You're late for your job at the secret underwater lab. Dashing through the lobby you see two women step into the facility's sole elevator: the beautiful blonde heiress to the DOATEC fortune and that dark and mysterious scientist you've always expected has a hidden wild side. Do not get in that elevator.

The two latest characters revealed for Dead or Alive 5 rather predictable roster are not up for love in an elevator. Lisa "La Mariposa" Hamilton (no relation to Kirk "La Mariposa" Hamilton) and Helena Douglas are engaged in a dramatic battle meant to show off "Depth", another of the fresh new stages coming to the fifth numbered installment of the Dead or Alive series.

That relatively plain metal conveyance is more beautiful to me than either polygonal woman. I was certain Helena's reveal would drop us into another damn opera house stage.

This slow (then fast) and painful ride to the bottom of the ocean serves as further proof that Dead or Alive 5 is the kick in the pants the series needed. Along with the other amazing arenas we've seen so far and the sexy new online modes (15 player tournaments and a spectator mode with text chat!), this is shaping up to be a renaissance in shamelessly exploitative fighting games. I was bored. Now I am intrigued.

But not enough to get in an elevator with those two.

Never Share an Elevator With Lisa and Helena From Dead or Alive 5

Never Share an Elevator With Lisa and Helena From Dead or Alive 5

Never Share an Elevator With Lisa and Helena From Dead or Alive 5

Never Share an Elevator With Lisa and Helena From Dead or Alive 5

Never Share an Elevator With Lisa and Helena From Dead or Alive 5

Never Share an Elevator With Lisa and Helena From Dead or Alive 5