All it takes is a couple bad experiences with a Madden cheeser to put you off multiplayer for good. So when you get a cheeser down and he's begging for mercy, you gotta make him suffer. For all of us.
Nekolas doesn't usually play head-to-head matches often because of cheesing. Such tactics include "nano blitzes," (sending four rushers to an area where the blocking AI can only handle 3), always going for it on fourth down, and running the same play (usually a slant route) over and over. With no online franchise match scheduled, Nekolas decided to try his luck with a guy who had only played a few games, hoping he wouldn't get a hardcore cheeser.
Wrong. He had a feeling he had a cheeser on his hands when the guy picked the Cowboys. Cheeser ran only two plays, a pitch to Felix Jones and a flat route to Marion Barber. "It was early in the game so I was still trying to adapt to his cheesing style of playing," Nekolas said. The cheeser converted fourth down twice, scored a touchdown and missed the extra point for a quick 6-0 lead. The drive ate up the entire first quarter. "I was infuriated by him and also myself, for letting him convert those fourtth downs on plays I should have stopped. All I could think of was getting the ball and to beat him badly."
In 14 seconds Nekolas, playing as the Saints, had a touchdown and a 7-6 lead. The cheeser kept running the same two plays - this time Nekolas was waiting for him, and got the ball back on downs. Six seconds later he had a 14-6 lead. The Cowboys started running some different formations, making Nekolas think the guy was going to start playing properly. Instead he just started throwing to his slot receiver over the middle. "It became clear that I was up against possibly the worst cheeser to be found in Madden 11," Nekolas writes. "Even when I was able to recognize the plays and shut them down, he still kept running them and turning the ball over on downs."
Nekolas and the Saints racked up five interceptions and stopped the Cowboys on five of their next seven fourth down attempts. "He offered to concede defeat in the 3rd quarter, but my mind was already set: he had to pay for his cheesing ways, so I declined. Surprisingly, he stayed in the game."
In the end, Nekolas rained a 78-6 punishment on the cheeser, collected five interceptions, while Drew Brees threw for 399 yards and eight touchdowns. This is in 5 minute quarters.
Here's the Box Score:
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Now the Kotaku Sports open thread commences with the sports TV highlights for today and tomorrow. All times are U.S. Eastern.
- College Football
Only one game today, Army vs. Navy in Philadelphia, that kicks off in 30 minutes on CBS. Tonight is the Heisman Trophy presentation, ESPN at 8 p.m. After that, I'm really looking forward to "Pony Excess." I bag on ESPN plenty, but 30 For 30 is an outstanding documentary series.
Tomorrow's best games: Oakland's at Jacksonville at 1 p.m. on CBS; New Englad is at Chicago at 4:15, CBS; Kansas City is at San Diego, also 4:15 on CBS, and the Jason Garrett Magical Mystery Tour continues with Philadelphia at Dallas in the Sunday night game of the week, 8:20 on NBC.
- College Basketball
Ranked games tipping off later today: No. 11 Tennessee is at No. 3 Pittsburgh on ESPN at 3:15; No. 21 Washington is at Texas A&M on ESPN2 at 4:30; Indiana's at No. 17 Kentucky, ESPN at 5:15; Colorado State faces No. 4 Kansas, in Kansas City on ESPN2 at 6:30), and Gonzaga is at No. 23 Notre Dame, ESPN2, 8:30.
The CBC's games tonight: Montreal at Toronto is all you get at 7 p.m.; the nightcap is Tampa Bay at Vancouver, 10:30 p.m. Tomorrow, the Caps-Rangers is on the NHL Network.
Toronto's at Detroit on NBA TV at 7:30; for those with WGN, Minnesota is at Chicago at 8 p.m.