The Hygiene Products PAX Desperately NeedsS

What would happen if the readers took over Kotaku? We decided to find out. At our panel at the Penny Arcade Expo in Boston, we allowed anyone and everyone to "Take Over Kotaku" and pitch us stories on whatever they wanted to write about. These stories are the ones we accepted. In this one, reader Anthony Guzzardo imagines some of the hygiene products that are needed at PAX.

Lets be honest, folks. Con stench is unavoidable. Each passing day that you walk through convention hallways and panel rooms is a bigger chance for you to be hit by a wall of 3 day old sweat and unwashed testicles. Realistically, it is not always possible to shower after a long day of walking and gaming. Maybe you got too drunk at an afterparty or were drugged and dance central'd by john drake. Who knows!?

Thus begs the question, where are the hygiene products? Conventions, in addition to being a breeding ground for uncleanness, are also a breeding ground for swag and over the top marketing. Why arent there more companies taking advantage of the fact that thousands of smelly people gather in one place? They are missing a major chance to hawk their products in a logical, yet self depricating way. Gamers who attend cons are smart enough to be able to joke about it, so why can't everyone join in on it?

Face it, con-goers drown in shirts. Every booth has them and they quickly become forgettable. However, hygiene companies who hawk their wares would be remembered far better.

Imagine the possibilities: soap emblazoned with the borderlands 2 logo. Axe bodywash in a bottle shaped like a Minecraft pickaxe. Hell, instead of soundproof screaming booths, imagine a shower booth featuring a wrap with art from the latest capcom games. The possibilities are endless. These companies are wasting opportunities by continually keeping gamers smelly year after year. Something tells me that their presence would be a welcome one.