Gamers need Valentine's Day gifts. If you plan to buy a February 14th present for a gamer - or are a gamer and need to drop some hints — please consult this, our Valentine's Day Gift Guide for Gamers
For most people, the best Valentine's Day gifts say, "Thou art my Main Squeeze, and I shall squeeze no others before you." For a gamer, the perfect gift conveys the precious message of, "Will you be my Player 2?"
Step One Completed: You've nabbed yourself a sexy gamer. This means you have partnered yourself up with an elite species of human being who can save entire planets from evil lords using only a shotgun, while surviving for weeks on nothing but Fritos and Top Ramen. For them, no ordinary gift of flowers, heart-shaped chocolates, or those reeking aroma-therapy candles will suffice on this sacred day o' love.
So, instead of picking up something from the gas station's Quickie Mart on the way over to your lover's house on February 14th, plan ahead and buy your gamer something unique. These video game-inspired gifts, ranging from flavor-of-the-week cheap to committed-relationship pricey, are perfect ways to say, "I <3 U."
Thanks to Paul Pape Designs, you can treat your guy or gal to Mii figures made entirely of gourmet milk, dark, or white chocolate. Not good enough? The site also sells customized figures of Miis, 360 Avatars, and LitteBigPlanet Sackboys ($75 to $150).
Paul Pape Designs: Get this gift.
Video Game Candies and Mints, $3 to $4
Last year, I got a candy heart that said, "Let's Kiss," but the letters were rubbed off in a weird way that made it read, "Let's Ass." To avoid offending your girlfriend in a similar fashion, buy her some Super Mario Bros. candy or Legend of Zelda mints instead.
Zelda Mints: Get this gift.
Mario Candy: Get this gift.
8-Bit Vintners, $18
If you are of age, the "Player 1" red wine is the perfect romantic beverage for you and your gamer. As the website says, this wine is "for anyone who has spent time trying to save a princess or fit odd shaped blocks together."
8-Bit Vintners: Get this gift.
Chocolate Game Controller, $6 to $12
Remember that one time when that one game made you so angry you put teeth marks into that one controller? With this gift, that behavior is encouraged. (The biting, not the rage.)
Wii controller: Get this gift.
Playstation controller: Get this gift.
The "I am 8-bit" Couch Guitar Strap, $39.95
Has your significant other looked up guitar tabs for the Mario theme, Zelda theme, or "Still Alive" yet? If so, they will appreciate this retro gaming-inspired guitar strap.
Couch Guitar Straps: Get this gift.
Video Game Ties, $24.95
With designs featuring classic games like Asteroids, Pong, and Space Invaders, these ties let your man show the corporate world that he's not just a cubicle-dwelling doormat or a retail register monkey… he's an old-school gamer!
Ties.com: Get this gift.
Video Game-Inspired Jewelry, Prices Vary
Etsy.com is the BEST place on the Netterwebs to find unique and adorable game-themed jewelry. Try searching Etsy for "video game earrings." Holy carp! Options galore! (Psst… Valentine's Day Sackboy dolls have also been spotted on the site.)
Etsy.com: Get this gift.
"Heartris" Tee/Babydoll Tee, $17.99
For any other holiday, I would recommend Penny Arcade's "Jesus is F'ing Metal" shirt, but since it's the Day of All Things Heart-Shaped, I'll suggest the "Heartris" tee as an appropriate alternative.
The Official Penny Arcade Store: Get this gift.
8-Bit Dynamic Life Shirt, $17.99 to $24.00
ThinkGeek calls these shirts "The Ideal Valentine's Day Gift" and I agree. THEY HAVE LIGHT-UP HEART GAUGES. HONESTLY, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
ThinkGeek: Get this gift.
More Video Game Shirts!
For more awesome game shirt options, check out NerdyShirts, Jinx, and my pals over at Angry Robot Wear.
NerdyShirts: Get this gift.
Jinx: Get this gift.
Angry Robot Wear: Get this gift.
Portal Weighted Companion Cube Plush, $29.99
This squishy cube will guide you through test chambers, sleep cycles, and cuddle sessions. Plus, it will never threaten to stab you!
ThinkGeek: Get this gift.
Wii Fit 7-In-1 Lady Fitness Workout Kit, $79.99
Besides shovelware, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the Wii? ACCESSORIES! This workout kit is perfect for the pink-obsessed, Wii Fit-loving woman in your life.
Amazon: Get this gift.
Xbox 360 Avatar Accessories/Clothing, Between 40 and 400 Microsoft Points
This gift is cheap, quick, and easy. Plus, your girlfriend will likely squeal with girly delight if you buy her the virtual pet cat.
Xbox LIVE Marketplace: Get this gift.
Video Game Soaps, $3.50 to $17.50
Does your gaming partner often smell like corndogs and feet? Inspire them to scrub with video game soaps!
Etsy.com: Get this gift.
Custom Skins for Consoles and Controllers, Prices Vary
Just think, you could draw a portrait of your girlfriend/boyfriend using MS Paint and then plaster it all over their gaming consoles! Imagine how surprised they'll be!
SkinIt: Get this gift.
For the Broken-Hearted…
"The Ex" 5-Piece Knife Set and Holder, $69.99
Valentine's Day isn't always a happy day. Celebrate your misery by stabbing knives into a stick figure named after your ex. Now that's what I call healthy!
Overstock.com: Get this gift.
There you have it. And on one final note, let me remind you again that Valentine's Day is on SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14th, because just remembering that the day is even happening might turn out to be the greatest gift of all.
Lisa Foiles is best known as the former star of Nickelodeon's award-winning comedy show, All That. She currently works as a graphic designer and writes for her game site, Save Point. For more info, visit Lisa's official website.