Tetris Gets Its Own Satellite TV ChannelS

And not as hot, tetromino-on-tetromino Spanktravision pay-per-view either. For $2.99 a month, DISH Network subscribers will get access to a Tetris Channel that allows them to wham on their remote button seven times just to rotate the block counterclockwise once.

According to a news release from Englewood, Colo. based DISH, Tetris is being delivered through a partnership with Oberon Media and The Tetris Company, licensor of all things Tetris. Oberon has plans to take the service worldwide.

DISH players will be able to play a 15-level "Marathon" configuration of the game, plus a race to clear 40 lines as fast as possible. Scores and times will be uploaded to a leaderboard comprised of other DISH Network Tetris players, and the technology allows for tournaments and prizes in future releases. The service may be purchased through DISH Home and interactive banner ads, the release said.

Forget for a minute paying $36 a year to play a game that can be found in the wild, dirt-cheap to free, on nearly every platform known to mankind. I am serious about the unsuitability of a TV remote to do anything responsively, and that includes such complex tasks as changing channels and turning down the goddamn volume. Every time I visit my parents I want to throw their DISH remote in the fireplace. I can't imagine playing any video game with its spongy, did-that-register? controls.

[Official News Release]