Hard-Hearted Harbinger of Haggis

Greetings, Kotaku! Welcome to the Tuesday open-thread. It's been a busy day 'round Kotaku way, and I've been unable to amass the requisite amount of off-topic links for you to read and gab about.

So instead, I thought I'd improvise and share my favorite poem from a movie maybe ever.

I'm referring, of course, to Charlie Mackenzie's "Harriet" from So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Harriet.
Har-ee-et.
Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis.

Beautiful
bemused
belicose butcher.

Un trust-ing
Un know-ing
Un love... ed?

He wants you back he screams into the night air
like a fireman going to a window that has no fire

Except the passion of his heart.

I am lonely,
It's really hard.
This poem… sucks.

And there… you have it. If only it were actually possible to make a living in San Francisco writing that kind of dreck.

What's your favorite bad piece of poetry? Maybe something from David Brent? Something more obscure? Do you like any poetry at all?

Have good chatting, folks. See you tomorrow.