I subscribe to the beefcake philosophy of masculinity. As a manly man, I often start the mornings off by inserting a bag of oranges between my rippling pecs and using them to squeeze myself a pitcher of fresh juice. Then, chaining a broken down omnibus around my neck, it's time for a vigorous morning jog, oftentimes while listening to that most manly of songs ('It's Raining Men' by the Weather Sisters) on my iPod. When I get home, I write my very manly Kotaku posts (like this one), then hit the George for a manly evening of tight leather-pants dancing. The rest of the evening will often be spent in quiet masculine contemplation, making naked muscle-man poses in my wall-length bedroom mirror.

It won't be a surprise to any of you that, like my men, I like my games manly. So I was delighted to see that Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness (one of the manliest sites on the Internet) has posted a list of the 10 Manliest Video Games of All Time, featuring games like Contra and Mike Tyson's Punchout and Double Dragon.

Unfortunately, this is largely a let down. Look, I don't want to kick sand in the face of a 98 pound weakling here, but dude. Where's Bad Dudes? Is there anything more manly than that game's premise, timelessly summarized at the beginning of the game in 17 terse, manly words by this cool, square-jawed hunk? "The president has been kidnapped by ninjas! Are you a bad enough dude to save the president?"

The answer, of course, is no... hell no. That's as manly as it motherfuggin gets A for effort, Arthur, F for... Florian Eckhardt

The Top 10 Manliest Video Games Ever [Arthur's Hall]