McGangBang: The Snacktaku ReviewSYou think you know the McDonald's menu? You keep abreast of the changes, the limited-edition items, the seasonal fare. You're pretty well-informed, sure, but did you know about McDonald's secret menu, on which the dreaded McGangBang lives?

Open your eyes, snackster! There is more to eating complete crap than lining up in a queue and reading off of a yellow-and-red plastic board into a crappy two-way radio stashed in a metal box. The creative portion of your brain longs for something more. Unlock it, and suddenly that dingy sign takes on new life, menu items taking on an ethereal glow, leaping out at you A Beautiful Mind-style. Then McDonald's secret menu shall be a secret no more.

The true secret of advanced snacking is combining two foods normally offered separately into on cohesive food unit. Say you have two dollars and change and an ungodly hunger. You pull up to the McDonald's drive-thru and scan the dollar menu. Hmmm, a McChicken. That sounds mildly edible. But so does the McDouble, the single-cheese-slice version of the Double Cheeseburger. You could get one of each, eat them separately, and have the same boring food experience you always have, you pathetic sheep.

Or you could have a McGangBang.

Development

The McGangBang is what those of us in snacking circles like to refer to as a 'Build Your Own Snackventure". You don't simply go up to the drive-thru window and ask for one of these, though some have claimed success in doing so. No, this is a snack you must construct, and should you not construct it properly the consequences could be dire.

Luckily for you I was generous enough to create this instructional video, demonstrating the proper way to craft this monstrosity. Pay close attention; it may look simple, but there is great skill being applied here.

Seeing as this is a snack that must be constructed with no assistance from a big-name food manufacturer, the McGangBang is considered an 'indie' snack. That having been said, it is incredibly bad form to request money to create one via Kickstarter.

Graphics

They say the truest test of a snack's edibility is to take a photo of it with a macro lens attached to your camera and then stare at it for 10-20 minutes. If you're still hungry after that, then by all means, snack away.

McGangBang: The Snacktaku ReviewS

The shit I do for you people, I swear.

Gameplay

Normally I would offer a video of me casually snacking on whatever product I am reviewing any given week, hoping to offer a glimpse into what a scruffy bald man looks like during day-to-day munching. This was not possible with the McGangBang.

Eating the McGangBang requires a steely will and great concentration. You have to actively force your taste buds and body to accept that what you are inserting into your maw is actually food. Let your guard down and our old nemesis, the gag reflex, rears its ugly head.

Keep in mind that I am an expert snacker. Novices could very well keel over from the sight of this beast, whereas I dip the tip of my tongue in the mayonnaise, confident that my years of training will keep me from throwing up on camera. Which leads me to...

Compatibility

Nearly four months of relatively healthy eating have left my innards ill-equipped to deal with the McGangBang. I won't go into details as to how I expelled the franken-sandwich hours later; suffice it to say that expulsion was incredibly forceful.

The Verdict

The McGangBang does present some strong positive snacking points. It's only two dollars, which is lovely, and it allows the snacker to eat two pieces of McDonald's food at once, lessening the chance that they might accidentally taste the horrible, horrible thing they've done. In combining the various layers — bun, beef-product, cheese, pickles, onions, lettuce, fried chicken goo, mustard, ketchup and mayonnaise — these varied tastes effectively cancel each other out, substituting flavor for texture and an odd sense of unease.