Wal-Mart's Hilarious Diablo III Product Description Reads Like a Sixth-Grade Book Report

We're all looking forward to next Tuesday's launch of Blizzard's long-time-coming action RPG Diablo III. Every store has some sort of preorder going on, and megachain Wal-Mart is no different.

The prices are about the same everywhere (though Wal-Mart does knock $0.03 off the $59.99 standard), so the key to get people to buy it from you is to really nail the item description.

Wal-Mart does… not really accomplish this feat. What they do manage to do is write a description so fragmented and child-like that it made me laugh for a few minutes straight.

From the Wal-Mart product page:

The Diablo III PC/Mac Game revolves around an interesting plot which will keep you spell bound. while you are playing. This Strategy Video Game also has some similar setting as the Diablo II like Tristram. The Witch Doctor is a new character in this game, is reminiscent of the Diablo II Necromancer, The Barbarians in this strategy video game have a variety of revamped skills at their disposal on the basis of the use of their incredible physical prowess. Bring home the PC video game to solve the mysteries of the mighty Barbarians.

Oh, you say it is a strategy video game, is it? The plot is interesting, is it? It will keep me spell bound? While I am playing?

DO GO ON…

The bullet points do a good job of recapping the salient facts from the product description:

  • The Witch Doctor is a new character reminiscent of the Diablo II Necromancer
  • The Barbarians will have a variety of revamped skills at their disposal based on the use of their incredible physical prowess.
  • 1-on-1' dueling system coming into play.

So you're saying there are… Barbarians? Man! I can't wait to solve their mysteries! What could they be?

I guess we'll have to wait until Tuesday to find out.


Wal-Mart's Hilarious Diablo III Product Description Reads Like a Sixth-Grade Book Report


Diablo III Product Page [Wal-Mart]