My proudest moments as an actor sit on shelves represented by photos and signed scripts.
Even my proudest moment in horseback riding was when I won a golden hoof pick for "Best Dressed"–-which, now that I think about it, is probably the most patronizing award you could ever win in a serious competition. Thanks, jerks.
But my proudest moment in video games was nothing more than a very large number inside of a 1" DS cartridge… and it's gone forever.
I knew that cartridge was going to disappear. As soon as I ejected Tetris from my DS and stuck it in the front pocket of my purse, that nagging pessimistic portion of my brain said, "You know that's going to fall out and vanish forever, right?"
Well, EXCUUUUSE ME Princess, but apparently that's what I get for trying to be positive. I ignored that warning and sure enough, my cartridge, containing a high score that took me months to achieve, has either been sent to the dump, run over by a car, or eaten by a dog or small hungry child–-and now I have nothing to show for months of hard work and sore thumbs.
Ever since losing my Tetris cartridge, I've felt no further desire to fit blocks together. Why bother spending more hours trying to re-accomplish something I've already accomplished? Who knows if lightning will strike twice? And who's to say a new Tetris cartridge won't disappear? Or get struck by lightning, twice?! THE HUMANITY.
The first thing I did in preparation of this column was hit up my Facebook friends to gather more tragic gaming stories–-partially for your reading pleasure, but mostly to make myself feel better. Today, I am proudly hosting the gaming world's biggest pity party.
Take a seat and grab a pack of Corn Nuts: Here are some of the best (or worst?) stories of video game heartbreak. These people need hugs. (More sad stories are in the video up top!)
• Rich T, Minecraft:
"I built an entire mining system, automated minecart transport, water features, a column of diamond, and an entire friggin mountain with a friggin castle in the clouds! One day... gone. Just gone."
• Jamie L, Magic Cards:
"I lost over 1,000 1st and 2nd edition Magic The Gathering cards by leaving them at my mother's place in Scotland. She has no idea what happened to them. They completely disappeared, and they could probably pay my entire college tuition."
• Charlie B, Back to the Future (NES):
"I was playing Back to the Future and I told myself, I HAVE TO BEAT THIS! I struggled and struggled to beat the level where you have to catch the hearts. Hours later, I finally reach the last stage. You have to reach 88 mph in the DeLorean while avoiding lightning bolts that slow you down. YOU ONLY GET ONE TRY AND I GOT TO FREAKIN' 87 MPH AND HAD TO START ALL OVER! I wanted to cry."
• Jeremy B, Pokemon Red:
"One of my friends pulled out the cartridge right after I caught Mewtwo… erased the whole game."
• Hamza Aziz (D-Toid), Yoshi's Safari:
"I was excited as SHIT when Yoshi's Safari came out for the SNES. I begged my mom for the game and she finally caved. I get the game, go home, put the cartridge in and… find out you need the Super Scope to play it. No way were my parents going to buy that overpriced piece of junk and I wasn't able to return the game because we opened it. The most pathetic part? I pretended like I was playing Yoshi's Safari during the demo that would play if you didn't press Start immediately. So, there I am. Six years old playing along with the same looping demo because there was nothing else I could do."
• Richard W, Final Fantasy VIII:
"All my FFVIII save games corrupted just after getting the Ragnarok… that hurt."
• Avi C:
"My cat Ember Mi-Go Doomkiteeh has managed to unplug my router midgame, hit the reset button on my PC during a World of Warcraft raid (in effect, giving the 1 Finger Salute), and, also during WoW, jump on my keyboard while flying and dismount my character… leaving me to plummet to my death."
• Kyle W:
"I was playing FFVII when my cat woke up and walked over the PS1, opening the disc tray. I lost many, many hours of gameplay. :("
• Je'an-Luke D:
"Nearly 100% Diddy Kong Racing on the N64 (almost got all the balloons, too) when my dearest sister decided to start a new game… I was 12 and have never touched that game since."
• James Paul K:
"The Legend of Zelda 98% complete meets an upset sister. D:"
• And finally, David Y. with a huge "ouch":
"My roommate formatted my PS2 memory card without asking. I lost my 100% complete FFXII, 100% Tales of the Abyss, and 100% Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne."
Well, readers? Time to post some of your stories and join the Sadface Club! We have jackets. Really uncomfortable jackets.