich guy to figure it out," the Dude told reporters. "Hell, I'll add my spunk to this genetic scavenger hunt!"

Vince Desi, Running With Scissors CEO, added "The Postal Dude was never known for shooting blanks, so I guess anything is possible."

For more information on cool POSTAL products and gear, visit our new expanded site www.gopostal.com.

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Hey, look! Uwe Boll is here to shit in our eyes again with his latest offering, Postal. The movie looks so bad that it could actually be watchable. Save for that part with fat chick sex or the part with Dave Foley's penis. Those we could do without. Brian Ashcraft

New Postal Trailer [The Last Boss]

Running with Scissors has officially entered the music business with the announcement of "Music to Go Postal By", an anthology CD of music inspired by the Postal series of games. The disc contains 10 tracks by various artists I have never heard of, including Jesus Loves Junkies, who describe themselves as, "More of a musical diary or documented exorcism", and Russian punk band Brizgi, who actually aren't too bad despite me having no earthly clue what they are saying. It's available now at the RWS website for only $10.

"I never had any intention of releasing a music CD," admitted RWS conductor Vince Desi. "It was purely the result of long-time fan demand and an interest on the part of musicians from around the world who were musically inspired by our games and expressed themselves in the widest possible range of musical styles."

Running With Scissors Music Anthology Inspired by POSTAL Games
"Music To Go Postal By" Boasts Gallery of Cutting Edge International Music Talent

Tucson, AZ The sound of music now joins the ricochet of bullets, the bloody ballet of boomerang machetes in flight and the comforting clunk of a shovel to the back of a head as audio accompaniment to Running With Scissors' legendary POSTAL franchise. That's right, just in time for holiday gift-giving, Running With Scissors has published a music CD called "Music to Go Postal By".

Having already inspired the sequel POSTAL 2, the forthcoming PC/Xbox 360 release POSTAL III, the POSTAL Babes franchise and a major motion picture scheduled for release in 2007, "Music to Go Postal By" represents Running with Scissors' arrival on the music scene.

"I never had any intention of releasing a music CD," admitted RWS conductor Vince Desi. "It was purely the result of long-time fan demand and an interest on the part of musicians from around the world who were musically inspired by our games and expressed themselves in the widest possible range of musical styles."

"Running With Scissors and Chiraw have this great chemistry together. We like to set fire to the stage; they like to set fire to...well everything. We like to make music that makes your ears bleed, they like everything that bleeds. This company is great and they are our rock and roll amigos. GO POSTAL!!!" said Gep Henneberke, guitarist of Chiraw from the Netherlands.

"It could be that musicians were inspired by the fact that the POSTAL games have never used music in a traditional manner," Desi speculated. "Though I think we have been extremely innovative in our use of sound bites and audio effects."

POSTAL's powerhouse of musical talent includes Martin Leung aka the Video Game Pianist, the Russian group Brizgy, PH8, Jesus Loves Junkies, in addition to more than a half dozen other artists, ""Music to Go Postal By"" is currently available at the RWS Store for only TEN bucks.

For more information on cool POSTAL products and gear, visit our new expanded site www.gopostal.com.

—--

As much as I love making fun of the Postal series, I am sorely tempted to pick the CD up. If anything it will make an excellent companion gift for the unfortunately named Postal Fudge Pack. Michael Fahey

Music to Go Postal By Product Page