'Bong Animation Did Not Sync Properly' And Other GTA V Patch Notes

Software patch notes usually make for dry reading. Other times, as with The Sims, they're pure poetry. The patch notes for Grand Theft Auto, like many things in Rockstar's popular series of open-world mayhem simulators, are pure insanity.

I stumbled upon the latest set this morning when looking into Rockstar's new updates for GTA Online, and I haven't been able to stop reading since. Sure, there's a lot of technical minutiae. But they also paint a picture of just how chaotic GTA's new multiplayer mode has been for all the brave souls who've been playing since launch as Rockstar continues to repair and refine the game.

This chaos seems all the more appropriate since, you know, it's Grand Theft Auto. Here's a list of some of my favorite excerpts from recent updates:

5/13/14 1.13 Notes

  • Fixed an exploit where players were able to shoot in their garages.
  • Players are now able to purchase and use more than one set of Body Armour. This works along the same lines as purchasing and using Snacks.
  • Fixed a small aesthetic issue with showers where the player's hand did not touch the shower / turn the handle when turning off the shower.
  • Fixed an issue where players were unable to remove their Masks when inside the Strip Club.
  • Fixed an issue where the Bong animation did not sync properly between multiple players in the same apartment.
  • Fixed an issue where a player could become Bald if they had a haircut from the Beach Bum pack then removed the pack.
  • Fixed a small issue where players could still activate the Apartment drinking activities after drinking themselves unconscious.
  • Fixed an issue in low end apartments where the player and camera could snap into position when taking a Bong hit.
  • Fixed an issue where it was occasionally possible to lose player control after drinking a large volume of alcohol in an Apartment then receiving Job invites from NPCs.
  • Fixed an issue where all players wearing masks in an Apartment would lose them and become wet if the host player took a shower.
  • Fixed a UI issue where the player was told that they were unable to eat whilst in a vehicle.
  • Fixed an issue where a spectating player could become stuck in the sky if they attempted to leave an in progress Parachuting Race.
  • Fixed an exploit where players were able to insure any vehicle they wanted.

4/8/14 1.12 Notes

  • Fixed an issue where if a player drank Whisky in their apartment until they passed out, this could cause a clone to appear who would then attack them.
  • Fixed an issue where players could lose vehicles by having them delivered to a garage without actually owning a garage.
  • Fixed an issue where players could occasionally not respawn correctly if they were killed in a boat.
  • Fixed an exploit where players were able to disable Bounties placed on them.

2/4/14 1.10 Notes

  • A player who kills a passive player must now pay their hospital bills.
  • The Mechanic has now been removed when delivering a Personal Vehicle. The vehicle is now created nearby instead.
  • Corrected an issue where a player could become stuck when entering a Garage for the first time.
  • New animations have been added for when a player chooses to Shoplift.
  • Cornrows now clear normally after haircuts. If you have cornrows stuck on your character, please choose any new haircut at a nearby barber shop.
  • Fixed an issue where characters became bald after buying and trying on Masks.
  • Corrected an issue where the good behaviour discount was not being applied correctly.
  • Players are no longer able to use the Kill Yourself option in Air Races.
  • The Clothing Store Clerk is now invincible during the GTA: Online opening Missions.
  • The price of a Merryweather Airstrike has been reduced.

Photo via GTA 5 Online Bong Glitch!!

To contact the author of this post, write to yannick.lejacq@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter at @YannickLeJacq.