Penny Arcade's keynote is about to start. I'm sitting in the packed main theater watching a bunch of trailers for some hot looking games. I've seen Assassin's Creed, Guitar Hero 2 and an RPG video for Warhammer Online. Man, that looks hot.

Weeeeee. I've got WiFi. For as long as it lasts I promise to update. So far I'm still sitting around waiting for the keynote to start. Hang and I'll update on the fly.

Ooooh, it's starting. Hit the jump for the liveblogging.

Robert Khoo is on the stage, he's just introduced Alex St. John.

ASJ is a happy man. I think St. J just had his two daughters toss a bunch of bigg ass balls into the crowd. Typiing with balls flying at my face, this must be what Paris Hilton feels like.

Ooh man, now he's throwing ping pong balls and frisbees into the crowd. If I break my laptop again, I'm going to be ticked. Oooh I just beaned someone in the back of the head with a Pilates Ball.

Fuck a ping pong ball just bounced off the space bar.

OK, St. J is talking about the birth of the Xbox. This hasn't, however, stopped his daughters and the crowd from pelting each other with balls.

Fun.

St. J is walking us through the history of the Manhattan Project, Microsoft's bid to move PC games to Windows.

Ah, just interupted himself to light up a cigar. I kid you not.

Oooh, cool he's showing off the official Manhatten Project shirt. There's 35 of them out there in the world. It shows a mushroom cloud and says "Shall we play a game?"

St. J met with Richard Garriott, says he tried to convince him to get into multiplayer gaming.

Oh, oh. They just came and took away his cigar.

"I've got another one here," he says smiling.

This is pretty cool, it's basically a sorta stream-of-consciousness speech about St. J's memories of great gaming events.

He's on to the importance of violence video games.

He met with the gaming team and told them to stop "making this shit" that they needed some blood, action, violence.

"They turned down publishing Quake from id. A little too violent can't publish that game, too fun."

At the unveiling of DIrectX, St. J says that the computer blue screened and the crowd started chanting DOS! DOS! DOS!

At another launch party, Judgement Day, on Halloween. During the party they showed a funny video made by Bill Gates.

"I had to get a trench coat and a shotgun for Bill Gates. I said, Bill we're going to blue screen you into Doom."

They had a haunted house on the campus and Msoft asked the different developers to make the different rooms. id invited GWAR. GWAR brought a 8-foot vagina with 100 phalusis hanging from it and OJ's severed head.

We had the haunted house and every Msoft exec went through it and laughing and covered with goo. Just laughing their asses off.

Several days later, St. J asked someone who went through, what happened inside. They said it was dark and it was chaotic... the punchline is they had no idea what was going on or what they were looking at. Nobody saw a damn thing.

Sooo, let's talk about BunnyGate. We decided to have a Roman Orgy.

One of the lions got loose and tore itself off the chain it was one and started roaming around the crowd. The drunk guy is tapping a lion with a turkey stick, but nothing happened.

There was a playmate, she was Ms. April, and she was also the president of Black Dragon Entertainment, which made games.

I said I think it would be cool if she was one of the sponsors.

We decided to have a skit with her as Cleopatra. Caused a huge scandal, there was an incredible amount of press about it.

Bill Gates couldn't make it. So I had some guy who looked like him and everyone thought it was really him.

Nobody realized they did not see Bill Gates that day.

Now he's talking about the "DirectXbox." I hired Kevin Bachus as my successor.

Bachus and Blackley put together the original pitch to build the Xbox.

I caused a bit of a hostage situation. I had ordered a new Hummer because I had enough Microsoft stock.

He was sitting in my purple HumVee planning the next big DIrect X party.

He had planned to have Bill Gates peel off a fake face on national TV and reveal he was an alien.

He was going to kidnapp the entire audience.

They canceled the event. The Union guys said they wouldn't let any of the contractors who are building in the hanger out unti lthey get paid.

St. J called the union rep and is told, tactfully, that he has a hostage situation and needs a check for a quarter of a million dollars before he lets them go.

Three days pass. He's having food brought into the hanger to feed the hostages.

St. J tells his boss that he's work a deal to have the military clear the hostages out for a mere $60,000. They go for it and the press never found out. But he lost his job.

Funny guy.

We need to liven it up some more. Oh oh, He's going to throw shit again. Duck and cover!

St. J is giving away a jacked up computer. It's a brand new Gateway and some other stuff. Nice, he's mailing everyone free games from his company, WIld Games.

He gave the super computer to the guy who was beaned with a white ping pong ball. Clever idea. Damn, I think I had that.

The Gamespot reporter won it and now he's throwing the ping pong bal lback into the crowd. Nice guy! Brian Crecente