They're Making Mountain Dew for Breakfast, and It's All Your Fault

As a man that at one point in his life consumed no less than four liters of vaguely citrus soda a day, I find it hard to believe that there was really a large demand for a mildly juice-infused Mountain Dew breakfast drink, yet here we are.

Coming February 25 to retail locations across North America, Mountain Dew Kickstart is an all-new, less shameful way to start your day. Pick your poison, Orange Citrus or the less redundant Fruit Punch, each 16-ounce can packed with 80 calories and a whipping five percent real fruit juice. Pepsi is saying it "presents a fresh alternative to the age old morning question of 'coffee or juice.'" I have never asked that question, but I am pretty sure if I did my answer wouldn't be just a little bit of juice with some artificial colors and chemicals. For one, that's far too specific.

Why is Pepsi doing this? Because you demanded it. You did. It says it right here.

"Our consumers told us they are looking for an alternative to traditional morning beverages—one that tastes great, includes real fruit juice and has just the right amount of kick to help them start their days," said Greg Lyons, vice president of marketing for Mountain Dew in a press release that seems perfectly sensible and not at all contrived. "We heard them loud and clear and created a completely new offering with Kickstart to give them exactly what they asked for."

Thanks, Mountain Dew consumers! If not for your dedicated correspondence we wouldn't be here today.

And I have just the slogan: Kickstart—at least pretend you care about your health. That's a freebie, Pepsi marketing guy.