Because Nothing Says "I Love You" Like a Pearl Pink Nintendo Handheld

Put down those chocolates, son! Delicious candy should be an everyday gift. And you, in the lingerie store! Has he really seen you naked so many times that getting dressed seems sexy? Look, all you need for Valentine's Day is a pearl pink Nintendo 3DS, available February 10.

How can a pearl pink Nintendo 3DS enhance your love life this Valentine's Day? Let Nintendo count the ways. The company was courteous enough to deliver some helpful tips along with news that the 3DS previously available only in limited-edition Nintendo Dogs + Cats bundles was going wide. Let's see what they have to say.

With the system's built-in camera, sweethearts can each use their system to capture and share 3D photos and videos of romantic outings this Valentine's Day – and always.

3D homemade porn? Okay, you have my attention.

The new Swapnote application, which is available for download from the Nintendo eShop at no cost, lets users create and send customized 3D love notes to their sweethearts from their Nintendo 3DS.

Again with the 3D homemade porn.

The adorable virtual pets in the Nintendogs + Cats game can bring out players' sweet side and make great portable companions on those lonely days when they're apart.

Here, I got you a dog. Wait, a fake dog.

Users can share creative passion with their beloved by playing downloadable games such as Pushmo and Freakyforms: Your Creations, Alive!, both available from the Nintendo eShop, and by exchanging QR codes to show off their heartfelt handiwork.

Stretching it...

The multiplayer modes in the Mario Kart 7 game invite players to get their hearts and their karts racing on a wild array of 3D Mario-themed courses.

And it's snapped. She or he has now left you for a man or woman picking up the PS Vita later this month. You should have stopped with homemade porn.

The pearl pink 3DS will be in stores February 10 for $169.99.