Remember how someone taught a nueral network to name Pokemon? Someone else has taught one to name video games, and I would buy almost all of them. Starting with a port of Sega’s hit 2008 arcade game Christ.

disexplications took this ambitious attempt to name every video game ever made and fed it to a network. The fake game names the network gave back (complete with random publisher, date and platform) are all things I would desperately want to play. So desperately in fact that I’m going to pretend they are real, and tell you all about them.

Metal Cat (2001, Sega) (Windows)

Pet All (1988, Atari) (Linux/Unix)

In stark contrast to many modern games, which do not let you pet the dog, this let you pet all the dogs.

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Speed Wound (1990, Repuis Masonion) (Windows)

A platformer based around the exploits of Speed Wound, a thrash band from Canada.

The Shin Adventure (1987, Atari) (Linux/Unix)

Simulator (1989, Spigi) (ZX Spectrum)

Ah, the original simulation game. A pioneer.

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Bunk 2 (1990, Microprose) (MS-DOS)

Dance Castle (1987, Activision) (Atari 2600)

Shark Mast II (2009, Asurep Tang) (PS2)

Spork Race (Universe) (1990, Atlus) (Arcade)

Virtual Mat (1990, Sierra On-Line) (Atari ST)

Dick of the King (2007, Activision) (PC-9801)

This sounds like a British game from the early 80s about King Richard III. Or an iOS game about a royal penis racing through the halls of Buckingham Palace, ala Flappy Bird.

Don the Manager (1988, Alice Software) (Amstrad CPC)

Assuming this is like Football Manager, only you play as Don Revie.

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Adventures of the Rock (1987, Coconuts) (Atari ST)

A dating sim.

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Christ (2008, Sega) (Arcade)

A big, expensive light gun cabinet, as you race through the stations of the cross blasting Romans.

Dank Dragon (2004, Konami) (VIC-20)

A Panzer Dragoon prequel played entirely through memes.

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The Apple of the Conspiracy (1997, Microsoft) (MS-DOS)

Total Thort Spirits (1995, Sega) (Saturn)

Detective Rally (1988, Activision) (Amstrad CPC)

Did you know that both Detective Pikachu and Sega Rally got their start in this underrated Amstrad classic?

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Ghowl Fantasy (1988, Neo Comlagin and Software) (Amstrad CPC)

What is a ghowl.