Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with BrutalitySCastration. Cutting off fingers. Photos of your genitals shown publicly forever. These aren't just idle threats. They're vending machine threats. It's like a ring of Hell Dante missed, but with fizzy drinks and canned coffee.


There's a cluster of fifteen vending machines in Tokyo's Akihabara, the city's gaming and geek district. The unmanned machines are in a ramshackle structure and sell drinks, snacks, and condoms. They are covered with some truly brutal threats that aim to strike fear in the hearts of would-be vandals. Japanese sites Rocket News and Touch Tokyo waded in and checked them out. Let's have a look.


Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with BrutalityS

"Those who put posters on this machine, vandalize it, or cover it in graffiti will have all twenty of their fingers and toes chopped off."

Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with BrutalityS

"To those graffiti offenders, it doesn't matter if you are male or female, your genitals will be cut out with a knife."

Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with BrutalityS

"Putting up posters is prohibited—I'll cut off your fingers"

Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with Brutality

"This is not a toilet. Those who defecate or urinate, regardless if they are male or female, will have photos and movies of their face and genitals shown publicly in perpetuity." Apparently, a "security firm" is monitoring a security camera around the clock—or so a sign says.

Goodness! While crime is generally low in Japan (even vandalism), it seems these unmanned vending machines have been targets—hence the threats. But there could be more to this.

Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with Brutality

There's a slight tinge of dark humor to these threats. As Japanese website Tokyo Touch points out, not all the signs are threats: One even states that the bottled water on sale will prevent diseases, while another points out, "Popping popcorn is okay, but popping caps with guns is not." And yet another, far more helpful sign points out that a particular chocolate snack was moved to a different vending machine.

Welcome to Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened with Brutality

Noted. All of this. Thanks.

秋葉原にある自販機コーナーの警告がヤバすぎるぞ! [Tokyo Touch]

秋葉原にはイタズラをすると... [ロケットニュース via はちま起稿]


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