Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal.
This week, Backhanded Box Quotes could have given over the entire feature to the fanboy backlash against Mass Effect 3. There are many day-one complaints against the space-opera RPG below, and also some scorn reserved for Street Fighter X Tekken. Enjoy.
Mass Effect 3
Released: March 6
Critic: NEWater (Metacritic).
• "If someone gave me a choice between getting raped in the rectum by a priest and playing this game again, I'd rather be sodomized."
Critic: MajestyLOL (Metacritic).
• "This feels like a game made for that annoying 12-year old that I play Halo 3 online with." (PC version)
• "I can not believe that Bioware gets away with this. Sell-outs." (Xbox 360 version)
• "In stead of trying to make a good game for the RPG-fans, Bioware has lowered themselves to the level of Infinity Ward." (PS3 version)
Score: 0 (all three versions. All three reviews written day of release.)
Critic: biowareisdead (Metacritic).
• "I register this account just to express my disappointment in Bioware."
Critic: PenIsMighty (Metacritic).
• "Do Bioware really need a 10 minute homosexual love scene in the intro? As an adult I could understand, if not accept, what was happening to my character, but will the younger generation? My prediction is that, like my Shephard, they will be pretty butt hurt."
Critic: RedxLeader (Metacritic).
• "I am generally morally opposed to writing reviews for games I haven't even played, but it's okay this time because I have played ME1&2."
Street Fighter X Tekken
Released: March 6.
Critic: TheChecker (Metacritic)
• "ON-DISC DLC CHARACTERS THAT ARE BASICALLY COMPLETE SAVE FOR SOUNDS (EVEN THE **** CGI ENDING MOVIES ARE FINISHED)"
• "FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CLAIMS THAT THE XBOX 360 VERSION GOT PAIR PLAY FEATURE"
• "Capcom can go drown in the DLC abyss they seem to have fallen in mad love with."
• "It is truly sad and pathetic that Capcom would this low.."
• "Wait for Super"
Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.