Wait, I'm Doing the Open Thread Tonight? Quick, Find Me a Cat With a Cherry!S

Thank goodness for Reddit. Otherwise you'd be staring at something other than this picture of a cat with a cherry right now, and that headline would make absolutely no sense.

Kirk is out today, having traveled to Imagination Land to be given the key to the city for his bravery in doing something very brave involving imagination. I don't know, use your making-up-things muscle or whatever it's called. Whatever he was doing it surely wasn't as vibrant and striking as this cat and cherry combo. Makes you wish The Coca-Cola Company hadn't had the creative beaten out of them during the New Coke era.

You want links? You can't handle the links. Just kidding, you can totally handle these. I was just being dramatic.

  • Don't Look at Me, He's Your President. For the purposes of this link, featuring President Obama making funny faces, I'll be channeling Luke Plunkett, our Australian correspondent. *clears throat* Stop channeling me, Fahey.
  • Fish Tanks of the Rich and Famous. The only way a fish tank makes sense is if you can afford someone else to maintain it. I don't see Chad Ochocinco on a ladder next to his fish tank bed with a tiny net and canister of flakes. I'd like to see that, but I don't. I just see the words I am typing right now.
  • I Can See Your Planet from Here. The broad band X-Ray telescope from the space shuttle Columbia can be yours for a mere $7 million on eBay. They're taking offers too, so don't write off that My Little Pony collection yet.
  • Why Do They Crucify Themselves? To celebrate Jesus' death, of course. Well, I don't think I am putting that right. Every year select Filipinos on the island of San Fernando spend Good Friday just hanging around, getting hammered. Extra points for buying Roman Legion costumes from a gay porn supply shop.
  • We Don't Want War Robots Anymore. It's Too Late. It's too late, Defense Logistics Agency. We wanted police robots two and a half decades ago. Now we want police ninja. Make that happen and we'll talk.

Yes, you're only getting five tonight, but that's the beauty of the comments section: you can always add your own.